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Posts by Day999
Name: Andi Hidayat Thamrin
Joined: Apr 2, 2019
Last Post: Apr 6, 2019
Threads: 4
Posts: 15  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 19
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Day999   
Apr 6, 2019
Scholarship / AAS - study/work in a group and mutual help - 'solving a challenge, implementing reform' essay [5]

Thanks a lot for your comments, Maria. Not only they are useful, they are also truly motivating and positive. I really do appreciate it.

I will try to be careful with the punctuations.

I'm glad to know you think so. Since you said that, I will try to expand and pour more thoughts regarding the second paragraph.

Oops.. yeah, I will fix that tenses usage problems, as well as the prepositions.

Again, thank you so much. I greatly appreciate your comments.
Day999   
Apr 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / In some countries there are more young adults than older people - advantages? [5]

@tcl1120

Hi there. Let me have a few words on this.

Next time, separate the questions and your answers. Add a line before the answer to divide it or do it in any way you want to do. Don't just write the questions in italic.

Paragraph 3
1. Youngsters are dynamic and energetic PEOPLE who enjoy.../ ... and energetic. They enjoy...

Paragraph 4
The wording in this paragraph sounds repetitive. Try to find better ways to reword it.
Day999   
Apr 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / Sport stars are paid too much for what they do. Discuss your opinion [IELTS] [3]

@nguyenholinhchi
Hi there.I have a few words to say on this.

Paragraph 2
1. Sport players' salaries

Paragrapgh 3
1. ...the winners are often received...

Paragrapgh 4
1. ...but it also includes their ...
2. I don't really understand your closing sentence => "as a result, no one will be motivated to work anymore". Honestly, it doesn't have any direct correlation to your previous statement. And you make it sounds like fair remuneration will make people unmotivated to work. Doesn't make sense, right?
Day999   
Apr 6, 2019
Scholarship / AAS - study/work in a group and mutual help - 'solving a challenge, implementing reform' essay [5]

leading in a group



Questions/Instructions:

How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform?
Be specific and include:
- What aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective?
- Which people or organizations you worked with to solve the problem?
- What creative methods were used?

Answer:

Challenge solving, implementation of change, as well as reforming people are great things to do to contribute to realize a better society. As the Latin saying goes, non nobis solum nati sumus, which loosely translated as we are not born only for ourselves. We are indeed social creatures who can never stand alone. Life is meaningful when we help each other.

I have had some experiences in this matter. For instance, I made a study group to help my friends to understand more about a particular topic. They believed that they were not smart enough to study alone. I tried to change their mindset by encouraging them to believe in themselves. One way that I implement to achieve this was to tell them to speak up and share their opinions in front of the group mates. It did not only improve their understanding regarding the topic, but it also helped to boost their self-confidence.

Although it is hard to do, sometimes I try to bring the best in people, such as when I encouraged my students to speak up and be confident. I wanted them to have qualities of a leader: confident, able to make good decisions, can endure pressure, etc. It worked for some students. They were braver in expressing themselves. I also taught them some moral lesson, such as being kind to others, that bullying is bad, and to always appreciate what they have.

Furthermore, whenever there were group works, I always become the leader. I tried to share the group work equally among the group members. I want all of them to participate no matter what, even if it means that some will only come to the meeting as spectators, although I still try to encourage them to contribute in the group. Sometimes I tried to speak to them nicely and some other times, I had to be bold and straightforward. Both ways of communications worked, but it depends on them in the end. Every method of solving problems can be double-edged sword.
Day999   
Apr 5, 2019
Scholarship / AAS - teaching is my passion; pursuing master's degree in applied linguistics with TESOL [3]

After re-reading, I now agree with you. It does sound odd, a bit too odd probably. I have also looked for a meaning of anecdotes and it turned out that the real meaning of it is slightly different from what it really means. Now I understand what you have been saying all these times regarding anecdotes.

I agree with that too. I wouldn't want my future sponsors to think that I am a pessimistic person. I will try to find a way to convey what I wanted to convey better.

I will try to do that. I will expand more thoughts about the courses and possible future impacts on me.

Thank you so much. :)
Day999   
Apr 5, 2019
Writing Feedback / "Parents should be free to decide whether or not to vaccine their babies" ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAY [6]

Hi there, Jul.
Let me have a few words on this.

1. Do not capitalise the word wher it shouldn't be. You do that to vaccine and vaccination.
2. The length of your body paragrapgh 1 and 2 is not equal. It just looks imbalanced. Try to make the word count equal.
3. In the last statement of your fourth paragraph,l you mentioned that parents who are uneducated, and so on. Try to add one more sentence of how to prevent this from happening. Maybe from socializing it or something like that.

See ya.
Day999   
Apr 5, 2019
Letters / Letter to friends about suggesting a birthday party [3]

Hi TCL. I have a few words to say abou this essay.

First paragraph.
1. I think it is a little exaggerating to say special 30th. Well, it's just my opinion.
2. Are you sure what you wanted to say was "all together" instead of "altogether"?

Second paragraph.
1. Replace "produce" with "make". The former doesn't seem to fit in well in this sentence.
2. I would suggest rephrase "... the memories of obtaining the overall champion..." to something else, or try to make it even simpler. For example, "... the memories when we won the overall champion...". The word obtain also sounds a little unfitting in the sentence you provided.

3. Add a comma before the word "including" and after "wife". Although the phrase sounds a bit redundant.
3. Add a comma before the word "including" and after "poke"

Third paragraph.
1. Always use a full stop when you start a new sentence. Replace the comma after boardgame with full stop.
2. Rephrase "as she is now play the basketball team" to something simpler. It is quite difficult to understand.
3. The last sentence sounds a bit weird to me. Don't we all have cakes at birthday parties? Unless what you are trying to say is that the cake will be a different one from the one Jeff buys.

Fourth paragraph.
1. Remove "best wishes to you...". It is weird and repetitive since you have already said that in the closing.

I hope that helps. See ya.
Day999   
Apr 4, 2019
Scholarship / AAS - Knowledge / Skills / Procrastination - examples of use, as well as the constraints [3]

Instructions/questions
Please:
a. give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills, and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and

b. list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks.

Answer

constrained by procrastination



Australia Awards Scholarship is a prestigious scholarship one can achieve in order to study further in the desired field. After completing the study, I will be equipped with sophisticated knowledge and skills, as well as having connections with great people. I will use these advantages that I will have gotten as good as possible.

First, the university and courses that I propose will provide me with knowledge of teaching and linguistics, as well as how to be a good educator. I want to share this knowledge with my future students in hope to hone their English skills, and/or their understanding in linguistics if I become a lecturer one day. In addition, as an educator, I also want to inspire them to understand how important education is to better their lives.

Second, broad knowledge is nothing if we do not have sufficient skills to transfer it to others. By the end of the study, I will have better teaching method comprehension, as well as experiences in teaching English in a classroom. Of course, this will be very beneficial for any place that I will be working in. Good teachers and educators are defined by how good they are in transferring their knowledge to others, are they not?

Third, while having knowledge and skills are important, we are still social creatures who can never stand alone. This is where good connections play a role. I will have people whom I can ask for an advice, professionally and personally. Also, their positivity will surely have an impact on the way I think and behave. As people say, positivity is contagious.

However, these things that I have stated might be constrained by one thing: procrastination. I have to admit that I am easily distracted by things around me and sometimes, it is quite hard for me to get back on track. But, I have my own way of "constraining the constraint", such as writing a self-reminder of what I want to achieve, limiting myself from avoidable distractions, etc. Power of will is the key to solve this.
Day999   
Apr 4, 2019
Scholarship / AAS - teaching is my passion; pursuing master's degree in applied linguistics with TESOL [3]

How will the proposed study contribute to your career?



Some information regarding the essay.
1. This is the second question I have to answer to apply for the AAS scholarship.
2. The first one asks how I chose the institutions and courses, and this one asks how the study will contribute to my career.
3. Is the essay below good enough to answer the question?
Thanks a lot.

As I have stated in the previous question, teaching is my passion. I want to be a great role model for my students. It is personally satisfying for me to see my students' positive feedbacks when they learn something new from me. The feedback could be a smile, giggle, classroom participation or even a simple nod while learning. Although I haven't taught at any professional levels, I have taught English at two different places voluntarily and my students seemed to enjoy learning from me. They gave positive feedbacks that I have mentioned.

However, after some meetings, I started to feel that I was getting boring for them. They did not seem as enthusiastic as they used to be and honestly, it was saddening. This is one of the reasons I intend to pursue my master's degree in applied linguistics with TESOL specialization at Macquarie University. I believe that some courses will be beneficial for me, such as Language Teaching Methodologies which will equip me with more sophisticated knowledge in terms of language teaching; Teaching English for Academic Purposes which will specifically sharpen my ability to teach English; and Practicum in TESOL which will provide me a chance to implement the acquired knowledge and theories directly in the classrooms.

Another reason is that I also aspire to be a lecturer in the teaching field. After obtaining the knowledge from the proposed university, I intend to share the methods or theories I have learned to my future students in order to sharpen their skills in terms of teaching because I have had some teachers whose teaching methods were not interesting and made me lose the interest to study. I definitely do not want my students to repeat this cycle. In short, I believe that with great role models, comes great future role models.
Day999   
Apr 4, 2019
Student Talk / Is it necessary to learn English? [38]

@jovialman80
I suggest you to reword some of your sentences. For instance, don't open your arguments with "actually" in this kind of question. The question asked whether ENglish is important to learn or not (neutral). It doesn't say something like "English is not important, is it? (negative)".

Other things I would suggest you to fix is always remember adding a space after any punctuations. Also, always capitalise the word if the word starts the sentence.

Oh and another thing. When you post questions, try to add information about the essay: maximum number of words, type of essay, where you get it, etc.

Good luck!
Day999   
Apr 4, 2019
Writing Feedback / Security Concerns, American People, and National Terrorism [4]

Oh my. I see.. Now I am more amazed. I believe that you can achieve whatever it is you want to achieve if you strive. And, I believe that you can because you are already showing that you are a person who is capable of striving. You remind me of my friend. He is a great person, just like you. What I admire from people like you guys are no matter how harsh the world might have treated you, you still want to give your best to be as useful as possible to others. That takes a huge heart.

Don't ever let anyone break you down. I am sure that you can do it. Good luck! and have a nice day too.
Day999   
Apr 4, 2019
Scholarship / English Teaching - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? - AAS 2019 [6]

Merged:

TESOL - AAS - master's degree in applied linguistics, question on course/institution choice



Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?



I intend to pursue my master's degree in applied linguistics specializing in TESOL because I aspire to be a teacher or lecturer. I enjoy teaching because it is personally satisfying for me to see the expressions on people's face when they learn something new from me. It can be just a bit of a smile or even a simple nod. Another reason why I want to continue my study and to be a teacher is that some of my teachers and lecturers inspired me to think that education is highly important to have a better future not only for me, but also for others.

I choose Macquarie University to continue my study because it offers a balanced set of courses that range from teaching to linguistics that will broaden my knowledge as a teacher and linguist. In terms of teaching, courses such as Language Teaching Methodologies will provide me better methods and theories of teaching, while Practicum in TESOL will give me chances to apply what I have learned previously by teaching in a classroom. It also offers a course that is very critical in the English teaching field, such as Teaching English for Academic Purpose which will give me highlights of English teaching in an educational setting.

Since I am not only interested as a teacher, but also as a linguist, I am deeply interested in the linguistically related courses offered at the university, such as Genre, Discourse and Multimodality which shows a language from the perspective of social-semiotic; and Pragmatics and Intercultural Communication which teaches about the construction of meaning within the language itself. I think that this is a great bonus of knowledge that I will get alongside the teaching-related skills.

I believe that teaching and educating are good ways to shape people's mind towards a better version of themselves, similar to how some of my teachers and lecturers inspired me to be a better person. I am determined to repeat this cycle with others, but this time, me as the person who inspire others.
Day999   
Apr 4, 2019
Writing Feedback / Security Concerns, American People, and National Terrorism [4]

Before I comment, you must know that I am amazed by your spirit to be in college. You are 53 and still having such a young spirit. Alright, let's move on from the small talks.

First paragraph. It would be better to remove the overuse of pronoun use in "We the people, despite the anger, we prayed, we cried, we displayed". Turn it into something easier to read, for instance "we, Americans, despite the anger, prayed, cried and displayed".

I also notice some misuse of punctuation and full stop which I believe you can easily tackle after re-reading.

Last, I love how you close the essay with a moment of pause to emphasize on the "United"
Day999   
Apr 4, 2019
Scholarship / How you will use the knowledge, skills, and connections and avoid possible constraints? [3]

Hi, Riri. I am assuming that you are an Indonesian intending to continue your study at masters degree level. Am I right? If so, I am just like you. Okay, enough for the small talks.

I only want to share my thoughts upon reading your essay here. Unfortunately, I have to admit that your first point about being more appreciated due to being a graduate from foreign universities is true (sadly). Isn't it a bit sad to let this thoughts continue? It is basically saying that you also think the same and want to prolong this kind of mentality. How about trying to make yourself stand out in other perspectives, and not only simply because of "being a graduate of a foreign university".

The second point is good in my opinion. Although I believe it is really hard to do, I think it is still possible given enough time and effort. It depends on you.

And the third one is also good. But same as my previous comment. It is difficult, but possible.
Day999   
Apr 2, 2019
Scholarship / English Teaching - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? - AAS 2019 [6]

two universities to pursue master's degree



I majored in English teaching in a local university in my hometown. Although I have not worked on a professional level previously, I have had experiences in teaching as a voluntary work at two schools. However, I felt that I was lacking in terms of skills which was proven by the fact that some of my students looking uninterested and bored after some meetings in the classrooms. This is what drives my motivation into continuing my study in English teaching. I am confident that by doing this, I will be equipped with more sophisticated teaching skills towards the end of the study. In order to make it come true, I propose two universities to pursue my master's degree.

The first is Macquiarie University, which offers a variety of courses that cater my needs and interests as an English teacher, such as Language Teaching Methodologies, Planning and Programming in TESOL and Practicum in TESOL; as a linguist, such as Genre, Discourse and Multimodality and Pragmatics and Intercultural Communication; and as a researcher, such as Research Method in English Study.

The second is The University of Queensland. The university also offers courses that is tailored for students who want to sharpen their skills in English teaching, such as TESOL Curriculum & Pedagogy: Classroom Strategies, Language Testing & Assessment and Classroom Second Language Acquisition: Theory, Research & Practice.

The subjects offered in these universities are very critical to study in order to become a more skilled teacher, especially in English language which in turn will give me chances to improve my future students' motivation and knowledge by implementing the acquired skills.
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