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Posts by essay0405
Joined: Sep 3, 2009
Last Post: Oct 18, 2009
Threads: 7
Posts: 16  

From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 23
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essay0405   
Oct 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / Write a report about a graph; Coca-cola bottles [2]

I am learning how to write a report about a graph or table. Here is an exercise of mine. However, I cannot post the image here so I just post the link to go to the page containing this image of graph.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

* You should write at least 150 words.
* You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph illustrates that the large amount of Coca-cola bottles were sold in 2000 and its failure in the price of them from 1996 to 2001.

In 2000, the North America came in the first place as the biggest customer of Coca-cola with 30.4% of bottles were sold and almost double the number of bottles were sold in Asia with 16.4% and fourfold the Africa and Middle East with 7%. Following the North America are the Latin America and Europe with 25.7% and 20.5% in total 17.1 billion bottles. Although the large number of Coca-cola bottles were sold, the price of each bottles was not as high as the previous year, just a bit lower than 50$. As can be seen from the graph, the price of Coca-cola increased significantly from 1996 to 1997 and drop a little in the middle of 1997 but immediately grew to the highest price in 1998 with approximately 80$. However, since1998 the price also decrease gradually to the lowest price in 2000 and just recover a little bit in 2001 with the price of 55$.

From the graph, we can obtain some basic information about the sale and share price of Coca-cola from 1996 to 2001.
essay0405   
Oct 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. [13]

"In conclusion, so that students can develop all their potential such as creativity, adults, especially educationists should create good conditions for students in secondary school to study art and music."

I think people often write this sentence like this: In conclusion, adults, especially educationists should create good conditions for students in secondary school to study art and music so that students can develop all their potential such as creativity.

"Therefore, if students in secondary schools are required to study these subjects, their future seem to be brighter because they are potential to be many other Mozart."

I think Mozart is a genie because he was born to be a musician and he had good conditions to develop his talent. Personally I think in secondary school now many students find it hard to learn art or music because they are not born to learn that and they do not have any ability to learn that and it often make their whole score at school lower.
essay0405   
Oct 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / brain drain and solutions for this problem [5]

Hi thinh, I think not all people in Vietnam who has been go abroad do not go back to their home country. You see, in some charity activities, there are many people send their money to the charity fund and many of them are Viet kieu.
essay0405   
Oct 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / The advantage and disadvantage of the mobile phones [2]

This is an exercise my teacher has given me. Please check for my mistakes in this essay. Thanks in advance.

Discuss about the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones.

People often focus on the benefits of the mobile phones and are not aware of its disadvantages, of which there are many.

For one thing, mobile phones often disturb people in public places because of the unawareness of the owners. No one can deny that mobile phones are fast and convenient means of communication, you can keep contact with everyone in the world wherever they are. However, it is also the reason why people tend to have their mobile phones on all the time, which can cause a disturbance when they ring. For example, when you are having a meeting and everyone is paying attention to the speaker, your mobile phone suddenly rings louder and louder. The meeting must be interrupted and you will be so embarrassed with others.

In addition, the use of mobile phones sometimes reduces the efficiency in your study and in your work. We all know that mobile phones are also means of entertainment with many functions to help you chat with friends, listen to music, send messages,... Those always attract people, especially the ones who are teenagers so that they cannot concentrate on their lessons in the class. Statistics show that in many countries, parents draw the line at letting their children use mobile phones to make them learn better.

Mobile phones can be considered as mini-computers with more and more modern generations. They cause a tendency in people all over the world to buy the top-of-the-range mobiles that express their styles, characters, etc. For that reason, each year a large sum of money has been wasted in buying new mobile phones and solving the problems of decomposing the old ones while we can use this money to support many poor countries in the world to make the life of the people there better. It is clear that mobile phones bring a lot of problems to our life.

In conclusion, I think people should learn how to use the mobile phones properly before buying them, which is the mobile culture. Mobile phones are not bad themselves, it just depends on the way we use them.
essay0405   
Oct 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / brain drain and solutions for this problem [5]

"Poor countries often have to spend lots of money on educating and training those people, while they cannot receive any benefits from those people."

I don't think so. You know, nowadays, when people are successful in a foreign country, they often go back to their home country to support it buy invest money in contributing big plans.

However, personally, I think your essay is pretty good.
essay0405   
Oct 4, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisements makes people selfish and greedy for more and more goods [5]

Topic 8: We are surrounded by advertising. Some people think that this is good, because it gives us a choice as customers but others argue that it makes people selfish and greedy for more and more goods. Do you think that there should be less advertising?

Advertisements have raised the rate of purchasing things of customers for years. However, advertisements also have disadvantages that are the reason why we should lessen them.

For one thing, advertisements make the desire of buying things grow up, which sometimes waste a large amount of money. When seeing a poster on the road or a short clip of a girl standing beside a modern car with sweet smiling or a child enjoy a delicious ice-cream, we are informed that if we buy the products, we can achieve success and happiness. These are so attractive that we cannot refuse to buy them, which maybe luxurious and unnecessary for us. We spend a lot of money each year just for nothing useful that can cause some arguments in the families about what to buy.

Moreover, the advertisements are too popular and they often interrupt some of the interesting programs, which make the viewer dissatisfied. Imagine that you are watching a famous film which is loved by people all over the world and every 20 minutes there is a five-minute series of advertisements, you often have to wait when the film is at the most important moment and you are out of spirit. They are so ubiquitous that we cannot avoid seeing them.

Although some of the advertisements are informative, they show the newest goods so that we can consider which is necessary for us; some of them are blatant with the wrong information. They bring profits to the producers and the advertisers, who are sometimes not aware of the benefits of the customers. Last year, there was a scandal of the company selling milk. The customers not only bought the low-quality products and lost a lot of money but they also suffer from some health problems causing by poor nutritious milk.

These are some reasons that show the necessary in reducing advertisements in our life. We should maintain the standards of honesty and to discourage the more blatant types of misleading advertisements.
essay0405   
Oct 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / College or univeristy's benefits [8]

Hi, Tuan. I'm preparing for the Toefl, too. I have read some of your essays and I think they're pretty good. Do you have any tips for that? How can you prepare for the speaking?
essay0405   
Oct 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / Process Essay (graphic designer) [4]

Your essay is too long, as tuannl said and I think one of the ways to check for your grammar and vocabulary is to check it in Microsoft Word, not all the mistakes are checked but some parts of them.
essay0405   
Oct 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / Topic 4: Self-study or learning with a teacher [5]

I think my answer is I prefer the second way but I also want to support to another one because I want to express my willing to improve my study, not just learn in one way.
essay0405   
Sep 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / Topic 4: Self-study or learning with a teacher [5]

Topic 4: Some people believe that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.

Below is my essay. Please check it for me. Thanks in advance.

There are many arguments between studying alone and studying with a well-qualified teacher. However, I tend to learn using the second way.

For one thing, the teacher has a wide knowledge and knows what to teach, what you have to learn, she can also provide you some useful advice to learn better. While you are learning, you can ask some questions to find out anything you missed out so that you can understand the lessons more deeply. If you have a new idea, you can share it with your teacher and she will tell you how to make it come true. If you study alone, it is hard to do so.

Besides, your speed and rate of learning are higher when you learn with a teacher than learning alone. You do not have to find extra exercises or other books because you teacher has chosen it for you and support you to do and read them. For example, you have a difficult math problem, although you have figured out the solution, but your answer is wrong. You must spend a lot of time to identify your mistakes while the teacher can do that faster than you, even she can explain the reason why your answer is not correct. That not only saves time but also improves the efficiency of your study.

However, self-study also has advantages. You are more independent when you are self-studying, there is no waiting for exercises from the teacher, and you can control your own time to study whenever you think it is suitable. While you study, you can find your own method of study which is effective, so that you can have better result at the end of the semesters. In addition, we also know that the knowledge of the teacher is limited though she is a good teacher. Because of that, students should learn more from books, the Internet... by themselves. There are many things to learn.

Therefore, I think we should combine the two methods of learning. While you have a teacher supporting you, you also have to learn more from other sources.
essay0405   
Sep 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / how can school help new students get accustomed to new environment? [6]

I think if you are Vietnamese you should buy this book 'Essay Writing for English tests' written by Gabi Duigu and publish by Nhan Tri Viet company. I think this book is very useful, I've learn from it very much about how to write an essay, style, etc.
essay0405   
Sep 20, 2009
Writing Feedback / 'Korean student died'; The advantage and disadvantage of the Internet [2]

Please check the vocabulary, grammar for me. Thanks you all.

Topic: The Internet has provided great benefits, but at the same time it has also created new problems and inequalities. What's your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

No one can deny the benefits from the Internet as it helps us a lot in our life. However, the Internet also has many stints and caused many problems to people.

For one thing, while we can get the latest news from the Internet fast, we have to deal with a situation that these information is not arranged organizingly and sometimes the information is not true. For example, when I have to find some information about protein, I search it on Google and there are a large number of websites with the same information, even some of them provide the wrong one which is completely different from my textbook.

Besides, when surfing the Internet, people often worry about personal information leaking, spam or junk mail. For instance, you want to buy some goods online, you have to provide some of your information to the website so that they can deliver them to you. Maybe your information is hacked and the hackers can use it for much bad purpose like buying other things using your account...Your e-mail box can receive some spam that you don't want and you feel unsafe when you think that a person is following you in some ways.

Furthermore, although we can use the Internet as a means of entertainment with a lot of interesting things like listening to music, chatting, some of them are really time-consuming and harmful to your health. When you are addicted to chatting, game online, it is hard to give it up. A few years ago, a Korean student spent more than a day sitting in front of the computer playing computer games, when his parents looked for him, they found out that he had died in his room, which was a sad story.

In conclusion, I think people should balance the time using the Internet and ensure that it does not do any harm to you.
essay0405   
Sep 20, 2009
Writing Feedback / students should take apart in lecture or not? why? [4]

there have been many reformation in my own country' education system

there have been many reformation in my own country's education system
I think you should avoid some phrase like ' last but not least', it is not suitable for an academic writing.
essay0405   
Sep 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? [4]

This is the question:

If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

And below is my essay. Please check it for me and give me some advice. Thank you in advance.

Our world is changing everyday and we also have to change to catch up with the modernization of it and to make our country better. If I could change one important thing about my country, I will change our method of teaching in education.

Education is very crucial to everyone and every country. The future of one country depends on the youth and the youth depends on the education. In my country, students still have to do too much homework so they have less time to play and take part in other interesting activities. They also have to learn by heart all of the contents in the textbook. Students feel tired after school and of course, their results cannot as good as they want. Because of that, to have more excellent students, we should decrease the exercises they must do at home and teach them how to learn effectively so that when they work, they can organize everything properly and precisely.

Education not only decides the future of one country but it also decides the future of the whole world. If the next generation receives a good schooling, they can contribute much for the society with all of their responsibility. To do that, we have to make the students be interested in the lessons not make them be bored when they look at a list of assignments to do. There are many research proved that if the students are willing to learn, their score will be higher because they pay much attention the lessons.

A good method of teaching and learning also express the care of the government in education to develop the country. For example, when a group of professors from another country visit our country and some of our schools, they will see how the teacher works in the class and how the students react to the lessons with the support of modern equipment. If they see both of them well co-operate, they can realize that this country invests a lot in education and the government takes care of the next generation very carefully.

Therefore, if I have a chance to change one important thing in my country, my priority is to make the method of teaching better.
essay0405   
Sep 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / CHILDREN SHOULD LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS AND TEACHER, GIVE YOUR OPINION [4]

"In past children use to respect their parents and always follow their orders and very afraid of father."
I think you should write that:
In the past children used to respect their parents and always followed their orders and very afraid of father.
"Today generation is totally different, they don't like interference from parents and teachers.They don't give respect their parents."
I don't think so because many children respect their parents now.
essay0405   
Sep 4, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life [10]

Thanks for all of your helping. I'm trying to rewrite this essay. I hope that this one will be better. Actually, I don't often watch movies or read books, I just watch or read for a few minutes and often fall asleep. However, I'll try my best to write a good essay for that question. But can mention a film without its name, because sometimes I saw a movies maybe of Japanese or Chinese and I don't know its name in English.
essay0405   
Sep 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life [10]

I've rewrite my essay. Here it is:

Movies and books are common topic for everyone because we watch movies and read books everyday. Movies and books can reflect the ideas and the spirit of a particular period, so from that people can learn about life.

...
essay0405   
Sep 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life [10]

Question: Movies and books can reflect the ideas and the spirit of a particular period. What have you learned about a place or its people from watching films or reading books? Use specific examples and details to support your response.

In modern life, people not only need to work for earning enough money but we also need to relax and watching movies and reading books are some of the best way for entertainment. You can also learn many things about life by doing this.

Movies and books can reflect the ideas and the spirit of a particular period. As you know, the Titanic movies is one of the most famous films. Everyone like watching because of its romance, beautiful love, and the most important reason is because it recalls about an event that the Titanic was sunk and many people died because of that, this event made the movie become very famous even before this movie was shown.

We also have a lot of documentary movies or books that are about historical events, famous people who have achieve a great work and many beautiful places all over the world. Through those, we can learn about cultures and traditions of other countries. We can also learn how to help people, what we have to do to live more beautifully. We know that this world needs our contributions and we're responsible for that.

Learning something that is interesting to you is easier than learning something that is boring. Because of that, while you are watching movies or reading books, you are relaxed but you also learn something that you need for life. It's one of the best way to enrich your knowledge and save time.

Therefore, the industry of making movies and publishing books is now developing. We can consider movies and books as the second world that is familiar to our life.