Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - bar and pie charts (the results of a survey of adult education) [5]

Hi, everyone
I'm new in this forum and I have some problems when i try to write essay. Please fix it for me. Thanks a lot !!

The bar chart illustrates main seven reasons that people make decisions for their studying and pie graph demonstrates the percentages of adult groups think who should pay the education cost for them.

According to first chart, having interest in subject and wanting to raise knowledge on their field are the two most popular reasons for people making their decisions with 40% and 38%. There are 3 reasons in middle group including helping for their jobs, getting promotion and enjoying on learning stay around 20%. The last reason group has the lowest rate that people in it just want to have new jobs and go studying to meet the others stay at 12% and 9%.

In the latter chart, the survey gives out three targets which will pay the cost of education. 40% of people who are asked tick on the individual blank while others think that taxpayer and employer share in turn 25% and 35%

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Writing Feedback / Fixed punishments and taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discussion [5]

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TOPIC: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, think that the circumstance of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be taken into account when making decision on the punishment.

Discuss both sides and give your own opinions?

One of the most controversial issues today related to punishments for each type of crime. Some people argue that criminal punishments should be fixed whist many others contend that this should be put into a range. In my opinion, both sides hold water.

On the one hand, convincing argument can be made fixed punishment will have a deterring affect to social crimes. First and foremost, people know how much illegal activities exactly threat to their lives if they break the law. For example, accent Greeks had a law that if you steal anything, you will be cut off hands without any reasons or explanations and this made Greeks society became the cleanest place of the world in its period. Another feasible explanation is that number of re-offend prisoners are reduced when they are released. Ex-prisoners will be aware that fixed punishments have no tolerance for crimes.

On the other hand, the statement above is not generally consisted as an accurate one to everybody since there also some people who do not advocate it. As regards their justification, a reason usually claimed by many of them to convince us is that taking the circumstance of a crime for verdict to ensure the justice and equity. Indeed, we cannot deny that every crime must be paid back, but people attacking in self-defense cannot be compared with robbery. The laws have to provide a range for punishment framework and also have certain cases of exemption.

To sum up, while both approaches have benefits and drawbacks in our ever-changing world, I would concede that a range for punishment is necessary. It was also applied in most countries of the modern world today.

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Writing Feedback / Privacy of celebrates on newspapers and magazines Ielts essay [6]

Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations. Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

In recent years the topic of privacy of celebrated people on magazines and newspapers is debate. Some people say it should be public to everyone, however I disagree with this attitude and believe these kinds of media should responsibility to what they write.

There are two compelling rationales which support the belief that all information of celebrates should be featured on newspapers and magazines. Firstly, supporters point to the fact that nowadays many favored people frequently use their money on charities and as a consequence, these activities lead to a few positive effects for our society akin to reducing of poverty rate and awakening human rights. Secondly, a lot of celebs have too much influence on juveniles who usually try to imitate their inspiring people, thus teenagers are taught a lot of effective abilities such as professional planning and open mind to name a few.

There may be some truth to the statement above, however this is overshadowed by the fact that today most of newspapers and magazines do their business for money and journalists keep going over their limitation. The purposes of managers are market share, therefore they choose negative ways to lure public attention. Paparazzi is a prime example, most of them pay attention into scandals and private pictures while their duties are find out appreciate news from famous people's daily actions, this results in ideological distortions of general public. Furthermore, in the current age some celebrates try to raise their popularity by breaking moral values, and then they certainly are focused by media. In order to do this, both of them media and celebs become underlying cause of decreasing moral values.

In conclusion, while it is clear that there are sound rationales which support both side of this discussion, I consider the assertion that newspaper and magazines should be put in a limitation. For the benefits of our society, it is necessary that we make proper decisions to create the best future possible.

It is really a difficult topic for me, please help me fix it. Thanks !!

Writing Feedback / allow workers to work at home ESSAY [5]

Please correct this essay and give me some suggestion for me, thanks alot

In recent years, there are an increasing in the number of organizations, some workers are allowed to work at home partial of the week. Do you think it is a positive development or negative development for individuals and society?

In the current age the movement which is following the developing of co-oporations allows employees working at home in weekdays. Some say this trend would be adverse effects for both individuals and society whilst others think it is more beneficial. I can see the issue from both perspectives, however I consider the latter to be more compelling argument.

There are two strong points which support the belief that it is necessary for people to attend their work places. Firstly, workers could be suffered by the isolation which stems from miscommunication with their colleagues. In this case, they could not collect ideas as well as experiences to help them complete work. Secondly, working at home make employees be distracted with a lot of things like housework, taking care of their children and other relaxing activities. Some people could not separate between their lives and work effectively while others are annoyed by the aspects named above.

That being said, there are convincing counterargument to the aforementioned point. Supporters of home working cite that staying at home would help people complete their work well because they could get familial condition and flexible schedules. For example, workers who are able to work at home can work whenever they want even midnight or early morning, therefore they can choose times they have the best situation to work. Furthermore, many reports state that when people are kept in their familial condition, their thinking and working performance will be more effective than normal.

In conclusion, while it is clear that there are sound rationales which support both sides of this debate, I believe the assertion that organizations allow employees working at home to be more compelling than its opposite.

Writing Feedback / (Ielts practicing) - It is common to leave home countries to study at universities abroad [6]

This is my Ielts essay, please help me check it in grammar, structure, ideas and use of words. Thanks

It is become increasingly common for students to leave their home countries to study at universities abroad.
Why is this happening?
What are the consequences of this phenomenon?

In recent years the quantity of students studying oversea has gone up dramatically the world over. This essay will analyze some significant causes as well as effects of this trend.

Firstly, one underlying cause of this phenomenon is for better courses. Prestigious universities employ teachers who are experts in their fields; therefore, educatees can learn more effectively knowledge and have open minds. Take Vietnam for example, a lot of big companies there ask people applying for jobs to have foreign bachelors and the reasons are given out that abroad learners from developed countries have wider experiences than others. As a consequence, students with qualifications gained abroad can open the door to better job opportunities.

Secondly, another reason is cited by many parents that studying and living abroad improve personality especially with independence and responsibility. No one can deny the fact that studying at oversea universities is difficult for most of students. For example, a student studying in a foreign school would have a lot of problems such as cooking for themselves, cleaning and paying bills to name a few, so he or she has to face these problems by themselves. Although they are not insurmountable, a few will give up and come back their home countries without any certificates while others will be taught to be independent and take responsibility for what they do.

Thirdly, last reason is pointed to the fact that complex cultures have become an acute problem in many international companies and that is nearly the same as what oversea students have to face in times they are living in foreign countries. As a result, after finishing studying, learners will get another ability which help them deal with this problem.

In conclusion, although studying abroad is costly, this can be overshadowed by its advantages. For the benefit of our children and future generations, it is necessary that we understand this matter and make proper decisions to create the best future possible.