Undergraduate / From Decay to Rebirth - contribution and how does it relate to the person you are? [3]

essay topic: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishmentmakes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Here's my very first draft
It's utter jargon in my opinion and needs some MAJOOORRRR revisions.
Give me your worst:

Title: From Decay to Rebirth

When I think of the quality of this planet and of life around me, I picture ashes. Desolate plains and cracked water beds littered with skulls and piles dry, brittle bones. Nothing even closely reminiscent of Louis Armstrong's "Wonderful World". Why are our perspectives so polar? Because to me there is nothing "wonderful" about where humanity is headed and what it's doing. Most people defend themselves by saying "one person can't fix the problem". Wrong. Each one of us is that person. Maybe I can't fix the entire problem, heck, not even the cooperation of this entire planet will completely restore it now, but I at least try to make a difference.

Volunteering is one of my efforts. I volunteer at the city Zoo, spending the majority of my time educating people about the animals and giving tours of the botanical gardens, thereby helping people understand the delicate, intricate way an ecosystem is designed to permit all aspects of life to flourish, and how quickly that balance can be tipped, the entire community suffering in consequence. I love to see the spark in people's eyes as they absorb my words. My work is done; however, it's up to them to make the next move.

Animals are my weakness. I adore everything about them- their simplistic lifestyles, their affinity and ties to nature, and who can forget the fluffy ears and razor sharp teeth? I certainly can't resist, and it makes me rage when I see people abuse them or worse, bathe in their own ignorance while claiming that they "care". There is a program called Foster Care at almost all animal shelters. It's a wonderful system that places sick or very young animals into the hands of individuals that want to help. It basically saves the creature from euthanasia, giving them a chance in the world. I'm a distinguished "foster-carer" for my local shelter. I've raised and saved countless kittens and puppies. It's an enormous responsibility as well as an aggravating and extremely rewarding one. I've gained patience and knowledge and experience in monumental quantities. The most painful part is giving them back up knowing that they might not make it, but at least it's a step in the right direction, and this is enough to satisfy me.

Fundraisers and information make all the difference. When people are eating cookies, they tend to listen and make positive associations. Cookie + saving the environment and rescuing animals = Good. My friends and I have set up dozens of bake sales in schools and other public places. We talk about special programs and organizations that make the most out of the donations they receive. Being vegetarians and vegans ourselves, we explain the humane, health and environmental benefits of giving up animal products. Don't worry; we don't dare forget the flashy pamphlets.

I may be one in seven billion, but let my messages ring. What I do reflects my inner self: a naďve, hopeful little reformist that nags people and bribes them with sugary treats. Every night, I go to sleep satisfied with myself and confident that I'm fighting for a better world. Someday, those ashes will be washed away with fresh, clear rain that will flood the riverbeds and dye the world green again.

Undergraduate / "The Bee Effect" - Cornell supplement for ALS [2]

This is my first draft, please comment and help me revise.
Also, do your worst.

Cornell University Supplement for the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences: How have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major?

The Bee Effect

I recall one autumn day a very long time ago- back when I still lived in Ukraine. My mother and I were walking through a park and she left me alone for a moment to talk to a neighbor of ours. I, in all of my childish curiosity, decided to wander around unaccompanied. I was quite young, probably no more than 3 or 4 years old, but for some reason I never forgot what I did that day. As I approached a lone, cracked cement wall, I saw a piece of an apricot lying on the gravel. A few bees had gathered around it. Suddenly, a blazing anger clouded my naïve mind, and I picked up my little foot and brought it down as hard as I could on the apricot and its innocent visitors. At that point my mother had come up behind me.

"Ny I zachem ti eto zdelala?" Her question echoed in my mind for a long time. Why did I do it? I felt shame and remorse for the tiny lives I had needlessly taken. I concluded that I needed to atone for my sin. Afterwards, every time someone would try to step on a spider, or pour salt on a snail, or even get near a butterfly I would purposefully step in and yell at them until they left the creature alone. I didn't care if they thought I was crazy or some weird bug girl as long as the insect kept its life. I hoped that the bees would forgive me.

In second grade, our teacher asked us the echoing question: what do you want to be when you grow up? Almost everyone, myself not excluded, answered "veterinarian". As the years went by and I saved more and more insects, my interest and eventual adoration of animals grew. I started drawing them, collecting plushes, and even acting like them: a whole 7 years of my life were dedicated to walking on all fours and snarling and pretending I had a tail to wag. Even though I eventually grew out of that, I began to get more involved in animal related activities. I applied and was accepted into an animal oriented Biological Sciences Magnet for High School, I began volunteering at my city's zoo, I became a member of a fostering program at the local animal shelter. To me, these weren't even prospective career tools- they were just fun and pleasant ways to spend my time. Thanks to my school and its curriculum, I was able to take informative and fascinating zoology based courses that no other schools could have offered to me.

Since second grade, all of my classmates have changed their career choices. However, after all of this time (not including a year-long period about 5 years ago when I was infatuated with the idea of becoming a famous actress) I still stand by that decision. There's so much left to learn about the life that we share this world with, it's a statistical impossibility that I could ever change my mind or decide I know enough to move on to another interest. No, this is my interest. I want to grow up and heal those who are sick and hurt and cannot help themselves, it may be too late for those bees, but it's never too late for the countless other creatures. I want to be a veterinarian more than my condescending friends and family can imagine- and I plan to fulfill this dream and overcome all of life's bloodthirsty demons and bone-crunching traps in my way.

Undergraduate / 'My notebook is a reflection of me' - Common App [6]

This is sort of rough, it's gone through a bit of editing but nothing major.
Please critique as harshly as you can

Does it flow?
Do i need more specific examples?
what can i add to make it more interesting?
spelling/grammar?
do you like it?
is it memorable or just another essay?
Do i sound like im bragging? (i do not mean to)

Here it goes:

In the first drawer of my ancient, wooden desk is a mélange of old notebooks, brochures, folders, Pokemon cards and sketchbooks. In fact, it looks so much like the stereotypic teenage workspace that no one realizes that within all of that paper and plastic lies the quintessence of my existence: a notebook. Two hundred college ruled sheets of paper are sandwiched between red, glittery cellophane covered cardboard and black plastic-like material. A metal spiral binds it all together.

Although I've never been afraid of extrinsic changes (I hate routine), the possibility of my own preferences, interests and mindsets changing scares the pants off me. So I decided to keep track, periodically recording my thoughts, feelings and ideas. This way, I was able to "backup" my brain to a hard drive (my notebook).

At first I treated it like a diary, writing every day about my usual activities- school, fencing, homework, school. Eventually I got tired of that and stopped writing for a while. Then one day I found myself incredibly distressed and lacking an emotion outlet. That's when I remembered my notebook. Its enticing crimson cover almost seemed to call out to me from within my desk. As I began writing, relief immediately filled my head. I felt as if I was leaving my problems behind with every transcribed word. I was surprised at how naturally and readily writing came to me. I realized I could step back and look at my actions and decisions from an analytical viewpoint just as if I was impartially reading what I had wrote in my notebook a few days later.

Inspiration effortlessly flowed into me after that. Whenever I had a particularly eventful day or an interesting dream or plainly felt like ranting, I knew who to turn to, who would eagerly listen to what I had to say all the while alleviating and sorting out the jumbled mess that racketed my brain. The organization I used in my notebook imprinted itself onto my methods of thinking. Brain maps no longer had to be made on paper; I could imagine the outcomes of situations and steps that needed to be taken to achieve them while simultaneously plotting cost vs. benefit on a graph.

As time went on, I started forming connections and mentally categorizing every new concept and conclusion I reached. Recognizing patterns and trends became almost a second-nature to me. With the help of my notebook, my intrapersonal intelligence went from zero to having the ability to explain the psychological aspects and motivations behind almost everything I did. Whoever said that overanalyzation is bad?

And it wasn't solely for reflection. I took my notebook on explorations of mythical places and relayed my encounters with supernatural hit men and guiding spirits as well as journeys to the uninhabited realms of horror movie monsters and medieval pirates. It accompanied me on motorcycle races and memorized Latin conjugations as I did. It proudly rejoiced as I relayed the details of the latest fencing victory and silently sympathized with my family and social dramas. The notebook was a permanent and trustworthy companion in my life.

My notebook is more than just an inanimate collection of lined paper, no, it is a reflection of me- pieces of my life in written form.

Undergraduate / 'Chasing the Answers' - Cornell supplement for CAS [3]

Well, I hope to turn in tomorrow!
This is only my second draft so desperately need some editing/advice here:
ps: is this title any good? what would be a better title?
______________________________________________________________________ _________________________

Prompt: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study

______________________________________________________________________ ____

Chasing the Answers

I find it virtually impossible to limit myself to just one field- I am fascinated by everything from astronomy and psychology to romantic languages and cryptozoology. I aim to take as many classes as my schedule will allow and generally cram as much as possible into my college experience while still enjoying all of the social and rural aspects of Cornell. Over the years I have learned such a large volume of different information that I have nearly lost track of where the dividing lines and starting points between all my interests lie. And so, I attempt to backtrack.

Years ago, when my mom and I would embark on weekend-long camping trips, we would look up into the night sky and gaze at those small, distant twinkling lights and wonder what lurked in that endless darkness. In grade school teachers had taught us that there were stars and planets, but they dared not go further than that. Later galaxies entered the mix, as well as black holes, possibilities of different dimensions, wormholes, supernovas and vortexes- endless enticement to my curious self. One day in my sophomore year I asked my chemistry teacher what antimatter was. She told me that it was a "physicist's job to know such things" and that she couldn't answer my question. However, there were no physics courses offered at my school, so I turned to the internet. Throughout my intellectual development, the internet has been my main source of fuel. There isn't a single day where my browser isn't overloaded with dozens of tabs and windows from Wikipedia, Stumbleupon and Scientific American. I worship Steve Jobs.

Brains are nothing short of amazing. How can something that weighs seven pounds be able to control the entire body's mobility, store decades of memories, recall the most specific details and at the same time process incoming stimuli and make decisions? As a child, I was completely puzzled by the aspect of a brain- it stood on the same platform as trying to quantitate infinity. When I heard of the college psychology class being offered afterschool, I had to sign up. This class was my introduction into the basic rules and categories of mentalities. Just this summer, I worked on a project on neurons and Epilepsy at UCLA and furthered my understanding of the mystical organ. Studying neuroscience provided explanations of the biology of the brain, and psychology interpreted the cognitive aspects.

While my friends gossiped over how much they wanted to learn French and go shopping in Paris, I became interested in Latin. As someone who adores old literature, nothing seems as thrilling as a work in its original language. To be able to read what such inspiring and revolutionary figures like Aristotle, Virgil, and Horace wrote without the personal ticks and of alterations of translators would be a surreal pleasure. Unfortunately, my school does not offer Latin, and therefore it is at the top of my list of the courses that I am dying to take in the College of Arts and Sciences.

But the subject that has captivated me the most has always been biology. It all started with The Most Extreme- our family favorite on Animal Planet. My mom, grandma and I would watch the show almost every night, mesmerized by the amazing powers and uncanny abilities of the "Extreme" animals featured that night. Back then it was an anomaly for a frog to be able to freeze its bodily functions for 5 years or for the male seahorse to birth the eggs. These nights in front of the Television screen evolved into hour-long classroom lectures and then into extended sessions with AP textbooks. I loved knowing what forces acted upon my world and how they did so. Biology holds the key to the answers to almost every phenomenon in our world, and the College of Arts and Sciences will be my Keymaster.

Undergraduate / "Carpe Diem" UC #2- World you come from.. [6]

I was hoping to have submitted this tuesday... But I just couldn't get these essays done in time.
Here's my first one:
Be as harsh as possible.
I'm looking for more structural and content analysis/criticism than grammar correction.

______________________________________________________________________ _

Carpe Diem

When someone asks me where I picture myself in twenty to twenty-five years, I think of a countryside house in England with baroque decorations and classical music wafting through rooms with tall, arched ceilings. A gigantic, three-story library sits at the heart of my little haven, holding over a million books ranging from first edition Charles Dickens novels to multiple volume sets of the teachings of Chinese philosophers. My own paintings, hung side by side with Dali, Picasso and Rembrant, will tastefully line the walls. Just a twenty minute car ride away, on the outskirts of the city, will be a large clinic that will cater to everyone's troubles in a polite and serious manner. The proprietor of the establishment, and the head doctor, will naturally be me. Since I have always struggled with health issues and have never been financially secure, I want to make my "business" as affordable for everyone as I can, and if I receive funding, I'll eventually try to make it all free and expand. You see, I'm quite the dreamer, and I tend to often get ahead of myself.

I was born in Ukraine and relocated here with my mom when I was six years old. As I grew up, I played not with Barbie Dolls, but with Matreshkas (those famous Russian Nesting dolls). I eat Borsch and perozhki and pelmeni and kotleti- all delicious dishes of Ukraine. Our small living room is made enormous by the golden colors of European-style furniture, picture frames, vases and flooring. Almost every knick-knack, plate, and floor-piece is grape or flower themed. The dramatic power of Beethoven's symphonies and the melodic structure of Schubert's compositions sound through our home as we drink tea in the afternoon. The only accepted language at home is Russian. Sometimes I forget that I'm living in America.

When I look back to those first few years of life the U.S., I almost can't believe how far I've come. At any rate, I know I could not have done any of it alone. My mother's good qualities- her idealism, her tenacity- rubbed off on me. I learned from her to never let the petty things get to me, to always lead the pack instead of trailing behind. Although my mom has always pushed me hard, she has never forced her opinions on me or demanded that I strictly adhere to her advice. When I told her I was thinking of going into the medical field, she warned me that I was in for at least ten long years of school and a heck of a workload, but nevertheless, she said she would always be there to support me.

My home, my mom, and my experiences together have shaped me into the persistent, resolute young girl I am today. I have no regrets. I write my own rules. I will never slack, and never give up. I aspire to be perfect, I was not brought up to be any other way. Laziness is not word you will find in my vocabulary. I may be a dreamer, but I am also determined to make those dreams come true.