Undergraduate / "You don't even look Filipino." - Personal Statement [7]

Too often, people judge others based on cultural backgrounds, judging every aspect and characteristic of them without actually knowing who they are or where they come from.

Great essay! I enjoyed reading it, and could not find anything wrong. I'm Irish and French, and have a daughter who is half Iranian. I've often heard people wondering out loud if she was half black, Spanish, Indian, and in one case, Wookie! I've always wondered why on earth anyone would care, as we are all human beings and of one family. I like the way you think.

Neva

Undergraduate / "A Conflict of Nations" - UC Prompt 2. Need help revise!! [3]

Being the one in charge of this project was not an easy task, having to lead the group and interact with each other. I was chosen as the one to present it to my teacher and explain to him about the details of the events that occurred during that period. The teacher was impressed with our work, which he saved it onto his computer for future use in lectures to his class.

As leader of the group, I knew there was no room for error.

Every day within the week...

By reminding them of the due date and how important this project was everyone was m...

After receiving everyone's work, I spent some time myself ...

My group mates were amazed and astounded by what I had accomplished.

The following day, I presented the project to my teacher with great enthusiasm.

By explaining each slide and describing the events to my teacher...

This experience has helped me feel more confident and comfortable in a leadership role...

I liked your essay! When you are the 'big boss' someday though, don't forget the little guy, the more they respect and like you, the better they'll be at their jobs!

Neva

Undergraduate / Elaborate on Extra Curricular Activity: "Ace Mentor Program" [4]

Life would be much simpler if we all knew instinctively, what we would enjoy doing as adults. Well, life doesn't necessarily give blunt signs as to what you should do, but...

I'm just making a suggestion here, it's better not to include contractions in formal writing!
You might add how lucky you feel, to have access to such a class.

Neva

Undergraduate / Buddism, Christianinty - UC prompt #2 [4]

I could find no technical mistakes, and enjoyed reading this. You might add something to the end about how your life is touched and enriched by both Buddhism and Christianity, and that you are happy to have followed that little voice inside you!

Neva

Undergraduate / "I experienced Guatemala this summer" - issue of importance UTb essay [5]

A culture that differs tremendously from the one we live in.

A family moves into a neighborhood or a building and never meets a neighbor.

I enjoyed reading this, and not only was it on topic, but you seem to have covered most of what was suggested. Good writing!

I worked on a house with Habitat for Humanity in the late 70s, and got to work with Jimmy Carter and his daughter Amy, that was a great experience!

Neva

Undergraduate / "Emotions are useless" - common app topic [5]

I think it's great, you seem right on topic, and controversy generates more interest! I could find nothing to change.

Neva

Undergraduate / memories of Christmas holiday in 2004 [3]

I cannot forget the unpleasant memories of Christmas holiday in 2004.

...and what my role in society should be.

This was partly because of my loud voice, but mostly because others admired my confidence and were eager to follow me. I was recognized as a leader.

In the first year at the university in Sri Lanka, (which university?) I led two projects related to engineering coursework.

Even though it was hard to keep-up with academics with all this work,...

we were able to keep the campus services at their best.

Academic standards of the university were also included in my responsibilities and thus,...

For me, the most important parts of my life have been my role as a leader.

Graduate / How do you expect your career to be after you have finished your master [3]

You should write about what it is exactly that you want your career to be, and what there is about the program that will help you towards that end. Also, why you would like to live in Sweden.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY - serious or entertaining movies [4]

Serious movies are usually designed to express one or more ways of thinking about love, humaneness; moreover, it may point out the dark sides of the society.

Second, not all serious movies are boring.

The movie is humorous and satiric,which leads us to think about what is most important in life, and ...

Moreover, some serious movies try to make you think about the dark sides of the world.

After watching the movie, we may learn a lesson concerning jewels and death.

Diamonds are not rare or a sign of true love; indeed, the hidden meaning of a diamond is a cruel reality. As a result, serious movies show us the world in a different way.

Undergraduate / Computer science - UC Prompt #1 and #2 - Transfer Applicant [3]

Prompt # 1

I thought your intro was great!

Even though I have had many frustrating nights from programming, computer science is my passion.

Learning outside of school has been and will be the greatest experience for me.

Prompt #2
I always thought that only the last two years of high school mattered, but I was wrong. Things changed shortly after I discovered an activity that pulled my act together.

As the season progressed, I had become better than I used to be.

Writing Feedback / About an activity: the magazine Young [3]

What impressed me most was the release day of the magazine Young.

...was worthwhile, applause or blame alike.

...move magazines and gifts here and there.

In this way, all books were sold out on that day.

It turned out that every effort can be rewarded despite the agony of the process.

Undergraduate / Help with USC essay ("to recognize opportunities") [3]

One of my most important talents has to be my ability to recognize opportunities even in the midst of adversity.

Well written.

Neva

Writing Feedback / 'it is the right thing to do' - Page 218 Autobiographical Essay [5]

...where we were told to line up on one side.

The guard had each prisoner state the reason for his incarceration:...

good essay!
Neva

Graduate / MFA Graphic Design/Visual Communications; Personal Statement [3]

I think it was very well written, in a funny and interesting way.

Neva

Undergraduate / Hairs and Patience - UC Prompt #2 (Unusual but meaningful) [6]

Hair and Patience

On one hand, I had the freedom of expression; on the other, I had inhibitions toward change.

Fed up with my feelings of powerlessness,...

respect and admiration that I felt beards deserved.

Times had changed, and so had my family's tolerance toward with facial hair.

...my parents had fled to America ...

Neva

Undergraduate / 'A cultural center for college students' - Why Boston University? [7]

and that this program will help me to get there.

New York City moves too fast for me at times,...

I really like how you ended this!

Neva

Undergraduate / "Hoang the Headless Chicken" - Common App Personal Essay [7]

...an irritating "scratching" noise, ...

Whenever the other boys sat together to make fun of him, ...

As the soccer team captain, I was used to being popular among my classmates.

Ever since, I had persuaded myself to assist him with his homework, call him at night to ask what he had in mind for the weekend, and wish him good luck before exams.

I wish I could have said yes.

For the first time, I seriously began to question the tight-knit 12A1 community that I've been cherishing.

I thought the essay was pretty much perfect. You did not seem to focus too much on your friend, and I enjoyed reading this. Very thought provoking. You're a very good writer, I especially liked your description of Hoang.

Neva

Undergraduate / Korea - Rutgers Essay [4]

I am proud to call myself Korean,...

hence I look at things from a different perspective.

I think of myself as Portuguese sometimes when I talk about Christiano Ronaldo,...

Overall, I believe this experience has helped me to become a better person.

Neva

Undergraduate / The irrevocable statement of John Hersey "success starts with a failure" is locomotion of achievers. [12]

Algebra and Geometry were like thorns in my flesh. I was laughedat and scorned by most of the teachers and students in my school.

"Why was he even admitted"? was circulating in the school. I received several bits of advice from peers and teachers to quit.

These disparaging statements did not bring me down, as I took them in good faith.

I therefore gathered the courage to study and clear all doubts starting from scratch.

I became one of the best students in the school. I also help them to win a grand prize in a debate competition, and this I am proud of.

Winston Churchill had early failures, and probably just like me, he did not like mathematics and would go in for an easy class to get opportunity.

...if one is able to take the step of failure in learning,then one is bound to climb the ladder of academic success.

Neva

Undergraduate / The challenges and obstacles I had faced in high school- UC transfer prompt [3]

I have researched symptoms and cures from books; nevertheless, none of them seemed to have a positive effect. Thinking that medicines were no use,...

Just by trying to see the world through her eyes, I gained a better answer for her cure than any book has given me.

Now, I have learned that I should not be arrogant when I am successful, and that I should not let myself down when I am failing.

Neva