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Posts by malaikaiyer
Joined: Nov 1, 2012
Last Post: Dec 28, 2012
Threads: 6
Posts: 13  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 19
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malaikaiyer   
Nov 1, 2012
Undergraduate / Essay about becoming a vegetarian - feedback (500 words)? [3]

Poconos 2004: Crackling sounds of kettle corn popped over fire, echoing through the cabin walls, while the smack of lapping ocean waves collected the serenity of the woods. The combined laughs from cousins, aunts and uncles gathered with candles permeating the cabin walls. The only light was the cabin's, and the stars which danced in the sky. Our windows welcomed raccoons, who, persistently tapped until morning. These sounds were insignificant compared to the tranquility of the never-ending woods, the twinkling of stars under the breadth of the moon, and the "swish" of wind moaning through rustling trees.

The thrills of physical activity, or "fun" suited most of the family, but my excitement rooted from my grandfather, who, finally decided to join us. He came from the Brahman caste, which emphasizes a vegetarian diet, anything with the faintest scent of meat was considered untouchable. He was vegetarian, always trying to get us to join in his daily dose of greens. Our last night in the cabin was spent packing, and I was determined to bypass any chores. I encountered a closet door as I slithered through the rooms hiding from the calls of "Mili! Get here now!" Still, it wasn't the opening to Narnia every child hopes for.

"Om Bhuur Bhuvah-" I interrupted my grandfather with the opening creak of the old door. "Ajoba?"(grandfather) I whispered. He'd been reciting his prayers. He flashed a smile, revealing his dentures, and I asked, "Why are you a vegetarian?" I knew the answer. He'd given numerous lectures on being vegetarian. There wasn't a reason why I wanted to hear the story again, I was looking to hide from my mother. While I was anticipating, "We're Brahmans, it is our duty to carry our tradition," his answer was deviant. "Because, the elephant is my favorite animal." I chuckled at the simple natured answer of my eloquent grandfather. He asked if I liked the elephant, I scoffed, "No." I remember the smirk he carried, as if I were too young to understand the majesty of... an elephant.

I'd never understood that religion, culture, and tradition could have originated from a thought as simple as "the elephant is my favorite animal." "When I die, I want to come back an elephant. They're strong, they're humble, and they live longer than us, because they're vegetarians. Kameena. Mean. Most animals are mean, always killing. Your mother never listened to me. Once she came here-" he paused,"-once everyone came here, they started eating meat. Will you become vegetarian... for me?" The spark in my eyes matched his. "Yes!"

There was no pressure, no expectation, just a favor, something I could do not only to make my grandfather happy, but to be proud of something: carrying forward a tradition, carrying forward a memory, proud of knowing why I wanted to be a vegetarian. If I did this, I'd be closer to an elephant: calm, gentle, peaceful. I never thought, an elephant carried the secrets for my becoming who I am.
malaikaiyer   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Checkmate!, Online Chess; MIT App; Pleasure activity? [4]

I think the semicolon does't quite fit, and you should change it to a comma. Also, I would change the "without doubting" to "without a doubt." and take out the comma after solitary lady. I love your last sentence. Overall, I think you have a really good essay!
malaikaiyer   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Explore,Indulge, Learn; Boston U; "Why BU" [3]

College, my chance to explore, indulge, learn. From 4 pm ballet classes to an after school math club, I can say my first hobby wasn't my last. Through my sixteen years, I've been able to maneuver the tricks of pliĂŠs and dive into the equations of Pythagorus. At Boston University, I would have just that, an opportunity: to explore, to be able to jump from mathematician to humanitarian in a matter of campus blocks. To indulge, to understand and surround myself with people from different cultures and backgrounds. To learn, to pursue every aspect of my mathematical interest. To be surrounded by a community such as Boston University, I'd be able to elicit a drive that will carry me through college.

Boston University's joint concentration programs in mathematics and philosophy reflect exactly what I've yearned to study throughout high school. Coming from a school more artistically inclined, a chance to thrive in an atmosphere that tailors to my interest is all I ask. In addition, the university's study abroad program would provide me with a chance to see the world I've longed to explore. From Arrezo, Italy to Tokyo, Japan, Boston University provides a platform for success through its emphasis on a well learned person. As I see the university's dedication for their well ranked success, I promise my dedication to uphold the stature of the school.
malaikaiyer   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / I love to dream/ to visualize, conceive & to create; Stanford App/ What matters&Why? [3]

This is beautiful! I mean that honestly, it's very well written and I think its beauty lies in its simplicity. The fact that dreaming is expected, its something almost everyone does, and still it means so much to you. I felt like I related to this a lot. This sentence, "While my team was brainstorming for the Inventeams Competition, I had a dream I was blind, but I could tell my mom was angry at me by the tone of her voice. After much reflection and revision, this idea evolved into our grant-winning design for a bracelet that would convey a person's mood to an autistic child during conversation." is a bit condensed and unclear. I would rephrase this sentence to either explain why your mother was mad (but I understand word count restriction) or just take that part out entirely. Also, you use the word "but" a lot. I would steer clear of using "but" to start a sentence, try using some other words. Also, I would try using more imagery (again, I understand cause of word limit)

"But not all dreams are good; nightmaresespecially paint a dark hyper-reality, where a manifestation of my worst fears come true."
That's just my suggestion. Other than that, I think you have a solid concept and it dives into a realm of your imagination, a key element in an admission officer's thought process.

Would you please look at my supplement?
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Diverse community/Financial benefits; BARNARD Supp; Influence by community/ HEOP Scol [2]

I reside in the diverse community of Brighton Beach where people know each other and greet each other daily despite their different nationalities ; people know each other and greet each other daily.

I volunteered at the Islamic Center of Brighton Beach and the doctor's office. (I feel like you should elaborate on the doctor's office thing or just take it out entirely. It doesn't quite gel, and I understand you're trying to showcase your volunteer work but I would mention it somewhere else. That's just my suggestion but if you feel it works, by all means, go for it.)

This is a really strong sentence, just tweak it a little bit so it sounds less rigid and cliche:
I'm now able to conform to a community so deviant from my own nationality; whether it be saying "Hola" to a Mexican neighbor or "Asalamu Alaikum" to a Muslim sister, the diversity of my community has made me become an open thinker and enjoy life even more when I'm around this array of ethnicities.

These are just my suggestions but, overall, I think you have a strong piece and it conveys a solid message. Good luck! Would you mind helping me on mine?
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / She roared facts, defending her side; Stanford Supplement Intellectual Vitality! [3]

Hey, I think your essay is really good! I would just say that instead of writing, "That cold Saturday was essential to my intellectual development because with my friend's debate round I realized the power of knowledge. I found beauty in the dancing arguments, effortlessly making their way down the room. I fell in love with the epic duel. In this battle, neither size nor strength matter," you could jazz it up a bit to not make it sound so rigid. For example (just my suggestion), "It was in the intensity, the compiling sweat beads on my forehead, the heart racing heat of the moment that I realized the power of knowledge. I found beauty in the dancing arguments, effortlessly making their way down the room. I fell in love with the epic duel. In this battle, neither size nor strength mattered "

Otherwise, I think it's really great! Good luck!
Would you please help me with mine?
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Thailander" ; NYU sup/ What intrigues you? [3]

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

Star of Siam on Metropolitan Blvd, across the street from a Carvel, sitting alongside Edible Arrangements. Their "We're Open" sign manages to squirm through my hectic days, and give me that almost-as-good-as-mom's plate of drunken noodles. Dinner after dinner, I escape to the small confines of an "along the beaten path" restaurant, where Areya, brings me Tom Yum soup as a starter; can't beat their ten dollar dinner special. I'm not Thai nor do I have a trail of Siamese in my blood; I have no connection to Thailand. My mom's dinner plate consists of roti and daal, an Indian dinner. But after that one bite, that one glorious chew of the slimy noodle covered in spices and curry galore, just call me a "Thailander." Areya, my new friend, traveled from Thailand in search of a better life. As she smiles with every step bringing me my order, I realize I can only ask for that, a happy heart. From her dedication, to her strength: as a person, an immigrant, a woman, Areya has shown me the importance of perseverance. Each time I take a bite, she takes a step closer to paying for an extra college class, or a heavier envelop of money to send back home. With this in mind, I say "Can I get the regular?" What I mean is "You can do it."
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Thailander" ; NYU sup/ What intrigues you? [3]

Thank you so much, I think I'm just going to discard this supplement. It was awkward and off topic. Thank you so much for your feedback though!
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / What part of us speaks to one genre, one beat, one sound? ; NYU supp- What intrigues? [4]

"Sh-sh shout! Shout! Shout at the devil!" Thud! "What was that?" cried my mother as she ran into the room with her brows furrowed, and her expression: worried. "Nothing" I responded. Her eyes glared over at the television; red lights pounded the screen with Mick Mars and Nikki Sixx shredding to their fingers' tips. "Turn off this noise!" I stood there, disillusioned, confounded, stammered as to how someone could deny the wonder that is, Red, White and CrĂźe. While they perform night after night, with the intensity of a heavy metal crowd following them, my DVR allows me to dive into a realm so deviant from a sixteen year old, high schooler's life. For hours, I learn about the greatness of Shakespeare, the wonder of fractals, the honor of Lincoln; and while such contributions have proved instrumental to our capabilities as humans now, we forget the importance of... nothing. Nothing: that which takes part in none other but instinct, the part that bears the weight of the human experience, and manages to carry it. How can it be that such an abstract concept glides through generations, races, and people? What part of our instinct allows us to jump into a pool of reality and fantasy all at once? What part of us speaks to at least one genre, one beat, one sound? Are we all, essentially the same? I might have just answered my own question.
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm a dork! [Stanford roommate supplement] [7]

I think your essay stands out a lot. It's because you focus on the small details that the officer can catch a glimpse of who you are. I really loved the "And, out of curiosity I'll probably ask you what you wrote for that roommate question on the Stanford supplement."

It's not informal, it's just personal (in my opinion). And its not overconfident. I think the officer would like to see a more personable side of you and it doesn't fit a template or anything. I don't understand how you can't be predictable with a prompt like that but you did it (and in a very nice and subtle way). So, you answered it well and you seem like a great fit for that school! Good luck!

Would you please review my NYU supplement?
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / What part of us speaks to one genre, one beat, one sound? ; NYU supp- What intrigues? [4]

well I wanted to show what intrigues me, and that was music. the answer was the pure nothingness of music. the fact that noise to one person is heaven for the other, and vice versa. the fact that we can't describe our attachment to a noise. would you know how I could convey that better? Should I take out the sentences about "nothing"? or can I just put "music is our nothing" in the middle?

"Nothing: that which takes part in none other but instinct, the part that bears the weight of the human experience, and manages to carry it. Music is our nothing."
malaikaiyer   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Hunting the Hidden ; Columbia Supp- "what you found interesting..." [2]

What you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events... (I obviously wrote down a dvd called fractals)

Fractals: Hunting the Hidden Dimension, is a movie far from the works of Walt Disney. I'd first watched as a result of an interesting newspaper article. "Hey, Mr. Kohm," I murmured as I stumbled into his office (he is the AP of math at my school). I dropped my black leather bag on the wooden desk, grabbed a chair and sat down. "Here," he said, "check this out." He handed me a newspaper. In it, was an article about a middle school in Brooklyn, New York, where kids had the opportunity of learning art through math. It wasn't something I'd learned in elementary school, middle school, or even high school; yet, these kids were inadvertently opposing Euclid's geometric theory, through fractals. I sat in my chair, looking at the wonderful art, and thinking it all came from math. This was like the Vitruvian Man, 2012 edition. "What's a fractal? Were we supposed to learn this?" I asked Mr. Kohm. "No, the department says we don't have enough time to cover it but look-" he pulled out a DVD, Fractals: Hunting the Hidden Dimension. I watched the movie, in complete awe of the material I'd skipped out on. Learning concepts, theories, ideas that disproved every understanding I had of math, showed me a new dimension. A fractal, no matter how restricted it may look, is infinite. It's a pattern, a pattern the dives into another infinitely and can reflect everything in nature from mountains to coastlines to lakes. I'd realized my understanding of math was through the experimentation of others. And now, it was through the experimentation of another that I was able to gain a whole new perspective. I'd learned that "testing the waters" isn't such a bad thing. Opposing a well known mathematician created a theory of its own, one that's more pragmatic. Even though that article was just an article, and the movie is just a movie, it provided as incentive for me to learn, to explore and to understand as much as possible.
malaikaiyer   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Bread freedom and social justice; Common app/ topic of your choice [3]

I think your concept is strong. However, I think you need to remove the first line "once upon a time," it sounds informal and childish.

You have a lot of grammatical errors but if you finish writing the entire thing, then it would be more helpful to edit your grammar.
malaikaiyer   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'An Unexpected Journey and Winning the Green Card' Common Application [33]

As my eyes flow (flow? I would use a word like glide or something, just my opinion) left to right making my way down to start right back again, I quickly find my favorite character. According to Charlie, 'even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.' I could not have agreed more.

It's difficult to leave the place you call home once, even twice, but the third time is when you're an emotional wreck

For the next four years, I learned to love a culture completely different from the two I knew. Yet, my new American identity co-existed within me. I made a new home. Although this time, I did not expect my life to take a 180 degree turn. (Um, I think this phrase makes more sense but it's a very cliche phrase, try thinking of something to elicit excitement)

When I first came to the U.S. and learned the word 'mild,' perhaps a bit too late at an Indian restaurant.

Both were situations that arrived from previous predicaments (i thought obstacle was fine though) I was facing but I worked to overcome.

As I finish reading this book, I take away that no matter the situation, I can change the now. The Perks of Being Tenacious.

I liked your essay, I think it's easy flowing. I would just tie it into the book a bit more, maybe throw a quote in there that can relate to this. It doesn't seem very correlated but it's still a good essay! Good luck!
malaikaiyer   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / I promise to continue it; common app- judo [3]

Please please please can someone review this, I have to send my common app today!
Grammatical errors, flaws in concept, confusion, anything! please help me. thank you!

Sweat beads dripping from my forehead, heart racing and face flushed, I took a sip of water in hopes of untying the twists and tangles in my stomach. My feet were bare, I was wearing my judo uniform, and as I heard my named called on the loud speaker, I stepped onto the mat. The nerves wrecked me just as bad as last time. As the referee called, "Hajime!" (begin), I jumped into my judo spirit and blurred out every sound, every person except my opponent, and I went for it. Year after year, I compete in judo tournaments. Not only for the experience, but because I need a relief, judo is my relief. Whether it is reaching a new belt, or having my chance to beat a boy, my mind switches from "Am I going to miss my bus?" to "His right foot stepped to the side, perfect timing!" Since eight, I've learned the sport. But at eight, what was it to me? A belt here, a choke there, nothing that provided as instrumental to my being. Now, eight years later, judo is my before school milkshake, it is my pre-test nerves, it is my after school workout. It is the mentality that I hold throughout my day. As an assistant judo teacher, to be able to see the progress in young kids, to teach them my mistakes, to see them grow to love the sport as much as I do is the biggest reward. Eight years ago I started, eight years after I teach it, and eight more years further I promise to continue it.
malaikaiyer   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / I promise to continue it; common app- judo [3]

Thank you so much! You don't know how much I appreciate the feedback. I agree, it seems choppy and random at times but I'll definitely take your suggestions. Thank you!
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