Writing Feedback / Ielts - use of nuclear technology should be discouraged even for civil purposes [4]

hi folks,

Essay forum is a great place to improve your writing skills based on the feed back from community. I have read plenty of IELTS essay posted on this forum and found their feedback very helpful. However this is my first post to this forum. I will highly appreciate your feedback.

The nuclear power provide clean and cheap energy.
The advantages of nuclear technology outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree ?

The topic of nuclear technology frequently generates a heated debate with proponenets maintaining that nuclear power provides a source of efficient and economical energy while opponents argue that atomic technology is uncontrollable and very dangerous to handle. As far as my opinion is concerned , I find myself aligned with opponenets of the usages of nuclear power. I have several reasons to believe its disadvantages outnumber the few advantages.

First and foremost reason is that pursuit of nuclear technology one way or the other leads towards atomic weapons. Last centuary has witnesed the horrors of such weapons. If each country pursues the fusion and fission process some of them may try to mold it for millitary usage.

Another reason to fortify my opinion is that even civil usages of atomic power pose a dire threat of radio activity. For example recently there has been an incident in which an atomic power house leaked tons of radio active material into air when an earthquake hit the surrounding area. This unfortunate event proves that no matter how much careful we are such accidents are unevitable.

Last but not least, while generating energy from any source be it hydro power or oil there always is some wastage and so is the case with nuclear power. Safely getting rid of nuclear waste is a daunting task and there has not been any permanat solution of it. This waste is many times more lethal to our environment than any of the other hazordous material.

To sum it up, from above mentioned facts it can easily be deduced that nuclear power may apear silver bullet for energy crisis but its disadvantages far outweigh the adavantages. Thus i suggest that use of nuclear technology should be discouraged even for civil purposes.

Essays / Learning to write Essay Introductions? (Technological advancements) [3]

Hi All,

I am trying to learn to write introduction of essays. As I find it difficult to start a new essay. Below is the introduction for an IELTS essay.

Topic:
"As technologies and the demand for certain services change, many workers will lose their jobs. The responsibility for those people to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker, not to government or to business."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your position with specific reasons and/or examples drawn from your reading, your observations, or your own experience.

Introduction:

Technological advancements are reshaping the world with a drastic speed. Every other day a new revolutionary invention redefines the work environment. Consequently, many job functions and skill set are being rendered obsolete as well. With whom the responsibility of affected employees lies, is a question with no clear answer. According to a number of people governments and businesses are to be blamed. However others require individual workers to keep themselves up to date with technology. My opinion coincides with that of the people of latter group.

Kindly review, I will highly appreciate your valuable comments.

Apart from above request, could somebody please refer me a good source from where I could learn to use punctuation.

Thanks.

Writing Feedback / IELTS :I would prefer to run my business than to own a new house [3]

Hi all,

Following is an IELTS essay which I wrote. I would appreciate your feedback and comments on it. furthermore If you could tell me what band this essay leis in, I would be very thankful.

- I think send last paragraph and conclusion are weak. please suggest me how could I improve it

Thanks in advance.

Topic: If you have enough money to either buy a house or business. Which one would you prefer.

As important it is to have money, it is equally important to utilize it properly. Having secured enough money, people often find themselves in a double minded state. They cannot decide whether to invest this money in some business or to buy property using the same amount. However I would prefer to run my business than to own a new house.

First and foremost reason to start a new business is that businesses generate profits. For example, if you invest in a business you are more likely to make profit on your investment, which will improve your financial position. With earned profit you can either reinvest it in the business or improve your life style. Thus it is more important to run a business than to own a house.

Another worth mentioning point is that running a business gives you an experience which is not achievable through other means. You get to look at things from a very different perspective than you used to before. In addition, this experience helps you in other areas of life as well. Hence money should be spent on establishing a business.

To further fortify my opinion, being a businessman gives you a significant boost in confidence. This confidence is not limited to business domain only but also it improves your credibility in your personal life.

To sum it up, I would again emphasize that buying a house may seem a good choice to an inexperienced eye; however running a business is far better a choice considering the above mentioned arguments. I would recommend the holders of opposite view to reconsider their reasons before making any decision.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : Reading fiction or watching movies : Introduction only [3]

Hi All,

I have written an introduction of the following topic. I would highly appreciate if you could help me improve it. Thanks,

Topic
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Reading fiction (such as novels and short stories) is more enjoyable than watching movies. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

Introduction
Going to movies and reading fiction are two of the most popular pastimes of many. Devoted novel readers assert that their hobby is much more entertaining than sitting before a screen for 2, 3 hours watching a movie. Whereas movie lovers consider this claim a prejudice and speak high of their favorite activity. If I were to opine, I would agree with the former group based on various reasons.

"If I were to opine, I would agree with the former group based on various reasons." Is this sentence correct to be put here ?

Thanks again.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : How is your generation different from your parent's generation [6]

Hi,

I wrote this essay on following topic. I would highly appreciate your valuable comments on it. Thank you.

Topic: Every generation of people is different in important ways. How is your generation different from your parent's generation?

My father would often say "Things were quite different when we were young. Today's generation is beyond my comprehension". I acknowledge him and tell him that the change is inevitable as with the passage of time the thinking of people changes. I can see that there are various my generation is quite different to my elder's generation in various ways.

To begin with, I find that younger people are more modern and open minded than their parents. They openly discuss and acknowledge the social issues which were considered taboo by previous generation. For example, youngsters of this time and age consider homosexuality pretty natural and get along with people of different sexual preferences peacefully. In contrast, their older folks deemed same gender sex satanic and they treated gays with utter disgust, considering them people of low moral values.

In addition to above mentioned, another noteworthy difference is that adolescents of present are more educated than their ancestors. Furthermore, current generation is more interested in getting higher education. Taking my own family as an example, my father is the only child who managed to earn a university degree in comparison to his siblings, who bade farewell to education after high school. Whereas I, my brothers and sister all of us are graduates. Even my eldest sister is defending her thesis proposal in a month or two.

Putting it in a nutshell, there is no disaccord in opinion that there are various gaps between the two generations. Instead of letting these different perspectives about life separate the two fractions, I would recommend that the members of the generations should find out ways to get along with each other.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : Borrowing money from a friend is harmful to friendship [2]

Hi All,

Please review the my IELTS essay. I will highly appreciate your valuable feedback. Thank you.

Topic: Borrowing money from a friend is harmful to friendship. Agree or disagree?

When in need, one often looks at one's loved ones such as friends and family to seek help. Similarly, to cope with monetary problems, it is quite natural to request a friend to lend the required amount of money. However, I am of the opinion that in such a case, it is wise not to borrow from a friend as it badly affects the relationship. Among various reasons to refrain from this practice, mistrust and jealousy are chief.

Firstly, money lent by a close acquaintance gives birth to mistrust among the two parties involved, if it is not returned on agreed upon time. Recently I found myself in a similar situation when I could not pay back the borrowed sum as I had not been able to arrange it on time. Consequently, my friend became suspicious whether the reason, I provided for not returning on time, was true or not. The mistrust eventually affected our relationship as the friendship is built upon trust in each other.

Another noteworthy reason of my distaste towards this practice is that it leads to jealousy in case the recipient of the money manages to make a fortune using the same amount. For instance, if I provide my friend with a hefty sum to aid him in restructuring his dwindling business and by luck he manages to make millions with this amount. I will undoubtedly become jealous of him on the account that it was my money and I should have been the one to reap its benefits not him.

To put it in a nutshell, even though an inexperienced eye may see no harm in borrowing money from friends however in the light of above mentioned points I will discourage this misunderstood practice. My recommendation will be to refer to a bank rather than turning to a friend, if one considers one's friendship dear.