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Posts by jakk1994
Joined: Dec 6, 2012
Last Post: Jan 2, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 21  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 23
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jakk1994   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Essay on Bill McKibben ; McKenna/ Leadership [3]

This is really thoughtful and well written. Shows you did research and aren't just blabbering on about some guy you found on the internet in a couple of seconds.

"He is a leader in his field. As a leading journalist, author and founder of the grassroots movement, 350.org, he would certainly have invaluable advicewisdom on national leadership to share with the community at Claremont McKenna."
jakk1994   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / It is my dream/ Why Harvey Mudd ? [3]

Due in 3 days, any help would be appreciated! I'm just concerned it doesn't sound sincere enough or if it just needs some better description. I want to show that even though I haven't visited I know I absolutely want to attend Harvey Mudd College.

Being more than a just a "nerd"



Harvey Mudd College is no Caltech backup. It is my dream, and it has its own personality in my mind as a loveable and quirky school where a passion for math and science and appreciation for the humanities are welcomed in earnest. I will readily admit that I have not had the chance to visit - but that in no way impacts my interest or my love for Harvey Mudd College. I plan to visit soon, and I am confident that the way I feel now will only be intensified.

From every Harvey Mudd student I have had the chance to talk to, I can already tell that Harvey Mudd College would fit me like a glove. Where else would a Calculus project made out of a rice-krispie integral be appreciated? Nowhere, and that is why I am so drawn to Harvey Mudd. No other school I have seen has had such an amazing aura: where each student loves what they study and puts their heart into every effort. I long to be a part of such a close knit community where study groups are always exciting and unpredictable and calculus is not some geeky pursuit - it is a way of life. And just for good measure, Harvey Mudd requires a third of core classes to be humanities (because we all cannot sit in our dorms doing physics problems forever).

In addition to my need for a close knit community of students and professors alike, I am attracted to Mudd's heavy workload that emphasizes sciences, but also appreciates the arts. I have not and nor will I ever perform well with free time on my hands. I perform my best not only in small environments, but under pressure and with little time to spare. I have no explanation other than that filling my schedule with endless amounts of work and activities forces me to organize my time efficiently and ambitiously. In a way I am sure few people understand, the work I did between my two summer jobs was emotionally fulfilling and left me feeling like I was on top of the world - at the peak of my game. The work load Harvey Mudd College has to offer has been a very significant factor in my interest in applying, and I know I will be more than happy to devote hours to work, study, and the occasional unicycle ride to the Donut Man's legendary bakery.

With a campus close to home, and a student body that is enthusiastic and excited about studying, Harvey Mudd College is the perfect school in my eyes. It stands above all of the UC's and CSU's in California - with specialized attention and stronger engineering and computer science programs, Harvey Mudd College is one of a kind (much like each one of its students). As I apply to Mudd, I think of all my hard work, perseverance, and dreams culminating in one final moment, and come fall of 2013 I hope to be one of the few who can proudly call themselves a Mudder: more than a just a "nerd" - certainly a well rounded student, distinguished with excellence, among the most creative and brightest of their generation (with a penchant for pranking Caltech).
jakk1994   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Going away to school frightens me; Harvey Mudd Essay / One thing [6]

Due tomorrow so any help is appreciated. Wondering if this essay is too risky or skirts the question.
Prompt is what is one thing harvey mudd college won't know about me from my application.
Here it is:

Paper is a notoriously fickle medium of communication. Jules Verne could tell a tale of going into untold depths of the sea, and Ernest Hemingway could vividly elucidate on the Spanish countryside, yet I suppose you could never guess that they both had two spoonfuls of sugar in their morning cup of coffee. While a wonderful story can be told, quirks and nuances about the author are lost in translation; the author's voice can only express his personality as well as his writing is. So to further introduce myself, I am compelled to share a few qualities about me that may not be quite apparent on paper.

Going away to school frightens me. Moving nearly 139 miles away from home to attend college is not something you take lightly. It is a decision you make after hours of crying, yelling, and arguing - and then your parents finally decide to let you have a turn talking. But I suppose this is the essence of college: being thrust into the unknown - moving far, far away to return with stories of prosperity and success. Am I afraid? Perhaps so, but hesitant? Never. I face adversity head on with a certain doggedness that refuses to quit. If it takes leaving behind what I have known living in my small town for the past eighteen years to attend the school of my dreams, then I am ready to push forward into the unknown. As long as I have my family and friends behind me, coupled with my dreams within grasp, I would gladly let my parents drop me off in Claremont, California for a breathtaking and invaluable four years.

While unknown to many people, I am also in a deeply committed relationship with my world map. Resting upon the wall behind my computer it sits - watching the hours go by listening to the constant "clack" of the keyboard. I would say it knows me better than I do - the sheen fading to yellow across the whole map, the wearing and stains across all of Europe unabashedly showing just where my favorite places in the world are. I find comfort in the fact that the whole world can be compressed into five by seven foot map at the tips of my fingers. Its size is what I most enjoy about my map; it makes it seem like the world around me is manageable. A world like this is what I hold most dear in my heart. Nothing feels more like home to me than a small and intimate community where I could hope to know everyone's name.

And finally, my best friend in the whole world is single-variable calculus. It has been a summer since we last saw each other, but I can remember every moment in vivid detail. Fresh in my mind is the day when graphs could finally be drawn with the help of derivatives, or when area became a sum of infinitely thin rectangles. Never before had a set of concepts made so much sense, I could do nothing less than welcome this new chapter of mathematics into my life with open arms. Each day learning more about each other was an adventure, promising new chapters every week. And one does not simply forget a month's work on an integral project made of Rice Krispie treats. If spending 50 dollars on marshmallow, butter, and cereal to make a 3D parabolic shape is not an example of true friendship, then I cannot begin to imagine what is. And if we could become such quick friends, I can look forward in hope and excitement at the vast world of mathematics and science waiting to be met.

And to think, these are only small pieces that collectively make up the puzzle that represents me. These attributes may seem to be very disconnected, but truthfully they represent the eclectic nature of my personality. I really do feel excited to explore outside my own backyard, to test my limits, to achieve my dreams, and to grow in my love the sciences. I suppose that the one thing you will not know about me by my application is everything. I am not defined by numbers, grades, or words typed upon paper. I am a devoted, diverse, and intriguing individual that can really only be understood in person. You can read these words time and time again, but there are not enough words in this world that can accurately depict my love for knowledge, my quirks, my personality - truly, me. Thus, I suppose I will simply have to attend Harvey Mudd College. There is really no other way to know who I am than to spend four wonderful years getting to know each other.
jakk1994   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Project Lead the Way program; Harvey-Mudd / Own Background [3]

From there, my interest developed during my junior year when I learned about each of the distinct engineering disciplines in my PLTW: Principles of Engineering (POE) class.

Maybe just say: My interest progressed as I learned the different disciplines/sectors of engineering
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / VOICING MY OPINION; Stanford / "What matters to you is the question. I [3]

Well written, check for typos though.

My dad's opinions maters the world to me. Could be better said My dad's opinion means the world to me.

My dad has done so much for me and it is as if I have a debt to him I can never pay off. Could be better said My dad has always supported me through and through, and I now realize that I could never begin to repay all the kindness he has shown me or the love he has given me
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / Mononucleosis & my Soccer practicing; UChicago/Sontag's SILENCE [5]

Try something to the tune of: Silence is always an option, but the joyous surge of energy back in my body is a reminder that silence is not always the best option.

And tweak your ending to show how you believe your silence was too easily misconstrued
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / 'relevancy of economics' - Cornell Supplement Economics [6]

'"Everything is economics and economics is everything", I thought, attempting to make sense of all I had learned '

But truly, with my desire to understand the modern society, I have developed a deep appreciation for the subject's diversity. I'm confused by the previous sentence going into this. Using "but" means it contradicts or explains the previous sentence...but like you said "economics is everything", so you should be agreeing that economics is very diverse. You could say:

"My thoughts became very real. Through my desire to learn more about modern society, I have seen the diverse nature of the study of economics and the large part of life that it encompasses."
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / "You are walking down the street.." - Pomona Essay Supplement [4]

"Taking whiffs of different teas, staring into warm colorful shops and hearing the chatter of Asian dialects I slowly start immersing myself into this culture."

You could say it better: "As I wandered through the vibrant and colorful shops, taking in all the aromas of tea and the constant chatter around me, I could feel myself becoming immersed into Chinatown -- blending into the artistry of the Chinese culture.

Help with my Harvey Mudd essay?
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / Guarding humanity; Brown Supplement; PLME is a good fit [7]

"Their behavior was not callous..."

Callous is actually an apt word for the situation. If you personally don't like it you could go with "careless", "malicious", "cold hearted", or "cruel"

Help with my essay?
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / 'The Reunion' - Common app essay [4]

As long as you give a definitive statement at the end saying that this experience explains who you are, you are fine.

"One by one, I plucked embryonic ideas from the pandemonium."
Mmm... a little too...contrived? Try something to the tune of "One by one, my thoughts settled until a clear train of thought came from the pandemonium of ideas swirling in my mind"
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / Guarding humanity; Brown Supplement; PLME is a good fit [7]

Yes, the last essay I posted, I'd love any edit or critique on it :)

"Brown's PLME will afford me the privilege to be a part of this intricate world of medicine where life and death both play a significant role ."
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / Photoshopped/ Caltech Humor essay [3]

Can you make a common theme? Or pick different examples, they seem a little confusing and uncohesive.

Help me with mine?
jakk1994   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / America had blacs with a few white people; Brown Common App [4]

Reading your intro paragraph, I wrote an essay with the same reference to race/ethnicity, and I can tell you that you want to it be as subtle and understated as can be.

"As a child, I was sure of three things: my parents' unconditional love and support, my sister's and my daily Barbie doll weddings, and that America was ethnically African-American. Just as China had Chinese people, and Canada had Canadians, America had Americans, who in my mind were predominantly Black with a few Caucasians sprinkled here and there. It was only as I grew older and broadened my horizons that I came to realize how naive my perceptions of America were ."
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