Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Famous people are bothered by the media [7]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines and other media pay to much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.

Some people think that mass media should only focus on news and current affairs. Others believe that television, newspapers and magazines should keep us entertained and therefore they should pay attention to famous people lives as well. This issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer examination reveals that mass media deal too much with superficial things for different reasons.

One reason is that television and newspapers focus on famous peoples' lives in order to increase their audience or readership. Gutter press and Tabloid TV are more and more replacing quality papers or documentaries programs. Thanks to the Internet, we can go online and have access to information from all over the world and therefore mass media don't need any more to keep informed people but their goal is to have enough readers or TV audience.

Another reason is that we live in a society where the most important thing is appearance and gossip. Nowadays, unscrupulous paparazzi constantly follow celebrities just to take a photo while they are eating or training. Newspapers often receive accusations of checkbook journalism; this means that magazines pay people a lot of money for stories or photos. Additionally, there are Reality TV, television programs in which people are put into artificial environments and situations, for example like "Big Brother".

To sum up, it is clear that television, magazines and newspapers pay too much attention of peoples' private lives for all the reasons mentioned above, namely to increase audience or readership and to give exciting and shocking news to a society which feed upon gutter press and Tabloid TV.

I think that my writing skills are really poor. Do you have any suggestion to improve them?
Thank you very much!

Writing Feedback / Toefl: 'helpful bursaries' - Teenagers have jobs while they are still students. [4]

Could you correct my essay and give me some suggestions? thank you.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support you opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Some people think that teenagers could work while they are studying at university or college. Others believe that this is not a productive idea. The issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer examination reveals that working and studying at the same time have negative consequences on students careers. I will explain my position providing examples to support my point of view.

First, one reason is that if a student work, he has less time to study and this will surely affect his grades. Nowadays, as we know well enough, the world of work is becoming more and more competitive and it is necessary to have the highest grades possible. Due to the high demand of employability, companies are taking in consideration candidates, which have a perfect academic career. Thus, I am strongly convinced that students should focus their energies on studying and trying to do their best. To illustrate this point, I can write about my own experience when I was a fresh girl and I started to work at McDonald's. As I said it was my first year at university and I remember that it was very stressful because after I worked all the day, I was really tired and I didn't want to study, my only wish was relax. In fact, during my first year I took only an exam and then I decided to give up my job.

Secondly, another reason is that students should have the time to relax as well. If they study and work on weekends, they don't have the opportunity to spend their free time doing pleasant activities such as reading or training. I believe that these activities are very helpful to distract their selves and to give new energy, which will enable teenagers to face a new complicated week full of lectures, seminars and workshops.

On the other hand, some may argue that some students need to have a job because they pay fees or living expenses at university. For example, they might claim that parents don't have enough money to help their children and if they want to study, they have to work. However, I believe that there are various helpful bursaries for students, which have financial matters. In addition, working during the summer would be a valuable option.

In conclusion, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear that is better that teenagers don't work while they're still studying because of all the reasons mentioned above.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL integrated task, altruism in humans and animals [3]

Can you correct this essay and tell me if it is well-organized and if you understand everything I wrote?Thank you.

The article discusses a fascinating topic pertaining to altruism, a type of behaviour, which is considered the opposite of selfishness. While the reading passage gives examples of this behaviour in animals and in human beings, the professor discusses fundamental objections, which recent studies have shown.

First, the reading passage discusses how humans can be altruistic by sharing food with people who don't know or, for example, by donating body organs to someone. In contrast, the professor provides information that though this kind of behaviour is not rewarded with something material like money or gifts, it is valuable as well. In fact, the individual who acts in this way would be appreciated and approved from strangers and society. Clearly, a disparity exists between the article and the evidence exhibited by the professor. As a result, we can assume that human beings are not altruistic as they may seem.

Secondly, the article pushes forth the idea the animals can behave in an altruistic way as well. It gives the example of a group of meerkats, in which there is a sentinel who controls if a predator is coming and risks his own life for the survival of other members. However, the classroom discussion confirms that a sentinel can easily escape after seeing a predator and in actual fact members who are looking for food are in greater danger.

In summary, while the article says that animals and humans can sacrifice their own interest without gaining something, the reading passage supports that quite closely studies have undermined these beliefs, because of all the reasons mentioned above.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: keep your old friends or make new friends? I've ever had just few friends [3]

Could you correct my essay? I believe that I write in a too simple way, what do you think?

ESSAY : It is more important to keep you old friends than it is to make new friends.

I've ever had just few friends in all my life. Although I know many people, I really have the friendship of only few of them. In my opinion, it is more important to keep our old friends rather than make new ones. I will explain my position providing examples in order to give my point of view.

First, I am convinced that making new friends is more difficult than before. Nowadays we know many people by using social networks. These contemporary ways of communication allow us to stay in contact with people that live very far from us, for example a person known on holiday. In addition, it is possible to know people, who live in our country with our same hobbies, or people who look attractive in their photos and we add to our "friends" because we hope in something more than a friendly approach. So, due to the fact that we use social networks, it is easier to know people but, at the same time, can we call them "friends"? In my opinion, today we get acquainted with many people but none of them are our friends.

Secondly, I truly believe that old friends really know us because we have shared with them many experiences. Indeed, we are the sum-up of all the events that have happened to us during our lives and only old friends have shared with us joyfully or terrible moments: they were there when we were sad because we broke up with our boyfriend/girlfriend, they were there when we had some familiar problems, they were there when we were happy because we were admitted to the college. They deeply know and love us. Similarly to flowers, which need water to flourish, I think that friends and friendships need loyalty, affection and love to survive for long time. Clearly, we have to take care of our old friends because we can always count on them and they will surely be there if we need help, before anyone else is.

In conclusion, although it is possible to make new friends, I personally prefer to keep my old friends, because of all the reasons mentioned above, namely the difficulty to make new friends in a society based on social networks and the fact that old friends are trusted and reliable people.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL integrated task, personality called universal risk taking [3]

Could you correct my essay? Please, give me suggestions.

The article and the lecture discuss about a personality called "universal risk-taking". While the article reflects the former opinion of psychologists, the lecturer supports the evidence that today psychology is more tolerant towards this kind of personality for different reasons. The following essay attempts to identify contemporary points which are in contrast with the points given by the article written 70 years ago.

First, the reading passage suggests that people with the tendency of endangering themselves and others can be related to a suicide willing. In contrast, the lecturer provides information that people who act in a risky way, truly believe they have adequate skills and experience and they will surely succeed. For example, racing drivers are self-confident and are convinced they will not have an accident.

Second, the reading passage pushes forth the idea that people with a universal risk-taking personality don't have reasons or rewards motivating their dangerous activities. However, the professor observes that there are some chemical and psychological rewards. For example, a jumper from a plane can feel pleasure in the air. In addition, a psychological reason can be the high-level of confidence they acquire.

Finally, the reading passage states that there are people who face risks such as soldiers but endangering their life in a battlefield is their duty. On the other hand, the lecturer claims that all human beings risk their life. For instance, though smokers know that they shouldn't smoke, they keep doing that.

In summary, while the article discusses in a strict way people with a universal risk taking personality, the professor casts doubt on the supporting information analysed in the reading passage, because of all the reasons mentioned above.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: 'our useful friends' - pets deserve to be treated like family members [3]

Could you correct my essay? Please give me suggestions and rate it from 0 to 5 points. I need to figure out my score in the real exam.

Pets should be treated like family members. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Pets have always been essential in our society. Cats and dogs are the most common pets but there are birds, tortoises and fishes as well. Some people think that pets should be treated like family members. However, others argue that they are just animals and aren't able to think like us. The issue is controversial but in my opinion, pets should be treated like human beings for different reasons.

First, pets are our friends as well as certain human beings are. Similarly to friends, indeed, they are always with us and they are there if we feel alone. We can talk to them because they listen to us, more than some people will ever do. To illustrate this point, I can write about my own experience. When I was 14 years old, my uncle passed away and I felt like everything was no longer important. Talking to my friends was frustrating because none of them have ever felt that way. Since I was all alone at home for a long time, my dog was near me and it seemed to me that only him could understand my deeply feelings. Clearly, although pets aren't able to speak with us, we can nonetheless count on them.

Secondly, pets are useful for a variety of things. For example, nowadays the pet therapy is becoming more popular than before. Researchers have discovered that pets can bring benefits in a huge amount of illnesses. There are dogs who lead blind people around the city and therefore without them they could not go around all alone. In addition, pets are important for depressed people as well because their presence make them feel better. Moreover, there are dogs who are educated in order to find out criminals or to use their sense of smell to find drugs.

To sum up, I am strongly convinced that pets deserve to be treated like family members because of all the reasons mentioned above, namely they are our friends and they can be useful in many situations.

Writing Feedback / New shopping centre in your neighborhood - do you agree or not? [4]

Have you got any suggestions?Please, tell me. My exam will be next week.

It has recently been announced that a large shopping centre may be built in your neighbourhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Nowadays people usually spend their free time in large shopping centers. In shopping centers we can find almost everything we need such as food, clothes and sometimes entertainment as well. Many people would surely be happy if a huge shopping centre would be built in their neighbourhood. Others may argue that there are many drawbacks to take into account like traffic. The issue is controversial, but in my opinion I am convinced that there are more advantages than disadvantages in building a shopping centre near where I live in.

First, I don't have to travel in order to buy something. For instance, if my grandparents have suddenly decided visiting me and I don't have some ingredients for cooking a delicious cake, I can run in a few minutes to the shopping centre and buy them. In addition, as I said before, shopping centers may have entertainment such as cinemas as well as bowling and so on. If I want to watch a film or have fun with friends, I don't have to go to the city centre or to move. Clearly, another aspect should be considered and namely cost of travelling. I can easily save the money that I would have used for travelling around the city.

Secondly, another reason is my time-consuming. In fact, moving easily to buy what I need means more time to spend doing something that I love. For example, I can use my time reading a book on the sofa or cooking for my husband. Saving time-consuming is very important in our frenetic society and this can also affect and reduce my level of stress.

On the flip side of the coin, a big consequence is that traffic would increase meaning more acoustic pollution or contaminated air. However, I truly believe that nowadays everywhere I go is no longer safer than before. Indeed, parks and green areas in the city centre are polluted as well. So, are there places where I can breathe clean air? I would sceptically answer that there aren't. Therefore, a shopping centre in my neighbourhood would not damage this catastrophic situation more than how it is already damaged.

To sum up, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, I support this plan because building a new shopping centre has all the advantages mentioned above.