THC1310vn
Mar 31, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Pie chart: Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity [3]
Thank you @ taeyonieee. That"s very helpful.
Thank you @ taeyonieee. That"s very helpful.
THC1310vn
Mar 30, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Pie chart: Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity [3]
The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.
The pie charts illustrate the revenue sources and expenditure of a charitable organization for children in USA in the year 2016.
Overall, donated food made up the predominant part of revenue sources, while investment income and government grants were the smallest segments. In comparison, the bulk of money was spent on program services, whereas management and general contributed least to the expenditure.
In detail, donated food account for 86.6% of the total revenue source, while only just over one tenth of the revenue was from community contributions. Noticeably, government grants and investment income shared the same figure, which was 0.2%. Besides, program revenue and other income were 2.2% and 0.4% respectively. The total revenue was $53,561,580.
Furthermore, program services, which almost dominated the expenditure, tallied 95.8%. In stark contrast, only 2.6 of the spending was contributed by fundraising, and the figure for management and general was at 1.6%. The total spending was &53,224,896, which was approximately $340,000 higher than the total revenue.
Revenue Sources and Expenditures
The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.
The pie charts illustrate the revenue sources and expenditure of a charitable organization for children in USA in the year 2016.
Overall, donated food made up the predominant part of revenue sources, while investment income and government grants were the smallest segments. In comparison, the bulk of money was spent on program services, whereas management and general contributed least to the expenditure.
In detail, donated food account for 86.6% of the total revenue source, while only just over one tenth of the revenue was from community contributions. Noticeably, government grants and investment income shared the same figure, which was 0.2%. Besides, program revenue and other income were 2.2% and 0.4% respectively. The total revenue was $53,561,580.
Furthermore, program services, which almost dominated the expenditure, tallied 95.8%. In stark contrast, only 2.6 of the spending was contributed by fundraising, and the figure for management and general was at 1.6%. The total spending was &53,224,896, which was approximately $340,000 higher than the total revenue.
THC1310vn
Mar 29, 2020
Writing Feedback / Giving possibility to choose subjects students prefer or enforcing obligatory subjects at schools? [5]
"Some express the opinion ..."
This sentence must have a comma before the word "whereas". That is a grammar mistakes.
"students have to strive to ..."
what do you mean when using "are relative to". It should be "related".
"These subjects might not draw ...". There is no "draw attraction". There are only "draw sb's interest" or "draw sb's attention".
"It is lucid to say that these ..."
I do not know what kind this sentence is. It's a totally run-on sentence which breaks the whole structure and degrades your score.
I would fix "... these subjects, which ... diversely subjects, which supply's them ...
"Some express the opinion ..."
This sentence must have a comma before the word "whereas". That is a grammar mistakes.
"students have to strive to ..."
what do you mean when using "are relative to". It should be "related".
"These subjects might not draw ...". There is no "draw attraction". There are only "draw sb's interest" or "draw sb's attention".
"It is lucid to say that these ..."
I do not know what kind this sentence is. It's a totally run-on sentence which breaks the whole structure and degrades your score.
I would fix "... these subjects, which ... diversely subjects, which supply's them ...
THC1310vn
Mar 29, 2020
Writing Feedback / Australian household energy use and greenhouse gas emissions. Task 1: IELTS - CAMBRIDGE 10 [7]
"ranging from water heating..."
I think there is only the phrase "range from sth to sth". Where's the "to". But this word is not suitable in this situation.
I would fix "namely water heating, refrigeration, lighting, cooling, heating, and other appliances". I often see " other appliances" at the end of the sentence in most of the academic writing.
"the proportions of total greenhouse emitted almost as double as those of energy consumption". You missed to be before "as double as".
And the most important thing is that your essay is not coherent. This pie chart does not mention the year, so all your essay should be in present tense. But I see you used both past tense and present tense. It will dramatically downgrades your score.
"ranging from water heating..."
I think there is only the phrase "range from sth to sth". Where's the "to". But this word is not suitable in this situation.
I would fix "namely water heating, refrigeration, lighting, cooling, heating, and other appliances". I often see " other appliances" at the end of the sentence in most of the academic writing.
"the proportions of total greenhouse emitted almost as double as those of energy consumption". You missed to be before "as double as".
And the most important thing is that your essay is not coherent. This pie chart does not mention the year, so all your essay should be in present tense. But I see you used both past tense and present tense. It will dramatically downgrades your score.
THC1310vn
Mar 28, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Process diagram: Generating electricity [5]
Thank you all of you for helping me!
Thank you all of you for helping me!
THC1310vn
Mar 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Process diagram: Generating electricity [5]
The diagrams illustrates the way in which a hydroelectric dam creates electricity.
Overall, it is apparent that water, which is contained in the reservoir, is the key material for the process. Meanwhile, electricity is generated in the powerhouse.
Initially, water flows through an intake to a chamber called penstock. After that, water follows the current and applies pressure to the turbine, forcing it to rotate in a circular movement. At the next stage, the turbine begins to creates energy. Energy is then supplied to the generator attached to the turbine. Following this, the generator converts energy into electricity in the powerhouse, and power lines are in charge of distributing electricity to distant areas through a machine.
It is interesting to note that the dam is constructed on the river, and the bulk of the procedure happens underground. Besides, abundant water follows its current and ends up in the river. Then, it is renewable, and electricity is automatically generated again with the hydroelectric dam.
The diagram shows how electricity is generated by a hydroelectric dam
.The diagrams illustrates the way in which a hydroelectric dam creates electricity.
Overall, it is apparent that water, which is contained in the reservoir, is the key material for the process. Meanwhile, electricity is generated in the powerhouse.
Initially, water flows through an intake to a chamber called penstock. After that, water follows the current and applies pressure to the turbine, forcing it to rotate in a circular movement. At the next stage, the turbine begins to creates energy. Energy is then supplied to the generator attached to the turbine. Following this, the generator converts energy into electricity in the powerhouse, and power lines are in charge of distributing electricity to distant areas through a machine.
It is interesting to note that the dam is constructed on the river, and the bulk of the procedure happens underground. Besides, abundant water follows its current and ends up in the river. Then, it is renewable, and electricity is automatically generated again with the hydroelectric dam.
THC1310vn
Mar 23, 2020
Writing Feedback / Should we apply new ways of finding the compatible person for a job, in lieu of interviews [3]
it should be "who have adequate qualities, will ...". If you have a comma, it will grammatically wrong.
"It is apparently that "=
... from employers although they ...
It must have a comma before "although'
"communicate and corresponding", why is there is "V and V-ing". It is wrong, and i would fix "comprehending"
it should be "who have adequate qualities
"It is apparently that "=
... from employers although they ...
It must have a comma before "although'
"communicate and corresponding", why is there is "V and V-ing". It is wrong, and i would fix "comprehend
THC1310vn
Mar 18, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Advantages and Disadvantges: Conveniece foods [6]
@ ravatrav. Thank you so much. What a worthy feedback you give me !
@ ravatrav. Thank you so much. What a worthy feedback you give me !
THC1310vn
Mar 18, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1- <table>the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales [3]
please showing your table by clicking the word "[+] image" the next time
Ok, you know how to write, but there are still some trivial mistakes.
"down-ward tendency to compare with...", there is no such phrase. "in comparison with" or "compared to' are right phrase.
"reach its peak with the higher ...". I think it is grammatically wrong, so I would fix "the number of factories was reported to reach its peak which was three times higher, as opposed to the data in 1851. Remember to have a comma, otherwise it will degrade your grammar score.
"in which the data of female was as twice as male.". You should write "male's", you were talking about the "data of male"
please showing your table by clicking the word "[+] image" the next time
Ok, you know how to write, but there are still some trivial mistakes.
"down-ward tendency to compare with...", there is no such phrase. "in comparison with" or "compared to' are right phrase.
"reach its peak with the higher ...". I think it is grammatically wrong, so I would fix "the number of factories was reported to reach its peak which was three times higher, as opposed to the data in 1851. Remember to have a comma, otherwise it will degrade your grammar score.
"in which the data of female was as twice as male.". You should write "male's", you were talking about the "data of male"
THC1310vn
Mar 17, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Advantages and Disadvantges: Conveniece foods [6]
The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of modern life style. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Do the advantges outweigh the disadvantages?
There is an increasing number of people opting for convenience for in response to fast-paced modern lifestyle. This way, it makes a big change in companies and consumers alike. Although this phenomenon brings both advantages and disadvantages, the advantages absolutely outweigh the disadvantages.
The two main advantages of this trend are offering opportunities for busy people and creating a novel industry for many corporations. First of all, business, who have to engross themselves in their work, stand a good chance to reduce the time for eating and prioritise their business. For example, most of the employees can only spend a few minutes for lunchtime, so convenience foods are reasonable options. Moreover, convenience foods emerging rapidly lead to the establishment of many companies. The demands for these foods are high, and many companies make a fortune with regard to this trend. For instance, convenience stores like Circle K and KFC become prevalent brands due to the increase of these foods.
However, obesity and addiction to convenience foods are definitely alarming issues. It is undeniable that these foods contain unhealthy substances and lacking nutrients, which increase the rate of obese people. Furthermore, convenience foods deprive the ability of cooking from people. Needless to say, people are more dependent on these foods than the past, and at the same time the consuming of junk foods is going up. It can clearly be seen that young people in some countries are unable to cook meals for themselves, and hamburgers are widely chosen for breakfast. Nevertheless, if junk foods were consumed moderately, there would be no need to concern.
In conclusion, although convenience foods leads to obesity and addiction, it has an extremely positive impact on busy people and market. I believe that its benefits definitely outweigh its drawbacks.
convenience foods emerging rapidly
The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of modern life style. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Do the advantges outweigh the disadvantages?
There is an increasing number of people opting for convenience for in response to fast-paced modern lifestyle. This way, it makes a big change in companies and consumers alike. Although this phenomenon brings both advantages and disadvantages, the advantages absolutely outweigh the disadvantages.
The two main advantages of this trend are offering opportunities for busy people and creating a novel industry for many corporations. First of all, business, who have to engross themselves in their work, stand a good chance to reduce the time for eating and prioritise their business. For example, most of the employees can only spend a few minutes for lunchtime, so convenience foods are reasonable options. Moreover, convenience foods emerging rapidly lead to the establishment of many companies. The demands for these foods are high, and many companies make a fortune with regard to this trend. For instance, convenience stores like Circle K and KFC become prevalent brands due to the increase of these foods.
However, obesity and addiction to convenience foods are definitely alarming issues. It is undeniable that these foods contain unhealthy substances and lacking nutrients, which increase the rate of obese people. Furthermore, convenience foods deprive the ability of cooking from people. Needless to say, people are more dependent on these foods than the past, and at the same time the consuming of junk foods is going up. It can clearly be seen that young people in some countries are unable to cook meals for themselves, and hamburgers are widely chosen for breakfast. Nevertheless, if junk foods were consumed moderately, there would be no need to concern.
In conclusion, although convenience foods leads to obesity and addiction, it has an extremely positive impact on busy people and market. I believe that its benefits definitely outweigh its drawbacks.
THC1310vn
Mar 16, 2020
Writing Feedback / A few languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly [3]
You have amazing ideas with informative examples, but you still have some mistakes to be figured out.
Firstly, you don't have to give 2 examples in the second paragraph, the example about cliche is good enough.
" On the other hand, when some languages are unfamiliar to many individuals, its origins and cultural values can be ignored."
I think you try to bring up another statement, but it is totally repetitive.
I suggest you write a conclusion of a paragraph to summon up your ideas "Thus, invaluable legacy off minor cultures is forgotten due to their unfamiliar languages"
Moreover, "well-known language like English", the word "well-known" is mostly used for people. I suggest "prevalent language like English", it means popular , which is more suitable in this case.
In the last paragraph, your third paragraph is not coherent. Initially, you say this trend lead to inequalities for aboriginal people, then you mention about the benefits which are brought to the multinational companies. Although you mention about the misunderstanding between companies and employees not knowing English, you say it brings less incomes to the companies. What about the effect to employees not knowing, did you mention anything?
You have amazing ideas with informative examples, but you still have some mistakes to be figured out.
Firstly, you don't have to give 2 examples in the second paragraph, the example about cliche is good enough.
" On the other hand, when some languages are unfamiliar to many individuals, its origins and cultural values can be ignored."
I think you try to bring up another statement, but it is totally repetitive.
I suggest you write a conclusion of a paragraph to summon up your ideas "Thus, invaluable legacy off minor cultures is forgotten due to their unfamiliar languages"
Moreover, "well-known language like English", the word "well-known" is mostly used for people. I suggest "prevalent language like English", it means popular , which is more suitable in this case.
In the last paragraph, your third paragraph is not coherent. Initially, you say this trend lead to inequalities for aboriginal people, then you mention about the benefits which are brought to the multinational companies. Although you mention about the misunderstanding between companies and employees not knowing English, you say it brings less incomes to the companies. What about the effect to employees not knowing, did you mention anything?
THC1310vn
Mar 16, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Countries are becoming more and more similar because... [4]
You have a wide range of vocab, grammar, and ideas, but there are still some mistakes.
First, don't use "etc" in writing. It is informal language.
And more important, the question asks you to discuss about similarities between countries emerges from "buying the same products". However, you only answer half of the question. You only answer the whole question in the first and second paragraph, then you pay the rest of your essay to discuss about globalization. There is nothing related the term "buy the same products". It means you are almost off-topic due to not fully understanding, especially the paragraphs about mess of architecture and COVID-19. Is it related to buying the same products?
I recommend you to replace your fourth paragraphs with ideas about the local brands struggling in the market and there are not many kind of products to suffice the demands of different classes of people.
You have a wide range of vocab, grammar, and ideas, but there are still some mistakes.
First, don't use "etc" in writing. It is informal language.
And more important, the question asks you to discuss about similarities between countries emerges from "buying the same products". However, you only answer half of the question. You only answer the whole question in the first and second paragraph, then you pay the rest of your essay to discuss about globalization. There is nothing related the term "buy the same products". It means you are almost off-topic due to not fully understanding, especially the paragraphs about mess of architecture and COVID-19. Is it related to buying the same products?
I recommend you to replace your fourth paragraphs with ideas about the local brands struggling in the market and there are not many kind of products to suffice the demands of different classes of people.
THC1310vn
Mar 13, 2020
Writing Feedback / The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000. [3]
@ Tran Ha Chi, Thank you for pointing out my mistake.
@ Tran Ha Chi, Thank you for pointing out my mistake.
THC1310vn
Mar 11, 2020
Writing Feedback / The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000. [3]
The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000.
The bar chart provides information regarding gross domestic product from IT and Service Industry of the UK between 1992 and 2000.
Overall, the rate of products in IT Industry exceeded its counterpart in Service Industry, although there are upward trends in both of them. Noticeably, IT Industry witnessed a more rapid growth.
IT Industry tallied about 6 percent in 1992, which was tripled compared to Service Industry. Two years later, it reported a nearly 2 per cent increase before slightly sinking to less than 8 per cent. Despite a moderate decline, the percentage of IT Industry accelerated from approximately 8 percent to 12 percent, and reach a high of about 15 percent, doubling the percentage of Service Industry.
Besides, the proportion of Service Industry only accounted for 4 per cent of GDP in the initial year, and it markedly slid to around 6 percent in 1994. After that, this figure slightly go up in 1996 and almost reach 8 per cent in 1998 before exceeding this number in the end of the 8-year period.
Gross Domestic Product in the UK
The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000.
The bar chart provides information regarding gross domestic product from IT and Service Industry of the UK between 1992 and 2000.
Overall, the rate of products in IT Industry exceeded its counterpart in Service Industry, although there are upward trends in both of them. Noticeably, IT Industry witnessed a more rapid growth.
IT Industry tallied about 6 percent in 1992, which was tripled compared to Service Industry. Two years later, it reported a nearly 2 per cent increase before slightly sinking to less than 8 per cent. Despite a moderate decline, the percentage of IT Industry accelerated from approximately 8 percent to 12 percent, and reach a high of about 15 percent, doubling the percentage of Service Industry.
Besides, the proportion of Service Industry only accounted for 4 per cent of GDP in the initial year, and it markedly slid to around 6 percent in 1994. After that, this figure slightly go up in 1996 and almost reach 8 per cent in 1998 before exceeding this number in the end of the 8-year period.
THC1310vn
Mar 10, 2020
Writing Feedback / The modern technology has a great impact on the ultimate way people live now [3]
I think you have critical thinking, but the way you express it is not good enough.
First, you should check your spelling before posting. So many words are wrong "evoling, artificial intelligent, high-teach"
"That is to say, intelligent robots are fed with information and those machines with metal bodies are having a lot of incredible ability to endure spaces which could reach high accuracy information of searching"
This is a very risky sentence which can turn to be a run-on sentence and your idea is not expressed clearly.
I would fix "That is to say, intelligent robots are able to store information and their incredible abilities to endure severe conditions can allow humans to access to accurate information of searching"
" As a results, people can descend their time-comsuming to unwind and that make their life more useful".
I think this sentence is too hard to catch on and it seems to be you did not check your essay. I know what you want to say but it should be " As a result, people can spend less time on trivial matters and utilize their times."
Most important thing is that your essay is not coherent. Your statement in the intro says that you "totally agree". And then, you admit the cons. I think it's not wrong, but that paragraph is valueless, because you only accept the cons and talk about the tendency of people. It is not supported and has nothing related to your first statement.
Then again, you clearly accept both pros and cons in the ending, it makes your intro and end as they are in different essays. I remind you that in the conclusion, you can only restate what you wrote in the intro with paraphrase. NO SCORING OR BAN!
I think you have critical thinking, but the way you express it is not good enough.
First, you should check your spelling before posting. So many words are wrong "evoling, artificial intelligent, high-teach"
"That is to say, intelligent robots are fed with information and those machines with metal bodies are having a lot of incredible ability to endure spaces which could reach high accuracy information of searching"
This is a very risky sentence which can turn to be a run-on sentence and your idea is not expressed clearly.
I would fix "That is to say, intelligent robots are able to store information and their incredible abilities to endure severe conditions can allow humans to access to accurate information of searching"
" As a results, people can descend their time-comsuming to unwind and that make their life more useful".
I think this sentence is too hard to catch on and it seems to be you did not check your essay. I know what you want to say but it should be " As a result, people can spend less time on trivial matters and utilize their times."
Most important thing is that your essay is not coherent. Your statement in the intro says that you "totally agree". And then, you admit the cons. I think it's not wrong, but that paragraph is valueless, because you only accept the cons and talk about the tendency of people. It is not supported and has nothing related to your first statement.
Then again, you clearly accept both pros and cons in the ending, it makes your intro and end as they are in different essays. I remind you that in the conclusion, you can only restate what you wrote in the intro with paraphrase. NO SCORING OR BAN!
THC1310vn
Mar 10, 2020
Writing Feedback / The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among humans [3]
I think your essay is OK, but there are a few mistakes.
"mass media facilitates the interaction among people"
" social media has its advantages"
The problem is media is a plural noun, its singular form is medium. You add "s" to the verb after "media" all over the essay. This definitely will decrease your grammar score.
" Although this trend is without disadvantages, the advantages will justify these."
I don't know what do you mean. If I translate it would be "This trend has no disadvantages, the advantages will justify it"
And then, you have one paragraph mentions about the disadvantages, so this statement is wrong".
I would fix "Although some disadvantages arouse with this trend simultaneously, its disadvantages definitely outweigh them"
"advanced technologies". There is no problem, but I recommend "cutting-edge technology". This is like a phrase.
Most important thing is you should support your last statement with example. "social media contains a great deal of knowledge"
You will have sufficient words for the essay and increase your TA score. Every statement has to be expanded. You can talk about some sources that help you learn English such TED, National Geographic, and CNBC News.
I think your essay is OK, but there are a few mistakes.
"mass media facilitates the interaction among people"
" social media has its advantages"
The problem is media is a plural noun, its singular form is medium. You add "s" to the verb after "media" all over the essay. This definitely will decrease your grammar score.
" Although this trend is without disadvantages, the advantages will justify these."
I don't know what do you mean. If I translate it would be "This trend has no disadvantages, the advantages will justify it"
And then, you have one paragraph mentions about the disadvantages, so this statement is wrong".
I would fix "Although some disadvantages arouse with this trend simultaneously, its disadvantages definitely outweigh them"
"advanced technologies". There is no problem, but I recommend "cutting-edge technology". This is like a phrase.
Most important thing is you should support your last statement with example. "social media contains a great deal of knowledge"
You will have sufficient words for the essay and increase your TA score. Every statement has to be expanded. You can talk about some sources that help you learn English such TED, National Geographic, and CNBC News.
THC1310vn
Mar 9, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Causes Solutions: Professionals leave their countries to work in developed countries. [3]
@ Holt Thank you so much for your advice
@ Holt Thank you so much for your advice
THC1310vn
Mar 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Causes Solutions: Professionals leave their countries to work in developed countries. [3]
An increasing numbers of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the causes? What are the soulutions?
Professionals, such as doctors and teachers, have a tendency to leave their developing countries to find jobs in developed countries. This essay will examine main causes of this issue and possible solutions.
The two main causes of leaving countries among professionals are the deficiency of high-quality facilities and slim chance to promote. When these white-collar workers live in developing countries, they can not have cutting-edge technology. This way, they stand no chance of working as their desire. For instance, teachers in some rural areas have to commute about 10 km to the schools on foot. Also, promotion is another key factor that deter those professionals from staying in the poor countries. Their salaries are not sufficient, although they indulge themselves on their occupation. Doctors or teachers definitely opt for developed countries where they can devote themselves to their passion without worrying about money. For example, the majority of people in Southeast Asia tend to find scholarships to study abroad and settle down there. Thus, lacking money and poor condition are deterrents for the professionals.
Some possible solutions to this problem are investing money in facilities and have more incentives for white-collar laborers. High-tech devices and machines undeniably make workers focus on their works because they provide them with comfort when working. As a case in point, online lessons emerged in my country in response to a pandemic allow teachers to finish their duty at home, providing them a safe environment to educate the students. Consequently, they are more fanatical about their works. Besides, governments should have some special policies for the professionals because they can draw their interest in their occupation.
In conclusion, low salaries and low-quality facilities are two main factors that make the professionals leave their poor countries. However, we can significantly change this situation by improving the working condition and providing these people with sufficient salaries.
Job migration to the wealthier countries
An increasing numbers of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the causes? What are the soulutions?
Professionals, such as doctors and teachers, have a tendency to leave their developing countries to find jobs in developed countries. This essay will examine main causes of this issue and possible solutions.
The two main causes of leaving countries among professionals are the deficiency of high-quality facilities and slim chance to promote. When these white-collar workers live in developing countries, they can not have cutting-edge technology. This way, they stand no chance of working as their desire. For instance, teachers in some rural areas have to commute about 10 km to the schools on foot. Also, promotion is another key factor that deter those professionals from staying in the poor countries. Their salaries are not sufficient, although they indulge themselves on their occupation. Doctors or teachers definitely opt for developed countries where they can devote themselves to their passion without worrying about money. For example, the majority of people in Southeast Asia tend to find scholarships to study abroad and settle down there. Thus, lacking money and poor condition are deterrents for the professionals.
Some possible solutions to this problem are investing money in facilities and have more incentives for white-collar laborers. High-tech devices and machines undeniably make workers focus on their works because they provide them with comfort when working. As a case in point, online lessons emerged in my country in response to a pandemic allow teachers to finish their duty at home, providing them a safe environment to educate the students. Consequently, they are more fanatical about their works. Besides, governments should have some special policies for the professionals because they can draw their interest in their occupation.
In conclusion, low salaries and low-quality facilities are two main factors that make the professionals leave their poor countries. However, we can significantly change this situation by improving the working condition and providing these people with sufficient salaries.
THC1310vn
Mar 4, 2020
Writing Feedback / The difficulties people have when they integrate into a new country [5]
I think you try your best to analyse the chart. That's great. However, I believe that you have never learned anything about this task 1. First, I want to point out some grammar and vocab mistakes.
"Although only 29 percent ..."
What kind of phrase did you use? The right phrase "Although+S+V, S+V". or "S+V, although+S+V". You should learn grammar before try to write.
" integrate into", It should be " when they are integrated". However, you see the word "integration" and then transform it, it is non-sense. I would fix "when they emigrate to a new country"
"In contrast to finding schools ...".
You use the phrase "in contrast to" without any ideas about its meaning. People use it when they show a low number after showing a high number. You use it and then mention the same things again "finding schools difficulties"
I would fix "In terms of difficulties in finding school, only 2 percent of the oldest age group...".
However, the most important is missing the overview, you can"t get band 6 in total if you miss it, no matter how good is your vocab. You should learn from many task 1 sample on the Internet, it"s your mission. Overview only shows key features
I will write an overview for example
"Overall, it is apparent that lacking finances is the most prevalent problem among all age. Meanwhile, finding schools for children is only a potential issue for middle-aged people.
I think you try your best to analyse the chart. That's great. However, I believe that you have never learned anything about this task 1. First, I want to point out some grammar and vocab mistakes.
"Although only 29 percent ..."
What kind of phrase did you use? The right phrase "Although+S+V, S+V". or "S+V, although+S+V". You should learn grammar before try to write.
" integrate into", It should be " when they are integrated". However, you see the word "integration" and then transform it, it is non-sense. I would fix "when they emigrate to a new country"
"In contrast to finding schools ...".
You use the phrase "in contrast to" without any ideas about its meaning. People use it when they show a low number after showing a high number. You use it and then mention the same things again "finding schools difficulties"
I would fix "In terms of difficulties in finding school, only 2 percent of the oldest age group...".
However, the most important is missing the overview, you can"t get band 6 in total if you miss it, no matter how good is your vocab. You should learn from many task 1 sample on the Internet, it"s your mission. Overview only shows key features
I will write an overview for example
"Overall, it is apparent that lacking finances is the most prevalent problem among all age. Meanwhile, finding schools for children is only a potential issue for middle-aged people.
THC1310vn
Mar 4, 2020
Writing Feedback / Change in structure of an island - the first one is before, and the second one after the development [4]
You get some good ideas but you make several grammar and vocab mistakes.
"The two maps ..."
This is a run-on sentence, you should separate "The two maps indicate the change in structure of an island. The first one is before and the second one is after."
"... and void with several palm trees ...". Don't use "void', it is very strained. I would fix "The island before construction was a huge wilderness with several palm trees and the beach in the west"
"However the east of the island ...". You use non-existent word and depend on present perfect. I would write "However, the east of the island remained changed, it seemed to be abandoned for a period."
Most important, I think past tense is suitable in maps and it may be risky to write in present tense.
I guess this is your maps
You get some good ideas but you make several grammar and vocab mistakes.
"The two maps ..."
This is a run-on sentence, you should separate "The two maps indicate the change in structure of an island. The first one is before and the second one is after."
"... and void with several palm trees ...". Don't use "void', it is very strained. I would fix "The island before construction was a huge wilderness with several palm trees and the beach in the west"
"However the east of the island ...". You use non-existent word and depend on present perfect. I would write "However, the east of the island remained changed, it seemed to be abandoned for a period."
Most important, I think past tense is suitable in maps and it may be risky to write in present tense.
I guess this is your maps
THC1310vn
Mar 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates car thefts in Great Britain, France, Sweden and Canada from 1990 to 1999 [5]
Thank you very much @ Holt. I will try my best to indicate all the given information and fix my usage of units net time.
Thank you very much @ Holt. I will try my best to indicate all the given information and fix my usage of units net time.
THC1310vn
Mar 1, 2020
Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates car thefts in Great Britain, France, Sweden and Canada from 1990 to 1999 [5]
The line graph illustrates car thefts in Great Britain, France, Sweden and Canada from 1990 to 1999. Unit was measured in thousand.
Overall, the rate of car theft in Britain topped the list throughout the 9-year period. Meanwhile, there was a downward trend in the rates in both France and Canada.
In detail, the figures for vehicles thefts in Britain tallied about 17 thousands cases in 1990 before increase to 20 thousands cases 6 years later. Although it saw a drop in the end of the period, Britain was still reported the most cases among four countries. This was closely followed by Sweden where an average of 8 thousands cars were stolen in the initial year. Then, the rates significantly surged to 12 thousands thefts before peaking at 14 thousands thefts.
In stark contrast, the cases of car theft shrank from 7 thousands to 5 thousands after 3 years, but it slightly rebounded to 6 thousands after a 9-year period. In addition, the figures for car theft in France peaked at 8 thousands, exceeding Canada's rates and being reported the same figures in comparison with Sweden in 1991.
ielts Line graph about car theft in four countries
The line graph illustrates car thefts in Great Britain, France, Sweden and Canada from 1990 to 1999. Unit was measured in thousand.
Overall, the rate of car theft in Britain topped the list throughout the 9-year period. Meanwhile, there was a downward trend in the rates in both France and Canada.
In detail, the figures for vehicles thefts in Britain tallied about 17 thousands cases in 1990 before increase to 20 thousands cases 6 years later. Although it saw a drop in the end of the period, Britain was still reported the most cases among four countries. This was closely followed by Sweden where an average of 8 thousands cars were stolen in the initial year. Then, the rates significantly surged to 12 thousands thefts before peaking at 14 thousands thefts.
In stark contrast, the cases of car theft shrank from 7 thousands to 5 thousands after 3 years, but it slightly rebounded to 6 thousands after a 9-year period. In addition, the figures for car theft in France peaked at 8 thousands, exceeding Canada's rates and being reported the same figures in comparison with Sweden in 1991.
THC1310vn
Feb 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / The power of advertising and the real needs of society in consumer goods [3]
It's a great essay and you did really well. However, I want to point out some trivial mistakes.
Firstly, the sentence "... important one to be the cause: our demand."
You use "one" when you haven't mention about anything related to "our demand" before. I think "factor" is an alternative.
Secondly, "the diversity of different products", "diversity" is similar to "different". Two of them appear simultaneously is abundant, this will deteriorate your score because judge will think you can not use the language well.
Thirdly, "Advertising obviously boosts ... ", the word "boost" is so strained in this case when advertising can only show the advantages. I would use " Advertising obviously uncover the outstanding advantages of the goods".
Moreover, "it is not at all like what ...", "not at all" is meaningless here and should only used in spoken language. "not almost like" is another choice.
"it is considered fashionable ...". This is not a right phrase. The only phrase is " It is considered (that) + Clause". In this case, you should use "people" instead of "it".
One important thing is you should not use idioms like " steal the show". It is informal, so it isn't worth in writing. You also have some mistake in subject verb agreement like missing "s", you should reduce the length of your essay to have time to reread and figure out these.
It's a great essay and you did really well. However, I want to point out some trivial mistakes.
Firstly, the sentence "... important one to be the cause: our demand."
You use "one" when you haven't mention about anything related to "our demand" before. I think "factor" is an alternative.
Secondly, "the diversity of different products", "diversity" is similar to "different". Two of them appear simultaneously is abundant, this will deteriorate your score because judge will think you can not use the language well.
Thirdly, "Advertising obviously boosts ... ", the word "boost" is so strained in this case when advertising can only show the advantages. I would use " Advertising obviously uncover the outstanding advantages of the goods".
Moreover, "it is not at all like what ...", "not at all" is meaningless here and should only used in spoken language. "not almost like" is another choice.
"it is considered fashionable ...". This is not a right phrase. The only phrase is " It is considered (that) + Clause". In this case, you should use "people" instead of "it".
One important thing is you should not use idioms like " steal the show". It is informal, so it isn't worth in writing. You also have some mistake in subject verb agreement like missing "s", you should reduce the length of your essay to have time to reread and figure out these.
THC1310vn
Feb 24, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Taking a university degree is no longer as a determinant of a person's success [4]
I think that your essay is great, but I want to point out some sentences that it might be incorrect.
"However, there are higher chances of living ..."
First, the conditional sentence structure does not exist, I think you should you the first conditional sentence. Second, there is only "invest sth in sth", there is no "invest with". And this word is not suitable in this situation.
I would fix it "However, there can be higher chances...if one prioritise years of education than simply waiting...
The next one "apply their learning in ...".
"Apply sth to sth" is the best phrase. I haven't seen your phrase before.
"A success life has many determinants". I would use "depends on" instead. I feel it so strained.
"Subsequently, an individual ..."
I think "subsequently" should be used in a process like flow chart in task 1. This one you use it as a linking word to make a new statement. Moreover, this statement is not supported by nay explanation or example, it might not have much value.
The most important thing is that you should only have two statements, you have 5 statements but not all of them are supported sufficiently. And the essay is too lengthy, I think it's impossible to write in 40 minutes.
I can only point out some trivial mistakes but I hope that it's helpful
I think that your essay is great, but I want to point out some sentences that it might be incorrect.
"However, there are higher chances of living ..."
First, the conditional sentence structure does not exist, I think you should you the first conditional sentence. Second, there is only "invest sth in sth", there is no "invest with". And this word is not suitable in this situation.
I would fix it "However, there can be higher chances...if one prioritise years of education than simply waiting...
The next one "apply their learning in ...".
"Apply sth to sth" is the best phrase. I haven't seen your phrase before.
"A success life has many determinants". I would use "depends on" instead. I feel it so strained.
"Subsequently, an individual ..."
I think "subsequently" should be used in a process like flow chart in task 1. This one you use it as a linking word to make a new statement. Moreover, this statement is not supported by nay explanation or example, it might not have much value.
The most important thing is that you should only have two statements, you have 5 statements but not all of them are supported sufficiently. And the essay is too lengthy, I think it's impossible to write in 40 minutes.
I can only point out some trivial mistakes but I hope that it's helpful
THC1310vn
Feb 24, 2020
Writing Feedback / Is it worth forcing children, who lack artistic talent, to learn art-based subjects? [4]
@Holt
Thanks a lot for your feedback. I will probably fix these mistakes next time.
@Holt
Thanks a lot for your feedback. I will probably fix these mistakes next time.
THC1310vn
Feb 23, 2020
Writing Feedback / Is it worth forcing children, who lack artistic talent, to learn art-based subjects? [4]
(Agree or disagree)
Some people argue that it is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn art-based subjects, such as painting and drawing. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that there is no point in teaching painting and drawing to students who do not possess aptitude for art at school, while they should invest their time in other practical subjects. Personally, I completely disagree with this opinion and deem that art-based subjects are indispensable.
First of all, I believe that art-based subjects enhance the creativity of humans. According to research, scientists figure out that the students who are fanatical about art often have flying colors. In addition, the requirement of imagination in those subject allow them to train their concentration and inventiveness which are inevitable in every subject. For instance, Einstein, who is an eminent scientist, also opted for the violin to alleviate his tension. As a effect , he left humankind an invaluable legacy. That is the reason why it is vitally important for school to prioritize art-based subjects.
Secondly, these subjects also provide artistic students with an opportunity to detect their potential. As far as I concern, there are some students who are not enthusiastic about Maths or Science. That is the reason why Art classes exist to discover their true ability in art and these students would stand a good chance of majoring in new fields which match their talent. As a case in point, Justin Bieber who discovered his gift at a young age are undeniably successful at the moment and he makes a fortune. Thus, art should be mandatory at school.
In conclusion, I definitely disagree that schools consider art-based subjects are optional due to the fact that they both make all the students more inventive and provide worthy chance for artistic students.
Should art-based subjects be compulsory?
(Agree or disagree)
Some people argue that it is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn art-based subjects, such as painting and drawing. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that there is no point in teaching painting and drawing to students who do not possess aptitude for art at school, while they should invest their time in other practical subjects. Personally, I completely disagree with this opinion and deem that art-based subjects are indispensable.
First of all, I believe that art-based subjects enhance the creativity of humans. According to research, scientists figure out that the students who are fanatical about art often have flying colors. In addition, the requirement of imagination in those subject allow them to train their concentration and inventiveness which are inevitable in every subject. For instance, Einstein, who is an eminent scientist, also opted for the violin to alleviate his tension. As a effect , he left humankind an invaluable legacy. That is the reason why it is vitally important for school to prioritize art-based subjects.
Secondly, these subjects also provide artistic students with an opportunity to detect their potential. As far as I concern, there are some students who are not enthusiastic about Maths or Science. That is the reason why Art classes exist to discover their true ability in art and these students would stand a good chance of majoring in new fields which match their talent. As a case in point, Justin Bieber who discovered his gift at a young age are undeniably successful at the moment and he makes a fortune. Thus, art should be mandatory at school.
In conclusion, I definitely disagree that schools consider art-based subjects are optional due to the fact that they both make all the students more inventive and provide worthy chance for artistic students.
