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Posts by zkachmer
Joined: Dec 23, 2011
Last Post: Dec 30, 2011
Threads: 5
Posts: 11  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 16
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zkachmer   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'lifelong relationships' - Brown supplement- Something you created [6]

What is something you created that makes you especially proud, and why?

Here's what i have so far, but not sure if i like it. Should i start over with a new topic? Or go with this and just make some corrections?

The things I have created that make me especially proud are the bonds I have formed with all the friends I have made throughout the course of my life. I have personally always believed that in true friendship we are able to find happiness, and this has shown in the connections I have made with all of the people I call my friends. I am proud of myself for establishing these bonds because true friendship is not easy since true friendship is not just being liked, but being understood, and also understanding. As my departure for college approaches, I am proud of the lifelong relationships I have made so far and I am eager to find more of these true bonds wherever I may be.
zkachmer   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'lifelong relationships' - Brown supplement- Something you created [6]

Theres a strict 700 character limit, so it's a bit restricting. But here's one with at least a little more specificity:

My friends and I do anything and everything together: from making trips to the mountains to go skiing to simply sitting in someone's basement talking and laughing with each other for hours.I have always believed that in true friendship we are able to find happiness, and it has shown in the connections I have made with all of the people I call friends. I am proud of myself for establishing these bonds because true friendship is not easy since true friendship is not just being liked, but being understood, and also understanding. As my departure for college approaches, I am proud of the lifelong relationships I have made so far and I am eager to find more of these true bonds wherever I may be.
zkachmer   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / (No A lack of effort) Two versions of Common App essay [6]

It seems like everyone writes about some sort of athletic success or failure that lead to a certain revelation. So I think the revised version gives a little more personal feel to your response while still reaching the same conclusion as the first
zkachmer   
Dec 23, 2011
Essays / My sat score got cancelled [11]

Go with the topic of the SAT cancellation but try to make it more about hard work and resilience in general than about the SAT scores specifically
zkachmer   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Raised in a perfect setting' - Harvey Mudd Supplement-- sincere, but not creative? [3]

What is one thing we won't know about you after reading your application that you haven't already reported in the Common Application "Additional Information" section?

After reading my application and learning of my test scores and my grades, my clubs and my sports, you will know of the things I have and haven't done so far in my life. You will know the areas in which I have excelled, and also the ones in which I have not. However, missing from this report of my past accomplishments is a look into where I come from, why my application has turned out the way it is, and how this affects the way I plan on living out the rest of my life:

I have been raised in a setting as close to perfect as I could imagine. On almost every level, my childhood has been one of ideal circumstances. It begins with my family, which has always supported me in anything I have chosen to pursue. They have loved me unconditionally, and my parents have raised me in such a way that I have been able to mature academically, emotionally, and spiritually. My school and community have also provided everything necessary for me to thrive, with great friends who are there for me every step of the way and all of the tools for the best possible education at my disposal. Blessed with this loving family, these loyal friends, this accepting community, and my own unique abilities, all that has ever been needed for me to succeed has been my own desire. Dreams and aspirations that may be impossible for others to achieve have been within my reach due to the amazing blessings I have been offered. But even more valuable than the blessings which have made my achievements possible has been the guidance from my parents on how to use these blessings and opportunities. I have learned through them that I owe it to God and to the countless people in my life who have been there for me on my journey to embrace these opportunities, to continually challenge myself, and to pass on to everyone I encounter the love and care that has brought me to where I am today.

Let me know what you think.
zkachmer   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'smiling at strangers' - stanford essay - what matters to you and why? [5]

I like this response. The introduction with the story with your mom gives you a good way of saying that everything matters to you, then going into detail. You give good personal specifics too with the Nat Geo and interest in quotes. Overall, really good.
zkachmer   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Making my mark academically' - Stanford-- What matters to you? and why? [5]

How does this look? It was just a first draft that I wrote pretty quickly, but i like the idea. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

As a young child of four or five, my career goals had already been set. I would graduate from kindergarten, then proceed to graduate school where I would earn a degree that would allow me to become the world's greatest juggler. I would start out with the standard tennis balls, then slowly make my way up into the more dangerous realms of juggling swords and various flaming objects. That was what I was going to do with my life, no doubt about it.

As you can probably guess from my application to Stanford to hopefully study engineering, juggling school didn't work out as planned. As a matter of fact, I am now the only one of my friends and family who still has not learned how to juggle. But as I now think back to those days when I was young, I can't help but smile because, although ridiculous, professional juggling was a dream of mine. And even now, as a senior in high school, I am proud to say that I am still that dreamer I was at the age of five, and it is these dreams, from the mundane to the ridiculously wild, that matter to me and inspire me. I have no clue where I will end up going to college, which degree I will graduate with, or what I will be doing with my life upon graduation, but I do know that I will always be dreaming big and never giving up on even the wildest of my aspirations. In elementary school, I wanted to write books. In middle school, it was playing in the NFL. As a freshman, the dream changed to simply graduating from high school having made my my mark academically, socially, and athletically. Moving forward, I have dreams of majoring in engineering and going on to contribute, of designing innovations that will make the world a better place, dreams of having a family of my own, and dreams of discovering new passions with which to fill my time. And more importantly, I want to do what I can to help others achieve their goals, because I believe we are only limited by the extent of our imaginations. Oh, and maybe I could finally learn how to juggle.
zkachmer   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / intellectual engagement essay (for college app) [8]

It's a good essay and you're completely right in your thoughts. But try to add some sort of personal story to the point. Like talk about how you came to the realization that it was more than being smart.
zkachmer   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "Key Club" - CommonApp Short Response [4]

It's really good, but the second sentence of the second paragraph doesnt seem to work grammatically. Did you mean to say "showing" and motivates? Otherwise, i dont think you need to replace passion, but you could use something like "love of serving others"
zkachmer   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'exploring the opposing interests' - Stanford letter to roommate... need to reduce length. [4]

Here's what I've got. I like it so far, but it's 216 characters over the limit. I don't need it to be exactly 2000 right now, but any tips on where I could eliminate or condense would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Dear future roommate,
Congratulations to your acceptance into Stanford. Personally, I am overjoyed that such a prestigious school has chosen me to become a member of its Class of 2016, and I'm sure you feel the same way. I look forward to meeting you in person and being able to start what I'm sure will be an exciting and new relationship, but, until then, this letter will give you some insight into what I'm all about.

I like to think that I'm generally an extremely likable person. I have neither an overwhelmingly quiet nor loud demeanor, but I am friendly and social. I may come off as the jockey football player at first, since I played four years of high school football, update my fantasy sports rosters daily, and enjoy comparing numerous situations to some sort of sports scenario. However, unlike the stereotypical jock, I love to learn. Obviously, Stanford is not a place that is going around accepting students who have not proven this in some way or another, and that is one of the reasons I am so excited to be a student there. Unlike the average high school student, I look forward to the stimulation of my mind and the exploration of its abilities. Now you're probably thinking to yourself either, "Oh no, this kid's crazy" or "Oh yes, this kid is just like me." Let's hope it's the second and that our relationship as roommates will allow us to discover even more interests we share. Maybe it could be a certain musical ability (I play guitar and piano) that would enable us to have some sweet jam sessions, possibly at the risk of pushing some of our neighbors buttons. Or maybe it could be a love of food that will lead us to become hunters of the best foods on and around campus. Or maybe, we will have nothing in common but the weather (Although the constant sun and nice climate of Paolo Alto probably won't provide much to discuss on that front). This would be just as great of an experience in my opinion, because sometimes exploring the opposing interests of another is even more exciting than enjoying those that are shared.

I look forward to finally meeting you when the school year arrives, and I anticipate the next four years of our lives being ones that we will never forget.
zkachmer   
Dec 29, 2011
Scholarship / Hispanic Scholarship Fund extracurricular activity essay: Giving back to the HYI [6]

I think if you can fit it in the character limit, you should try to add in quickly, what exactly an alumna is. I was a little confused when you said you could give back to the program, but i eventually assumed it was some sort of counselor or organizer position? but if you elaborated on that a bit when you talk about preparing to be an alumna, that would make it easier to understand. Otherwise, very good.
zkachmer   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Intellectually alive' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality--In the zone! [4]

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

"You've got to find a place where your preparation and natural abilities are able to fuse together to allow you to perform the bet you can-- it's called being 'In the zone.'" These were the words spoken by the varsity football coach to all of the seniors on the team this year at a mid-season dinner hosted by he and his wife. As evidenced by the almost two hours per day spent by the varsity team in his room, reviewing game film of our upcoming opponents, every day during the season, he is a big believer in an sort of mental preparation usually not found at the high school level of football. Thirty page packets of scouting reports, notebooks full of each player's notes, and websites dedicated exclusively to the viewing of any and all game film were added to the usual physical aspects of the game. It was all his way of trying to have a team that was "in the zone" come game time, and, as I sat there at dinner listening to him describe what exactly it meant when someone was in the zone, I realized it had worked. I thought back to our first couple games, when, without any conscious calculation of tendencies or reference to my notes, just knew what play the opponent was running and was able to act accordingly.

However, as I listened to my coach's explanation and came to this realization, I also discovered that his definition of being in the zone applied to much more than just football. I realized that the same feeling of knowing exactly what to do and how to do it was the same way I felt when taking a final, when writing an essay, or when doing a project. There is no better feeling than the feeling of receiving a test for which you have prepared for and being able to complete it with that sense of confidence in knowing you are in that "zone" and that you are intellectually alive at that moment. This little talk from my coach, intended to improve our performance on the field, has served as a reminder to me, that in my intellectual development, all that I have learned in my academic pursuits has been a result of preparation and ability, only one of which has ever been or ever will be under my control.

I think this idea applies more to the idea of intellectual vitality than it does to intellectual development. But do you think this could still work?

Let me know what you think! Thanks!
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