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Posts by ayida365
Joined: Oct 2, 2009
Last Post: Oct 25, 2010
Threads: 7
Posts: 33  

From: China

Displayed posts: 40
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ayida365   
Oct 25, 2010
Essays / how to write a reflection essay on working? [4]

Thank you, RyanVi16!

I just got prof's full writing assignment instruction today. It's like that:
"...what I'm looking for is really deep reflection upon your experience...I'm hoping you think deeply and thoroughly about your life, where you are, and what this opportunity meant to you as a person, a member of a community, and a global citizen."

So I think it's hard for me to relate my picking tomatoes and getting attacked by spiders experiences to those deep thoughts. How should I do?
ayida365   
Oct 24, 2010
Essays / how to write a reflection essay on working? [4]

I need to write a reflection essay on my work in the farm. It's about 3-5 pages.
I worked once in the farm. At that time, I mainly picked tomatoes, observed the animals, and got attacked by a large spider. I think I can write about "there are so many bugs on the tomatoes, implying the tomatoes are organically grown and healthy"(sounds silly...:( )and how the animals moved, ate, and rest.

However, I don't know what I can reflect about. Should I write about the farm is using organic food production process, treating animals/vegetables well, and therefore the food are healthy and good for people? Should I write that we should be friend with animals(and I shouldn't be scared of bugs any more)? Or people in the farm are so kind and warm-hearted, and when I got to the farm, I became lighthearted, too, because the scene was beautiful and the air was clean(that demonstrate that good environment is beneficial to people?)?

Why they all sound so silly?...
And, how should the structor be like?
I've never written a reflection essay and really need your advice. Thank you!
ayida365   
Oct 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades [4]

Think you should change "firstly, secondly..." to "first, second".
Secondly, movies can entirely satisfy human being 's desires. ("Human being" seems too scientific.)
Firstly, culture from various nations can be exchanged. You can change it into "First, film provides us a way to exchange culture from various nations." It seems more natural and comfortable.
ayida365   
Sep 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / SHORT ESSAY Describe your favorite food- Instant-boiled mutton [8]

Instruction: Describe your favorite food (It has to be specific and vivid!!!)
Length: less than 2 pages.

My favorite food is a famous Chinese dish called instant- boiled mutton.

To make the dish, one needs a hot pot, a special compound seasoning, some thin mutton slices, fish balls, beef balls, and vegetables.

The seasoning sauce is essential for the course; its ingredients are sugar, sesame oil, soy sauce, gourmet powder, preserved bean curd, vinegar and chili sauce. Because it contains so many different condiments, you can find many flavors all together in one taste-sweetness, salt, sourness and piquancy, with the appetizing aroma of beans. Its color is usually brown or crimson, depending on the amount of the chili sauce.

Once the seasoning sauce is set, one can officially begin his/her process in making instant- boiled mutton. First of all, one should fill the hot pot with water, and heat it up. When the water boils, put in mutton slices , fish balls and beef balls as well as vegetables, such as napa cabbages, spinaches, mushrooms and tofu. Wait until the color of the mutton turns from blood-red to light red, and pick the meat and vegetables up with the chopsticks into the bowl of seasoning sauce mentioned before. Dip them in the sauce fully and start to enjoy the meal.

The instant- boiled mutton combines the taste of tender meat and fresh vegetables with various flavors of the seasonings. The vegetables are light green and soft, saturating with water; one can feel the liquid exuding when taking a bite of them. The light-red mutton slices, curved like paper soaked in the water, along with white fish balls and brown beef balls, emit savory smells of meats. The water in the hot pot keeps bubbling, revealing a hilarious atmosphere, and it serves as delicious soup after the meal.

In China, the instant-boiled mutton does not only mean a meal; eating it serves as a big family/social event. The large hot pot enables many people to sit around and eat together, offering a valuable and harmonious opportunity for family/friend reunion. The warm aura the boiled water provides, the tinkly clicks of chopsticks clashing with bowls, the laughs and chats of people, together forming a warm jubilant scene, makes people feel joy and gain an appreciated heart for others- that is why most Chinese people, as hospitable and interdependent they are, love this dish.
ayida365   
Dec 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Farewell to My Concubine" - Experience: Leave the Comfort Zone [7]

Ummm...I also find that the line "my classmates' iPods played the rock music of Linkin Park all day long, but what I listened to were antiquated Beijing Opera selections, which even my mom lacks the patience to enjoy." has some problems... Maybe I should delete it?
ayida365   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "Farewell to My Concubine" - Experience: Leave the Comfort Zone [7]

PROMPT: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?
Length should be approximately 1-2 pages, double-spaced.

Along with uproarious blow of drums and gongs, the Peking opera began. Maids all in cyan costumes marched around the stage, followed by the concubine in a yellow mantle with blue collar. "Year after year, all over the land, I've followed my king on his military campaigns, enduring the wind, frost and hard toil." With a beautiful hand gesture, the concubine sang. Acclaim roared from the auditorium.

"The King is back!" A housecarl notified.
King strutted on to the stage, wearing a black robe with white patterns. Again, the audience broke into deafening cheers.

"Farewell to My Concubine" is the play we performed at the last day of the Beijing Opera summer camp, a basic education in the quintessence of Chinese culture, offering a lifestyle contrary to formerly mine.

The reason for me to attend this summer camp is pretty clear: I am always fascinated by the traditional Chinese culture, and eager to learn more about it. Therefore, I could not wait to mobilize my friends to apply with me when first knew about this activity, but they all agreed two months without TV, iPod, Internet or Coca-Cola is a nightmare, refusing my request. However, after some days' pondering, I finally made up my mind to seize the rare opportunity, although the life in the camp was totally out of my comfort zone: Instead of hanging out with my witty friends, I needed to howl out loud, exercising my voice from morning to night; while others were performing Kong Fu with a manipulated little man on the computer, I was practicing kicking and handstand, regardless of the harsh pain and the bruises all over my body; my classmates' iPods played the rock music of Lincoln Park all day long, but what I listened to were antiquated Beijing Opera selections, which even my mom lacks the patience to enjoy.

So there I was, 180 miles away from my home with no company but a suitcase full of Tang poetry and Yuan Zaju. The first week proved itself as difficult as I had imagined. We learned vocalism and gestures. Since I am a girl with a critical shortage of the talent in both singing and dancing from childhood, it is typical that I got blame all day long. Sometimes teachers even thought I was intended to be a clown because no one could act so discordantly and humorously (but I swear I by no means wanted to make people laugh). Nevertheless, the irresistible beauty of the motions, arias and expressions of the Beijing Opera actors convinced me to stay and work hard.

During that period, I and my roommate, an optimistic girl from Hong Kong, encouraged each other, although at first we could hardly understand one another's language. Within the two months, I taught her Erhu, and she managed to let me know how to sing Cantonese Opera, which turned out to be one of my interests later, after I had mastered the new language. Form her, I got a better understanding of life and culture in Hong Kong and Southeast Asia from a native's perspective instead of a tourist's; that knowledge showed its value two years later when I flew 1600 miles for a 4-day-trip in Hong Kong by myself. I also explained to her the lifestyle and thoughts of folks from mainland China, and she awoke to the realization that some notions she had held about mainland China were incorrect. It is observed that a communication with her is a fabulous encounter with diversity.

Life in the summer camp is somewhat isolated from the modern world. Everyday, I read lots of beautiful ancient poems, and discussed their themes and emotions with my campmates and teachers; this work not only benefited my Chinese exams in later life, but lifted my aesthetic taste to a new level. After a lite lunch of organic food, I and my campmates all enjoyed the aromatic jasmine tea and a quiet moment of introspection, feeling relaxed and figuring out more about others and ourselves. Singing was the best way to reduce pressure; when chanting an aria, I was always seized by a strong connection with the character, affected by her sorrow or joyance. I was even reluctant to let go of the dreamy feeling when the song ended. The training in stage speech gave me more confidence and skills in public speaking; after the two months' learning, my friends even sensed a positive change in my ways of talking. However, the most important thing is that, life in this summer camp made me change from a girl interested in Beijing opera, to someone really care for and able to carry on our distinctive culture. The basic knowledge I harvest from here was like a ladder, leading me to the expansive world of the traditional Chinese culture.

When come back to school two months later with a heart full of Tang poetry, Yuan Zaju and appreciation, I displayed the photos of my performance. My friends rushed to see them, and all showed a slight disappointment when they realized that I did not act as the graceful concubine, but one of the maids without any line (and the only movement I made on the stage was standing still). However, what they did not know was that, the brief moment on stage and the two months study off stage was the experience I felt proudest for in my life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
Thank you for reviewing my essay!
I guess a photo of the Beijing opera may let the Admissions Officers have a more specific image of what I am talking about...Um...Should I attach a photo at the end of the essay?

Thank you!
ayida365   
Nov 28, 2009
Writing Feedback / Essay about city living and country living [2]

In opposite, persons who live in a country, don't do not have wide choice of shops.
"Do not" "cannot" are better than "don't" "can't", because they are more formal.

Other people, who live in countries, argue that ...
Ummm...It's not a big deal, but I think some people in countries wants to move to big cities, too. So it seems that it lacks accuracy. You may use this sentence instead, "Other people, who prefer the countries..."

In conclusion, personally...
Where is your conclusion? As you stated about the advantages and disadvantages for living in counties and large cities, your conclusion should be something like "In conclusion, whether you live in small countries or large cities, there are merits and drawbacks." Your personal experience cannot conclude what you demonstrated above. It just let people feel irrelevant.

life in a country is quite quiet and slowly

There are no big problems in your essay. Just pay attention to these small points.
ayida365   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / DICKINSON C SUPPLEMENT (SCIENCES& ARTS) [11]

Thank you for your advice, Kevin!
Hehe, English is indeed my second language. You are the first one to say my writing (in English of course) is beautiful, ever! Wow...It's really comforting, because I just started to think that I would never write well...

Dickinson College did not mention a words limit.
However, I'm worried that my essay may not be so intriguing, because it doesn't tell a story...
Is it very boring to read an essay like this?
ayida365   
Nov 6, 2009
Undergraduate / DICKINSON C SUPPLEMENT (SCIENCES& ARTS) [11]

OK. I got it. Then I'll post it again under this thread. Sorry for the trouble. And thank you, Team.

PROMPT:
Dickinson College founder, statesman and physician Benjamin Rush wrote several essays on education for this new nation. Listed below are three of Rush's philosophies. Choose ONE and explain how that philosophy relates to your talents, goals and the reasons you chose to apply to Dickinson.

*Dickinson students shall pursue a useful education in the arts and sciences.

------------------------------------------------------------ -----------------------------

Cosmopolitan People Find Their Home

"There is a photography club recruiting new members; who wants to have a try?"
"Me! I've been expecting it for about two decades." I raised my hand eagerly.
"You," My desk mate whispered in surprise, "you have already been in the orchestra and Drama Club, why bother attending a new?"

"Because I like taking pictures, and it will be very important to me as I plan to learn more about film in college."

"Gee, if you keep your interests growing like this, you will one day explode yourself."

"If you keep your interests growing like this, you will one day explode yourself." That is what people always say to me. Although I have determined to major in psychology, and become a cognitive therapist, my interests spread from sciences to arts, and occupy loads of my time. However, I still can not persuade myself to specialize, because I know that the interesting education of arts and sciences is useful, benefiting both psychology studies and my life, at present and in the future. Science is like coffee. It may taste bitter at first because of its difficulty. However, after several sips, one cannot resist its lingering aroma. If I feel dejected, it arouses my spirit; when I long for a change, it provides countless flavors (there is no limit in learning). Whereas, art is my cup of tea; it brings me ease and consolation; most importantly, I can share its aroma with others.

Math is my favorite subject in sciences; dissecting problems with different perspectives challenges my knowledge and creativity and fills me with excitement and proud. Many of my friends can not understand why I must finish the optional assignments everyday, as they have no clue why I can clap my hands in exultation after solving a puzzling math problem. In math field my biggest interest is in statistics, since it applies to psychology, my intended major. Therefore, in class, imaging myself using the skill to design experiments and gain essential facts in the future, I always feel a passion in my heart.

I have found human biology fascinating, too. In lessons, I am always amazed when learning about the complex nervous system and the infinite potential of the brain. I tend to respond like Hermione Granger, unwilling to miss any points, as they allow me to have the basic understanding of humans when later majoring in psychology. At the end of that term, my biology score ranked top in my class.

Literature is my fantasy. I love the way writers dealing with words, depicting details, and detecting philosophies from everyday scenes. Every time I read a subtle expression, I cry in surprise. Therefore, reading becomes my recreation, and even the essay assignments turn out to be fun-I often find myself the first to finish them. No wonder I scored the best in Chinese Literature comparing with other subjects. When writing stories, I always laugh or cry with my characters as if I were one of them. Everyday loads of friends listen to me narrating my new comedy; good at imitating the different roles' voices and comportment, hardly can I let my stories fall flat. I hope that in the future I can publish my own books (although I have already done that once). Literature and psychology is closely relative; with psychology one can make his/her story convincing, and with literature, one can observe how people feel and act from various characters in books. Consequently, an education in literature is undoubtedly helpful.

Recently I discovered my talent in language learning, after manipulating Cantonese in 2 weeks with a very recreational way (namely listening to the radio, singing songs, and watching movies); before that, I could not understand or speak it at all. Then I went on a 4-day trip to Hong Kong and use Cantonese whenever I could. Surprisingly, most people thought I was a native speaker. Encouraged by this experience, I dope out my next plan: learning to speak French within a few months, since France is my first choice when joining the Study Abroad program in college. However, French is substantial for me not only to study abroad, but also to know more about the philosophy of the world, as Benjamin Rush once wrote, "The French and German languages...They abound with useful books upon all subjects." ("of the Mode of Education Proper in a Republic",1798)

I am crazy about movies, not only because I watch more than ten every week, but I tend to study them. I often watch one scene over and over again just to realize how the director did the montage. I take special concern in the scenery choosing, finesse for shooting, and background vocal sounding, understanding their efforts on the audiences; based on these observations, I published a book about film reviews. In college, I plan to take Film Studies minor, polishing my understanding of this fetching art. Consequently, I got pretty excited hearing that Dickinson College provides such wide range of classes (more than 60 electing courses) in this program. Among those courses, my biggest interests are in "Psychology and Cinema" and "Screen Writing", because the former polishes my ideas in psychology, connecting two subjects together, and the latter improves both my skills in creative writing and film studies.

Therefore, I am attracted by Dickinson College, where I can expand my interests freely. First glimpsing at the "Dickinson Dimensions", I apprehended that Dickinson's character matches mine: I absorb various knowledge from sciences and arts to perfect my life and my learning; Dickinson embraces diverse cultures to help his students engage the world and seek beyond limits. Dickinson provides an extensive sky for me to explore: In campus, I can talk with students from 41 states of America, and 46 countries, tasting different cultures and lifestyles; even eating becomes an opportunity to greet the cultural difference-sitting at different language tables enhances my communication power, enabling me to meet new friends all over the globe. Off campus, I can attend the research of "Cultural Implications of AIDS Prevention" in France, seeking the connections between psychology and social issues, or complete an internship in Washington, D.C., practicing my leadership and skills. These valuable experiences may enrich my mind, develop my interests, and reveal my talents. Moreover, Dickinson's appreciation of languages and cultures demonstrates his toleration and love towards different thoughts, races, and societies, his sensibility of being involved in the world, and his responsibility towards making the earth a better place. In this college, I can explore and embrace the world with confidence, learn to face challenges fearlessly, and perfect myself as a whole person.

Dickinson is cosmopolitan, so am I.
ayida365   
Nov 6, 2009
Undergraduate / DICKINSON C SUPPLEMENT (SCIENCES& ARTS) [11]

GEE...I've posted a modified version of this essay just now...And it is now GONE...I've no idea where it is now...Has it been deleted or something? Do I need to repost?
ayida365   
Nov 6, 2009
Undergraduate / BU admission Supplemental Essay 2010. [7]

"while I would depict me myself as an open-minded person"

Ummm...I think this prompt "select three words that describe you best" means you should talk about yourself. However at your paragraph about "ambition", I only see your idea about ambition, but not you as a ambitious girl. Therefore, I think you should use some examples to show why/how you are ambitious, just like what you do in the next two paragraphs, not just deliver your thoughts.

And, "Indeed, it is in the courage ambitious have to take out that we have to find the greatness of this virtue." I can't understand it.

Your next three paragraphs are okay. However, I think you should delete those phrases such as "in fact","I think"- they slow down your sentences and sound wordy.
ayida365   
Nov 6, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Chinese and International Studies' Why are you considering The Ohio State University [4]

Ummm...I think you focus too little on the OSU. See, you only talk about it in the last paragraph. In the first paragraph you did mention OSU,but it's too general that it can be used to describe another school. Your last paragraph is great, because it demonstrates the convincing reason for you to choose OSU-to get wonderful education in Chinese. In comparison, the first paragraph is really useless and cannot reveal any real figure of OSU. So just delete it and find some specific reasons instead.
ayida365   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / DICKINSON C SUPPLEMENT (SCIENCES& ARTS) [11]

Ah...That's what I worry the most.
I wanted to say in the essay that I'm versatile in both arts and sciences, and I've got different skills(So I really persued the useful education, and want to get more in the future ). And demonstrate why I would like to join Dickinson...
ayida365   
Oct 29, 2009
Undergraduate / DICKINSON C SUPPLEMENT (SCIENCES& ARTS) [11]

PROMPT:
Dickinson College founder, statesman and physician Benjamin Rush wrote several essays on education for this new nation. Listed below are three of Rush's philosophies. Choose ONE and explain how that philosophy relates to your talents, goals and the reasons you chose to apply to Dickinson.

*Dickinson students shall pursue a useful education in the arts and sciences.

In the hall of arts and sciences, it can be said that what I have done is to pursue an atmosphere of education, in which I can realize my value and dream.

Science is like coffee. It may taste bitter at first because of its difficulty. However, after several sips, one cannot resist its lingering aroma. When I feel dejected, it arouses my spirit; when I long for a change, it provides countless flavors (there is no limit in learning). Math is my favorite subject in sciences; dissecting problems with different perspectives challenges my knowledge and creativity and fills me with excitement and proud. In math field my biggest interest is in statistics, since it applies to psychology, my intended major. Therefore, in class, imaging myself using the skill to design experiments and gain essential facts in the future, I always feel a passion in my heart. I have found human biology fascinating, too. In lessons, I am always amazed when learning about the complex nervous system and the infinite potential of the brain. I tend to respond like Hermione Granger, unwilling to miss any points as they allow me to have the basic understanding of humans when later majoring in psychology. At the end of that term, my biology score ranked top in my class.

Therefore, I am attracted to the great academic programs at Dickinson College: the impressive study abroad and study off-campus programs expand the boundaries of my learning, and ample resources facilitate my study. After education, my goal is to become a psychologist, curing hurts from people's hearts.

Art is my cup of tea; it brings me ease and lightheartedness; when I am blue, it consoles me; most importantly, I can share its aroma with others.

Literature is my fantasy. I love the way writers dealing with words, depicting details, and detecting philosophies from everyday scenes. Every time I read a subtle expression, I cry in surprise. Therefore, reading becomes my recreation, and even the essay assignments turn out to be fun-I often find myself the first to finish them. No wonder I scored the best in Chinese Literature comparing with other subjects. When writing stories, I always laugh or cry with my characters as if I were one of them. Everyday loads of friends listen to me narrating my new comedy. I hope that in the future I can publish my own books (although I have already done that once).

Recently I discovered my talent in language learning, after manipulating Cantonese in 2 weeks with a very recreational way (namely listening to the radio, singing songs, and watching movies); before that, I could not understand or speak it at all. Then I went on a 4-day trip to Hong Kong and use Cantonese whenever I could. Surprisingly, most people thought I was a native speaker. Encouraged by this experience, I dope out my next plan: learning to speak French within a few months, since France is my first choice when joining the Study Abroad Program in college.

I am crazy about movies, not only because I watch more than ten every week, but I tend to study them. I often watch one scene over 10 times just to realize how the director did the montage. I often take special concern in the scenery choosing, finesse for shooting, and background vocal sounding, understanding their efforts on the audiences; based on these observations, I published a book of film reviews. In college, I plan to take Film Studies minor, polishing my understanding of this fetching art. Consequently, I got pretty exciting hearing that Dickinson College provides such wide range of classes in this program.

My love towards Chinese Arts has never ceased. Chinese paintings allure me with their flamboyance, but after 12 years' drawing, what I adore becomes its margin-leaving, just like the open ending of a novel, quitting while it is ahead and making the aftertaste lingers. That resembles to real life where one always has the space to imagine and to hope. I often show my self-taught Cantonese opera skills to my friends, and they all enjoy it-laughing out loud-not the way I expect, but anyway, I do bring happiness to them, so I still feel satisfied. On Mid-autumn Festival every year, I play Erhu in the school evening party. Along with the smooth music, everyone gazes at the full moon over the deep blue sky, heart drenched with romantic legends; my heart warms as I see their beatific smiles. I have always thought that my knowledge of Chinese arts fulfills its value-entertaining others and delighting myself. Accordingly, I choose Dickinson College, because its special attention on cultural diversity enables me to introduce our culture, and comprehend others'.

Dickinson College fits me. It offers me the useful education, and makes my education useful.

ayida365   
Oct 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay: The Life of a Mind Detective [17]

There's a problem: In the fifth paragraph, the sentence"I had always thought his daughter the luckiest girl in this world. However, a few years later, everything changed." Which should I use, "had" or "have"?

Thanks for your patient and time!
ayida365   
Oct 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Such A Girl, Such A Dream -- common app essay [6]

Very sweet indeed.
However, a few sentences, All boys' activities ended when the girl's mother thought her girl should be more like a girl.
Considering that having the fittest food is also another way to save food, she hopes less food
The words "girl" and "food" repeat themselves too many times in these lines. They sound like tongue twisters when you read out loud.
ayida365   
Oct 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay: The Life of a Mind Detective [17]

Thanks for your advice, Liebe. I'm working hard on my grammar.
Liebe: Readers typically do not like superfluous detail and ramblings
Er...Can you help me to point out what is the superfluous detail and ramblings in my essay?
Thanks a lot.
ayida365   
Oct 18, 2009
Undergraduate / " volunteered in a kindergarten" - Common Application short essay [10]

It's a wonderful work.
Although I learned that the optimum way to call their attentions is to yell out demands, the feeling of guilty of shouting at such a lovely girl still overwhelmed me

This sentence sounds a little strange, because at first the object is "children", but at last it turns out to be a girl. It may drive reader at first sight mistake it as an error. How does this gir come out? It seems is a little incoherent.

I want to say that I have learned from that mother "I I want to say that "is wordy. You can just say what you want to say, because people will understand you even if you don't make emphasis like that.
ayida365   
Oct 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Commonapp SHORT ANSWER (orchestra performances) [5]

PROMPT: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

My Answer:

"Listen to me, 5 minutes later you should get on stage, sit in formation, and adjust your microphones. Be quick!"

Standing in backstage, we could do nothing but nodding to the order. So strange after innumerable interpretation, we still got our hands jet cold before performances. We could not utter a word with our dry throats, and our hearts were filled with tension and excitement.

I play erhu in school's traditional Chinese orchestra. Since I am the only girl from my grade to receive this honor, many students envies me holding various opportunities of showing talents, wining awards, and appearing on television. However few people see my calluses gained by practice hours everyday, and my tears after teacher's criticisms. As a member of the band, I know that I must be careful for every point, because even a tiny mistake can lead to dissonance.

Unconsciously, we had already been on the stage with our instruments: erhus, pipas, bamboo flutes, guzhengs...The whole world suddenly fell silent; only our rapid heartbeats can be heard.

"Three, two, one..." The curtain went up. I glanced down; countless faces dazzled my eyes. Then the conductor gave a firm node.

Another glorious battle began.

------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ -

It's 198 words...I don't know which lines/words could be deleted. And I need advice to improve it.
Please help...
Thanks a lot.
ayida365   
Oct 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Lafayette College SHORT ANSWER (drawing Chinese paintings) [6]

And what about this one:

Along with uproarious blow of drums and gongs, the Peking opera began. Conqueror strutted on to the stage, wearing golden robe with war flags on his back, followed by the Queen in a red mantle with blue collar. I gaped at them; astonishment swallowed my words. "You love operas," my father remarked. Actually, what arrested me were performers' flaming costumes. Therefore in Chinese paintings exhibition the other day, observing the vivid ancient folks and the elaborately tinged architectures, I felt like coming back to the poetic antiquity, so I made a decision right away: I will learn Chinese paintings!

I started drawing Chinese paintings since I was 5, and it has always been one of my interests.
Chinese paintings attracted me at first sight by their flamboyance. I often regard each drawing experience as one trial of creative combination of colors. That was why I found the endless assignments of sketches extremely boring at the start; I even considered giving up since I had not touched the rouge or azurite once for two months. However, after nearly one year's black and white, I gradually understood that without the basis of lines and manipulating brushes(which are very tricky: as they are too pliable, if not enough effort is exerted, the lines turn awry, and if too much strength is imposed, the ink will blot the paper), one can never accomplish a masterpiece. The same theory functions well in other things: I must achieve those minor targets before realizing my biggest goals, as I should be down to earth before soaring into the sky.

Now, what I love about this art becomes its margin leaving: in such large paper, a plum branch with scarlet blossoms usually occupies only 1/4 of the space, and the left all blank. This method leaves viewers expanse to use their imaginations, just like the open ending of a novel, quitting while it is ahead and making the aftertaste lingers. That also resembles to real life, where one always has the space to imagine and to hope.
ayida365   
Oct 17, 2009
Undergraduate / I'm from China - common app personal statement [10]

lmy125

Yeah, I'm from PRC.
Ummm...for example..."A writer who keeps diary since elementary school and strives to capture on paper the essence of her life as she sees it" Then you could write what issues you often write about and what do you feel during writing, your accomplishment or something else...

"A friend who offers maximum number of advises - how to keep track on fashions, how to deal with the overwhelming homework - and greatest support on life, on love, and on family" Once, I...(tell a story).
ayida365   
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / I'm from China - common app personal statement [10]

That's really creative! Maybe it's a little risky.
Maybe you can add some short explaination under each of your sentences, and make the whole a montage. Therefore you do not need to say much about anything (because your problem may be that you don't have much materials to extend one sentence into an article), but surly provide the details about everything.
ayida365   
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Lafayette College SHORT ANSWER (drawing Chinese paintings) [6]

PROMPT:In an effort to learn more about you, we ask that you describe an intellectual or creative interest or accomplishment.

Characters available 2000

My Article

I started drawing Chinese paintings since I was 7, and it has always been one of my interests.

The Chinese paintings attracted me at the first sight by their flamboyant colors. Every time I observe the bright clothes ancient beauties wearing or the elaborately tinged architectures in the drawing, I feel like coming back to the poetic ancient times. I often regard each painting experience as one trial of creative combination of different colors. That was the reason why I found the endless assignments of line drawings extremely boring at the beginning; I even considered giving up since I had not touched the rouge or azurite a single time for the first two months. However, after nearly one year's black and white, I gradually understood that without the basis of handling lines and manipulating the Chinese brushes (which are very tricky; as they are too pliable, if not enough effort is exerted, the lines will be awry, and if too much strength is imposed, the ink will blot the paper), one can never accomplish a satisfactory work. It is like that one must be skilled in sketches before undertaking oil paintings. The same theory functions well in other things: I must achieve those minor targets before eventually realizing my biggest goals, and I should be down to earth before soaring into the sky.

Right now, what I really love about Chinese paintings becomes their margin leaving: in such a large piece of paper, a plum branch with scarlet blossoms usually occupies only 1/4 of the space, and the left is all blank. This method leaves viewers some expanse to use their imagination, just like the open ending in a novel, quitting while it is ahead and making the aftertaste lingers. That also resembles to real life, where one always has the space to imagine and to hope.
ayida365   
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / First Cut / Sister's eating disorder - U of M Essay [13]

I think your second idea is great. Though I did not read that book.
I don't think that the Admission Officer recommend you just to write essay about a certain kind of books, and this book can also reveal your characterisitcs as well as the American Literature classics. For example the Admission officers may know that you ofen read difficult scientific books,(you are a student who knows how to think scientifically, and you are mature in thoughts) that makes you fit for your science major. Admission Officers can read between the lines; they do not just see what you tell.

And certainly many students will write about some classic pieces of American Literature, so if you write about a different book, it may be easier for you to stand out.
ayida365   
Oct 16, 2009
Undergraduate / 'headmistress in modern China / Power of Knowledge' - Smith College Supplement [6]

In your first answer, you just said that you love Smith College, but you did not show why or how. I know there is a word limit so you can not say much things, but explaining why Smith fits for you is better than just expressing your love without any proof or reason.
ayida365   
Oct 2, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay: The Life of a Mind Detective [17]

Er...My first thought on writing this essay is to say that my hobby is to explore human thoughts, and how this interest has influenced me in my growth...

But you are right, it seems now that it's not so relevant at applying to a college.
ayida365   
Oct 2, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay: The Life of a Mind Detective [17]

The Life of a Mind Detective

It may sound a little strange, but I have found everyday of my life a detective novel, full of mysteries.

Since kindergarten days, I have developed an interest in things that most people usually neglect. When I was 3 years old, one day, escorted by my grandfather, I went to kindergarten on a bus which ran so slowly as it could never get to the destination--that must have been too boring for a lively little child like me. A strange thought, however at that time, jumped into my tiny little brain: Why can people think? Isn't mind some sort of gas dwelling in the human body? Then why is it the gas demonstrating "me" inhabits in my now-self, instead of my grandfather? Am I the only person who can think, or actually everybody holds the ability? These questions, together forming an inescapable net, confused me for quite a long time. However, after unremitting pondering, reasoning and reflecting, I eventually drew a conclusion which I as a 3-year-old girl found very convincing: No one in the world has thoughts except me; when people talk or act, instead of using their free will, they are, like puppets, manipulated by an unknown formidable power. Therefore, I am the only creature in the world that has minds.

Many years later, as a big girl, I found out from a psychology book that, the question which puzzled me through my entire childhood was coincidently the psychology circle's unsettled point called "Mind-Brain Problem"--"Does the brain produce the mind? If so, how and why? Or does the mind control the brain? Then, how can a nonphysical entity control a physical substance? Or are the mind and the brain just two names for the same thing?"

Ever since then my intense interest has been aroused. Each day, observing various people around me in the street, I will wonder in amazement: Among so many people, they carry how different hearts and stories! What kind of moods are they in? What stories have happened to them? Can I help to solve their problems? Therefore I observe tirelessly everyone passing me by, thinking that all their tones of talking, postures of walking, and even ways of pushing hair are connected with their mood, intention and past experiences--how miraculous it is!

However, the thoughts of making psychology my career had not been intensified until the death of my neighbor, a kind and warmhearted man. I remembered in my childhood I often had to wait outside the door because my parents would not come back from work until late. Every time when he saw me waiting comfortlessly, he would pick me up to his home, provide me toys and snacks, and play with me. I had always assumed his daughter the luckiest girl in this world. However, a few years later, everything changed. Since employment became more and more competitive, rumors about him facing discharge spread out. A stress quickly overdrove him; he could not fall asleep at night, worrying about dismissal, and turned old in days. He turned to his best neighbor for help, but my father did not know how to comfort him. Without help, he started to suspect others, assuming everyone maligning him secretly. Nevertheless, no one took him seriously until his disappearance. His body was found 3 days later on the railway. In the next few months, I could often hear his wife and parents crying at mid of the nights and his daughter refused to go back school. A luckiest family was destroyed.

Even now, I can not believe that I had watched a vivid life devoured by depression in front of my eyes, incapable to stop. Suddenly, I realized how tender and vital human spirit is--a little injury could broke it, thus the whole body damaged. I assume that had there been a little consolation at the first step of my neighbor's depression, or any advice that brings him the confidence and courage, the tragedy might not have taken place. How better the world will be if there will be more and more mind-problem solvers! Then, like enlightened by fate, I recognized my mission: I should be a psychologist, trying my best to heal pains of others' hearts, making more and more people "live happily ever after".

After this decision was made, my target changed from knowing others' thoughts to solving problems. I go to local colleges twice a week to have psychology classes, expecting more knowledge. As a student from high school, I never meet any profound case which requires sophisticated science, but little troubles function well in practicing my knowledge gained from basic textbooks of psychology. In campus, many classmates pour out their worry to me, hoping for my advice. I remembered once in 11th grade I helped my classmate Yong to regain her confidence in friendships and ascertain her goal to seek. Last month I also persuaded my friend to confront his love, because avoiding can only add to his sorrow. These episodes offer me confidence, and confirmed my thoughts of majoring in psychology in college, gaining professional knowledge to help people effectively.

This is how I become a mind detective. I have always known that my encounter with psychology was the best thing ever happened to me; it has made my ordinary world a fantasy, and shaped me into who I am. Sometimes I feel psychology my old time lover: In the crowded and brilliant world, we simply recognized each other at first sight.

Maybe I did not choose psychology myself. Maybe psychology picked me.