Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is more important to use available land for farmland, housing, and industry. [2]

Dear EssayForum experts, could you please review one of my essays and give comments on it. I would also appreciate your advises how could I improve my writing skills in the nearest 2 weeks as I have toefl exam on August 16.

Question:
Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not ? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some ideas which I managed to outline in 5 minutes interval before actual writing:
agree, farmland is important:
+ number of people is increasing and they have to find new sourses for the living; farmland/housing/industry allow to increase living level of people

- the common land area is limited and we should set priorities;
disagree, endangered animals is important:
+ we should maintain the variability for the next generation; if we loose some animals then biological chain can be broken;
- some of endangered animals do not provide any benefit to people

Actual Essay (what I managed to write in remaining 25 minutes); I've emphasized with bold style the errors which I had found myself after the review of the essay:

I agree with the point of view that available land should be used for such economic activities of humankind as farmlanding, housing, and industrial development. I think that usage of the land by a man is more important than keeping it untouched for endangered animals for the following two reasons.

First, the population of the Earth has been increasing steadily, and people need new sourses for their living. Only 20 years ago the number of people on the Earth equaled 6 billion and now it is more than 7 billion. And as the number of people increases, the demand for food, dwellings, and manufactured products increases as well. The only opportunity to satisfy the increasing demand is to start to exploit new lands for growing crops or building houses. Unfortunetely, we have to take as given the fact that area of the land, which is available for agracultural or industrial usage, is finite, and even though some of countries, such as Rissia and China, have more land resourses, common available land will not change drastically in the nearest ages. That is why we have to set priorities in land usage, and maintainance of demand of humankind is the most important issue, in my opinion.

Second, usage of new lands for farmlanding and housing helps to increase living standards of people, because it allows to feed more people and give homes to more people. And how could we think about endangered animals at the moment when we have 10-15% of the earth population unfeed?

That is why I think it is more important to use available land for farmland, housimg, and industry.

About 270 characters.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. [3]

Dear EssayForum experts, could you please review one of my essays and give comments on it. I would also appreciate your advises how could I improve my writing skills in the nearest 2 weeks as I have toefl exam on August 16.

Question:
Some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Which do you prefer? Give examples and reasons to support your answer?

Essay in which I've emphasized with bold style the errors which I had found myself after the review of the essay:

In my opinion team sports give more benefits to a person in terms of personnal development than individual kinds of sport do.

First, each team sport teaches you to be an effective team member and behave in close cooperation with other team members. In spite of the fact which precise kind of team sport a person pursues, one of the major requirements to the person is to be a responsive part of the team, a particle of the complex structure. The ability to be an effective memeber of a group of people has been becoming more and more important nowdays, because the majority of products and services are developed by group of people. If you buy a cake, send an e-mail or watch a movie, you use a product or service, which has been developed or is maintained by group of people. And the quality of that product or service very often depends on effectiveness of the internal communication of individuals involved in the development, production, sale, and support of that product. So each individual who is engaged in a team sport develops collaboration skill that is important almost for each employer.

Second, being a part of a sport team gives an opportunity to learn such universal personal treats as friendship, honesty, and tolerance because team members have no chance to escape internal communication.

That is why I beleive that team sports are better than individual kinds of sport.

About 260 characters.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: complex problems faced by humankind can not be resolved by independent genius. [2]

Is it more important to be able to work with a group of people on a team or to work independantly? Use reasons and examples to support your answer.

As our world has been changing with a great pace during the recent decades, new approaches to organization of work force and development of products evolve. There is no doubt that the methods exploited by industrialists several ages ago are ineffective nowadays. In addition the globalization brings its own requirements and limits to the effective organization of work environment. We have to anylize how companies of all scale function now to answer question whether it is more important to work on a team or independantly.

First, it should be noted that many companies abandon the classical organizational structures organizing people by function performed and utilize more actively project oriented structures, occuring when a group of specialists from different divisions work on the same project. The main reason, in my opinion, is that creation of new products and services requires participation of cross-fuctional teams with diversed experience from engeneering, marketing, and cost-analysis. So there is no chance for a person in such company to be effective contributor if he or she can not communicate with team members adequately.

Second, even individual entrepreneurs operate in the environment which requires interaction with dozens of different organizations, entities, individuals, and regulators. So an employye of a small business who tend to work independently will not find his place in the company.

I want to conclude that modern economy requires people to work in teams because complex problems faced by huminkind in the twenty first century can not be resolved by independant genious.

Dear friends, could you please give comments and share your thoughts on my TOEFL essay?

Writing Feedback / "teaching children at home is best for a child's development" - do you agree with this statement? [3]

Dear friends, please give your feedback on my essay addressing the Task 2.

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Bringing-up of a child is a complex task, which includes dozens of difficult choices. One of the decisions made by parents is whether to teach a child at home or to send her to a school. Despite such circumstances as amount of free-time of the parents or their income affect the final decision, I would try to answer this question from the prism of what is the best for a child.

On the one hand, teaching at home, especially when it is performed by a parent with relevant education and skills, could lead to more effective absorption of the material by a kid as the parent has opportunity to adjust his approach for the only student. On the other hand, going to a school implies that a girl or a boy is surrounded by other pupils of the similar age. So a child learns not only specific school subjects, but also models of behaviour and communication with other children.

In my opinion, it's more important for a person to be an effective communicator, than to possess any applied subjects, for life-long success. That is why I think going to a school is better educational method as it creates specific environment, in which a small person learn to be a good person.

Those children who spent years at home and were not exposed to a full-scale society which could be found at schools more often have difficulties in making friends and finding a partner for a life. I can give an example of my neighbor's son who did not go to school until he was nine years old. His father periodically talks to me how difficult was for his son to survive in the school when he was in last classes.

That is why I am convinced that it's better for children to go to school than to be educated at home.