twizzlestraw
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / NYU Common app supplements-- 2050 movie, famous NYorker, poem on me, why NYU? [4]
As one who has hardly set foot into New York City, I miss much of the rich culture flowing underneath the business centers that I have visited with my father. Of all the spectacles in NYC, the one I am most interested in seeing is the unique amalgamation of foreign races and cultures. Jerry Seinfeld, for one, is sure to hit every aspect of foreign culture in NYC right on its head. We would tour the hot dog stands, ride the taxis, and explore the deep culture of NYC, laughing all the way.
This response is a bit off for a number of reasons. First of all the part of your first sentence does not do a good job in relating to/exemplifing the second half of the sentence - I would just scrap it. Then in your sentence about JS you really dont need "for one" - It would also be nice if you explain why you think that and elaborate on what you mean by "is sure to hit every aspect of foreign culture in NYC right on its head"
Other than that I like your response, with the exception of the poem, unfortunately I am not the one to ask for help with such things... Sorry!
Would you mind looking over my amherst supplement?
THANKS!
As one who has hardly set foot into New York City, I miss much of the rich culture flowing underneath the business centers that I have visited with my father. Of all the spectacles in NYC, the one I am most interested in seeing is the unique amalgamation of foreign races and cultures. Jerry Seinfeld, for one, is sure to hit every aspect of foreign culture in NYC right on its head. We would tour the hot dog stands, ride the taxis, and explore the deep culture of NYC, laughing all the way.
This response is a bit off for a number of reasons. First of all the part of your first sentence does not do a good job in relating to/exemplifing the second half of the sentence - I would just scrap it. Then in your sentence about JS you really dont need "for one" - It would also be nice if you explain why you think that and elaborate on what you mean by "is sure to hit every aspect of foreign culture in NYC right on its head"
Other than that I like your response, with the exception of the poem, unfortunately I am not the one to ask for help with such things... Sorry!
Would you mind looking over my amherst supplement?
THANKS!