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Posts by Quang Bao
Name: Bao Quang
Joined: Oct 8, 2021
Last Post: Aug 16, 2022
Threads: 5
Posts: 8  
Likes: 1
From: Viet Nam
School: Nguyen Thuong Hien

Displayed posts: 13
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Quang Bao   
Aug 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: family, children - the numbers are declining [2]

Tittle:

In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children.


Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past ?


It is univerisally accepted that modern homes, at present, are not affording as many members as they used to in retrospect. Despite offering a wide variety of detrimental influences regarding societal features, this past trend is, in my opinion, considered beneficial with more relationships.

On the one hand, containing increasing children played an integral part in enhancing connection within a house. To beign with, it is inevitable that members in that unit could build mutual relationships, and eventually expanded their social circle with younger relatives in their extended family. As a result, when reaching matureness and entering the world of employment, people could find support from trustworthy surrounders, for instance, numerous cousins created start-ups to do business together, so they would not feel distressed about strangers fooling them in invesment. Furthermore, if a student at a young age had felt isolated and too apprehensive occassionally, he or she would have looked for another member they were close to to converse about private issues, resulting in more flexible and comfortable minds afterwards.

This convention, on the other hand, has posed innumerable threats to the community. There is no doubt that a immense quantity of youngsters in a family like more than 10 newborns per parent in the past was primarily responsible for the current overpopulation all over the globe, thereby becoming a massive burden of welfares for soceity to supply such as hospitals or educational institutes. In addition, after growing older and preparing for a suitbale major or career, they would find out the overwhelming intensity of choosers in comparision to much fewer demands for selection, therefore, many would have to change to another profession or got unemployed.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that its advantages do outweigh its negative points. The decline in the number of members now can help today's era with lower rates of not only employment but also density; furthermore, this development has not been advocating the interaction between humans.
Quang Bao   
Aug 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1: student accommodation 1960s-2000s [3]

you are writing coherently enough, but your sentences should be linked more together as too many simple ones can make your essay overlong. One more suggestion would be "with regards to"
Quang Bao   
Aug 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population [3]

You probably have not included the prompt, so your task response will be hard to evaluate this essay. Assume you are right with a type of effects and sollutions.

Some mistakes:
+ Don't have to use both "this problem", "the issue", recommend you to its...
+ a plethora of issues because of plural form
+ are unaware: unaware is adj so its a to be verb
+ there are more and more people having instead of have
+ avoid repitions with "the problem" in the second body
+ encourage people to preserve
+ your use of semicolon is wrong, I think a comma is enough "campagin...;..."
+ In terms of not in term of
+ not only solves...

it seems you are showing so many gramatical errors and repeat a couple of words too much. Hope this may help you somehow!
Quang Bao   
Aug 16, 2022
Writing Feedback / Will taking risks brings us more advantages than disadvantages? (Task 2) [3]

Basically, you are anwering with an off-topic essay. The prompt asked you to express your opinion evaluating whether there are more advantages or more disadvantages. You are just offering both in your two bodies, but you have yet evulated it. Not only in introduction but also lack of clarity of view in conclusion.

This leads to an unclear structuring. For instance, if you want to prove the advantages outweigh, you should write at least 3 advantages in the first body before writing 2 disadvanatges in the second one with some counter argument to show that the disadvanatages are not too much and can be solved.

This will help you substantiate your view better and suit what you were asked for in this type of essay.
Quang Bao   
Aug 15, 2022
Writing Feedback / Homelessness IELTS part 2 [2]

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world.



What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?


In spite of the recent advancements, lack of shelter is witnessed to have surged over the past years. The current status of overpopulation and unemployment are primarily responsible for this, but if the authority advocates stricter family as well as socio-economic plans, more human beings will afford housing.

To begin with, the olverwhelming appearances in various wealthy cities significantly contributes to how seriously people are lacking home. Owing to the prosperity of such developed places as New York or London, many country dwellers follow the rural depopulation not only acquire more well-qualified higher education but also seek more potential career opportunities than in their poor and far-flung hometowns. The overloaded inflow that has been continuous until now are likely to put pressure on housing problems as another welfare controversy, but this will be not too serious as long as people keep obeying regulations regarding newborns in each family. For instance, in two top overpopulated nations China and Vietnam, the governments have, for decades, more profoundly encouraged adults to give birth to not over two children, otherwise, receive adverse penalties.

In addition, the serious lack of occupations can also be viewed as a major reason. In other words, if an individual had not been well-trained with regard to profession in retrospect, no member of staff would find a suitable job and make a living now which are essential for basic needs like a house to be sustained. Therefore, a feasible solution would again originate from the governments whose roles are to advocate the expansion of existing companies as well as the opening of new start-ups. To illustrate, once they execute a lower tax payment global agreement, the economy will rise consitstently and immensely, so the homeless may be faciliated to step on more open career paths and inevitably earn more money to purchase a house or an apartment.

In conclusion, this dilemma explicitly results from the intensity of cities as well as the unemployment. It is also insisted that the authority should play an integral part in tackling this serious issue.

I wrote this for 5 minutes above allowed, but I cannot really think of a way to shorten any sentence, can you give me feedback and suggestions please? I will be very grateful!
Quang Bao   
Aug 15, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 (NATURAL PROCESS): The diagram shows the life of a honey bee. [6]

I think your part 1 writing is not well-structured, your second overview paragraph is not doing such a good job as the trends are not really clearly described. I recommend to change to divide this process into two stages and label the name of those two instead of telling that there are 5 steps beginning from... to .... For example, the first primary stage would be at the form of eggs and thereafter at the form of insects. This may help you to rebalance your paragraphing which is not illustrating clearly enough in the first paragraph.

Hope this may work and help you !
Quang Bao   
Aug 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment IELTS2 [2]

IELTS task 2: CONSUMER GOODS & ENVIRONMENT



The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

It is said that the output increments, over the past decades, have devastated the nature immensely. While the growing number of factories play an integral part in causing the massive loss of habitats, the expansion of materials for exploiting does significantly contribute to a higher level of pollution. Hence, the authority ought to encourage raising awareness in human beings about how the planet Earth might suffer from because of industrialization.

Initially, the enviroment may have to face severe consequences owing to the abrupt growth of industries. In other words, the introduction of new factories means that businesses are obliged to replace the existing natural lands in which many wild animals used to live, or farming plantations situated. If this trend develops to an overloaded extent, creatures in the Earth will take risk of extinction since they have lost places where they got accustomed to finding their sources of food or safe shelter for hibernation.

Another highlting reason for this is how more frequently people seek natural resources nowadays. In retrospect, when this planet once remained healthy, poaching or hunting for ingredients of manufacture occured not so occasionally as today. For instance, non-renewable resources such as coal and water force has increasingly been exploited in an attempt to sustain their profound demands for energy supply, endengering pollution to not only the air by exhaust fumes but also to the water by discharged untreated waste.

Besides, it is advisable that quality education should be applied on dwellers. In this day and age, a myriad of humans remain unaware of this controversial dilemma; the government ought to teach them, especially the young generations, how non-environmentally-friendly can consumer goods become. If the young, who tend to go green and adovacate conservation practices, had been well-informed enough, a plethora of destructive actions would have been protested against, thereby being forced off.

In conclusion, how abruptly industrialization enhances as well as the overuse of resources can be considered as various potential causes. It is also recommended that people should carry out educating every person carefully so that this development can be put an end to.

Thanks for reading, I am really looking forward to your feedback!
Quang Bao   
Aug 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay about changing jobs or not [4]

First, I think you should you should restate the whole question to show the prompt's asking for response. This essay is mostly about pros and cons more, you are trying to argue in two sides without so many explanations for your view
Quang Bao   
Nov 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - Next year developments in an airport are illustrated in the maps provided [2]

Wiritng IELTS 1- MAP - CHANGES



The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The alterations an airport will go through in the following year are illustrated in the layouts. Overall, one year from now, the Southwest airport will have changed dramatically. There will not only be a major expansion of the gate area but also a significant addition of facilities.

To be specific, it can be inferred that the gate area will be enlarged and reshaped. Currently, there are only 8 gates around the square chamber, but that number will rise to 18 and the gates will be equally divided into two parts of the new "Y" shape. In addition, the northern walkaway will be replaced with a longer route sky train at the center of the gate area.

The departure and arrival area will also have experienced dramatical modifications, especially the facilities. Along with the addition of a new café after passing passport control at the arrival, at the departure, the café will be replaced with the Check-in as both of them have been repositioned. Besides, it is portrayed that a care hire and an ATM will appear in the arrival area while a shop will also be added and found between the passport control and the gates. Ultimately, the entrance can be seen to shift from one way to two way entrance after redevelopment.

In summary, the map depicts the how the future airport will differ from the current layout. It is highlighted that the airport will have been modernized and improved with new convenience facilities.

I'd love to hear feedback from you guys, thanks in advance!




Quang Bao   
Oct 10, 2021
Writing Feedback / How much wheat had been exported in various regions - IELTS part 1 [NEW]

IELTS part 1: Wheat exports (line chart)



Please refer to our private review services since you have specific review specifications. Free review only covers general personal statement guidelines. Thank you.

How much wheat had been exported in various regions is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, it can be inferred that the Canada market fluctuated significantly while Australia and Europe had a stable contrasting trend from 1985 to 1990.

In 1985, abroad countries bought wheat from Canada the most, but their export was nearly equalized by Australia who sold over 15 million of tonnes worldwide a year later. Similar to Canada, Europe also experienced a sharp decline of mostly 5 million before reaching 15 million which was kept stable until the next year. During 1987-1988, while there was a considerable growth in wheat export of Canada, reaching the peak of 25 million, Australia was reported to have gradually decreased their market. This trend had not stopped for Australia until 1990 when they could only sell about 10 million abroad. Meanwhile, Canada had experienced a dramatic plummet of more than 10 million before bouncing back and ending the year 1990 at nearly 20 million. Ultimately, in the last 2 years, Europe was the only area with a positive trend as it can be portrayed that their wheat export gradually had increased from 15 to over 20 million.

Thanks for reading my piece of writing. I would like you guys to have feedback on my structure and suggest improvements for vocabs. Also, if possible, could you give a general score on my wiritng.

Again, thanks in advance!