Undergraduate / 'an elderly man singing' - Emory Supplement [7]

I'm not a great writer. I am often more confusing than clear. Any help will be greatly appreciated!

Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

Reading through countless brochures and meticulously analyzing Wikipedia entries for 'Emory University' left me unsatisfied. I already knew Emory was a ranked university with a fantastic business program and a location to die for. So what? This mold could fit ten or even twenty other undergraduate institutions across America. I remained hopeless until I fatefully stumbled upon twelve words that transformed my narrow view of Emory into a vast vision of opportunity.

You probably know these twelve words by heart: "To create, preserve, teach and apply knowledge in the service of humanity." This is the heartfelt mission statement that differentiates Emory from the rest. Moreover, this is the aspect of Emory that fits me in the same way black fits Dooley. Ever since sophomore year, I have been absolutely infatuated with the field of psychology; there is simply no other way to put it. Whether it is counseling adults twice my age via phone or teaching Taehwan (a teenager with Asperger's Syndrome) how to greet fellow peers, I have always been grateful for the chance to be a light in the lives of others. For the past two years, I have applied my knowledge the best I can, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. So, there would be no better place to improve and excel in my service to humanity than a university that prides itself on 'creating, preserving, teaching and applying knowledge in the service of humanity.' (I apologize for the slight tense change.)

Look, I enjoy nothing more than hearing an elderly man sing 'Good Rockin' Night' after a nice long talk on the phone...so, why stop now?

Undergraduate / Pitzer Supplement-I want to change the world! [12]

To me, Pitzer is like a blank canvas. Across this canvas, students mix and spill their own colors and styles, hoping to create a meaningful portrait. Some succeed while others fail, but the result is unimportant because they have created colors of their own the process. These revolutionary colors represent the people they meet, the classes they take and the knowledge they share with others. Then, with their portrait in hand, they venture out into the world. Soon enough, the world becomes their canvas and Pitzer begins to represent the small scale model of the bigger portrait (the world). Exciting as this may seem, I do not want to get ahead of myself, so, let us begin the rough draft of my Pitzer portrait.

Obama's vision of purple is unity. My vision of purple is Han. Red signifies my fiery passions and blue represents my ambitions to make the world a better place. Just as red or blue alone cannot make purple, I cannot be who I am with passion or ambition alone. My passion to become a psychologist is largely supported by my ambition to better understand the world of autism. Over the years, our nation has become both fascinated and traumatized by the affects of autism. It has led even the brightest of psychologists into dead end corners and paths going to nowhere. More importantly, autism has become a heartbreaking reality for thousands upon thousands of parents across the nation. The dark clouds of autism have definitely casted their shadows upon many and I feel it is my duty to let the sun shine proudly through these menacing clouds. Though I have worked closely with an Asperger's Syndrome patient (Asperger's is a milder form of autism), I know that there is still a lot more for me to learn in the field of psychology and the topic of autism. I believe I will have the best opportunity to do so at Pitzer where I can join Professor Tsujimoto in his Abnormal Psychology class.

Culture is an intriguing aspect of psychology I am greatly fond of, which is why I created STRESS Club on my high school campus. I wished to address and formulate possible solutions to cultural flaws and extremes that plagued the lives of students like Virginia Tech student Cho Seung Hui and Troy alumnus, Azia Kim. Coming from a predominantly Asian school, my main focus was to eliminate the Asian belief that 'Ivy League=Success and Elsewhere=Failure'. Too many of my peers were being haunted by this mentality for me to just sit around and watch them suffer. I had to take a stance. My desire to understand different cultures for the sake of aiding fellow peers cannot be accepted (with normality) anywhere else but inside Pitzer's haven of superheroes.

In short, I want to drench my canvas in purple because purple is who I am; a passionate, ambitious Asian male whose social responsibility to help autistic patients bolsters his lifelong passion to become a psychologist.

Undergraduate / Is Sociology/AP Psychology considered core academic subjects? [5]

Hey guys!
I just had a quick question for you 09 applicants and others. Is Sociology/AP Psychology considered core academic subjects? B/C I got my recommendations from a teacher in that subject area. Thank you!! Sorry for being irrelevant EF Team, but I feel like this is the right place to ask :)

Undergraduate / I'M A THUG-Common App Essay-My FIRST draft. [40]

ummmmm Sorry for posting so many new versions! I'm just paranoid. Well, please more feedback is welcome. You guys are my only revisers, so, that is why i posted my essay like 239230 times. Thank you for your time!!

OH AND- My friends have been telling me that the mask references at the end of the essay don't seem to fit or its inappropriate, i guess, because it makes it seem like i am someone who wears masks and im not showing my genuine face. what are your thoughts??? any suggestions??

I Used to be a Thug

Someone once told me, "Looks don't matter," and I once thought so too.

All the merry days of my youth were slowly deteriorating before my eyes. Princeton Review fearlessly displaced Harry Potter while Garfield ate his way past maturity. A new and frightening world was emerging before me, but every ounce of youth left in me promised all was for the better. So, with a sense of reassurance, I journeyed out into this 'better' world called high school.

A sigh of relief wiggled through my body and escaped into the air as fourth period finally came to an end. It was lunchtime and I was still in one piece. I could not wait to tell my parents their nasty myths about high school were entirely and surely wrong. Well, seniors did look like evil overgrown mutants, but they were gentle creatures to us humans. Lunch was well spent bickering with close friends, but a sense of uneasiness continued to hack away at my appetite. I wondered, "Could this be it? Was this the new world I was so afraid of experiencing?" Just as I was about to answer, the warning bell rang, prompting all students to migrate to their fifth period classes. I peered down at my scruffy, wrinkled piece of paper: 5. English 1 Honors. With a slight chuckle and boost of optimism, I asked myself, "How bad could this be?"

The classroom was a bit larger than most, but other than that, nothing was out of the ordinary. Shakespearean posters lit the grimy walls and important looking books lined the countless shelves. Disappointingly, my observations were cut short by a frail looking lady claiming to be our teacher. Shortly thereafter, the rituals began. Mispronunciations headed the sporadic giggles and nervous looks from students whose names began with X's and Y's. Uncaring of their mishaps, I lounged comfortably in my chair waiting for a three letter name to be called. Moments later, I heard, "Han?" I shouted, "Here!" Just as the last letter rolled off my tongue, the rituals stopped. Laughter halted and students no longer looked nervous for themselves, but for me. The teacher looked up from her roll sheet and slid her glasses down to the edge of her nose. Her freaky stare unleashed tingles down the ridges of my spine and onto the ends of my toes. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. The outline of her mouth gradually began to move, but I was so dizzy I could barely make out the words. I replayed the words in my mind and realized she had asked, "Are you in the right class?" She had just welcomed me to the new and fearful world I thought I had successfully avoided; the world of judgment.

Minutes later, I leaned toward my seatmate and whispered, "Why did she ask me that?" He looked straight into my eyes and answered, "Because you look like a dumb, scary thug."

Since that day I tried everything to alter my physical image because looking like a thug was not exactly the image I was striving for. Months of hair modifications, wardrobe exchanges, and facial expression classes decisively paid off; I was a brand-new man and not a clean cut thug. However, I still struggled with the 'dumb' part of the equation. How could someone plainly look dumb? Completely clueless, I analyzed my face. Even that provided no answers because the mirror did not gorge on a basketful of giggles at the sight of my supposedly dumb face. Unless my parents were willing to invest in a full face Albert Einstein makeover, I had no hope. I was destined to be that 'dumb-looking kid'.

After weeks of introspection, I devised a plan. I had to live, breathe, and radiate intelligence in order to rise above nature's judgment. I had to create a façade that I knew everything. With no time to spare, I began studying the classics, the calculus and all the other subjects in the realm of intelligence. I worked the intricacies of the human mind, ultimately convincing myself I was the smartest man alive. During everyday conversations, I refuted the arguments of others and quoted Jefferson on a frequent basis. I went from a 'dumb thug' to a 'Renaissance Man'. Even my Sunday school teacher began to take notice for he described me as 'surprisingly thoughtful and well aware of the world' in my yearly Christmas card. I had seized the day. I had triumphed.

Despite all these accolades, I felt unsatisfied. I felt as if I was fooling myself. I felt I was putting myself on a pedestal and forcing praise from others. Had I come this far simply to reverse a faulty judgment? Was I an insecure teenager hanging on the words of others? The answer was no and no.

Through this experience, I discovered myself and many other treasures to be cherished forever. It is true I wore a mask of intelligence, but I soon realized it was a mask I already had that I simply neglected to wear. Moreover, I never had the courage and motivation to explore the far-reaching boundaries of intelligence. The world of judgment proved to be as dangerous and conniving as I had predicted, but now I was a seasoned warrior of the land free to roam about as I wished. Lastly, I discovered the empowerment that I can receive from others, because without them, I would not be sitting here telling this story.

So, looks do matter...only if they yield some sort of self epiphany.

Essays / What is the best format for Personal Statement / SOP? [5]

Do admissions prefer double spaced or simply single spaced with spaces between the paragraphs? Oh and if you have time, please help me edit I'M A THUG b/c its my first draft and I need to turn it in by the 1st. Thank you so much!!!

Undergraduate / "Leaders in the Making" - CMC Leadership - admission essay [13]

Omg, I did this is in 20 minutes...Please help in context, grammar, wording. It's really rough. Any suggestions in what more I should write is welcome!

Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. In fact, one of the ways we describe CMC students is "Leaders in the Making." Identify and discuss a person, fictional or nonfictional, who has helped shape culture and thought. You may select someone from any field: literature, the arts, science, politics, history, athletics, business, education, etc.

Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. In fact, one of the ways we describe CMC students is "Leaders in the Making." Identify and discuss a person, fictional or nonfictional, who has helped shape culture and thought. You may select someone from any field: literature, the arts, science, politics, history, athletics, business, education, etc.

Sex. Though this word is the reason you and I are breathing at this moment, we incessantly try to avoid and ignore its existence as much as possible. For instance, let us say a Victoria's Secret ad unexpectedly appears on the television screen. What do we naturally do? We, as responsible citizens, swiftly reach across the sofa and cover the eyes of our innocent children; so, if sex is a messy topic disallowed in the private confines of one's home, where could we discuss or even mention sex without having our faces torn apart? Not in underground cult meetings, but in high school psychology classes nationwide; all thanks to a little known man named Sigmund Freud.

Freud gave sex the attention it deserved. He dedicated a bulk of his research to sex because it was a field of study left untouched by psychologists and psychiatrists of his time. During his time, sex never surfaced beyond the private lives of husbands and wives. Moreover, sex was not seen as a useful tool that could help capture a better understanding of the human mind. Freud, however, saw otherwise. Beginning with the Oedipus complex, Freud explained that sexual repression was one of the key components to hysteria and other neurotic symptoms. Then, Freud introduced the theory of sexual stages, from the oral to phallic, because he discovered how crucial sexual stages were to the maturation of the human psyche. In all, Freud gave birth to a revolution that not only sparked controversies among traditionalists, but also shined a new light onto the dark and mysterious world of sex.

In everyday life, we see how Freud shaped our culture and thought. He changed the way we see sex. Sex is no longer solely an act of 'gross parts', but an integral piece to the ongoing mysteries of the human mind. Freud's effort to see the concept of sex in a unique and scholarly way is evident today. Whenever I mean to say, "Six," but I accidentally say, "Sex," my friends respond with a loud, "Freudian slip!" They do not grimace or gasp at the word 'sex' because they know sex is much more than what the media portrays it to be. I mean, an old grandpa was not afraid to question and explore the wonders of this natural phenomenon...why should we? So, it is safe to say the word 'sex' has more than one meaning today.

Though sex is still recognized as a vulgar word by many people across the nation, sex is an awe inspiring subject for psychologists and high school students, like me, who wish to pursue a degree in psychology. Thank you, Sigmund Freud for giving us the sexual maturation we so greatly needed!