Undergraduate / My Time Doing Debate - Common App significant experience essay [3]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

One my most memorable experiences from high school is Debate. My freshman year, my partner and I advanced to the elimination rounds at state - the top 16 - a fairly impressive accomplishment for anyone. For me, though, it meant much more that just a few rounds of success. I have a speech impediment. Every speech I made was a struggle. Every win was a triumph; every loss bitterly disappointing. Many times during the season I told myself to quit, that it would be easier that way. Now, the stakes were higher. I was horribly nervous - what if I messed up? How could I face my partner? Yet here I was, standing in front of a somewhat intimidating crowd, ready to start round. "Georgia and Ukraine..." I mumbled. To my surprise, words came out smoothly on my first attempt. My confidence went up. "... are two nations attempting to obtain membership action plans from NATO." And thus went the rest of the round. I wasn't perfect - I had occasional pauses, the intermittent repeat - but it was nevertheless something I was proud of. As I waited impatiently in the cafeteria for my results, I reflected on the reason. Debate had been grueling to be sure, but few, if any, high schoolers in my position would have done what I did. I learned a lot about facing my fears; I had done what frightened me most, public speaking, every other week for the past few months. I learned to try to get past my losses and bad moments and focus on what I had to do. I learned about hard work and preparation; I remembered very well the time I had spent in front of a mirror rehearsing my opening lines, trying to get them just right, hoping that all my work would eventually pay off. I learned that if I tried hard enough, I could really find success in anything. Here I was, already one of the 16 best debaters in the state, waiting to see if I would go any further. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by an amplified voice - results! The announcer started by reading off the teams who had not advanced, instructing them to please come accept their trophies. Time seemed to slow down as he read off names. "Century HZ. Stillwater CM. Minnehaha RT." The names kept coming. Finally, seven teams down. Then - "Eastview GP". I got up, disappointment filling my stomach, to accept the plaque. As I thought about my season, though, I remembered all that I had gained from debate. I smiled. Regardless of the results, this past season was something I could be proud of.

If I'm allowed to make paragraph breaks I would split up a few things but overall the words would be more or less the same. I'd like some feedback especially about the general kind of feel of the essay: is it too epiphany-ish? Should I add more details about the actual round? Am I too brief? Not brief enough? I'm at 450 words so I space to work either way and still be within the suggested range.

Thanks for reading.

Undergraduate / MIT Short: (Rubik's Cubes) - Something you do for the pleasure of it [9]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

I stare wildly at my Rubik's cube, trying to figure out the best way to finish the solve. After a whirl of frenzied twisting, I drop the cube and slam my hands down to stop the timer. My eyes wander up, seeking out my time. Suddenly I see 12.00 - a personal best.

My Rubik's cube has been an almost constant companion of mine since 9th grade. I like the challenge and satisfaction of figuring out solutions by myself, or barring that, the fun of collaboration. I love, too, the thrill of competition; trying to beat my friends, and more importantly, myself.

Jeez 100 words is short.

Undergraduate / One Round - Common Application Significant Experience essay [5]

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

My heart beats erratically in my chest as I walk down the hallway, quietly dreading at the task to come. Suddenly I find myself at the door. I slowly turn the handle and walk in.

I'm at the state debate tournament. My partner and I have advanced to the top 16, an impressive feat for anyone. For me, though, it means so much more. I've had a speech impediment as long as I can remember. To put it lightly, debate has been a monumental challenge for me.

As I make my way to the front of the room, I notice the crowd - much bigger in most debate rounds - and my stomach takes a plunge. Still, I take out my case and wait for everyone to quiet down."Georgia and Ukraine" I start, "are aspiring to obtains MAPs." To my surprise, my words flow easily. My confidence goes up a notch and I finish my speech. The average listener wouldn't describe my performance as anywhere near perfect; I pause, sometimes repeat phrases, occasionally block. But me? I'm proud of my speech. It's one of my best all season. When I sit down, I feel not disappointment but pride.

I amble down the hallway to the cafeteria and sit down, nervously anticipating my results. Familiar thoughts cloud my mind. What if I did all this... only to come so far and lose? I had really done my best today: what if even that wasn't enough? Would any of this be worth it? My thoughts are interrupted as the announcer starts calling out the teams that didn't advance. "Century HZ. Stillwater CM. Minnehaha RT." Finally, the last one! Excitement courses through me: we've made it! Then - "Eastview GP". I get up, disappointment filling my stomach, to accept my plaque.

I think about the debate season. It's been tough, but ultimately I have faced my fears. I have done on a regular basis what frightens me most, public speaking. I will recall the moments of trepidation before my speeches and remember how I fought through them. I learned about hard work and preparation; unlike for most of the gifted orators here, every one of my triumphs took hours of preparation. I would take my place in front of a mirror and start practicing my case. Again. And again. And again. And again. This work ethic, I reflect, will serve me well through high school and beyond. I've learned how to face the questions and discouraging stares with defiance. And perhaps most importantly, I've learned to get past my bad moments - my losses, my blocks - and focus on the good. Whether I bring home a plaque that says "Octi-Finalist" or one that says "Champion", it's my attitude and the effort I've put in, as well as the lessons I've learned, that really matters.

Undergraduate / 'Renaissance' + 'Supernova' - MIT Essays [3]

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (100 words)

A star, having exhausted its supply of Hydrogen, explodes in a brilliant burst of radiation. Its light traverses trillions of miles, eventually reaching the Orion Arm of the Milky Way Galaxy. Here, the burst is captured by a series of reflectors orbiting a particular oblate spheroid; it is reproduced on the pages of an Astronomy book. A small boy picks up the book, and, enthralled by what he sees, develops a fascination for the cosmos. And a decade later, the boy hopes to develop further his understanding of the beautiful things he saw by studying Astrophysics at MIT.

[I wanted to experiment with this one. I know it doesn't talk about me really, but I wanted to get across my real passion and sense of wonder for Astronomy.]

What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

More than once, I've been told that "curiosity killed the cat". Luckily for me, my curiosity is satisfied by leaping into books rather than off buildings. I read my history textbooks like I read Harry Potter: cover to cover, despite their (very occasional) slow parts and sheer size.

For me, like any erudite scholar, research on any given topic frequently begins on Wikipedia. Two hours and dozens of fascinated clicks later, I'll often find myself avidly reading about something equally interesting but completely unrelated. I'm always wanting to know more: so William the Conqueror won the Battle of Hastings? What's this? He had a Domesday Book?A giant census of all of England? In the 11th century?

My favorite books range from a Brief History of Time to An Omnivore's Dilemma to The Power of Babel. A Brief History of time introduced me to the world of theoretical physics and enhanced my love for Astronomy. The Power of Babel introduced me to the fascinating world of historical linguistics. An Omnivore's Dilemma made me vegetarian.

This vitality isn't just restricted to academia. I'm always eager to try different food - curry, enchiladas and pizza are all delicious. My favorite Spotify play list includes Beethoven, Bruno Mars, and Billy Joel. I always wonder, "Why not try?" Whether there's another genre to explore, a new subject to examine, or an a different cuisine to sample (though nothing with chicken, thank you very much), my curiosity always keeps things interesting.

Undergraduate / 'India, a world eight thousand miles away' - My World - MIT Essay [5]

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

I come from a world eight thousand miles away - India. I grew up hearing about my mother's experiences walking several miles to school as a girl. My father talks, quite literally, about burning the midnight oil. It is no surprise that academics has been a priority in our household.

The world I come from is the children's section of the Burnhaven Library. Thanks to my parents and their zeal for education, I spent a disproportionately large amount of my childhood there. I discovered fascinating things over the years: Curious George, velociraptors, the French Revolution. I also discovered my passion for Astronomy. After every visit to the library, I would bring back books about anything conceivably related to the world above our atmosphere. Books about Jupiter, introductions to gravity and pictures of supernovae enchanted me. My childhood dream career became Astronaut. The problem came here. Though my parents encouraged my avid reading, they felt that success could only begin with the letters M.D.

The world I come from is also the United States. I see Starbucks on my daily ride to school; Apple advertisements bombard me on a daily basis. People like Howard Schultz and Steve Jobs represent the best thing about America: the American Dream. Not just going from rags to riche, but finding success your own way by following your passions.

The food, the language, and the traditions I saw outside were remarkably different from what I saw at home. The food was blander, the traditions alien, and the language confusing. Yet these two almost polar opposites shaped my life. My parents showed me to love learning: because of them, I found my passion. America showed me the American Dream: and because of it, I chose to follow my passion.

This isn't anything special but I really had no clue what else to write for this one.
I also need to cut out around 45 words, so please please please be harsh and tell me what isn't useful. I'll look at yours as well!