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Posts by jelly
Joined: Nov 4, 2009
Last Post: Dec 25, 2009
Threads: 5
Posts: 11  

From: China

Displayed posts: 16
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jelly   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Supplement for Trinity--''free the mind from parochialism and prejudice" [2]

TRINITY 3. An important part of our institutional mission is to ''free the mind from parochialism and prejudice.'' As a member of the Trinity community, how might you seek to contribute to the fulfillment of this endeavor?

"Do you have computers?" "No." "Oh, it sucks! How terrible your life is!" When we arrived at Tianyue Hope Primary School, Tony asked. Hearing this, my heart pumped fast and I saw the little country boy Pan lowering his head with inferiority. The situation I had worried about most finally happened. I told the children from big city to be careful about their words and deeds, but stereotypes still worked.

It was the fifth year that I led a team to Tianyue Hope Primary School, which is located in a backward area. Ashamedly, I admit that I used to be a typically "metropolitan" child, looking upon all the country children. However, when I accidentally made friends with Hui, I found myself was wrong. Having lost both of her parents, Hui was adopted by an elderly granny with other 54 children. Although Hui could not afford any drawing paper and pigment, she still treasured her dream of becoming a painter. At the age of eight, I thought nothing about my dream and future. In contrast, the so called country girl did. I was stunned for her thought and shamed for my bumptiousness. And the more I got in contact with her, the more I admired and appreciated her.

"Jiani, what makes you feel so proud?" I could not help asking myself.

I was proud because I did not have to walk barefoot for miles to school or I needed not to worry about whether my family could afford my tuition? Without the wealth my parents bestowed on me, I have nothing different from them except for the so called title of "metropolitan child". The wealth clouded my mind, bred my ignorance and arrogance and imposed the parochialism and prejudice of those peers , who were far more splendid than me, on me.

"Tony, Pan, come here and take a seat!" I called up the kids. Standing on the platform, I told the Tonies the story of Hui and told the Pans my father's story, a story about how he walked out from village remoter than Tianyue and became a pharmacist with his diligence. The moment I witnessed the glistening tears in the eyes of children from city and country, I knew I had freed their minds.

For a long time, I find it so fortunate to meet Hui, who has changed my life. Now, having walked out of my stereotypes, I intend to help more people, just like what I have done during the past five years. If one day I am endowed with the opportunity to live in Trinity, Hartford, it is still incumbent upon me to fulfill the endeavor of freeing the minds from parochialism and prejudice. I would keep on telling my stories to those blindfolded and trace the true meanings hidden under the surface. I have faith in the bright and respectable side of anyone and anything. Sometimes, we can't find it just because of the stereotypes and semblance. Since I have gotten rid of my blindness and spent my past five years in changing the stereotype, I will proceed to make my own contribution to this endeavor in Trinity. I am greatly convinced that the extraordinary significance to cast aside bias and parochialism will broaden our mind and harmonize our college and community.

Thanks for reading!
Merry X'mas!
jelly   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / 'expensive job training' - Yale supplement-- why us? [6]

I am afraid that it should be too short.
My personal advise is that you have to connect Yale to your self. you can tell us a story or some experiences which can be related to Yale.

If I were you, I will mention the atmosphere in Yale, half american with half British.
Or, some of my friends from Yale gave some special impression, and so on..

Hope you succuss!
jelly   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Personal Statement for commonapp - A lesson [3]

Common Application Topic of your choice.

A lesson

The secret I have hidden for years is that my mum died of cancer when I was only five. From that moment on, my life has been changed: The kid in her mom' arms and even just the word "Mum" had become razor-sharp swords which could easily stab me.

In the past few years, I burrowed myself in the world of my own, obstinately believing that I was the poorest child on the earth. Until one day, Grandma told me that my mum's disease was discovered in an early phase actually. Had it not been for the experiment of new drugs to delay the treatment, she wouldn't pass away so early. The instant when hearing this news, I could hardly accept it. "Whose mother would delay the treatment only for work without considering her daughter?" I asked hysterically. Without any explanation, my grandma told me more stories about my mother from that day on.

She was such a person who was willing to overcome various difficulties for her ideal; she was such a woman who changed people's stereotype of women by her actions and passion for science; she was such a scientist who could stay up all through the night for work, and the drug she developed has brought hopes to countless people. Growing up with such a strong role model, I has been affected very easily by her great enthusiasm, strong sense of responsibility and ardent love for life, even though she was no longer by my side.

In face of treatment, she resolutely decided to complete the research first. In others' eyes, they do not think it's worthy. However, in my mind, my mother must have some reasons. If she's still alive, it must be the best choice which can make her simile cheerily when she was recalling. Perhaps she had already planned for our future, but God did not give her enough time.

I realized that I am not that little girl who was just used to playing in her parents' arms anymore; instead, I am supposed to be independent and face up to my life. Apart from grades, there are more important things which deserve my great efforts, so while my classmates were busy in attending cram schools and doing plenty of papers, I spent plenty of time in doing those things that are not relevant to studies seemingly: I actively shuttled between many elementary and secondary schools in the whole city to call on everyone to collect hardboards for blind children and donate books and clothes for children in the poor areas; I tried to climb the snow mountains, challenge all unknown places and pour into such a challenge spirit to all other things. Admittedly, because of my involvement in those things, I would not be Top 1 in my class; however, these things will equip me with insightful views, strong exploration and high passion. In brief, it is such an educational mode to turn me into a real person.

Many friends do not know why I was very mature of my age? I have never told them this secret. By understanding the fragile nature of life, I realize how important it is to appreciate all that is around me and how important it is to do whatever I really want in the limited time. This is the most valuable lesson my mother gave me by her life.

Thanks for reading~~~~
jelly   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / 'good body language' - SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE [4]

It's an good essay, but I am a little confused.

Please summerise your essay in one sentence. Can u catch my point?

this essay seems not quite fit for this prompt.
jelly   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "Seek, seek"-common application short answer( elaborate on one of your activity) [4]

Seek, seek and seek! Seeking professional books in the library, seeking university information on the internet and seeking SAT counseling materials in bookstores, I was wondering why I always did these alone. Since we have started our applications, my friends became cautious with each other. Although the application of University is a private matter, how could we be alienated from others? Considering that, I was determined to launch an organization, providing a communication platform for everyone. Apart from a webpage, I also held group gatherings in order that my friends would work on self-designed projects in groups. Moreover, via video phone, we even invited the senior schoolmates who was studying abroad to show us beautiful universities. Actually, that is how Chengdu Overseas Student Association was founded. Sharing resources and helping each other, we have had more than 100 members now!

THANK YOU FOR READING~!
jelly   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / My secret--personal essay on common application [8]

Thank you, hanhdung~~
Actually I had written something about when my friends head about my mom's death, how shocked they were. And I tried to hide it from all my friends, but it is really hard.

But after reading the whole essay, I feel it was a little bit unappropriate.

I think your advise is good. It's concise.
jelly   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / why I choose MHC--MHC's why essay [3]

What kind of university shall I choose? I have been thinking about it for a long time. The first batch of universities I know is the renowned ones to Chinese, such as Ivy League, MIT, Stanford, etc, which undoubtedly arouse my great interest in American education. However, for me, they still lack a sense of belonging, for what I need is not only the high reputation and rich academic resources the university has in the international world, but also adequate chances to talk with the professors and excellent living and learning environment. Unlike my classmates, I have paid more attention to the Liberal Arts Colleges. Many of my schoolmates in the higher grades have applied for, studied in or graduated from MHC. Accordingly, from them I get to know more about MHC. I can still remember the admiration and appreciation in their eyes when talking about MHC. Firstly, the advantages are excellent schoolmates, responsible professors, and remarkable majors like Chemistry, Economy and Environment; while the disadvantage in their eyes is that the campus life is a little bit quiet, which in my eyes is good to study. All these are what I expect about a college. Then the story I read about Mary Lyon on the website enables me to make MHC as my first choice.

The story about Mary Lyon reminds me of the old memory in my childhood. She lost her father at the age of five, while I lost my mother at the same age. I do not remember my mother very well, for she always went out in the early morning and came back late, focusing on her chemical research. But after she left me, I then knew more about her. She, as a girl, was the first student who got the ticket for a university; and she, majoring in Pharmacy which was then dominated by men, got the diploma with the best scores in the grade. In this way, she proved her opinion that girls were also able to work well on science. Every time I visit her tomb and see her achievements inscribed on the tombstone, I will be so proud; what my mom accomplished is not only on the marble, but also in people's hearts. From then on, I worked harder and more earnestly in the hope that I could become an excellent girl just like mom.

All the things that I know about mom were told by my grandmother, another strong-minded and brave female in my family. My grandfather could not stand the grief of my mother's death and chose to commit suicide but failed; my grandmother then became the pillar of strength in the family. Born to be ill and weak, she never gave up in face of serious illness, even after my mother had gone. Moreover, she stood up against the anguish fearlessly and optimistically. However, the nightmare was still continuing. Right in the eleventh year after my mother had gone, my uncle passed away due to a certain serious illness. Considering my grandfather's feeling, my grandmother chose to hide the bad news and sob in the corner alone. I still remember that the last time I visited uncle in the hospital. He had already been unconscious, even failing to think of my name. Seeing the omnipotent man in my heart become so weak, I could not help crying. Holding me quietly, grandmother said "my little girl, don't be afraid. Be braver, like me, and nothing shall beat you down." A frail figure as she had, but she was the greatest woman I had ever known. As a mother, she made every effort to save her children's lives; as a grandmother, she told me to face difficulties and sufferings courageously with her own actions and words; as a woman, she won other's appreciation and admiration with her bravery and perseverance. Though she never boasted of anything, I knew she was mother's real enlightener.

Yes, women can do anything and make the world different. When I read those words from Mary, my heart was filled with the inspiring resonance. Those special experiences enable me to get the deep meaning hidden in the sentence which others can hardly understand. With the help of the prominent academic power and spiritual strength that have been passed on for tens of hundreds of years at MHC, I believe I will strive hard for my dream so as to continue my mom's ambition and grandma's spirit.

Thank you for reading!
jelly   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / My secret--personal essay on common application [8]

My secret
The secret I have hidden for years is that my mum died of cancer when I was only 5. From that moment, my life has been changed: my family moved to the downtown from the suburban community where we had been living together before my mum passed away. The striking Red Cross of the hospital, the kid playing in her mum' arms and even just the word "Mum" had become razor-sharp swords which could easily stab me. However, worst of all, my father remarried a beautiful woman-my stepmother, and soon they welcomed a new baby-my younger sister. All the changes indicated that I would no longer be dad's dearest daughter and my family was completely smashed.

In those years, I burrowed myself in the world of my own, obstinately believing that I was the poorest child on the earth until I knew a special pen friend, Wang Hui, an unfortunate young girl. In her first letter, she described her family and dream: having lost both of her parents, she was adopted by an elderly granny with other 54 children. Although she could afford any drawing paper and pigment, she still treasured her dream of becoming a painter. The whole letter brimmed with optimism and hope, and at the back of the writing paper, she drew a small sapling in bud as a gift for me. I cried for her toughness and my weakness. When I calmed down, I decided to make a change in order that my mum in the heaven would set her mind at rest.

I got back my dream and my mum's expectation: keeping drawing and seeing the outside world to record the beauty for her. So I took up drawing again. In my middle school, I learned to shoot and climb mountains, like Mount Siguniang, Xishuangbanna, and Xiling Snow Mountain... recording anywhere I have been for my mother. Moreover, I took the initiative to walk out of my own world, starting to pay attention to my surroundings. I began to realized that I should cherish everything, for somebody or something might be gone forever within a second. Gradually, I integrated myself into a new life, looking for ties for my father, cooking with my stepmother, teaching my little sister to draw, a sense of fulfillment filled me all the time.

Delightedly, such a sense of fulfillment urged me to care for the disadvantaged. Maybe because of my unfortunate experience, I knew some things hidden in my heart would mow down my willpower bit by bit. Although without enough money, knowledge and strength, I could go for it, just as my mum said, "Do what you can do". On holidays, I came to WANG Hui's home, helping her search herbs for tuition and sending her pigments and drawing papers; in primary school, I called on my classmates to collect hardboards for blind children; in high school, I encouraged classmates to teach children English in Tianlin Hope Primary School and showed the pupils the outside world by pictures. Every time I see Zou Yifan (a child with congenital heart disease) wearing a smile while playing table tennis with me, and hear Pan Tao (a boy walking along the mountain roads for one and a half hours to school every day, just for a dream-entering university) promise me that he would stick to his dream in any case, I am convinced that I can do more and better.

Many friends do not understand why I am always eager to keep myself busy, but I never tell them my secret. Should I tell them because my mum died when I was five? I think they could not understand. By understanding the fragile nature of life, I realize how important it is to appreciate all that is around me while I have it. That is the most valuable lesson my mother gives me by her life (Many years later, I learn that if she paid less attention to her research, her disease can be cured.) In the future, I will have access to more places, recording every corner of the world; I will be equipped with more knowledge and abilities to help those people in need. Whether in China, the United States or other places, I will gather more like-minded people to achieve more dreams people are pursuing.

I am a faithful adherent of dream, so I would carry my wonderful dream and mum's expectations to a pilgrimage.

Thank you for reading!
jelly   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Elaborate on one of your activities.(Yale essay) [7]

I don't think begin with a famous sying is a good idea. You'd better leave more space to show yoursefl but not just quoting a saying.

Good luck YALE GUY~~
jelly   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Extracurricular activity elaboration--"Project Green" [5]

Just cut down the sentence:Out of all the extracurricular activities I am involved in, Project Green is by far my favorite.

anyway, your essay is fine,but not impressive. On offense.
I guess you'd better add some concrete into your essay~~

good luck!
jelly   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / U of M-My biggest setback essay [6]

Your essay is fine, but I think you can improve a little bit by adding something concrete.

BTW,this sentence makes me feel unwell:I was able to finally strengthen my weak spots.
I guess you'd better say: Finally, I was able to strengthen my weak spots.
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