Undergraduate / Princeton Supplement - Little Sister [5]

Really neat essay, your influential person completely caught me off guard and made me smile.
Caroline has also opened me up to the world of criticism.

Undergraduate / 'my brief nap abruptly comes to an end' - Yale supplemental essay [18]

Wow, this doesn't sound very cheerful and it really doesn't say much about you as a person that would make Harvard or Yale want to accept you. What was the purpose of writing this? What were you trying to accomplish here? I could be wrong but, all I got from this was that you worked in your dad's restaurant and that you really didn't like the experience.

Undergraduate / common app essay - my apprach on being homeless [5]

Yeah, I agree with karissa_a16. You need to clarify on that "rubber" thing. I honestly thought that you were about to talk about having sex and all I could think about was why you needed one. HA. You turned a bad situation into a learning experience that had a positive effect on your life. That's good.

Undergraduate / 2011 Cornell A&S Supplement Essay [5]

Really good, really strong. I agree with the previous responses, those numbers seemed kinda iffy being in the essay. This almost made me jealous. I too barely have any critiques on this amazing essay.

Undergraduate / Celebrate My Nerdy Side! A sneaky prompt from Tufts. [8]

It's bold, and I get what you're doing and saying, it just doesn't flow from one sentence to another for some parts of this essay. It's really good though, almost makes me jelly.

Undergraduate / 'Announcing the program for us' - Common App Short Answer [9]

If this is the short essay portion, you should know that quotation marks will take up a significant portion of the 1000 characters you're allowed. You have 1,412 characters here. I recommend trying to find a way to either shorten the dialogue or removing some that won't really make a difference. Also, using shorter synonyms for some of your words should help.

Undergraduate / Common app short response, languages at job [7]

To help shorten, use shorter strong synonyms to stay within the 1000 character limit.

Undergraduate / My position in DECA is the Vice President of Communications - extracurricular activities [4]

This is well over 1000 characters. The word "character" has 9 characters. With the quotes, it has eleven.

You have over 2000 characters here.

Undergraduate / 'a child of two Indian parents' - RICE PERSPECTIVES ESSAY [4]

What do you mean by average Caucasian?

Undergraduate / 'diagnosed with Clear Cell Sarcoma Type II' - USC ACADEMIC INTERESTS [4]

Replace USC with any other institution's name and you've got yourself a general essay. Basically everything you mentioned about USC can be said about almost any major university. Try to add some things that are unique to USC, like a club you'd like to join, or a particular class or seminar you'd like to enroll in. Maybe there is some research currently being conducted at USC that you'd like to contribute to one day, or a professor's work you admire. Perhaps there is a unique project or an idea you'd like to get started on campus to help raise awareness for those with cancer. I also agree with the poster above, you can also add an anecdote if you wish to make this a little more personal. It flows well and you stated your interests, but I'm sure there are a ton of the same essays they have to read. I think that you can make this a much more solid essay. This is a great start.

Scholarship / 'I rarely take notes in class' - GMS Essay - Subject I excel in [3]

Just because they give you 7800 characters does not mean you had to use up as much as you could. I think you could have saved yourself a lot of time by getting straight to the point with short responses, maybe with 2-3 paragraph each answering the prompt, especially with the deadline being so close.

Undergraduate / FSU - Why learning is the most appealing characteristically ? [3]

I like your essay, but the intro can get cut down to show a little more of you. Can you please post the prompt?

Undergraduate / 'The environment is important to me' - Why Emory Essay [5]

Both colleges are under Emory University so you're fine for the last sentence.

However, I don't feel like you really said much about yourself and how you would take advantage of these qualities that you've mentioned.

But you really seem like you did your research.

Undergraduate / 'making and decorating a cake' - Common app short answer [6]

Not much really said but that you like cakes. Maybe you can talk about a theme that was a challenge and how you accepted it or something.

Undergraduate / 'local produce and green buildings' - Emory essay [7]

There are some other errors, but I'm having a hard time fixing them without returning to my grammar book. Either way, you don't really say much about yourself here, in addition to that, you could pretty much replace Emory/Oxford with another school and this wouldn't be all that unique.

Undergraduate / Costume for a year (Brandeis Supplement) [3]

Try to add examples of what your heritage is about to give this a little more depth. Other than that, this was pretty good.

Undergraduate / 'researching and improving artificial intelligence' - (CLARK UNIVERSITY) [4]

Avoid contractions.
You need to explain what AI is. I assume that it means artificial intelligence, but that doesn't mean the AO (admission officers) will know.

Doesn't really show the kind of person you are really, I haven't learned much about you', but I'm going to assume you took care of that in the personal statement.

And I'm not sure if you answered why it is important to you...maybe I missed it...

Undergraduate / 'computer-oriented classes and courses' - Cornell : College of Engineering: [3]

Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest. I believe this is the topic.

I'm not sure if you've really answered it to be honest. I think you can cut back on the first and second paragraphs, and really focus on answering the topic. I like the third, sort of build from there and show how Cornell can help you continue pursuing your passion. List clubs or organizations that you'd like to get involved in at Cornell; really show that you belong there and that they have no choice but to choose you over thousands of applicants.

I think that this could be a much stronger essay.