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Posts by HelenN
Name: Nguyen, Thi Anh Minh
Joined: Jun 18, 2021
Last Post: Jun 25, 2021
Threads: 5
Posts: 10  
Likes: 3
From: Viet Nam
School: NAIT

Displayed posts: 15
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HelenN   
Jun 25, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Discuss both views: IS MATHEMATICS REDUNDANT? [3]

Topic:
Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life.

Discuss both views.



Whether or not to teach mathematics at school has been spurring acute controversy for a long time. While some parents opine about math as an impractical and superfluous subject, other parents contend that it holds a pivotal part of education and must remain compulsory in the school curriculum for its wide range of applications. This essay analyzes both points of view in-depth.

Many parents deem that the role of mathematics in education became more obsolete and irrelevant. Due to the booming of the computer age, we derive benefits from the fascinating application of automated procedures to tackle complex mathematical-related problems. Aloof of conceptual math, the interference of machinery demonstrates the unnecessity of mathematical skills and statistical savvy when every calculation from simple additions to complicated derivatives are decipherable by computers. The interference of automatic calculation is attributable to the notion that mathematics is merely an ancient subject that needs to be removed from the syllabus.

In contrast to parents who wish to cease teaching math in classes, others affirm their opposition to the aforementioned perspective. Mathematics benefits students intellectually despite hand calculations and train problems becoming redundant. It is true that a student, who is competent in mathematics, performs excellent problem-solving skills and sharp quantitative thinking compared to a student who is mediocre at math. A good deal of research has explained this by pinpointing out how doing math can recruit certain regions more reliably and increase gray volume in those regions. For that reason, many parents firmly believe that mathematics is a crucial subject at school.

In conclusion, the argument about excluding mathematics from the school curriculum has been going to the climax. Several parents perceive it as outdated and impractical, while other parents maintain that math should remain mandatory at school. This essay examined various reasons why parents hold these perspectives and whether mathematics should stay or remove from the school studies.
HelenN   
Jun 25, 2021
Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 2] IS GLOBALIZATION A MAJOR PROBLEM THESE DAYS? [4]

@nicole
I think I see your writing before.

Instead of using proverb, you can simply write a general statement and then paraphrase the question.
As the proverb goes, "Every coin has its two sides". Globalization is no exception.
-> I guess this what you are trying to say globalization has both advantages and disadvantages?

People are tend to ...
Besides, people over the world become closer more interconnected - try to use more collocation to demonstrate your lexical resource.

... drawbacks of globalization becomes have become - try to vary your grammar more serious.
HelenN   
Jun 25, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Homework should be given by teachers? [3]

@Bot

It's frequently It is thought that homework ..., however, there're they are proponents who ... In my view, as I'll I will be arguing both, ... of that, however, repetitive grammar, try to write it in different waythey will receive benefits more than that.

Comment: A small error I found is that you should not use contraction in academic writing like this.
HelenN   
Jun 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / Information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand (in the period of 200 years) [2]

IELTS Task 1 - birth and death rates in New Zealand



The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The given graph illustrates the dynamics of the birth and death rates in New Zealand during the period of 1901 and 2101.

According to the graph, the birth rate, although it shows some fluctuation, was noticeably higher than the death rate and reached its maximum in the year 1961. However, it is projected that the death rates continue to grow exponentially and are predicted to surpass the birth rate in 2041.

Comparing the birth rate prior to the 2000s, the numbers started at 20,000 in 1901 and rose dramatically during a 60-year period and finally exceeded the peak of 60,000 by 1965. After some fluctuation in 2010, the number later plummeted and followed a descending trajectory for the rest of the period.

Conversely, the death rate increased gradually every year with a starting point of less than 10,000. Since 2001, the number climbed from 28,000 to nearly 60,000 in shortly 40 years. It then steadies at a rate of 58,000 after the year 2061.




HelenN   
Jun 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: the percentage of male and female teachers in 6 types of educational setting (2010) [4]

@noname268
The bar chart indicates ... you should paraphrase this sentence, try not to repeat the description It shows what percentage of teachers were male and what percentage were female. (one sentence for the summary is good enough)

As we can see not formal, this can only be used in speaking, at schools for children, ... female - dominated I might say something like "It is clearly seen that most of the kindergarten and elementary teachers were female.

... school was under 5 per cent I think the second paragraph should discuss only the main trend, that means no statistic at this point, that of female ...

... and young adults.For instance formatting, the percentage of male lecturers you can use instructors or professors and that of female ...
HelenN   
Jun 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The maps show the changes of a small theater in 2010 and 2012 [3]

The maps illustrate how the layout of small-scaled theatre has transformed throughout the years 2010 and 2012.



Overall, it is clearly seen that the floor footage of the theatre had increased in 2012. Specifically, some facilities were either relocated or resized as well as the addition of some new amenities during the given period.

Walking by the main entrance, the former coffee shop on the right was taken by the ticket office. Although remaining on the left, the administration office was demolished and reconstructed at the top corner; the western space was expanded in size to make space for the new restaurant. Meanwhile, the auditorium also met some significant changes. While the audience area kept unchanged with the same seating capacity, the stage was conspicuously enlarged to the back. As a result, the backstage became a narrow hallway, connecting the relocated storage on the right and the new-built media room with a shower situated on the left.



  • The maps show the changes of a small theater in 2010 and 2012
HelenN   
Jun 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site. [3]

@HelenN
The maps illustrate a development plan of a visitor attraction landmark on an existing site previously utilized as a coal mine.

As illustrated, the original coal mine included various sites. To the north was the coal mine entrance; staff dressing rooms and lunch room situated on its left. There were two waste sites located on the east side of the mine on the east.

There are some significant changes to the site. First, some of the buildings were renovated and converted to serve different purposes. The entrance was transformed into a tourist entrance, while the medical center on the west became a coffee shop. Similarly, the partial wall between the staff change rooms and lunch room was torn down to function as a public museum for visitors. Second, some sites underwent mass demolition. The former waste sites were replaced by a driving circuit and pond. Lastly, some new amenities were added to the new-developed visitor attraction site, such as the walking track and the children's playgrounds.
HelenN   
Jun 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Some people think that sports play an important role in the development of society [4]

Hi @Daisy23

There is an argument I think you can use present perfect here, it is not an error but it will help you in term of grammatical range that whether ...

... and thriving country (don't forget the period at the end of the sentence.

... in terms of strength love your main ideas.

On the other hand (I am not sure but sometimes people don't consider "on the other hand" an academic phrase. I think you can simply use "Conversely" or "In contrast", there are two main ...

... with a longer life expectancy you have very good use of vocabulary. Nice!.

..., I believe that sports can have their value the conclusion ends abruptly to me
HelenN   
Jun 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site. [3]

Topic:
The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site.

Summarise, report main features and make comparisons where relevant.



My Writing:

The maps illustrate a development plan of a visitor attraction landmark on an existing site that was previously utilized as a coal mine.

According to the illustration, the original coal mine included various sites. To the north was the coal mine entrance; staff dressing rooms and lunch room situated on its left. In the opposite direction, there were two waste sites located on the east side of the mine.

There are some significant changes to the site that intended to augment its walkability and entertainment. First, some of the buildings were renovated and converted to serve different purposes. The entrance was transformed into a tourist entrance while the medical center on the west became a coffee shop. Similarly, the partial wall between the staff change rooms and lunch room was torn down to function as a public museum for visitors.

Second, some sites underwent mass demolition. More specially, both waste sites on the east and northeast were overhauled and displaced by a driving circuit and a pond.

Lastly, it is clearly seen that some new features were added to the new-developed visitor attraction site. The walking track was constructed, enhanced the circulation in the site by creating a pathway from the north of the driving circuit to the center of the park. Furthermore, the site also considered having children playgrounds on the southeast of the park.



  • The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site.
HelenN   
Jun 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / TOEFL TASK-2 Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient [3]

@shivam1687

... faster than a average human being. For instance, if you are incharge of a local ...
This is time-consuming as well as error-prone.

... example as before, if i had to find list ...

In conclusion, although computers ... don't introduce any new ideas. Just paraphrase your ideas in paragraph 1 and 2 for conclusion

Comment: Overall, you have a very good range of vocabulary and grammar. Really enjoy your writing. Good luck in your exam :)
HelenN   
Jun 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1- the proportion total expenditure in a certain European country between 1960 and 2000 [3]

Hi @stella nguyen

... on five sectors increased decreased (?) from 1960 to 2000. ... money for transportation rose, while the proportion ... good job on summarizing the trends of each field.

... of expenditure on food was highest ...
... spent on leisure, but only about 6% on fuel/energy. The figures for clothing and transport was nearly the same...

The biggest change ...

=> you can write 3 paragraphs. In the third paragraph, you can compare the numbers in the y-axis (which you have done). Try to combine lines with the same trend as this will help you to write with a better flow.

Comment: I recommend you post the description of the graph so I can check how well you paraphrase it. Good luck! :)
P/s: Ignore the black bold, I just bolded them to follow your idea.

HelenN   
Jun 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / The large number of people are drawing attention to communicating online [4]

Hi @mymyt
... that a large number of people...
... this is a highly problematic issue...
Therefore, some main points will ... paragraphs. maybe introduce your main points here

To begin with, there are two primary issues ... (you should state your main point here. Each paragraph should focus on only one point. Something like "Online learning facilitates teenagers to develop the habit of online chatting and meeting.").First (be careful with the format. It should be a period and then a space) of all, it is a well-documented fact ... to stayed at home to ...

The most (...) at home. Can not be denied that studying online("It is true" is good enough) or working online...
... people do not have a good communication skill, particularly the introvert (this should be mention separately). ... they become more openly and not feel ...

... it is clearlier to transmit (I don't understand) each other thoughts. Our emotions and behaviour ... face emotion expression, body language, ...
... communicate and transmit express/show their thoughts... .Furthermore, there is no denying doubt that face-to-face communication builds a stronger ...
The chating was good since ..., the unknow unknown/invisble/intangible barrier prevent us ... was so akwarded.
... another members simuteniouly instantly.

... Accordingly, I highly recommend that youngster young people should virtually ... which is an actually ...

Comment: Overall, you have a very good idea. Your writing will improve a lot if you do more proofreading work such as checking your spelling and formatting. Good luck! :)
HelenN   
Jun 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / The given diagram illustrates the complex procedures required to produce liquid chocolate [3]

The diagram shows how chocolate is produced - ielts 1

The given diagram illustrates the complex procedures required to produce liquid chocolate.

Overall, the chocolate-producing process involves ten different steps, starting from harvesting the pods and ending with the grinding process. Tropical evergreen cocoa trees mostly grow in the wet lowland tropics of South America, Africa and Southeast Asia such as Indonesia. Once ripe and red, the pods are harvested manually by utilizing the farming blades. The farmers collect the white beans from the pods to begin the fermentation process. During this period, the white cocoa beans turn brown. The brown beans are heated and dried under the sun before carefully sealed and packaged into sacks. They are dispatched to the manufacturer by either lorries or trains, ready for mass production.

In the chocolate-manufacturing factory, cocoa beans undergo three processes of roasting, winnowing, and grinding. First, the beans are roasted under 350 degrees to enhance the colour and flavour. This process also makes the outer shells brittle, augmented the winnowing process when the inner cocoa meat is separated from the shell to be crushed and refined. Finally, the fine cocoa nibs are pressed by the grinding machine to produce liquid chocolate.

Message: It would be helpful if you can give me an estimated score if this were an IELTS test. I am going to take the exam in July. Thank you!



  • The diagram shows how chocolate is produced.