Posts by ng864

ng864

Oct 17, 2019

Undergraduate / To Work as a Software Engineer - SFU Dual Degree Prompts - Academic or career goals after university [2]

Thanks for any help and suggestions in advance.

goals (career related) after school

What are your academic or career goals after university and how will the SFU-Zhejiang University Dual Degree Program help you achieve them? (250 words maximum)

My career goal after university is to work as a software engineer for tech companies and contribute to projects that could change lives positively. An additional career goal of mine is to follow this career path in China. This program will allow me to learn the skills I need to be a good software developer as I will be studying in two top universities, one here in BC and the other being in one of the C9 universities of China. I will also be able to apply my skills learned to real-world scenarios as I participate in co-op opportunities at home and abroad. These coop opportunities will also allow me to make connections, which will help me find employment in the future. For my second goal, this program will help me achieve it by allowing me to study in China. This experience abroad will allow me to achieve a degree of fluency in the Mandarin language which will help me with getting around, living and working in China. Immersing myself in Chinese society and culture will also allow me to have a great understanding of the country and people living there. Also, those opportunities will allow me to experience what it's like to work for a Chinese company, giving invaluable experience that will help with adjusting to any future job with Chinese companies. The co-op opportunities in China will help me with this, as the connections with Chinese companies could help me in the future with employment in China.

ng864

Oct 17, 2019

Scholarship / Foreign languages and literature - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR KOREAN SCHOLARSHIP (GRADUATE) [3]

@Mariaa1234567891
these ~~enabling~~ me to discover
Should be "these enabledme"

... as well, with
I don't think you need a comma here.

The rest of your personal statement is really well written and structured. I hope my suggestions helped.

ng864

Oct 17, 2019

Writing Feedback / Should travellers obey local customs and behaviors when they visit other countries or not? [2]

@roswita116
people utterly disagree with that
I would add a "with" here.

local policy as and ...
I don't see any need for the "as" here.

... more flexible and ~~diversity~~
"diverse" would be more appropriate in this sentence.

~~In the~~ meanwhile
Consider removing the "in the", or changing the phrase altogether.

... that respecting local customs is necessary. No matter others dispute and think that host countries should ..., I strongly ~~consider~~ protecting local culture is ~~overriding~~.

For the part in blue, you should rephrase as it doesn't make sense. For the last part, I think you should use a better word than "consider" in this case. "protecting local culture is overriding" doesn't make sense to me, so you should rephrase that.

I don't know if I should stand firmly at one side or not in summary..( I mean after I discuss both point of views, should I state which position I prefer or i think it is better than the other one in summary?)

The prompt asks for you to give your own opinion, so you should stand firmly on one side. I'm not sure what you mean by "state which position I prefer or I think it is better", as the position you prefer should be the "better" option in your opinion.

Hope this helps.

ng864

Oct 16, 2019

Undergraduate / The Importance of Education - What is important to you and why? - UBC Personal Profile [3]

Thank you in advance for any help in fixing errors and suggestions for changes.
What is important to you? And why?

(maximum 250 words)

To me, education is important. Regardless of what I do in the future, the information I have learned and whatever I learn next will always be with me. My education is very important to me, as the information and skills I learn are very valuable to my future career, but the education of others is also important to me. Everyone benefits from a well-educated population and helping each other learn more leads us towards a better society. For this reason, in addition to the focus I have on my education, I have developed an eager willingness to assist those around me.

Alongside being a peer tutor in Digital Media Development 12, I strive to help fellow students around me in other classes as well as outside of school during other activities. Doing this has enabled me to grow as an individual as I learn about differences in people through working with them. This has benefitted me as I have developed into a person that can comprehend others and their individual needs. As the people I help come to see me as a role model they can rely on for help, I can see that I have made a positive impact on those around me. Seeing the success achieved by others as I work together with them towards achieving their goals has brought joy to myself. Furthermore, it has also allowed me to realize the importance of education not just for oneself, but also for others.

ng864

Oct 16, 2019

Writing Feedback / Utilizing gap year period through working or travelling (WRITING TASK 2) [2]

@Ali20
Utilizing a gap year
You should use "a" in the first sentence.

take much of budgets
You should rephrase this part as it doesn't sound right. "take up much of a budget" may sound better.

assume that ~~involve~~ in a/the workplace
It should be "involved" rather than "involve" and you should indicate if it's "a" workplace or "the" (a specific) workplace.

You have good writing and great points. I hope this helps.

ng864

Oct 16, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: In the future, it seems more difficult to live on the Earth. [5]

looking for other planets to live
You should make sure "planet" includes the "s" at the end to indicate multiple planets. If you meant only one other planet, you could use "another" instead of "other".

to doubt of plan to move
This part of your sentence is confusing and I'm not sure what you're trying to say. I suggest that you rephrase this part.

to the Earth, ~~but~~ whether living organisms ever
There shouldn't be a "but" here. After removing the "but", add a comma to Earth.

7.7 billions people
It should just be "7.7 billion" rather than billions. Also, I'm not sure anyone suggests moving the entire population on Earth to another planet, so you may wish to consider changing this point.

We can ~~image~~
Did you mean "imagine" instead?

~~Inspire~~ of the fact that
Did you mean "inspite" instead?

depletion of natural resources
You should have an "of" here.

rise of sea ~~lever~~ causes ...
Did you mean "levels" instead of "lever" ? Also, consider rephrasing the second part of this sentence as it doesn't sound right. "Causing more land to be shrunk" would be a possible alternative.

The main point of your writing seems good. I hoped this helped.

ng864

Oct 16, 2019

Undergraduate / My interest in Computer Science and Chinese Culture - SFU Dual Degree Program Statement of Interest [2]

Thank you in advance for any help on fixing errors and suggesting changes.

Statement of Interest:

Why are you interested in pursuing the SFU-Zhejiang University Dual Degree Program? (250 words maximum)

I am interested in this program because of my interest in both Computer Science and Chinese culture. As an ethnic Chinese born outside of China, immersing myself in the culture of my ancestors and learning Mandarin is something I'd love to do. I recognize that the technology sector of China is growing at a fast pace, and I would like to take advantage of the opportunities I can get to study in China to immerse myself and learn from Chinese education and culture. I also find appeal in living in a foreign country, as I will be stepping out of my comfort zone like never before. I hope this experience will allow me to grow and mature as a person. Furthermore, studying Computing Science in two top universities in two countries will allow me to gain the skills I need for my career in a globalized world. Having degrees from both universities will also help me in job searching. I have been passionate about technology and have wanted to pursue a technology-related career since I was young, and I believe this program will be very beneficial to me as I participate in it and learn more. I also hope to gain work experience through the opportunities for co-op in China and make connections there. As it has been my dream to pursue education and possibly a future career in China, this program will allow me to succeed in one of my goals and launch me towards reaching my next goals.

ng864

Oct 16, 2019

Essays / Help with Hook for my essay on Macbeth [2]

@abc1234
"From the early ages
I think this could be worded better. You could add "early ages of mankind" or a similar addition. Alternatively, you could start off with a different phrase that has the same meaning.

concept of fate vs. freewill
You should add the "." after "vs"

Other than that, what you came up with sounds okay to me. You should be able to link it to Macbeth demonstrating freewill without difficulty.

ng864

Oct 16, 2019

Writing Feedback / Forcing the Unpaid Community Service in High Schools (TASK 2) [2]

@Ali20
do unpaid social ...
This part is confusing. Do you mean that "unpaid social service is supported by some rather than of some?
it will enhance ... and ~~the~~ will obtain job experience.
"about social surrounding" also sounds confusing to me. I think surroundings would sound better, or another phrase altogether.
You also used the instead of they.
... held voluntary project in rural area ...

I would suggest saying "a" voluntary project rather than just "voluntary project" by itself, and "a" rural area or rural areas if multiple areas were involved.

... minority of students ~~who~~ have it.
I think the "who" here is unnecessary.
Fortunately, after graduated from ...
It should be "after graduating" rather than "after graduated"

Hope this helped.

ng864

Oct 15, 2019

Undergraduate / Student with passion for technology - UBC Personal Profile - Who are you? [2]

Hello, this is my personal profile application for UBC. Please help with suggestions on what to fix to improve it.

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

I am a dedicated student with a never-ending curiosity and a passion for technology and its potential to shape the future. Throughout my life, as I discovered new things, the question of "How does it work?" has always been the first to come to mind. Through attempts to find the answers to these questions, I discovered a craving to learn more about computers, software and their implications for the future of the world. As an immigrant, watching my parents gain so much in Canada inspires me to work hard and make the most of my opportunities to improve myself and the world.

My friends would describe me as a persistent and insightful individual that loves to share new information. While appreciating what I add to discussions, they admire that I am always working towards goals without yielding. Additionally, my teachers characterize me as responsible and independent. They describe me as someone always on task, working well individually and in groups. My parents recognize me as confident and open-minded, noting that I listen to various opinions and have a strong faith in myself and my ability to succeed.

I am most proud of overcoming my inhibitions. From my childhood to early teenage years, I had always been shy and quiet. In the past few years, I have intentionally stepped out of my comfort zone, challenging myself to be more outgoing. I have changed as a person for the better, and I hope I can continue to improve myself.

One at a time.