Undergraduate / Brown Short Response (Why Brown) [6]

Comments and criticism welcome! Thanks!

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? [1000 chars]

"That government is best which governs least," proclaimed Transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau. I absolutely agree with this bold statement; while researching various universities, I have found that Brown is the perfect fit for me. This is where possibilities are endless and "governing" is the last thing the faculty will do. I can definitely thrive in a liberal learning environment and look forward to developing my own core curriculum. Furthermore, the applied mathematics department has fascinated me. D.U.G. (Department Undergraduate Group) sessions and weekly seminars with international speakers are events I anticipate to attend. Combining mathematics and economics, Brown University will teach me proper analytical and critical thinking skills enabling me to reach my fullest potential. Without a doubt, an education at this prestigious institution will be a step in the right direction towards my goal of solving our financial quandaries with the powers of economics and mathematics.

Undergraduate / 'Not an artist myself' - Stanford A Good Place For You (many opportunities) [6]

Please help me! This is a rough draft. This essay is my weakest point and any help is appreciated!

Comments&Criticism welcome!

Once again, Thank you for taking your time.

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

The varsity badminton team needs at least eleven points to capture the win over the opposing team. I provide the team with four. However, my team is unsuccessful and cannot produce a single point after that. Although I have won my individual events, it is frustrating to see my very own teammates lose. As the season progresses, our team worked on each other's weaknesses and employed strategies that exploited our opponent's shortcomings. This idea of collaborating and bringing out the best in each other was amazing, as we formed unforgettable bonds. Even though badminton and Stanford may appear to have nothing in common, they are both communities in which competition is friendly, not fierce, and everyone is willing to promote ideas that benefit the entire school population.

This prestigious institution is where leaders are born, innovation is witnessed, and creativity is expressed. It is perfect for me, providing an all around balance between academics, arts, and athletics. Stanford may contain a diverse society, but this doesn't stop students from working towards a common goal. Differences are inevitable, but with the Diverse Works program, these distinctions become nonexistent as students share information about their individual cultures. What really appealed to me was the academic and research opportunities readily available on campus. A particular program that caught my eye was the level of mathematics accessible at Stanford, particular the Financial Mathematics graduate program. A degree in financial mathematics has sparked my interest as it combines the powers of mathematics with the concepts of economics and the practicality of business. Furthermore, I would love to be acquainted with Professor Kenneth Singleton, the professor of management that educates students on when to take risks and the importance of pricing models. These concepts are certainly vital in the past, present, and future. Stanford truly has an exceptional academic reputation, but there are other aspects that define Stanford as well.

Although I may not be an artist myself, creativity and self expression through art is commonplace throughout Stanford. There are many opportunities to experience masterpieces from other students and enjoy paintings from over 4,000 years ago. For instance, the Cantor Arts Center is the perfect place to witness the extensive history of art. Creativity at Stanford is inevitable; the professors' approach of allowing students to take risks and make mistakes is a perspective that guides oneself to success. Stanford will definitely allow me to express my individuality and to think outside the box.

Some may believe that extracurricular activities are limited at Stanford due to its rigorous courses. However, Stanford has an impressive athletic program that has celebrated many championships over the years. Screaming at the top of my lungs at the annual football game against Cal is something I look forward to. Also, playing badminton as an intramural sport will allow me to relax and continue my passion. With its Spanish villa style architecture and classic red roofs, Stanford is always a tranquil location no matter where you are on the campus. Whether it be getting involved in student activities at Old Union or enjoying the soothing sounds of the fountains, Stanford is ideal for me since it provides numerous ways to unwind and just simply live life to its fullest.

Undergraduate / University of Michigan (Issue of Local Concern) [5]

Comments and Criticism Welcome!

[B] Discuss an issue of local concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed? (500 words)

The game is getting down to the wire, I'm cheering vehemently out of my seat, Kobe Bryant hits the game-winning shot and the Los Angeles Lakers just won the game. This feeling of excitement and joyousness is felt by all Laker fans as they progress towards the exit of Staples Center. As my family and I head towards the parking lot still in disbelief of the miraculous victory, I witness a chaotic scene as numerous cars are backed up with nowhere to move. Brake lights are flashing left and right as drivers furiously honk at each other. Our once delightful mood has shifted into a nerve-racking situation. What was supposed to be a 45 minute drive home ended up taking two miserable hours. In an immense city such as Los Angeles, traffic and car pileups are sometimes inevitable. However, imagine shifting this awful dilemma to Diamond Bar, a city that is a fraction of the size of Los Angeles.

The construction of a new football stadium has recently been proposed to the city of Diamond Bar. This topic has sparked many petitions and debates throughout the city. I personally believe the addition of a stadium will engender more problems than solutions. To begin with, the stadium is intended to be located at the intersection of the 57 and 60 freeways, the most congested section in Diamond Bar. Not only would this affect daily commutes, but also worsen the already hectic traffic issues. Furthermore, the location is within the proximity of a "village" which consists of many restaurants, shops, and fitness centers where many teenagers spend their leisure time. As a result, side streets as well as freeways would be heavily affected. The land allotted to the stadium is also very limited, leaving inadequate space for parking. Although transportation is a major issue, there are various other issues that impact Diamond Bar residents as well.

Many loyal residents of Diamond Bar are against the building of a stadium. Houses surrounding the suggested location will lose much of its value since traffic and noise are unattractive. Therefore, these houses will be difficult to sell in the future and owners will be frustrated. The city is also not certain whether the stadium will generate profit or be in excessive debt. In addition, the National Football League season does not span the entire year. The season commences in early September and concludes in December or January so the stadium will not be able to be used to its fullest potential for the whole year. Introducing minor events or concerts will produce additional revenue. However, these venues will not make up for the cost of the $800 million stadium. Consequently, the disadvantages of the stadium far outweigh its minimal advantages.

As I pursue a career in business, this concern has allowed me to step into the shoes of all the aspects of this crucial decision. Contemplating both the pros and cons of a situation is essential in determining the beneficial choice. Moreover, it is necessary to analyze whether the tradeoffs were worthwhile of not. From a business perspective, this issue has enabled me to consider the contrasting perspectives of any critical decision needed to be made.

Undergraduate / USC (Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence) [2]

Comments and criticism always welcome! THANKS!

Thomas Edison failed many times before successfully inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence. (500-700 words)

What if you had worked on something all your life, but had to suddenly modify this effort and still be expected to perform at the same level? Can this simple change ruin everything? I was faced with this situation during my sophomore year on the varsity badminton team. The majority of the starting lineup had graduated the previous season, so there were many spots that needed to be filled. Consequently, this meant stepping out of my comfort zone and accepting the challenge to meet the team's needs. I have played singles all my life, which meant that I had the entire court space to myself. I love the feeling of assuming your own responsibilities and not having to rely on someone else to attain the victory. Simultaneously, I can only blame myself for my own mistakes since I am the only one on the hardwood floor. Exploiting the opponent's weaknesses and directing your shots to the alleys are typical strategies used in badminton. All of this abruptly changed when my coach pulled me aside and informed me that I was to play mixed doubles for the upcoming season. Not only was there going to be another player I have to share the court with, but also I felt I had no control over the game's destiny. I was not going to let the team down and was motivated to execute wins throughout the season.

Before this season, I had never met my partner before and I was expected to perform at the varsity level where opponents were much older. I knew that many hours of practice would be required to complete the task at hand. I was driven and focused on perfecting our rotation and style of play. Getting used to each other's shots and distinct approaches were vital. After a few practices, we discussed our weaknesses and improved upon them. Then, we constructed a game plan to take advantage of each other's strong skill sets so that our weaknesses weren't exposed. Trust is an important element in a doubles match. For instance, it is vital that we equally share our responsibilities and avoid one particular person carrying the load. The season was imminent and our first varsity game together was against Webb High School. The game commenced and all of our dedication came down to this opening match. The opponents were off to a quick start and built up a commendable lead. However, my partner and I discussed some flaws in their rotation and started executing our preseason game plan. We repeatedly aimed for the gaps and their backhands. A comeback was ensuing, and we capped off our first official match with a win. We continued the season successfully and remained undefeated. However, a tough challenge would be inevitable.

Our local rival, Wilson High School, were the strongest opponents in our league. They also trained diligently and achieving a single point from them was never easily done. We met them at the San Antonio League Finals and were scheduled to play their mixed doubles team in the finals. Through all of the drills and additional practice sessions, my partner and I knew we were prepared to face any team and were not going to give up. Despite our loss of the first set, we were determined to fight back. We ultimately won the second set and a third deciding set would be needed to determine the winner. We knew this game was close and decided on some techniques that would give us easy, manageable points. Even though we challenged every single shot aimed at us, we ultimately lost the match. I am not disappointed with our loss, however. We persevered and endured all season long. We silenced the doubters and made strides that no one thought would be possible.

Undergraduate / 'Young woman from Hong Kong and LA - your family, community or school [3]

Comments & criticism always welcome! Thank you for taking the time to read this (:

Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

A young woman just concluded fourteen strenuous hours of flight from Hong Kong and the bustling city of Los Angeles has been waiting for her arrival. At the age of sixteen, the sights and sounds of this metropolitan city were foreign to her. This woman, who had left her mother behind to pursue the esteemed American dream, looked at the hundreds of people wandering throughout the airport knowing that this would be her new home. She was determined to thrive in her new environment through diligence, persistence, and motivation. Fast forward a few years and she had graduated from a university and obtained an internship at Kenneth Leventhal, a prestigious accounting firm. While balancing her family duties and acquiring her certification to be a public accountant, she was gradually climbing the ladder of success. This woman, who never gave up her ambitions and sacrificed so many things for the benefit of others, is my beloved mother.

Throughout my childhood, my mother would always recount the details of her inspiring journey to America to me. At such a young age, I did not fully understand how arduous her life had been. However, as I grew up and witnessed the stressful look in her eyes, I began to apprehend and appreciate all of her efforts.

During the summer of my junior year, I began an internship at a private homebuilder's tax where my mom is employed. This was an exciting opportunity as I got a look into the real world of business and accounting. Furthermore, I was able to soar into the professional aspect of life. By the end of the first week, I was enervated and barely survived the conventional eight hour workday. On the other hand, my mom kept going strong for ten hours, even neglecting her lunch break. As she came home and dropped her briefcase, her second job commenced as she prepared dinner. Knowing that she had just returned form a chaotic day at work, I would help in any way possible, something that I scarcely did before my internship.

My mother's adventure to America and her steps toward success will always influence me. Moreover, her unique formula to success will be cherished forever. As I begin my own journey to unfamiliar places and foreign ideas, I am willing to accept any challenge and overcome the obstacles headed my way. As I follow the footsteps of my mother, I will be a determined individual who will prosper through the same ways she did: perseverance, endurance and an indefatigable drive to be unsurpassed.

Undergraduate / 'An inspirational basketball coach' - UC Essay quality, contribution) [2]

Comments and criticism are always welcome! Thank you for spending your time to read this (:

Tell us about a personal quality, talent accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

During a brief break in basketball practice, Scott Ueda was still on the court practicing his free throws disregarding his allowed time to unwind. Miss after miss, this determined twelve year old basketball player shook his head in frustration as he tried another shot. Coming from a family successful in athletics and a world of sports fanatics, I took this opportunity to instruct and to alleviate Scott's weaknesses. As assistant coach to the SOC community youth basketball group, my job was to enable the kids to achieve the next level in their performance and engender a plethora of new skills into their individual skill sets. Scott was the smallest player on the team, the one who only played in blowouts and had the least playing time. Although his own teammates may have overlooked or underestimated his abilities, I had faith that he could succeed. Looking at his situation and his continued dissatisfaction, I knew I could assist him since I have personally been in the same situation before.

I analyzed his shooting form and noticed that the ball was always veering towards the right. Furthermore, the ball was not getting enough backspin and always clanked the rim. I went up to Scott and advised him to take a step towards the left and to incorporate more wrist motion into his shot. He acknowledged my advice and prepared for his upcoming shot. Scott spun the ball a few times in his hands and bent his legs for the shot; this time there was more rotation and the ball was aligned with the rim. My eyes followed the course of the basketball and watched it softly swish through the net. He glanced back at me and had a grin so extensive that it was literally past his ears. Helping Scott make a free throw will not transform him into Michael Jordan, but it will instill a spark of confidence that has been lacking in previous games. After seeing him execute a few more free throws, I left the gymnasium knowing that I have forever changed Scott's viewpoint and attitude. The following Sunday, the opening league game was being held and I took my customary seat on the bench writing down the statistics of all the players on the team. Scott was ready to check in during the second quarter and to test out his new shooting method. As the head coach called out the plays, the point guard directed the flowing offense. Scott was wide open in the left corner and a crisp pass was bounced to him. He bent his undersized legs and kept the ball leveled with the rim. The shot had a beautiful arc and went through the rim as the crowd erupted off its seats. They had just witnessed Scott's first two points of the season. As he hustled back to play defense, he pointed towards me and had an illustrious smile on his face. This single game was just the first stepping stone into the most memorable season of his career that ultimately culminated with the most improved player award.

Having been taught by an inspirational coach myself, I know that a motivational figure is vital in a player's development. When I had "retired" from the basketball leagues, I knew that giving back to the community was the next phase. Throughout all the practices, I have preached a message that hard work and selflessness are guaranteed ways to accomplishment both on and off the court. I may not have been able to bring the championship trophy to them, but I have brought a new outlook and approach to basketball to each player. My surroundings have inspired me to become a better person and to influence others in any way possible as I will always remember when the ball left Scott's hands and fell right through the net.