Undergraduate / "Daddy...Daddy!" - My Significant Experience essay [NEW]

I really need help on evaluating my essay. Could you please help me with the grammar, rhetorical skills, effectiveness, if it fulfills the topic, and the ways to improve this essay. Thank You. My topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Daddy...Daddy!" I entered into the house with a gleeful smile with my little brother. The house smelt like peaches and oranges with a tint of apples; the lively white walled living room had an odd dark appearance for the first time. I worriedly proclaimed for my father for a second time, while my young brother was beside me pertaining an almost sad and anxious demeanor. I immediately sensed that something had totally gone wrong. We quickly entered the kitchen where we usually encounter him, and there, on the dining table, lay my father beside a pool of dark red blood.

Twenty minutes later, we were met with the loud secure sirens of the Sweetwater ambulance accompanied by my mother. We all raced to the hospital, and he was immediately seen by an emergency physician. My blood and energy ran dry and my brother's eyes swelled up with tears when Dr. Kannabar greeted us with an impending glare and told us the results. With great concern, he summarized that my dad didn't have any external injuries; however, he is suffering from a vile malady known as cancer.

For two years, he suffered under the surgeon's knife and the dual affecting characteristics of chemotherapy. Praying was my only hope and maintaining an upper hand against the atrocious disease was my father's. His shriveled face, his skeleton-like body, and his still-sharp mind and will were the only remnants set by fate on the worn out hospital bed of Sweetwater. Before we left not knowing what was later to unfold, I managed to give my father a loving final hug. On the next day, Friday, January 13, 2003, we received an urgent call that my father had passed away. I stared at the once bright and lively white walls of the living room and noticed the once evident dark gleam that immediately captured my mourning glare. My mind raced with thoughts of ways I could have prevented this situation, but I understood that life isn't always fare. I held my baby brother's soft hand during the funeral and told him that life and fate are variables that will always be twisted and is totally unpreventable.

In the end, the death of my cherished father was an experience that had a significant impact on me. Although this moment in my life was dreadful, I kept the lessons learned and used them to further my life's work to be successful. Now at age 17, I am still under fate's grip, but I know that my experience and the lessons learned will aid me and maybe others in the long run.

Scholarship / Extracurricular Activity Essay for CommApp- Scholars' Bowl [2]

This is the 150 word essay for extracurricular activities. I was hoping if you could help me with the grammar and the rhetorical aspects. Thank You.

The Scholars Bowl TV Tournament began with worry and ended with a surprise. It was the final question, tension was high, and the scores were tied.

Let's get this question, I believed. Let's get this win!

The blonde haired moderator began with the final question as the crowd quieted, "p equals m times v"..."m equals mass"..."v equals velocity"...then finally, with a moment's pause, "...p symbolizes what equation?" I buzzed in uncontrollably, only to discover the moderator's questionable glare.

"Momentum?"
"Correct!"
My team's stoic attitude was immediately overwhelmed with pure exultation, and I was immediately recognized by the most epic buzz in quiz bowl history. In just that one experience, my team and I learned to believe in our own capabilities and perhaps the secret of luck. As we left the room with gleeful smiles, we later won match after match until we finally earned the Tennessee State Semi-Finals trophy.

Undergraduate / Final Admissions Essay (Emory University) [7]

Please help me to make this entrance essay to sound better and pleasing to the reader. Thank You. Prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

If Emory University was my older brother, I would look up to him. We would drink coke until the moon would rise, and we would continue to tell each other our personal adventures until our mother hushed us to bed. Once our mother was sound asleep, we would sneak out into the open world and discover life's treasures.

Emory would show me the great lessons that are needed to be learned from the open world and overall, teach me to be a better person. He would introduce me to the multiple features of a perfect Emory education, whether it is within the U.S. or across open seas. Although I would seek Emory as almost an older brother, I would truly observe him as a true mentor. After all, he can teach me whatever I wanted to learn.

Even if you are poor or rich, Emory provides true cultural diversity and allows the students to have the freedom to study in any particular area of interest. As a well rounded school, I believe that Emory would give me an excellent opportunity to study medicine. He would introduce me to his good friends the Emory Medical School and the Emory Hospital and allow me to catalyze my abilities with his buddies to become a great future physician.

As a soon-to-be undergraduate, I believe Emory is the best school for me. I feel a form of kinship with the school, and I know for certain that Emory will give me the best education in the nation. Who is to say that one day Emory and I will be true soul brothers?

Undergraduate / "Biotechnology is certainly a growing field in this modern age" - Cornell [3]

(1) Select one of the following major fields: biotechnology, nanotechnology or information technology. In an essay of 300 words or less, describe how your chosen field of emerging technology will impact life on earth over the next twenty years:

Biotechnology is certainly a growing field in this modern age. Being able to understand the advents associated with biotechnology leads the world to new heights. For example, we are able to read blood pressures of sick patients in a matter of seconds. In addition, we are now able to perform the most impossible surgeries without hesitation.

Whether it will be ten, twenty, or even thirty years, one suspects that biotechnology will continue to benefit the community. For example, by that time, we hope to find a cure for AIDS and have better tools to fight cancer. We may also implement devices to better alleviate common global problems like starvation, poverty, or war. Whatever the case, it is easily confirmed that biotechnology will definitely play an integral role in society's future.

Letters / NIH Summer Program Cover Letter Essay [4]

Question: Describe your research interests, career goals, and reasons for applying for training at the NIH; be certain that your cover letter is specific for this particular program.

The NIH is committed to maintaining its stature as a premiere research institution by building an inclusive workforce, fostering an environment that respects the individual, and offering an opportunity for each person to develop his or her full potential in the pursuit and support of science. We welcome trainees of all genders, races, ethnicities, physical abilities, and socioeconomic backgrounds. If you have unique circumstances, or come from a disadvantaged background, please include this information in your cover letter.

As a child I have always had a fascination in the field of science, always wanting to find out more about how the world works and the secrets behind the mysteries of our universe. However, it increased after the death of my father who had been suffering from cancer. Granted my father's death was a very traumatic event, it prompted a sudden captivation deep inside of me. How could something that I admired so much, the cell, is able to create such chaos within the human body? My interest in the complexities of the human biology and helping in its research has led me to focus on understanding how various facets are utilized. Different shapes, parts, roles, and frames intermingle to create a system of operations. Every combination of these factors appeal to me because they help join and explain the world. I am seeking the opportunity to apply myself summer internship program to help further my education and lab experience in the field of medicine. This experience would allow me to progress in my career and advance within my chosen field of medicine and research. The opportunity to help research new technologies such the embryonic stem cell and adult stem cell to help with cloning would be an outstanding occasion. It is important to able to research on such topics as therapeutic cloning, cancer, and other viruses because we are able to learn more about things, people, and events. In doing research, we are able to make smart decisions concerning the people that it may influence. In the past summer or 2011, I opportunity to attend the Governor's School for Emerging Technologies. It was here I realized what my true calling is in the field of researching science and technology.

Note: Please let me know the best ways to improve this essay. I do not feel that it is at its optimal potential.