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Posts by margarita
Joined: Nov 5, 2009		 Last Post: Dec 11, 2009
Threads: 8
Posts: 25  


Displayed posts: 33
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margarita   
Dec 11, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay. Get up early or late - what would you prefer? [7]

I think your essays have a good stucture:introduction, 3 paragraph and conclusion.
However, in the paragraphs you are supposed to give an idea and support it, perhaps with examples. Reading your essays, although you have good examples to explain what you want to say, you do not have any thesis sentence in the body paragraphs.
margarita   
Dec 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / Universities should give more money to their libraries than to students' sports [6]

Mustafa and Kevin, Thanks very much for your help. I will think twice before use although or other transition word.
Besides the use of although, can you give me more comments on my writing?
I haven't registered yet to take the TOEFL since I think my writing is still very weak. I will appreciate any critic to work on and try to improve it. Thanks again!
margarita   
Dec 4, 2009
Writing Feedback / Universities should give more money to their libraries than to students' sports [6]

Could you help me, please? Thanks!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Although some people agree with the idea that universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their libraries, I do not agree with it. I think libraries are a very important part of the majority of student's life, and a place that most them spent a lot of time. On the other hand, the money designated for sports will benefit just a group of students.

It is very clear that who goes to study in universities has a very precise goal; to get knowledge and a degree. It is universities' job to provide all the students with some tools and facilities to reach the student's goals. Therefore, since university's libraries play huge role in student's life, libraries need a good budget to not only cover personnel, maintenance and building facilities, but also to have upgraded books and technological resources to satisfy the whole university community. As a fact, my university's library was like my second home. I spent a lot of time there, studying, researching and, also, sleeping. For me, it was a chaos when sometimes I had to jump from place to place to study, in the time off I had between classes, because the library was crowded, and I could get a seat to study.

On the other hand, although I agree sports are an important activity for students, not all of the student can take advantage of it. In my opinion, not all students have in mine sports when they go to a university or college. In fact, when I went to college, the majority of the students around me even care about sports because they barely had time for themselves, including myself. University budget can not put too much money in an secondary area that is not useful for the majority of the students.

In my opinion, libraries play more important role in students' life than sports do. Therefore, universities should give more money to libraries, which benefit the whole student community than to sports, which is an activity that satisfies only a group of the student community.
margarita   
Dec 4, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The power of advertising depends on society and goods! [5]

In my opinion, the relation between the high sales of popular consumer goods and the power of advertising ,and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold, depends on the economy level of each country and on the impact of advertising in different markets.

In the countries with strong economic and big GDP, the advertising tends to play a noticeable role. On the other hand, in the poor countries advertising has secondary role.- explain and support-

The significance of advertising variates from market to market -explain and support-

The significance of advertising is lowering for goods which meet the basic need. As for more virtual need such as entertainment the high sales are more reflected the power of advertising than real need of society or quality of product.
margarita   
Dec 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The power of advertising depends on society and goods! [5]

I think in the introduction you have to make a clear thesis statement.
the question is: Do you you agree or do you disagree with the thesis that stays high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

Then you have to stay the reason that you will support in the following paragraphs.

I do not get what you mean in the sentence "My opinion is that it depends on the society and goods"

I think, in the second paragraph, the first sentence is too weak to be the thesis statement. what do you mean with : In fashion oriented markets the influence of advertising is clearly reviled? why?
margarita   
Dec 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / Early believe assumptions vs Science new findings about Altruism [4]

thanks kooka!

I corrected. Does it make more sense?

On the reading, the information provided supports the idea that altruism, in contraposition of selfishness, is a behavior based on the individual's sacrifices without gaining any benefit for themselves. On the other hand, the lecture explained that science's new findings have concluded that what was considered altruistic in earliest times, nowadays, it is being associated with a behavior performed by the self-interest of the individual, instead.
margarita   
Dec 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / Early believe assumptions vs Science new findings about Altruism [4]

FYI. This is for the TOEFL integrated writing task. The objetive of this task is to give the opportunity to ESL students to demostrate their ability to communicate in writing about academic information they have read and listened to. I was asked to summarizethe points I heard from the lecture and explain how they cast doubt on points made on the reading

Although you haven't listen the lecture or read the paragraph, all comments about my writing will be very appreciated. Thanks!

On the reading, the information provided support the idea that altruism, in contraposition of selfishness, is a behavior that is based on the sacrifices of individuals without gaining any benefit for themselves. On the other hand, on the lecture is explained that science new findings, in regard with behaviors considered as altruistic in earliest times, are associated with behaviors performed by the self-interest of the individual, instead.

The reading stays that the meerkat, which is an African mammal, is protected for one of the animals of the group, acting as a sentinel. This sentinel sacrifices for food and leopards its life without any benefit. It acts as a guard, just looking out for predators and giving alarm to the group. Therefore, this behavior is considered as altruism because the sentinel take care of the group without getting any benefit, in fact it is the opposite, it endangers its life and gives up for food. On the other hand, in the lecture is explained that this behavior on meerkats have been study recently closer tan before and they eat before they stand guard. Moreover, since the stand guards see a predator first, they are able to run first after they give the alarm to the herd. In the lecture is added the fact that the alarm makes the meerkat group run, taking more attention from the predator and putting them in more danger situation.

The second example used in both, the reading and the lecture, is about human donating organs. The reading stays that this is consider as an altruistic behavior, given that people who donate organs do not get anything as compensation. On the other hand, the lecture explains than the appreciation and increase of self-worth that family, friends and society give is considered very valuable
margarita   
Nov 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Why do some students study abroad? [3]

Thanks Susan! I appreciate your help on my writing. It will be great if you can,please, take a look on the other essays I have posted. Many Thanks!
margarita   
Nov 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Parents are natural teachers [16]

hitchhike, no problem, we are learners. Thanks for your thoughts on my writing.
kevin, thanks for helping us!
margarita   
Nov 28, 2009
Writing Feedback / Face-to-face communication is not anymore the more effective way to communicate. [4]

Hello!

Could you please take a look on my writing and give me suggestions to improve it? Thanks!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such a letter, e-mail, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

In the modern world we live, they are a diversity of ways to communicate with people, not only in the same work space, town or country, but also abroad. Although a lot of people believe Face-to-face communication is the best way to communicate, I think, there are better ways to communicate such a letters, emails and phone calls.

Letters are a good way to communicate with others. I think, when we communicate in a writing way we have the chance to review and make corrections. On the other hand, with face to face communication we talk, and after the words are out of our mouth we can not take them back. In addition, when people talk, they mean to say something but not always the receptor can understand the message while if you in writing the message is more precise.

In addition to letters, emails are a very suitable way to communicate with others. Emails and letter, both, share the same writing concept. However, emails are an informal and a fastest way to communicate. While a letter can be in the hand destinatary in one to five days, you can reach a person in less than one minute. Moreover, with emails you can contact people while you stay in your place. Currently, when I have a question to my son's teacher, I use to reach her by email. Therefore, I get her answer in the same day. On the other hand, during my school years, my mother had to go to my school in person to get an answer from my teacher; I remember my mother could get an answer from her several days later, after some phone calls and visits to my school.

Telephone calls are also a wonderful way to communicate. Especially with the advance in technology, Particularly, I think cellular phones are the best. You can reach people not matter where they are. Actually, the benefits of using the phone to make conferences are not only a way to save money, but also time. Before, people had to go to a place to have face-to-face conferences, spending time commuting or traveling to farthest or abroad locations. Now, with a phone call you can talk with several people at the same time.

Face-to-face communication is not anymore the more effective way to communicate. After a lot of technologic revolution, we can say that, nowadays, we have a lot of more effective and precise resources to communicate with others as letters, emails and telephone calls.
margarita   
Nov 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Why do some students study abroad? [3]

Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad? Use specific reasons ans details to explain your answer.

Some students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home country. In some cases, people prefer to face the challenge to study abroad because they can get a better education, take advantage of the college study time and also, as a , as a springboard to getting a job in the country they have chosen.

Usually, when students look for opportunities to study for a career in other country, it is because they can get a better education in the field they are interested in. A lot of universities do not have a good curriculum or are not recognized in some fields. On the other hand, abroad universities can give students better opportunities to get an enhanced education in a particular field.

As an example, when my husband came to study in the United States, he decided to do it because in here, he could have a better education in the field he wanted to study than at universities in his home country.

Also, in some cases, universities are more suitable for students, giving them the opportunity to transfer credits from another local or abroad university. Moreover, some universities offer programs to graduate students in less time than others. As an example, my husband had an incomplete associate bachelor degree from a technical school back in my county. To finish it in my hometown university, he had to apply to a university which did not transfer the credits of the courses he had already finished. Applying to abroad universities, he not only had the opportunity to transfer credits, but also to finish a master degree. He did get a bachelor and a master degree only in three years.

Studying in an abroad university, students have the chance to get a job and stay in the country if they wish to. In fact, my husband finished his master degree and got and job in which the company sponsor him to get the country residence. Studying his career here, in the United States, was a trampoline to us to move here.

Attending schools or universities outside their home countries, students can find not only a better education, but also they can take the advantage of, and use the college study time more profitably and also, to get the chance to find a job and stay in the country.
margarita   
Nov 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Parents are natural teachers [16]

parents teach us in every single stage of them what's the refrent of them?
...stage of our lives. Them refers to lives

Can I use model as a verb? I model, you model, they model.
margarita   
Nov 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / Studying people and events of the past time is very useful [8]

I do not think is wrong to use those if you have an antecedent. However, i thing is better tu use those followed by a noun.

.."Besides ,In addition , the behaviors of those people , [those refers to the adjetive] give this chance to us the chance to find a not only a brilliant, but also an adequate way to prosperity."

hitchhike, anyway, my suggestion is to ask somebody else. I am telling you what makes sense for me. Remember I am a english learner. Perhaps, a moderator could help us.

PS. I like the structure of your essays. Please, if you have a chance, take a look at my writing and give me your thougts. I am pretty sure you will have a good advice for me.
margarita   
Nov 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / Studying people and events of the past time is very useful [8]

"Besides, the behaviors of those, give this chance to us to find a not only brilliant but also adequate way to prosperity" I think something is wrong, but not quit sure.

Besides means in addition to. Perhaps, do you want to say In adition, instead?
Also, when you stayed "the behaviors of those", Does the word those refers to people?

what about this:
The lives of famous people in the history of each nation are the appropriate examples of how successful a person can be. In addition/Moreover, their behaviors encourage us to find and follow a path to prosperity.
margarita   
Nov 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL preference essay " sports vs.arts" - feedback welcomed :) [4]

I believe when you are asked to stay and support your preference about two o more topics, subjects or things, you have to mention why you do prefer one of them, but also why you do not choose the other(s). In this case, why do you prefer sports instead of arts? Sports vs. Arts. Please correct me if I am wrong.
margarita   
Nov 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Studying people and events of the past time is very useful [8]

Because of the rain, I stayed home-- comma
I stayed home because of the rain -- no comma

Personally, I think---comma
I personally think ---no comma

Besides, the behaviors of those, give this chance to us to find a not only brilliant but also adequate way to prosperity. --i can't understand this sentence.

For instance, all of us know the Tomas Edison

we can study his personal characteristics to find that what the important parameters of his achievements were

to work hard for findingto find their way

...difficulties, when you don't need them / ...difficulties when you don't need them

To conclusion / To conclude
margarita   
Nov 23, 2009
Grammar, Usage / A Question about "Voice" - inspired by some helpful feedback from Mayada [25]

In my opinion, the writer's voice is related with the fact that the writer gives live to his or her writing making it vivid. Perhaps, being interesting, deep, descriptive, using symbols as exclamations, using phrases as natural expresions , etc... I agree with Kevin. For me as an ESL will be very difficult to have my voice heard in my english writing. However, I am very able to do it in my native language.
margarita   
Nov 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Compare taking traditional classes (classroom only) to online classes [4]

Today,an online classes and traditional classes are two choices for students. Sometimes students are confusedtoabout decidingthat which class is better for them to take . The traditional class and an online class offer interesting three points of similarities and differences to the students in three area of environment of classroom, teaching instruments, and communication to the students.

Students have a good study environment in traditional classes whereas an online class can be taken at any place Students, who study outside of the classroom face problems as distractions and disturbance in study while studing. As an example if students are studying at home,they are disturbed by noise of family members, noise of machines such as TV, radios and mixtures. In my opinion, because students need appropriate context to concentrate on a subject, the traditional classessuit best providing a good study environment without being disturbed.

Other point is that old classes are fixed buildings so that they can not moved here or there. In other words students have to transfer or migrate to study in class. Unlike the old class, an online class can attend at any place by the computer with internet connection. Here is no matter of how far students are living. They don't have to come at college for lectures or study. There is no issue of trans portion for students. Another difference is that old classes have schedule of classes, which is decided by college administration, somehow online classes schedule can decided by students. The next point of learning instruments is that a traditional class has a teacher, blackboards, notebooks to write,in contrast with the online class has teacher,blackboards, computer to get online, projector, and big screen.An online class has more facilities, which is use for show images,present ion, listening lectures and poems. One example is that teacher says polar bears live in the coolest part of the world,the North Pole,then students have to imagine that a polar bear named animal lives on the North Pole in traditional class. The online class has advanced technology to show the image of polar bear on big screen by using a computer and projector. This whole procedure happens in less than a minute. As this way students can easily understand and remember hard topics. One important point is that communication between student and teacher. Old class students ask questions during the lecture, after it or before it; they can get answer immediately. Sometimes if teacher is busy then they take appointment to get information or answers about study. Conversely,online class students write their questions and e-mail to the teacher. After some time or later they get their answers,as this way their writing skills also improve. Another difference is that students can ask questions at any time,and notes are also available on website of online class. One example is that if learners miss one lecture, they have to ask other students or teacher about that lecture They couldn't see the notes of that lecture except if they ask to others. In summary,an online class is more convenient, and it has more facilities compared to an old class. It is depend on students which class they prefer to learn. I believe that technology is useful to learn anything in 20th century. Students should join the online class to learn easy.
margarita   
Nov 20, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL living in places different weather condition vs same weather condition [6]

hitchhike,
This is the information I have regarding the words for a TOEFL Independent task essay. "An effective essay will usually contain a minimum of 300 words; however, test takers may write more if they wish".

Although I am working on making shorter essays, because of the time issue, I will love to know where did you get the information about the maximun of words. Just in case!:)

Thanks!
margarita   
Nov 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL living in places different weather condition vs same weather condition [6]

Could you please critic my writing?
Thanks!

Some people prefer to live in places that have the same weather or
climate all year long. Others like to live in areas where the weather
changes several times a year. Which do you prefer? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your choice.

Although some people prefer to live in places that have the same climate all year long, other people like to live in areas where the weather changes several times a year. In my opinion, both scenarios have advantages and disadvantages. Doubtless, I would prefer to live in a place with a constant weather rather that a place with different seasons because I consider it is cheaper and makes me feel emotionally better.

Based on my own experience, I consider is cheaper to live in a place with a constant weather. I came from a country where the weather is very similar all year long. Although I had to be prepared for rain, the temperature doesn't have much fluctuation. Therefore, we do not have to worry about spending money in clothes for different seasons. I just used to buy cloth of accessories if I have the desire to do it. Here, I have a budget for each season. Even if I used the cloth I have from years before, I need to buy more because it is deteriorated. Especially in the winter time, gloves, hats and scarves are an issue for me since they are easy be lost. With regard to my car, In my country, I had a fixed monthly budget In contrast, living here, I need to have a budget to condition it for the winter and repair the corrosion caused for the salt and sand used on the roads to melt the ice.

Another reason to prefer a place that has the same climate is the sun light. Although fall and winter are beautiful seasons because of the change of colors and the exciting of the snow, the short days make me feel with less energy. In fact, when the days start to be dark early at the beginning of each October, I, automatically, start feeling depress. It is after several weeks that my body and mind get used to see that 4:00 PM is dark. Because of it we can not do much outside after that time. All the day routine in my family is changed. After school time we can not go to soccer practice and games, parks, neither playground. In contrast, back in my country I did not deal with the light issue. Although the sun light change a little bit the duration of the light's day, it doesn't interfere in outside activities. In fact, we have sports like soccer, baseball, swimming in outside pool, golf and other exciting activities all year long.

In my opinion, both, living in places that have the same climate all year long, and places in which the weather changes several times a year, have advantages and disadvantages. Because living in a place with same climate all year long can help me save some money and also for the reason that long days filled with outside activities make me feel with energy, I would prefer to live in a place with same weather all year long. Anyway, is it not always possible to see the beautiful colors of the fall and the exiting snow in a vacation trip?
margarita   
Nov 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Parents are natural teachers [16]

Why I can not place the transition "yet" and "although I learned from them"as a clause?

I have repeated a lot of things I have learned from my parents, yet , I have rejected other things that,although I learned from them , I think are not right or do not accommodate to the present time.
margarita   
Nov 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl"A person you know is planning to move to your town. What do you think.. [4]

..my city, Indore.
Having known her for past ten years, I can enumerate ...
Being a career oriented in nature, my friend would prefer ...
"reputed and provide" should be reputed and provided
Indore, has numerous
vechile vehicle
...My friend would be more comfortable here since she likes outdoor activities a lot. Here, in my city, she can continue with --or doing --all herher all activities, such as sports, hanging out friends and so on around the year.
margarita   
Nov 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Parents are natural teachers [16]

Bilal, what about this sentence?

I have rejected to do other things that are not right or do not accommodate to the present time.
margarita   
Nov 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Parents are natural teachers [16]

Li and Bilal,

Thanks very much for taking a look on my writing.
I want to clarify that I am not complaining about the corrections. I love to have them! I just want to understand in order to learn from them. I really appreciate your help. Many thanks!

Li,
Could you please explain me why should I have this sentence in past. :) "They taught us from the moment we arrived to life, they reinforced our learning from the school years, and they taught us the values that will shape later our lives". My intention was to talk in general , as a fact.

Also, when i stayed: Raising my children, I have repeated..." is because i am raising two sons, so for me is present perfect. Should i change it to future?

Bilal,
I think ???? are not right or do not accommodate...

May I know what do you mean? is that the sentences in unclear?
I have repeated a lot of things I have learned from my parents, and also, I have rejected to do other things that, although I learned from them, I think are not right or do not accommodate to the present time.
margarita   
Nov 15, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Parents are natural teachers [16]

Hi!
Help, please!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Although we have different teachers in different stages of our lives, parents teach us in every single stage of them. Unfortunately, not all parents teach the right stuff, but doubtless, parents are the best people to teach their children. They model for us, reinforce our academic knowledge and teach us the fundamental values that we can not learn from books.

During the first stage of our lives, we almost completely depend on our parents. In this stage, we are already learning from them. From here, they have started modeling for us; in fact, we learn to express ourselves, to talk, to eat, to walk, and so on, because we mimic and imitate our parents. Parents through their own behavior provide us with direction. Parents who do not act well invite their children to act in the same way. To illustrate, an alcoholic father is very likely to have an alcoholic son. Also, children of divorced parents are very likely to have broken marriages themselves.

Later on in life, children go to school to get academic knowledge. At this stage, the school's teachers play a crucial role in children's adolescent's lives. However, it is parent's job to reinforce that knowledge on them and to teach them what they can not learn from books, like discipline, respect, moral values, and attitudes, which they will carry throughout their lives. As an example, when a child has academic or social issues at school, parents are called to take in hand the problem. Schools have a team to help,psychologists, speech therapists, counselor, tutor, etc...; however, it is parent's responsibility to address the problem and help their child to go forward.

As adults, we are still learning from our parents. They share their experiences with us and give us insightful advices. Moreover, at this stage we realize and make conclusions about what they have taught us, which was positive and suitable, what our parents tried to teach us and we skipped or didn't pay attention. Therefore, we use all this knowledge and experience to rise up our children. As a mother of two sons, I have repeated a lot of things I have learned from my parents, while, I have rejected to do other things that, although I learned from them, I think they are not right or do not accommodate to the present time.

I think that parents are unique to be their children teachers. Throughout different stages of our lives we learned from them in a very natural way. They teach us how to live from the very start throughout our lives. They model for us, strength our academic knowledge and teach fundamental values Moreover, I believe that most of the time, without conscience, we act just repeating or rejecting what we have learned from them.
margarita   
Nov 11, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Physical exercise should be required part of every school day [7]

Hello!
Could you please take a look on my writing and give me suggestions to improve it? Thanks!

Some people say that physical exercise should be required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with?

Although some people believe that students should spend the whole day on academic studies, I nevertheless believe that physical exercise is a crucial part of every school day. Exercise is good not only for having a good health body, but also for the mind. In addition, including exercise in children's daily routine, it is a good way to teach them the importance of physical activity from an early age.

Physical activity helps children to grow up physically healthier. As studies have shown that the rate of obesity in children has increased every year, it will be very beneficial for children to have a daily physical activity and get a break from being sitting several hours at school. In addition, exercise will help them to not be less exposed to illness related with cardiovascular, higher blood and cholesterol issues.

Daily exercise will help also to develop children's brain function. It is well known how important it is to exercise regularly to help the body system to work better. When people exercise, the respiratory system's function is enhanced, helping all organs, including the brain, to get more oxygen in. Daily exercise will provide children with a mental break which will boost them to be efficient learners.

Having children in the daily exercise routine from an early age will teach them the important value of having physical activity in their every day routine. Children are bombarded with lectures about nutrition and physical activity; however, they will be more beneficed if that knowledge can be put in practice. Moreover, they can stick with the routine and make the daily physical activities a good habit on their whole life.

Including physical activity in children's school day should be strongly considered. It will meliorate not only mental and body health, but also will establish in children a habit of doing it, giving them the opportunity to measure the worth of including such an important activity in their daily live schedules.
margarita   
Nov 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay "homework - necessary or not" [6]

maybe you can map your ideas first, then support them.

Introduction:

Body:
1.-Homework is not needed if time is well managed at school (idea 1)
-time in school subject learning
-time to do personal activities
-play sport

2.-students may lose their activeness of learning with too much homework (idea 2)
- bad effects

Conclusion: bring the ideas to the conclusion
margarita   
Nov 5, 2009
Writing Feedback / ( career preparation / job opportunities ) Why people attend college or university? [7]

People attend college for several reasons. Primarily, students go into undergraduate courses for career preparation, to be competitive when looking for a job. Others go to college as graduate students, to enhance his knowledge in certain area; and some people go to college just taking advantage of the opportunity in a career change.

...
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