Writing Feedback / 'demand for comprehensive talents' - People attend college or univ. for a reason [2]

dear friends, please help me correct my tf essay, i used to put it once, however there were some mistakes, and i have rewritten it. i hope i have made some progress.

thank you.

As the demand of modern society for comprehensive talents is increasing urgently, accumulating number of people pour into college for further education. More importantly, they devote themselves to gaining new experiences, getting more knowledge and making career preparation.

The first reason I am presenting here is that a college is the place where students can perfect knowledge. A high school provides basic knowledge, such as biology or computer introductory, which is too plain for the future. By contrast, not only does college education offer various campus life, but professional information about the subject that you are majoring in. According to a survey conducted by Tsinghua University last year, 87.69%of the fresh employees in the top 50 firms in China are university graduates. "It is graduates that apply what they have learned in college to work, benefits for technology innovation." a boss of an international firm said.

A college is regarded as a source of knowledge, however, it also provides us new experience. Living independently, we learn to cope with various problems from study and life. Different kinds of abilities, such as communication and cooperation are improved while optimistic personalities, like being talkative and considerate are shaped. For example, my sister, a manager in an international company, used to devote all herself to study and was not an outgoing person by nature. However, her college life provides her the opportunity to be a member of the student union and various sports teams. Through 2-year working for her college , she has become a leader person, with precious experience that she can not learn from books. Thus, experience getting from college has a crucial effect on our growth.

Another primarily contributed factor is career preparation. Either knowledge or experience is the basis for future career. Sufficient knowledge and experience gained from universities enable people be in direction of their ideal career. So we are making preparation for future career indirectly when are in college.

Takeing all I mentioned above into consideration, we can reach the conclusion that career preparation, new experiences and increased knowledge are the cornerstones for stepping into society.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: doing a part time job?(agree or disagree) [2]

hi, this is my forth essay. i am not sure whether i have made some improvement. please help me . i will try more ! thank you a lot!!

Taking a part time job, which particularly among college students, is consistently being against by a large proportion of parents and professors since it is a distraction from study and a waste of time. However, they fail to take into account the facts that taking a part time job is a method to accumulate experience and expand social contact. As a result, I agree on taking part time job. Obtaining experience, arranging the personal schedule and earning money can support my idea.

Chiefly, gaining experience from society is a crucial reason. As a surging number of students graduate from college, the competition is becoming far more intense. If a graduate want to seize job opportunities and survive in the society, not only knowledge , but experience play s an irreplaceable role in job applications. According to a survey conducted by Tsinghua University, 75.62% of the freshmen in the firms that are top 50 in China are people who have working experience. Moreover, 40.2%of them have worked in a variety of companies when they are college students. So undoubtedly, part time jobs provides us with experience and enables us to apply what we learn into practice.

The other reason is that we can learn how to arrange schedules. Admittedly, part time job takes up our spare time. However, when we are working, never can we give up studying. So balancing the time between study and work is an essential ability, and it is part time jobs that provide us the chance to learn set aside a certain time for study and work. Take my brother as an example, as a manager in an international company in China, my brother has worked for 7 years, including 2- year part time job experience. When he was a college student, he took up a part time job as a waiter in order to know more about the service career. However, he never failed an exam as he knew how to arrange time properly. Thus, it is not hard to realize what we have learned from part time job is useful, that is for sure.

Certainly doing a part time takes up a lot of our study time, however, compared with getting experience and knowing about society, doing a part time has more benefits.

In summary, it is impossible to neglect the crucial effect that taking a part time job has on our future career. I agree with taking a part time job mainly because we can obtaining experience, learn to arrange time and earn extra money.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL IBT: SCHOOL EDUCATION OR SELF STUDY (CONTRAST) [4]

i am preparing the tf test and i am not confident about my writing. i hope you can help me improve my writing skills. i am trying more. thank you a lot!

The progress of era gradually changes people's life, especially learning concept and methods. Self study as well as internet study is chosen by a large proportion of people. However, if you have to choose, school education or self study, what kind of study methods do you enjoy? Those individuals who are inclined to self study may consider the more free time. Conversely, for me, undoubtedly school education are more beneficial. Communication and cooperation can support my opinion.

The first plain truth is that school education provides opportunities to communicate with others. School is a public place where students can learn communication skills, for not only peers, but teachers are all around them. Communication makes a great influence on future career. For instance, my brother and his classmate graduated from college last year, getting the same score. However, an interview for a manager came to them, which is won by my brother. As my brother expressed his ability fluently, while his classmate almost said nothing. Therefore, being capable of expressing oneself makes a great influence on future career.

The other reason is that cooperation awareness can be formed. Without cooperation, hardly can technology be developed so fast. As a result, cooperation plays an marked role in society progress. However, self study may not provides students the chance to learn cooperation. One idea, one plan, one conclusion, and no questions, how can he learn about new ideas? And how can he cope with different questions? But if students go to school, discussing in a group, as a leader, he learns to organize, or as a member, he learns to follow and question. So judging by cooperation, I would like to say school education is way beyond self study.

Though school study are more beneficial than self study, self study still has advantages, judging by convenience. However, school education still plays an important part during students' growth.

Thankfully, school education is regarded as necessity. So it is not hard to reach a conclusion that school education is more appropriate for students because they can cooperate, communicate, and share experience with others.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:ELECTRIC BOOK OR PAPER BOOK?(contrast) [8]

i will have tf test in two months, and i want to improve my writng skill. please help me .i really appreciate. thank you

Currently, as computers bring about more possibilities into our lives, electric books gradually take the place of paper books. However, if you have an opportunity to choose, which one will you prefer, electric books or paper books? Those people who prefer electric books hold the view that they can save money. Unfortunately, were I to choose, never will I form the same opinion. From my prospective, paper books are more convenient and benefit us more than electric ones.

Initially, paper books are systematic ones, making readers absorb in knowledge more scientifically. The articles in paper books are printed in pages, as a result, it is ready for us to look for the topics in need. I vividly remember last year when I first read TWILIGHT in the electric book, I felt tedious in writing down the pages I had read before I finished reading each time. Similarly, looking for the pages left behind before I started reading it was frustrated. Although the plots appealed to me, the interval between reading reduced my excitement. Therefore, electric books are not as clear as paper books.

Postly, paper books do less harm to students' eyes than electric books. Long time exposed to electric tools, such as computers and mp4, causes eyesight decreasing sharply. To this serious phenomenon, time of using electric tools ought to be restricted by parents. However, according to a recent survey conducted by Tsinghua Research Department, almost 73.26% of readers are students under 24, which has a large proportion of middle school students and high school students. That is to say, students' health will be threatened greatly if they use electric books. Thus, paper books hurt eyes slightly by contrast.

Admittedly, electric books save money and paper materials, just as I mentioned above. But when we take health and clearness into consideration, paper books are more suitable for students.

The advent of technology brings about advantages, however, also leads to demerits. In spite of this, traditional paper books are better for students' eyes and more scientific. In conclusion, paper books are more beneficial for us with the tension of obtaining knowledge.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL College education is one of the significant sources of increased knowledge [3]

QUESTION: People attend college or university for many different reasons ,why?
Recent years have been a trend that accumulating number of people poured into college for further education. To this favorable tendency, in my own part, they attend university for new experiences, career preparation and increased knowledge.

Generally speaking, career preparation can be made during college study. Compared to compulsory education, it is college education that is inclined to cultivate students' social ability and expand social contract. A latest survey in China illustrates that 75% of the fresh employees graduate from college and about 50% are post-graduates. Therefore, college study provides students a chance to prepare for future career. To suppose I did not further my study in college, hardly could I learn crucial theories. So nothing can benefit future career more than college education.

Undoubtedly, new experiences are another reason for attending college. A high school provides basic knowledge, such as biology introductory and computer introductory, which is not available in the future. By contrast, not only does college education offer various campus life, but professional information. Biology seemed to appeal to my sister during her senior high. Thanks to the college education, she had the opportunity to major in medicine, researching more specifically and then becoming a doctor. To amuse she was not a college student, hardly could she work as doctor. Consequently, a college is where students can get new experiences.

Still, increased knowledge is another contributing factor. Knowledge is an explosion. The world is making progress at a rapid pace, with science and technology developing so fast. Nothing more than intellectuals is being demanded by corporations so urgently. Knowing the history, it is intellectuals that dominated the tendency the history developed following. The renowned people in the history had extensive knowledge. Today, rarely can we find a job without knowledge. It is sure that college education is one of the significant sources of increased knowledge.

After we take all I mentioned above into consideration, we can reach the conclusion that career preparation, new experiences and increased knowledge are the three major reasons for students pouring into college for further study.

Recent years have been a trend that accumulating number of people poured into college for further education. To this favorable tendency, in my own part, they attend university for new experiences, career preparation and increased knowledge.

Generally speaking, career preparation can be made during college study. Compared to compulsory education, it is college education that is inclined to cultivate students' social ability and expand social contract. A latest survey in China illustrates that 75% of the fresh employees graduate from college and about 50% are post-graduates. Therefore, college study provides students a chance to prepare for future career. To suppose I did not further my study in college, hardly could I learn crucial theories. So nothing can benefit future career more than college education.

Undoubtedly, new experiences are another reason for attending college. A high school provides basic knowledge, such as biology introductory and computer introductory, which is not available in the future. By contrast, not only does college education offer various campus life, but professional information. Biology seemed to appeal to my sister during her senior high. Thanks to the college education, she had the opportunity to major in medicine, researching more specifically and then becoming a doctor. To amuse she was not a college student, hardly could she work as doctor. Consequently, a college is where students can get new experiences.

Still, increased knowledge is another contributing factor. Knowledge is an explosion. The world is making progress at a rapid pace, with science and technology developing so fast. Nothing more than intellectuals is being demanded by corporations so urgently. Knowing the history, it is intellectuals that dominated the tendency the history developed following. The renowned people in the history had extensive knowledge. Today, rarely can we find a job without knowledge. It is sure that college education is one of the significant sources of increased knowledge.

After we take all I mentioned above into consideration, we can reach the conclusion that career preparation, new experiences and increased knowledge are the three major reasons for students pouring into college for further study.