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Posts by Jayashree95
Joined: Oct 17, 2012
Last Post: Oct 31, 2012
Threads: 4
Posts: 19  
From: India

Displayed posts: 23
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Jayashree95   
Oct 18, 2012
Undergraduate / Common app article on extra curriculars: Connections Across The World [4]

Common app prompt on a 1000 character article on an extra curricular activity / work experience.

Connect a common concept across multiple religions, Nehru's alma mater and the world's first nuclear explosion: Trinity!

My passion for quizzing has transported me across the world and has acquainted me with myriad cultures. From fjords in Norway and Moai statues of Easter Island to the Wailing Wall of Jerusalem, quizzing has been my window to the world outside. For over a decade now, I've been hooked onto this intellectually stimulating experience that defines who I am.

The knowledge one can assimilate is infinite and the Indian philisophy of 'Success and failure are part of the eternal cycle, it is the knowledge attained that matters' has inspired me to strive for excellence.

Over the years quizzing has helped me transcend personal boundaries and emerge as a confident individual with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.
Jayashree95   
Oct 18, 2012
Undergraduate / 'My coach and team mates' - University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign [5]

Yes it is simple, but that might be the best part about your essay. :-)
A few suggestions:
If you could elaborate on how you composed yourself to get back into the game, it would be more effective.
The essay does a great job in portraying the team effort butva little more insight about you would also be great.more

Hope it helps!
Jayashree95   
Oct 18, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Diverse student body' - BOSTON UNIVERSITY- why BU is a good fit ? [3]

The third sentence is a bit too long and could be shortened.
The sentence "I have set benchmarks in life...." could be altered since the present sentence creates a jarring effect.
In the last line, 'incessant' could be replaced by saying 'your zest for knowledge combined with a genuine desire to contribute...'
Jayashree95   
Oct 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Passion with a cause' - Common App Essay: personal experience [4]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

22nd February 2008
"Jayashree, you're going to get a younger brother or sister" said my mother, closely watching my expression.
Surprise and excitement were my immediate reactions.
Did I have an inkling of how dramatically my life would change? No.

25th September 2012
4 years on, life has irrevocably changed.
Initially it was a mammoth challenge since we all had to alter our lifestyle to accommodate the youngest member of the family. It seemed like waking up after a decade in utopia, for now, life was everything but perfect.

Responsibilities, fragile, unpredictable conditions coupled with a bawling baby was one way of looking at it. Thankfully I envisioned an opportunity: An opportunity to grow; as a person and as a student. It has been one of the best decisions of my life.

What intrigued me was how the once motionless baby learnt to make sense of the world around her. Over the months, gurgling sounds turned to fairly legitimate words, serendipitous movements turned to well coordinated steps and through an unwavering spirit, she was one among us.

I knew then, that any talent can be nurtured, any art can be learnt to if I was willing to go the distance. Whether it's training for a 10k marathon or participating in an international platform like Harvard Model UN or even cooking an Indian meal, it was all possible.

Her birth sparked a desired to delve deeper into the uncharted terrains of neuroscience and this was further ignited by viewing her growth from the standpoint of psychology. To observe her evolve, learn from her mistakes and piece together the jigsaw puzzle called life has been a captivating experience.

The brain with its curiously confounding functioning, is the neuroscientist's muse, an elusive enchanting enigma. Psychology helped to explain how the dynamics of our family changed and enlightened me about the power of the mind.

I believe passion comes with a cause. I have a cause; to cure the maladies of the mind, uncover the reasons behind them and make the world a better place for mankind.
Jayashree95   
Oct 24, 2012
Undergraduate / "a diverse community" umich supplement #1 [4]

Some more examples would be good, because it seems like you're reiterating the same point. Also remove 'I believe', just say I come from a mix of communities..

Also i think its "If I were brought up..."
Good luck :-)
Jayashree95   
Oct 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'significance of my walk' - Yale Supplement Essay [2]

Its a really good topic :-)
I suggest you focus more on the meaning. The essay doesn't essentially reveal more about you. A little less words perhaps. Otherwise you should be good. :-)

Goodluck!
Jayashree95   
Oct 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'many aspects to me' - Morgan state univeristy essay [3]

'My friends SAY that... and I have been commended....'

I suggest you:
1) make it more formal. 'I love hanging out with my family...' could be replaced.
2) Include better examples/references. These are good, but they don't stand out, so you could work on that part to make it effective. :-) goodluck! :-)
Jayashree95   
Oct 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'life's conundrums and complications' - So where is Waldo, really? UChicago [7]

Stop. Look around for a moment. What do you see? No, I don't mean the imposing pile of applications lying at your desk or the equally harried admission officer beside you. Look beyond the obvious.

Picturise your surroundings as a highly organized concatenation of atoms; minuscule particles, beyond the scope of stereoscopic human vision. Every single particle, person or place is made of atoms of different kinds! Afterall, aren't we all essentially made of the same constituents: Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen and other prominent residents of the Periodic Table? Akin to finding the Ultimate Question, to which the answer is the unassuming 42, where would you possibly find that metaphysical representation of what makes Waldo,Waldo?

The 'Waldo Factor', as I'd like to call it, would have probably become the Higgs Boson of our generation. I say would have, because the closest we can get to identifying a miniature physical representation of ourselves lies in the genetic code. This seemingly innocuous but perplexingly complex code explains why we are what we are; with our quirks and eccentricites that define us. Pioneered by Watson, Crick and Wilkin, it took years of research, international collaborations and is certainly no mean feat; for it explained the fundamental structure responsible for individuality.

So the Waldo Factor is essentially an aggregation of atoms, differing only slightly from our own genetic structure and composition. This technically means that there is a bit of Waldo in all of us, just as there is a bit of us in Waldo. Waldo is within us and represents our travails and tribulations; Only if choose to look at it from such a perspective.

The answers to life's conundrums and complications lies within us. If we dig deeper, aim higher, try harder and look deeply, slowly but surely there's a solution.

After groping in the darkness, a little introspection always helps to find light at the end of the tunnel.
Jayashree95   
Oct 31, 2012
Undergraduate / 'quirky, thought provoking essays' - University of Chicago Supplement [2]

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago. (1-2 paragraphs)

To me , the University of Chicago is much more than a dream; it is a burning desire which I hope to turn into reality. Its rigorous curriculum is not daunting for it is accordance with the competitive courses I have pursued in my high school. Over the past five years, I have grown accustomed to challenging and stimulating academic courses that have exponentially increased my intellectual curiosity and exposed me to exciting new fields and prospective careers. Given my penchant for the written word coupled with my passion for the sciences the interdisciplinary approach to broaden perspectives is another alluring factor that has made UChicago my first choice. Hence UChicago is a natural transition which I hope to experience.

What intrigued me initially were the quirky, thought provoking essays and the radical approach to a 'complete education'. But today, the University of Chicago has grown to symbolize much more than that. Beneath the 'sheen of eccentricity' lies an institution equally reputed for its contributions to arts, sciences and humanities, a college renowned for its pathbreaking discoveries and above all, a University with an undying passion to learn, to question and to contribute to society. It is this redeeming quality which I can relate to and appealed to me.

I see UChicago and myself having a symbiotic relationship similar to that in lichens. The algal partner is the photosynthesizing unit while the fungal partner is the protective and nourishing unit. I hope to derive intellectual nourishment and a 'home' from the University while simultaneously providing the best of my ideas and abilities.
Jayashree95   
Oct 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App Essay (Fight or Flight) Topic of choice [4]

Its a good essay! It chronicles the ups and downs in your life well.
I have a question. Would you like to use a more technical term than 'stressors'?
Good luck! :-)
Jayashree95   
Oct 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Better off Dead- Introduce Yourself Essay [3]

It has meaning no doubt, but do consider if you want the admission officer to know this story. I'm sure there are other events in your life which are of significance.

This seems more like an article written in light of a recent fight.
It doesn't reveal much about you as a person,recent which I believe would really help and admission officer.
I'm really sorry if this sounded harsh.
Good luck! :-)
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