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Posts by senuthilini
Name: thilini
Joined: Jan 31, 2018
Last Post: Mar 5, 2018
Threads: 5
Posts: 16  
Likes: 1
From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 21
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senuthilini   
Feb 27, 2018
Writing Feedback / Essay about the choice of the people between following a healthy lifestyle and relying on medicine [2]

@dolelongan

As a reader I can see some grammar and spelling issues in your essay.

ex:
an a critical increase
Morever Moreover

and I personally believe that you should improve the sentence building skills.

your essay given too many answers to the point of unhealthy lifestyle but not focus on the other part of the topic "people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine".

This is my personal view. I too a learner, so please do not get offended.
senuthilini   
Feb 26, 2018
Writing Feedback / Ielts Essay : Brain drain from poor countries - seeking for solutions [3]

An increasing number of professionals, Such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Educated, skilled people' choice to move abroad

More and more professionals from developing and impoverished countries are choosing to live and work in rich countries. This trend has resulted in adverse effects on the quality of service in most of the underdeveloped nations. This essay will suggest government encouragement to the professionals to live and work in their own country as a better solution to tackle this matter.

The foremost problem faced by developing nations due to the professional migration is the lack of skilled workers for improving the quality and care of their service-oriented fields such as medicine and education. Due to the shortage of the professionals, the government has to struggle to ensure the quality and stability of their community services. As an example, having not enough professionals in education field can result in low literacy rate of the nation and inherently affect the social development of the country as well.

Encourage professionals to work and live in their origin country is an effective solution to cope with this matter. Most of the well-educated people are migrating because of the unreasonable wages and poor living qualities of the developing countries. Therefore, the government can consider the attractive salaries and benefits to reassure the living conditions of professionals. For instance, recently Sri Lankan government has initiated a tax deduction schema for specific professional groups to motivate and appreciate their service.

In conclusion, Brain drain is a leading problem for many developing nations. This situation has caused unfavourable impacts on the quality of services of many underdeveloped countries. Government encouragement to the professionals by facilitating more benefits and providing reasonable salaries can tackle this issue.

PS:
Number of words: 267

* I stated only one problem and a solution. Will it be enough? If I put more than one problem, it will exceed the word count.

* If you can see any grammar mistakes, please state one/ two example sentences so it will help me to identify my issues.
* Please let me know your reviews and possible band for this essay.
senuthilini   
Feb 26, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS, task2, Government payment for nursery homes. [3]

Hi,

Please consider the following grammar mistakes,

Denmark provide provides ...
... lives pay paying taxes ...

and as a reader I feel like the thesis statement is quit longer than expected.

Cheers!!!
senuthilini   
Feb 6, 2018
Writing Feedback / In recent years, a lot of readers are choosing to read e-books and not the regular books. [5]

In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e-books rather than paper books.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this trend?


Advantages and Disadvantages of the EBooks



Over the last few years, the number of EBook consumers has dramatically increased, falling the paper book market. Due to the more sophisticated and interactive facilities, many people choose EBooks over the printed books. I believe that this trend has more benefits than drawbacks.

Firstly, it is true that there are potential drawbacks of the E-Reading. The primary concern that many readers have with this trend is the Health problems; Since the EBooks only support for the digital platforms such as mobiles and computers, readers have to spend significant time in front of the LCD screens that can potentially cause health problems such as vision problems, and depression. Therefore, constant reading of E-books can result in health damages.

However, despite the health issues, the advent of the Electronic books contributed several advantages to the Readers. Prior to the EBooks, readers had to waste too much time to find the required book by searching through the numerous bookshelves at the library. Sometimes it was impossible to purchase the book due to the high demand and lack of copies. The E-Book, however, has changed this completely. There are several EBooks downloadable websites and apps available such as Kindler and eBay, So, Consumers can quickly locate the required Ebook from online stores and immediately purchase without any shipment delays. Therefore, availability wise, consuming Ebooks are more convenient than the paper books.

In addition to the availability, the highly-interactive features also make it more popular among the readers and publishers. While the traditional Paper books only support for text and image forms to represent the content, Ebooks allow rendering the content in several multimedia forms such as images, videos, audios, and Hyperlinks. For instance, If a reader wants to explore more about the topic, he can just click on the hyperlink and navigate to the additional information rather than wasting time to find out the appendix and relevant other books. So, it goes without saying that EBooks act more collectively to present the data to their audience.

In conclusion, increasing usage of the E-books has reduced the paper books consumption. There are some disadvantages of this trend regarding the health concern of the readers. But nevertheless, the interactive features and more availability make it stand out from the paper books; thus I argue that the advantages of the Ebooks far outweigh than the demerits it has.

PS: I know that this essay is too long for IELTS. If possible, please indicate how I can reduce the number of words. (or any unnecessary sentences of this essay)
senuthilini   
Feb 6, 2018
Scholarship / Battling with the negative effects of climate change for further efficiency in swine industry [4]

Hi @zhayendzuji

As a reader, I can see some grammar problems in your essay. the main problem with your writing is missing articles.

Ex:
if I'll be given an opportunity to ...
... considered as a big challenge for both scales was ...
The daytime temperature ...

In addition to the article issues, there are few places with wrongly added punctuations.
senuthilini   
Feb 5, 2018
Student Talk / I am new here and I want to practice writing English essay.. [35]

Hi yerupaja_25,

Welcome to the essay form. I also joined recently with the essay forum and found this place as the best place for beginners to improve their language skills. You can write your essays and submit here. One of the essay forum contributor will review your works and provide you the feedback. They usually take only a few hours to get back. meanwhile, you can read others essays and submit your comments as well. Take this chance to improve your English writing skills.

Cheers
senuthilini   
Feb 4, 2018
Writing Feedback / Solve traffic and transportation problems by moving people to city side [3]

Thanks a lot for your valuable comment. You are the reason behind my improvement of the essay presentation. If you don't mind can you please indicate few grammar mistakes. I tried with the online grammar checker, and could not find any grammar mistakes. I can see some clarity issues and wordiness problems. But they do not provide me any grammar issues. If possible, please indicate few places that I wrongly use the language. really appreciate your help.
senuthilini   
Feb 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing Test Task2: Exercise alone or with a group of people [5]

Hi Frank,
As a reader, I can see some grammar mistakes in your essay. I am not expert to give marks or analyze the structure of your essay, but I can clearly see some grammar mistakes.

... no one tell tells them

... share their basketball skills to with him ... those danger dangers ...

It help helps us to ...

a lot of excuse excuses

an a university : university is not pronouncing as a vowel sound so you cant put the 'an' article.
senuthilini   
Feb 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / Solve traffic and transportation problems by moving people to city side [3]

Some people think that in order to solve traffic and transportation problems people should be encouraged to live in cities rather than in suburbs or in the countryside.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


a solution to the traffic congestion?



Over the last few decades, vehicle usage has been dramatically increased, causing traffic and several transportation problems. Some people opine that, in order to cope with the traffic congestion, people should move from the countryside to city areas. However, I disagree with this view to a large extent, and my reasons will explain in this essay.

In the first place, Shifting tens of thousands of people to the city side may result in several other additional problems due to the lack of infrastructural facilities. Prevailing facilities and resources in the urban areas will probably not enough to deal with the increasing demand of the community. For instance, public transportation, market and community places will be overwhelmed with the high crowd; therefore, moving people from outskirts to towns will arise numerous social problems and community conflicts.

Apart from that, the population movement to the city side will increase the urban population, which will magnify the risk of environmental pollution. In order to deal with the increasing demand for the residences and other facilities, authorities will have to gear up the development activities. Increasing construction and development tasks will result in numerous biohazards such as drainage network blockages and the excessive amount of garbage production; hence, encouraging people to move into the city areas will make an adverse impact on the environment and inherently affect the public health.

In conclusion, rising traffic congestion is a serious matter for many large cities. It has been suggested that an effective solution would be to encourage people to shift from outskirts and suburbs to the city side. From my point of view, population movement is not a feasible way to cope with the transportation issues as it can arise several other social and environmental problems.
senuthilini   
Feb 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / Advertising confuses consumers between what they need and what they want [4]

Hi Nguyen,

As a reader, I found following issues in your essay,

1.) ... shoppers is are advised ...

2.) instead of using the "All in all ", you can express your conclusion in more formal manner ex: In conclusion, to conclude

3.) products' good sides: useful/ better will instead go with the word 'product'
senuthilini   
Feb 2, 2018
Letters / Email to my manager to request subscription for some websites. [4]

Hi Ashkan123,
Your letter looks very informal.
1. ) Hi Dear XXXX : start the salutation as "Dear".
2.)Describe the purpose in a formal way. Ex: I am writing this ......
3.)Provide the supporting details (better to write a separate paragraph)
4.)Thank you again for All your Help.: this sentence is too informal and not matching with the context. instead, you can write something like "I am looking forward to hearing from you."

5.)Remember to end the letter in a formal way; Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully

Cheers.
senuthilini   
Feb 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should mathematics and philosophy be optional in schools? [3]

Thanks a lot for spending your valuable time to review my essay. Your comments are really helpful. I am thinking to rework on my essay as per your comment. Once done I will upload. I cannot thank you enough.
senuthilini   
Feb 1, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should mathematics and philosophy be optional in schools? [3]

Many students find it difficult to learn subjects like mathematics and philosophy and hence they should be optional in schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

both Mathematics and Philosophy are useful subjects



Learn by heart is the most common way for learning the many subjects, but, this method does not always go with maths and philosophy as these subjects mainly depend on logical thinking and broad understanding. This situation makes them more difficult and incomprehensible for many students. However, I strongly believe that making them optional in the school syllabus would not be a smart decision as at least the basic concepts of these subjects need to be learned to get on with the life.

Firstly, Mathematics is one of the most important subjects which is frequently using in our day to day life, and most of the mathematical concepts can practically apply to several real-world problems. Similarly, knowledge in mathematics is crucial for several professional fields such as engineering and management, therefore lots of career opportunities available around the globe for people who have extensive knowledge of mathematics.

Likewise, Philosophy also considered as one of the essential subjects for improving the logical thinking and inner qualities of a person. Unlike other subjects, philosophy not targets to any professional specific skills, but it helps to change the thinking style of the person to make an outstanding personality. Philosophy can improve discipline and leadership qualities which play an essential role in being a successful person.

However, It is true that not everyone needs to be experts in mathematics or philosophy and the choice of selecting the future career is a personal choice. But from my point of view, making them mandatory in school level would not make any unfavorable influence on child's ambition, as they can choose preferred paths at the tertiary level education targeting their future career.

In short, I tend to believe that the both Mathematics and Philosophy are kinds of useful subjects and every child should have at least basic knowledge about them.
senuthilini   
Feb 1, 2018
Writing Feedback / Homework is unnecessary, do you agree? [6]

lies at the heart of controversies

this sentence seems like a memorizing sentence. and I think rather than putting this as a controversial issue you can use debatable/arguable. What I learn from my teacher is, the word 'Controversial ' sounds too strong.

starting a paragraph using 'What is more' is not formal. you can use some other conjunction words with the same meaning.
ex: moreover, furthermore

other than that I would suggest you use more formal phases for following,
In the nutshell, : in conclusion, To conclude
That is why: Therefore
senuthilini   
Feb 1, 2018
Scholarship / Scholarship Essay writing on my best academic and extracurricular accomplishments [4]

Hi,
I can see some minor spelling mistakes in your essay.
ex: collage -> college, persue -> pursue

other than that I think you need to improve the understanding of punctuation
for an example consider the following sentence,

... lost his job and, thus ... of the finest, to one where ...
senuthilini   
Feb 1, 2018
Student Talk / How to improve English writing? Learning through reading. [130]

I personally believe that reading is the most efficient way to enrich the vocabulary and proper usage of the verbs and adjectives. And the second thing is that you need practically try your ability. For that, you can write essays or summarize the things that you have read. Apart from that, you need to speak with others. You may get stuck at the beginning but do not get discouraged keep trying. Do not hesitate to speak with foreign people. I am also trying to enhance my knowledge. Good luck.
senuthilini   
Jan 31, 2018
Writing Feedback / It is better to find and install alternative energy sources rather than increasing the fuel prices [3]

Please help to review my essay. I am targeting band 8 in ILETS GT.

Some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Environmental problems and fuel price



Over the last few decades, human impact on the environment has progressively increased by reflecting the several environmental problems. Growing rate of fuel consumption has identified as one of the fundamental causes of the constant pollution; hence many people opine that hiking the fuel price would be the best solution for control the current trend. However, from my point of view, incrementing the fuel price would not be the most practical solution to control the pollution in the prevailing situation of the industrial world.

It is true that the increasing industrial activities and proliferation of vehicles are daily emitting a vast amount of toxic gases to the earth atmosphere, which contributes several harmful effects to the echo system and public health. But, we cannot ignore the fact that fossil fuel is the primary energy source to the today's world, which playing a considerable role in transportation, electricity and several other major industrial sectors; therefore, fuel price increment can make a critical impact to the economy and subsequently to the social life.

In order to deal with the increasing industrial demand and comprehensive development, it is essential to look for the alternative energy sources. Scientists have identified several sustainable energy sources such as solar power, hydropower, biomass and wind power, to replace the fossil fuel with minor effects and more benefits. For instance, solar energy is one of the most reliable and renewable energy sources which can be converted into the several other forms of energy such as heat and electricity.

In conclusion, even though, the rising fuel consumption is making an adverse impact on the environment and public health, increasing the fuel price can result in several other economic and social problems. Therefore, I believe that the authorities should give more concentration to find and install the alternative energy sources rather than increasing the fuel prices.
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