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Posts by d2ny [Suspended]
Name: Dany Prima Putra
Joined: Dec 7, 2016
Last Post: Dec 19, 2018
Threads: 12
Posts: 39  
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From: Indonesia
School: EF English First

Displayed posts: 51 / page 1 of 2
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d2ny   
Jan 18, 2017
Scholarship / Essay for AAS (Australia Award Scholarship) Master Degree in TESOL [3]

Hi, can anyone help revise my essays? This is from last year's entry (unsuccessful) and I am planning to apply again this year. A thousand thank.

Australia Award Scholarship application



First choice: The University of Queensland
Second choice: The University of New South Wales
Program: TESOL


What are your plans when you finish your studies*?
I am eager to aim a higher position in an Education field so that I can influence many people to spread the English teaching principals that I will have learned from the study. In order to do that, I will apply a position of a lecturer in a university in Kediri to teach in English Language Teaching or Teacher Training program, and/or build my own English school in Kampung Inggris (English Village) Pare, Kediri.

How did you choose your proposed course and institution*?
I choose Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL) in The University of Queensland which is aligned with my educational background that is English Education. I am interested in deepening my knowledge about second language acquisition and its contribution to English teaching. I am also eager to learn more about culture and curriculum and how to implement a good curriculum in a school.

My undergraduate education provided me plenty of knowledge and practice in English teaching. The subjects such as TEFL, second language acquistion, material development, phonology and psycholinguistics have broadened my mind to understand English teaching in a different perspective and they help me to implement them in my work. During my teaching experience, I have used the knowledge to plan and teach English in a way that the students find it easy to understand and I also have applied the linguistics aspects of English teaching and it results great. That helps me also to communicate with my students' parents and guide them to understand their child's behaviour and English development.

From my research about the universities that offer TESOL in Australia, I found that as I need to master language curriculum planning and practical skills in teaching, The University of Queensland offers what I need. It provides a wide range of courses such as TESOL curriculum, Language Testing and Assessment, Language and Technology and Teaching Languages in a Global Context that will support my skills development as an English educator.

How will the proposed study contribute to your career*?
With the knowledge and experience that I obtain from the future study, I will have the opportunity to gain more skills that I need to become a great and inspiring teacher. My future goal is to become an English educator for all ages with up-to-date knowledge and practical skills in English teaching issue. My bachelor degrees and working experience have provided me a strong foundation for both; this master program will provide me the skills in second language reading and writing, theory, research and practice in classroom second language acquisition and language in education planning principals in order to polish what I have got so far so that I can make a significant difference in English teaching. Furthermore, in Indonesia, students often complain about how boring an English classroom is. In addition, many people still think that English is scary and difficult. I want to change that perspective by giving different approaches in teaching English. Furthermore, living abroad in an English speaking country such as Australia gives me plethora of knowledge and experience that I can share to my students.

Please:- a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks.*:

a) 1. One possible option is applying for a position of lecturer in a university in my hometown, Kediri. It is a small city where there are big rooms to improve. With the knowledge and skills that I obtain from the scholarship, I can help to improve the quality of the students who will become English teachers in the future. From what I will have mastered I want to encourage my students to get the same or higher path like me.

2. My dream has been building an English school in Kampung Inggris, Kediri. As an English educator, I feel that I have a responsibility to share my knowledge to the community to improve the quality of the English taught there. I am willing to implement up-to-date curriculum and methodology based on applied linguistic principals. I also plan to include a tutor training program that provides English tutors/teachers theoretical and practical skills in teaching English. In that way, I can spread the language concepts in a wider scope since they will go back to their hometown or institution either to pursue higher study, work or teach.

b) 1. Since I have been working at schools, I am used to teach as a teacher with all of its methodologies and approaches. I will find being a lecturer is quite challenging to adapt at the first time. However, I believe with my adequate experience in teaching and organization, I can keep up to follow the pace of the working environment.

2. Building a school along with its facilities such as computer lab and library to support the students' English is tough and requires a great amount of resource. Therefore I am willing to learn and work hard during my study and gradually build what I have been dreaming. I am also aware that people might find it hard to change, but I am positive that through time as they see the result of my methodologies, they will realize that English is taught by using principals that they need to understand, such as second language acquistion and communicative approach.
d2ny   
Jan 19, 2017
Scholarship / Essay for AAS (Australia Award Scholarship) Master Degree in TESOL [3]

Hi @Holt, thank you for the feedback.
I apologize since this is my first time using this website so I didn't know the policy.

I remember I followed the requirement of the limit of the characters, 2500 per essay if I'm not mistaken, so that is why it looks short per essay. It was my first time applying for AAS but not my first time applying for scholarship, but I have to admit I had never consulted to a forum like this before that's why I felt confused what to include in my essays.

By the way, I will include your suggestions and will post to this forum again. Thank you for the inputs.
d2ny   
Feb 11, 2017
Scholarship / Current duties and responsibilities / human resource development - Australian Award Scholarship [4]

Hi @Rumiela, your essays need grammar checks.

... designing and data analysis which means I have ...
In the optimization stage, my main tasks are to supervise ...
... as an admin of Aircom enterprise server, I performed perform several tasks ...

As for the second essay, I small tips from me, I believe putting because after a full stop doesn't sound good. Instead, you can combine the two sentences together without it.

... the methods and advanced skills because I believe that ...
d2ny   
Feb 12, 2017
Scholarship / I'm really expecting a lot from studying in Korea. SOP for applying to a scholarship (KGSP) [23]

I believe you should type "English" instead of "english"
Also, use the capital "i" to refer to yourself. I agree with the previous feedbacks; you need to elaborate more as well as improve your grammar and spelling, not to mention that as far as I'm concerned, Korean's universities are not listed as number one in the world. Try to search for the university rank websites.
d2ny   
Feb 12, 2017
Scholarship / What are your plans when you finish your studies - essay for Master Degree in TESOL [10]

First Essay for AAS (Australia Award Scholarship) Master Degree in TESOL

Kediri - lecturer position in english



Hi, is this good enough to answer the questions? Thanks before.

1. What are your plans when you finish your studies*? (500 characters)
After I return from my study, I am going to apply for a lecturer position in English teaching in universities in Kediri. Kediri is a developing city which has some potentials in it. The quality of English taught in university there is not as good as the other bigger cities such as Malang or Surabaya. I am eager to become part of the people who devotedly spend their energy and time in increasing the quality of English teaching and help the students to become great teachers.
d2ny   
Feb 13, 2017
Scholarship / What are your plans when you finish your studies - essay for Master Degree in TESOL [10]

How about this one?

Applying for a lecturer position in English teaching in universities in Kediri has been my dream to disseminate my knowledge and experience to the students and lecturers. Many choose Kediri as their destination to study English teaching and it is my chance to help them sharpen their techniques with the skills that I will have gained upon my completion of the program. I am planning to bridge collaborations between the university and Australian institutions for training and research purpose.
d2ny   
Feb 16, 2017
Scholarship / The things that I consider before choosing the university of my future study. Australia Scholarship [7]

How did you choose your proposed course and institution*? - Essay for Australia Awards Scholarship

My road to TESOL



I am planning on taking a master degree in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). It is suitable perfectly with my background which is English language teaching and English literature. There are some things that I did to find out the details of universities that I am going to choose. I collected the information about the universities mainly from visiting their website on the Internet and other websites such as scholarship and alumni blogs. Furthermore, I visited an education fair near my hometown to gain more information related to my study. I also gathered useful input from my friends and lecturers who are currently pursuing their study in Australia.

Here are the things that I consider before choosing the university of my future study. First, the duration should be at least one and a half years since I want to deepen my knowledge about the field that I am learning, and longer study period will help me sharpen my English. Second, the institution should provide the courses that I am willing to learn which are more practical rather than research based since that is not my specialty about English teaching practices. More specifically, I am looking for the courses such as second language acquisition, language curriculum design, teaching methodologies, grammar, writing and pronunciation teaching, technology in English learning and psycholinguistics. In addition, if the program provides courses related to psychology, teaching English for students who have special needs or autistic children and teaching internship will be a greater benefit.

After I listed the universities that participate in Australia Award Scholarship which provide TESOL program, I screened them with the criteria that I previously set. In the end, I found two most universities which are the closest to the criteria; Queensland University of Technology and Flinders University.

To @holt
My comment "I believe I didn't write that, are you sure you are referring the right thing?" on my last thread was actually addressed to someone else, not you, but it seemed that you didn't read the tag that I used. Don't misunderstand me, you've been a great help since I joined EF.
d2ny   
Feb 22, 2017
Scholarship / "Where there is will, there is a way" - my motto. Self introduction for KGSP [15]

Hi @azaa1428
Be careful with your grammar and collocation. As I read through your essay, I find a lot of inappropriate expressions which could be written better.

. . . my grandmother established today's me (can you find a better phrase?) . . .
. . . For example, I entered joined ballroom . . .
. . . which is was held in the 4th year . . .
. . . prepared well and I dropped out. to "drop out" means to leave the school before you finish it.
. . . my opinion disappointment try is better than . . .

and there are more. Please re-read again after you revise your essay. Hope this helps.
d2ny   
Feb 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / Artificial environments. Positive and negative sides of zoos [4]

Hi @adamrahimov
Don't you think you need to switch the opinion paragraphs? It will flow better (even though it doesn't have to be always like that) since in the first paragraph you talk about the advantages of zoo, and in the second is the opposite, but in your conclusion you support the first paragraph.
d2ny   
Feb 23, 2017
Scholarship / The things that I consider before choosing the university of my future study. Australia Scholarship [7]

Alright @Holt
How about this?

(...)

My considerations are based on things such as the duration which should be at least one and a half years since I want to deepen my knowledge in English teaching and sharpen my English. I am looking for the universities that provide Second Language Acquisition, Language Curriculum Design, Teaching Methodologies, Teaching Grammar, Writing and Pronunciation and Technology in English Learning courses. In addition, if the program provides courses related to psychology, teaching English for students who have special needs or autistic children and teaching internship will be a greater benefit.

I found two universities which are the closest to the criteria; Queensland University of Technology and Flinders University. Queensland University of Technology by far is the only university that offers courses that focus on teaching or dealing with children who are autistic and children with special needs. Its location in Brisbane which is not too cold is perfect since I cannot be exposed to cold weather due to my health issue. Flinders University has at least two courses related to psychology in language teaching. It also has done lots of partnerships with many Indonesian big universities such as Gadjah Mada University and University of Indonesia. Its location which is not too crowded is perfect for my study and it supports me to explore more of the local culture.
d2ny   
Feb 23, 2017
Graduate / Health, education, nutrition. Study & Future Plans Abroad Essay [3]

Hi @pb1013
First of all, it's "have to", not "must to".
While your ideas are well written here, you have to improve your grammar and diction.

. . . Master is acquired the needed bases to start . . . I can't understand this part)
. . . emerging science's area . . . Why do you give apostrophe to science?
. . . After finish my Master studies I pretend to apply . . . To pretend means to act as if you want to do it while in fact you don't, and I believe you should say "After I finish/After finishing my . . . " instead of saying "After finish my . . . "

Please check the rest.

For the last two paragraphs, it is inappropriate to address the person who reads your essay with "you". Just show your intention and your plan. This is not a letter so you don't need a closing paragraph like you have now.
d2ny   
Feb 26, 2017
Scholarship / The things that I consider before choosing the university of my future study. Australia Scholarship [7]

Hi @Holt

Actually in the application form we are required to input our preferences, the first and the second choice of university, so I would assume that would be clear enough to show them that I prefer the university that I mentioned first (Queensland University of Technology). Also, if I am accepted, I would be asked to finalize my choice and they will register me to the university.
d2ny   
Feb 26, 2017
Student Talk / How to train the speaking ability without partner? [27]

Hi @aurora0102

I learn second language acquisition theory, my favorite expert in that field is Dr Stephen Krashen. He always says that to learn a second language you to get lots of exposure. More importantly, you have to learn from babies. They don't learn grammar; they listen and speak, then the surrounding (parents, neighbors, relatives) correct them. Then the grammar, vocab or any language properties will be acquired automatically without being memorized too much. The same in your case. If you want to be able to speak well, you need to have lots of things in your head first. Read anything that you like (comics, articles, stories) a lot and watch movies a lot. They will provide you many vocabularies and grammar points (without you realizing it since you enjoy them). You can't pour water from a bottle if there is no water in it; it's similar to language. If you want to speak well and speak a lot, you have to have many things in your brain first.

In my friend's case, she can speak fluently since she likes watching movies and she often repeats the dialogues in the movie. Try it.

Then if you already have enough things to speak out, find a partner. It's to train your muscle memory to hear, process and respond your partner's language.
d2ny   
Feb 27, 2017
Scholarship / How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? - AAS [3]

How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? (Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective; which people or organisations you worked with to solve the problem; and what creative methods were used.)

2000 characters
One of the essays for Australia Awards Scholarship

ineffective methods of teaching English



I have been struggling to spread the concept of second language acquisition in English language teaching. However, people find it hard to follow the idea since most of them believe, grammar is a must to master English. There is a place called Kampung Inggris in Kediri, where there are around a hundred and eighty three English courses and camps. That place was established forty years ago. The students come from all over Indonesia and some countries such as Thailand, Yemen and Sudan to deepen their English or study it from beginner level. Yet, the tutors still teach English the same way. They teach it in Indonesian, with lots of drilling, and by using grammar-focused method. Students would sit down and listen while the tutor does the lecturing. Then, they would practice in pairs or groups. Grammar rules are memorized and students are expected to be able to make perfectly grammatical sentences in the end of the program. They don't get much exposure such as English stories, articles, videos or listening materials.

I was a teacher there in an institution called Brilliant English course. I taught speaking program for beginner students. Instead of using grammar-drilling method, I conducted language acquisition principal where I used English most of the time to make the students used to it, even though they found it difficult at first in understanding my instructions. I also used tons of handouts to make them able to produce more language. They didn't just sit and listen and we did a lot of games as warmers and fillers. I encouraged my students to interact in English and I also played English videos and listening materials to help my students obtain as many exposures as possible. The grammar point was introduced for a few minutes; then we practiced the grammar in a lively way such as mingle, role play, running dictation or group work. The result was great. Although it was only a month-class, my students felt comfortable to speak to me in English all the time.
d2ny   
Feb 27, 2017
Student Talk / How to train the speaking ability without partner? [27]

@bagusetyawan
I agree with your suggestion. It is actually one the methods used in English teaching, and is similar to the suggestions above. So, you listen to someone talking and you copy what that person is talking. That way you can practice pronunciation as well as intonation. Find an audio with script; there are a lot in youtube. Just find a video that you like and turn on the caption feature. Consider visiting learnenglishteen from British Council too. There are plethora of materials that you can learn from there.
d2ny   
Mar 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ask a friend for some help regarding a part time job [5]

Hi @Nilendra

. . . to America in next April.
Because I am going to start . . . (don't start a sentence with "because")
. . . my undergraduate course; I must find a part-time job . . . (I don't think using a semicolon is okay here)
. . the first year: Hence, I can work . . . (Instead of using a colon, I'd prefer using a full stop)
. . . are currently working; because we can spend . . . (you don't need a semicolon here)
I would be much obliged if you can . . . (please check the meaning of "obliged"; it's inappropriate in your sentence here)
d2ny   
Mar 3, 2017
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Dany here from Indonesia. I'm planning to continue my study overseas with a scholarship so I came here to polish my essays. It's good to meet everyone here.
d2ny   
Mar 3, 2017
Essays / In what way will Scholarships contribute to your life career? [8]

@Matthew
I'm surprised this is from 2007. Have you done any essay on it? My suggestion would be finding a similar essay, preferably similar topic with your desired course. Try to contact an awardee and if possible, ask them their essay so that it can give you some insights on it. Then, you can start writing your own, post it here, and get feedback from everyone.
d2ny   
Mar 7, 2017
Scholarship / How will the suggested study benefit my future? - AAS Essay [5]

How will the proposed study contribute to your career? - AAS Essay

2000 characters

My proposed course is TESOL


(Teaching English to Speakers of other Languages)

I'm not satisfied with this essay, because mainly I talk about the academic benefits. Should I talk about the professional benefits too? Help me expand it. Thank you.

The program will shape my critical thinking and skills in teaching English to future teachers. The experience will provide me plenty of insights of how English teaching should be done and give me the skills in second language acquisition theory, research and practice as well as curriculum planning principals in order to polish what I have got so far so that I can make a significant difference in English teaching. I can also use my connection from the Australian university to support research , training and teaching project with my university in the future.
d2ny   
Mar 7, 2017
Scholarship / My skills and knowledge. SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION ABOUT FUTURE GOALS [4]

@digaprasiska
Your opening paragraph in question 1 is okay, but the second paragraph doesn't relate to the question. What courses are you willing to learn? Visit the university's prospectus; learn the provided courses so that you know what are you looking for. Mentioning some of them in your essay shows that you really work hard to read the details of your future study. If it is possible, try to see if there are trainings, seminars or other activities that might support your academic and practical skills and mention them on the essay. By doing so, the reviewer will see that you have a clear objective of what you are going to do if you get the scholarship.
d2ny   
Mar 10, 2017
Scholarship / How will the suggested study benefit my future? - AAS Essay [5]

@serikbar
@Holt
That is a very great input.

How about this revision? 1862 charters

At this moment, I am working as a teacher at English First Kediri whose main duty is teaching English to students who wish to improve their English proficiency. The first time I taught, I found difficulties to teach my students especially young learners because I did not have adequate skills and knowledge about it. However, as I learned from my colleagues and trainings, I have developed better.

While I am satisfied since I can implement my skills to improve my students' English, I have limitations at the moment. I cannot teach anywhere other than at English First due to my agreement with the company. That means, I cannot teach the students who are underprivileged or orphans near my community. I cannot also train other teachers except English First's because of the same issue.

Through this program, I will be able to strengthen my critical thinking and English teaching skills that I can disseminate to future teachers. The insights that I obtain from the experience can help me develop new methodologies in English teaching related to second language acquisition theory, research and practice as well as curriculum planning principals. I can use my connection from Australian universities to support research, training and teaching project with my university to improve the teaching skills of my fellow lecturers and English language proficiency of my students. This way I can contribute to enrich the practice of English teaching in Indonesia through the university where I will work and the students who later on will be English teachers after they graduate from the university. I can also help improving the teachers and students in my community through collaborations in the form of trainings, workshops and social work since it is one of lecturers responsibility as well as the aim of the universities in Indonesia, which is helping the community.
d2ny   
Mar 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / The line graph depicts the different modes of transportation used by the country United Kingdom [6]

Hi @Sajeemaka

. . . used by the country United Kingdom . . .
. . . during the period of 1974 to 2002 for . . .
. . . during this these years . . .
During the year 1974 around . . .

. . . and it is shown its it slightly increasing increased through out throughout the year except 1982 and in between 1990's . . .
Eventhough Even though the least . . .
. . . and in the year 2002 it is increased from the least amount to a . . .

. . . of goods in U.K. the UK are were . . .
. . . up and down during this these periods but the railways never come came up above . . .

Good luck
d2ny   
Mar 10, 2017
Scholarship / Practical examples to use the knowledge and possible constraints - AAS Essay [6]

Please:- a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and

b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks.


Program = TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of other Languages)
2000 characters

a) First example is adopting and implementing the way Australian lectures teach the students who will become English teachers in the future. Second, conducting researches related to English teaching practice that aims to overcome the issues of English teaching and learning practice in Indonesia. In addition, I can have collaborations with my connections such as the other AAS awardees, lecturers and friends in the university where I am accepted.

b) One possible challenge is the support from the government and the institution where I teach that might not be as I expect. Another is the fact that the curriculum in Indonesia which constantly changes every time we have a new Minister of Education. The last is the facilities in the institution such as laboratory, library, multimedia equipment and journals that might not be adequate enough to support the teaching and learning process as well as research conduct.
d2ny   
Mar 13, 2017
Scholarship / NZAS scholarship : Why did you decide to apply to study in New Zealand or other Pacific location? [5]

Hi @rochamukti
Try to do some research about NZ and the university you are going to. What can they support to you? Is it the mixed culture, number of international students, weather and specific courses perhaps. It will be great if you find something that the other country or region doesn't have, eg. internship program related to your future study.
d2ny   
Mar 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / The talk about your favorite language [5]

@doanquoc
Be careful with your spelling and grammar errors as they are found a lot in your writing here. Also, focus on the question. Talk about your favorite language. How do you learn it and with who? For how long? What are the challenges in learning it? What do you feel when you are be able to speak in it? Why do you want to master it? Try to formulate 5w1h questions about your favorite language, say in this case English, and you'll find a way to put them in your writing.
d2ny   
Mar 15, 2017
Scholarship / Practical examples to use the knowledge and possible constraints - AAS Essay [6]

Thanks @Holt
One more thing. You mentioned earlier that things related to research are out of this essay. What if, say I want to be a lecturer after I finish this master program, and I want to do research about English education in Indonesia, for example about the typical problems that people face, and then share my findings to the other teachers, lecturers and researchers in conferences, can't I mention that in my essay?
d2ny   
Mar 15, 2017
Scholarship / Checking different internet articles to get information about AAS [2]

Scholarship: Australia Awards Scholarship (AAS)
Program: Master TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of other Languages)

Please describe the efforts you have undertaken so far to obtain information on your study options in Australia.

sources of my info



I have known AAS from articles by AAS awardees on the Internet and my lecturer. From the articles, I was led to visit AAS official website to obtain the form and complete information related to AAS. AAS website is really helpful to me. It provides a completely detailed information about anything that I must prepare to consider my study options in Australia. Some lecturers of mine have been awarded AAS and through them I found useful information about it.

I managed to get a copy of AAS information CD from AAS website and I also joined scholarship seminars and social media forums to find more information about the study in Australia.

I visited the universities' website and read the handbooks to find specific information about TESOL program that they offer especially the courses in it. I also visited their alumni's blog to learn about how everything works in the university and the study environment. Early this year, I visited an education fair hosted by IDP Education to learn more about the TESOL program offered by the universities.
d2ny   
Mar 16, 2017
Scholarship / Practical examples to use the knowledge and possible constraints - AAS Essay [6]

Well @Holt
I guess you're right since honestly I'm not good at research. In fact I feel better if I'm enrolled in coursework program instead of research since I would have no idea what to write about (even though I have some good ideas to start to).

Thank you for the offer. Perhaps I can use it later if I'm stuck with my paper, of course IF I'm accepted and make it to Australia :D
d2ny   
Mar 21, 2017
Scholarship / Master TESOL - special subjects or skills that you would like to include in your choice? - AAS Essay [3]

Additional Information Essay for AAS

Program: Master TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of other Languages)



I would like to enroll in a CELTA or ICELT program to support my future career which might include training English teachers. It can help me equip myself with the latest, practical cutting-edge techniques and knowledge in English teaching for young learners, teenagers and adults. Since they are quite prestigious and exclusive, not many teachers have the opportunity to study them while the courses are crucial to help them understand how language works and how it is best taught to students.

In addition, I am willing to join a program that allows me to experience how English teaching to immigrants take place in Australia. It will provide me a better picture of English teaching with different settings and backgrounds such as religions, races and language barriers compared to the one that we have in my country. I hope by experiencing that, I can implement the effective ways of teaching English where the conditions are also challenging here in Indonesia. Similar to it, I am also eager to have an opportunity to observe the practice of English teaching in Australian schools. Any good points that will emerge will provide a great impact in my dissemination of the knowledge and skills to the teachers and lecturers in my country who I will be working with.

Next, one of the subjects that I am going to take is Supporting Students with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. However, the delivery of teaching does not include direct observation of the teaching and learning process to the students with autism disorder. It would be great if I have the chance to do it to support my experience in teaching and observing the students with such condition.

The last, I am willing to learn about the skills of managing a language school. Even though it is not compulsory for an English teacher, I feel that teachers need to have the knowledge and skills on it in order to run their schools smoothly. This knowledge is also crucial for those who are eager to start their own school and I am willing to be part of the people who shares it.
d2ny   
Mar 21, 2017
Scholarship / Business Information AAS - How did you choose your proposed course and institution? [3]

I was graduate graduated from . . .
This also make makes me familiar . . .
. . . as an IT staff.
Truthfully, it need needs more of . . .

there's, there're (please don't use contraction here)
I evolve have improved my skill . . .
We don't do not have any filter for to reject . . .

I choose . . . as my desire university. (I don't think this sentence is appropriate)
Don't talk about the rank because it is not good to see a university just based on the rank.
Talk more about the universities. Why do you choose them? What courses do they offer? What special programs or internship they offer that can help you improve your skills in IT?

It is okay to mention some specific subjects to show that you learn deeply about the two universities, not only seeing them as being "one of the bests". More importantly, make sure that you answer the question "How?" How did you end up choosing these two unis? How did you select them among the other unis?

Hope this helps.
d2ny   
Mar 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / The first day of learning oral English [4]

Hi @Zona
What is the problem or the topic of this essay? What is it for?
If you want to talk about the first day of your English club, then I agree that this is too short. Try to read similar articles on the Internet then try to get the naturalness of the English, and then you can relate the idea in your writing. Indeed your writing needs more grammar check as it is quite confusing.

though they are far from enough good, Expert that (I don't understand this part), they also teached teach us some quotes by famous people, such as"East or (give a space before quotation mark) west, home is the best".
d2ny   
Mar 26, 2017
Scholarship / Supporting Statement for AAS 2018, Media and Communication Studies [6]

@Holt I remember the policy in this forum requires the member to post an essay each thread, because I did post my entire four essays on my very first visit at EF and you reminded me about the policy, so I think it is good for @kacanakya to know it.

@kacanakya Don't you think you need to mention the name of the uni and course in your first essay? As for your question, AFAIK you don't need to include your research proposal if it's only minor thesis, but to make sure why don't you join the Line group of AAS? You can find the link in Kaskus.
d2ny   
Mar 29, 2017
Scholarship / Supporting Statement for AAS 2018, Media and Communication Studies [6]

Hi @kacanakya

That's great. You can post one essay each so that people can also focus on your essay. Sorry to say that the LINE was hacked due to an intruder that kicked all of the members so we had to make a new one. I didn't know that the new link is not posted. We have a tighter rule now related to member recruitment. Just add my LINE Dany Prima Putra (If you find two, mine is the one which profpic is me with with my baby). I'll try to add you.
d2ny   
Mar 29, 2017
Scholarship / Practical Example After Graduating - primary health center and health promotion media [6]

... and realistic example After after graduating from master's of public health Public Health is to go back to my (...) and strategy that is suitable for ...

. . . but also a motion briefly in advocating
. . . and develop new strategic strategies to do health promotion effectively.

Third, Build building a regional health ...
This team will be responsible to build (...) regional area have the same standard, goals, and strategic goals and strategy/strategies and regularly ...

Cheers
d2ny   
Mar 31, 2017
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hi @kacanakya
Find me on Facebook using the same name. It's not that I don't want to tell you, I just don't find it comfortable to write it here. Just send me a message there.

Cheers.
d2ny   
Apr 5, 2017
Scholarship / Master TESOL - special subjects or skills that you would like to include in your choice? - AAS Essay [3]

Hi @okorobiadimma14
. . . in the same area . . . means there are CELTA courses in the same city with the uni that I'm proposing. CELTA and ICELT are kind of similar, offered by the same institution (Cambridge). However, I do agree with you that I must focus on two subjects or courses.

Actually, after I consulted with an awardee, we actually can request the subject even though we didn't write about it in additional information, I'll consider this essay done. Thank you for your suggestion.

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