Writing Feedback / Some people say it is wrong to keep animals in captivity. Others say that are benefit for animal [2]

Please give me comments to amend this essay and if it is possible, score for me. In fact, my problem is how to describe my idea within 300 words. I try to short and coherence this. Still confusing about the conclusion paragraph and personal paragraph >"<

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the role of zoos for human

The relationship between zoo and animal continues be a controversial topic, although the zoo right now evolves into "animal-park". In the following essay, I will clarify views of 2 perspectives about this problem and offer my personal opinion on the end of the discussion.

First, we discuss about perspective the anti-lobby who totally refute the role of zoo. In their opinion, the zoo damage the natural habitat of animal - include the survival in the wildlife and how to take care their offspring naturally. Moreover, it is immoral if we capture them on the narrow space for serving the benefit of human. Finally, the zoo is limited the evolved process of animal which is mentioned on "Evolution Theory" of Darwin about an adapted ability of animal in the natural environment.

Conversely, the support-lobby assume that the role of the zoo is protected the animal. At the present, we can't control an illegal hunting and the zoo is the best solution. On the other hand, facing with the endangered animal disappear more and more because of "big fish eats small fish" and natural diseases, the role of the zoo isn't declined. Furthermore, with the developed science, a human can create and protect the new species in the semi-natural environment.

On my personal opinion, I think the role of the zoo is predominant because it will protect the animal from the illegal poacher in the present circumstance when we can't control that. Besides, human effort creates the environment which nearly similar with a natural home of animal like the national park and trains them to live in the natural environment without interruption of human. Eventually, we can' refute that the area of the modern zoo - "national park" is more and more expanding and that is the great safeguard for many animals.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 Writing - About should Sports be compulsory at school? [3]

I hope everyone give me a comment to amend that essay and score it for me. Besides, is it right about the length of task 2 should be within 250 to 300 words?

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Topic 1: Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinions.

Essay:

"Should sport be a compulsory subject at school?"

has been a controversial topic for a long time. Some people assure that sport is unnecessary for the modern student. However, other agree that sport should be compulsory in school. In the following essay, I will clarify both of that views.

First, on the protest side who said a sport is unnecessary, their opinion is, in the present, children have to face a lot of stress in studying academic majors at schools such as Math, Physics, Chemistry and so on. Besides, they attend many other extra curricula in a society which take a lot of time resource. Is sport essential for them or it just bring more pressure for them? Furthermore, not many students willing to attend sport at school because of their limited physical ability. That is the reason why sport should be considered as an optional subject at modern school.

Contrasting with the preceded opinion, some people protect sports and presume that it should be compulsory. We can't refuse that modern students have to face much pressure from school and competitive society. In fact, besides studying, they spend almost time for other social activities such as volunteer and extra curricula to make the beautiful profile for a future plan, attending some entertainment activities with their friends and spending time for family. Therefore, they need a logical lifestyle which helps them healthy on both of physical and mental. Sports is the fundamental key to help children get the great healthy body. Furthermore, it also helps them increasing the cooperating, fair-play and competitive spirit which are appreciated in a modern job market. In addition, many colleges and companies evaluate candidates by not only the academic result but also physical activities because they want their potential members are not only bookworms.

Overall, I feel that sport is great important activities for students. It helps them more healthy on physical and mental. It is an enormous trouble if all of the students, because of concentrating on studying academic majors at school, reject attend sports. Moreover, sports is the great method to prevent obesity which is an urgent dilemma in Western now. That is the reasons why I think sport should be compulsory subject at school.

Writing Feedback / Topic about different standard for performance of male and female [5]

Gender discrimination topic

Although women have against sex discrimination for hundreds of years but in some places, the preconception about working ability of women still exist in some employers. They promulgate many distinct criteria for male and female performance and it unintentional creates a barrier for women and limit their ability. I don't think we should encourage this actions because of 3 aspects - psychology, sociology and economy.

From the psychology view, the action creating different standards for male and female synonyms the employers had the preconception about sexual. We can't refuse some jobs men work better than women such as in the engineer, athletic or some physical requirement jobs. However, we can't assure that women is impossible to do that. In 1800s, no one though women can work in the science, especially in radioactive materials; as the result, no women worked in that field until the day Marie Curie was awarded unwillingly by Nobel Committee. No one can imagine she can win the Nobel Prize for twice with the major not for women - radioactive chemistry. If Marie Cutie was affected by preconception like other women, we wouldn't have that great discovery for science. Sometimes, because of the psychology barrier, many humans is limited their ability and the distinct criteria of sexual is the mental barrier for women capability.

In the sociology, we spent the hundreds of years for against sexual discrimination and got many achievements. Today, we have more and more women responsible for an important positions such as President of Germany, Defense Minister of Japan or managers of many corporations. That is the consequence of the refractory debate for women. Accepting the sexual discrimination synonyms that we refuse all of overcome from that fight. For the long-term, this will cause more and more serious consequences for the thoughts of the future generations also society upheaval.

The economy side have a little relative with biology. We all acknowledge about evolution theory of Darwin which discusses about adapted ability of animal includes human. In evolution theory, when we face to the difficult circumstance, we will adjust ourselves to adapt the environment. Similar to the working environment, when women face with the tough problem, they have to modify and develop themselves to appropriate with employer's criteria in case they don't want to be fired. If employer limit the working ability of a part of humans and they can't predict those have ability for creative or not, they will lose the opportunity to develop and increase their company from contribution of that part of humans. Human distinct is going forward and they will alter themselves to adapt environment, if the employer still keep the the different norm for male and female performance, they will decrease creative capability of a half of their staff and the profit of company.

In the fact, for some jobs men get more advantage than women. However, if the employers still keep the sexual discrimination criteria, they not only create the psychology barrier for woman and diminish the creative ability of female staffs as the company's profit but also destroy the social development. That is the reasons why I don't agree with the different standards for male and female performance.

@Holt : Hope you give me some advice for this essay.

Writing Feedback / "You can learn about the character of a country from the way that treat animal" - Practice again [5]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
"You can learn about the character of a country from the way that treat animal"

Life of animals among humans

Being a human, we have to love animal and give them the great treatment because it prove the love of human. However, I don't think we can examine the character of a country from the way they treat animal for 3 reasons - culture, economy and psychology aspect.

The first aspect we have to consider is the culture. We can't talk someone is the bad guy because they don't love and treat animal well. In some country in Asia such as China or Vietnam, the native people is educated about love and how to have a great behavior with others and help a lot of people as much as possible. However, they aren't taught about animal treatment and they can eat everything such as dog, cat and some pets. It is the culture and the culture is formed for thousand years. We can't tell they are wrong or bad because they are different us.

The second reason is psychology aspect. Human have a habit is consider others because the way they are distinct us. For example, some tradition nation such as Arab Saudi or India think the woman shouldn't wear short skirts and many tradition people have a bad thought about modern girls - who wear the hot dresses. It is so meaningless. Turning back about our topic, we can't learn about the character of a person or country because the way they treat with animal. It's so personal.

The finally is economy aspect. In some poor country, the human have nothing to eat and the hundreds of child die per day. When we are in the bad circumstance, we can't care too much for the others. What do you think about the famous picture which people can feed the abandon dog but don't really care about the homeless? In some case, we have to choose the best solution - focus just for the most important thing with the limited source - and we have to quit anothers.

When we consider about something, we have to examine for many aspects such as culture, economy and psychology. That is the reason I don't think we can learn about the character of a country from the way that treat animal.

Writing Feedback / Researching the Internet - I practice for my TOEFL writing [5]

How to research on the Internet

No one can confuse the important and convenient of Internet because it connects people through the world and sources plenty information of a lot of generation. Therefore, internet is the great library for a lots students and scholars who want to make a research for their project. However, not-at-all information-on-the-Internet is accurate so be careful when research. If you want to know how to make a safely research on the Internet, just give intention for 5 following step.

First, decide where you begin to find information. Nowadays, we have a lot of local and college libraries have an Internet database access. For example, you can access to your ISU library by the official website. However, some library have password and if you aren't their member, it is difficult to search information in there. The second solution is Google Scholar, you can search the safely free data on this online engine. Beside, you can choose official websites of Government with the end ".gov" and data from there is supplied for free and credible. When you do a research, be careful with the wrong information and try the best to find the credible data source.

Second, find the mental of information you want to find. When you research on the Internet, if you don't really know what you want to find and type some general keywords, you will be received thousands results include useless and useful. Hence, identify the keyword of your need information. For instance, you want to do a research of Marketing, you can begin with Phillip Kotler - the father of Marketing major and you will brief a lot of results. That is the reason why keyword or mental information is really important on Internet research. If you find a safely data sources, identify keywords as quickly as possible.

Third, check credibility such as author, date, reliability and accuracy. You have to prove where you take an information, who is its author and the day of this research. For example, some medicine research make on 1960 and this information may be out of date and useless for your research, you need to find some newer data. Remember, you make a research and it have to accurare, so make everything as exact as possible.

Four, complete and amend your research. We have a lot of research methods such as qualitative research, quantitative research, Research on site, experimental study, quasi-experimental study and so on. You can find the methods which is suitable for you. Finally, when everything is done, you just check and amend it.

That is 5 steps to do a research on the internet. Please remember: find safely data source, stress your mental keyword, make sure about accuracy and useful of information, complete and amend your research.