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Posts by allathlete5
Joined: Nov 7, 2009
Last Post: May 22, 2010
Threads: 5
Posts: 19  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 24
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allathlete5   
May 22, 2010
Research Papers / Why Freemason's added to the Design of the Dollar Bill [7]

I'm actually a big Dan Brown fan... I've read all his books including the lost symbol.. And am very interested in freemasonry! Thats why i chose the topic! =)

But i just want to know if there was any significance in why they put those symbols on the dollar bill... Just basically WHY did they do it? haha
allathlete5   
May 22, 2010
Research Papers / Why Freemason's added to the Design of the Dollar Bill [7]

Okay hello!

I'm writing a research paper on the design of the dollar bill, and focusing on how the Freemason's added to the design.
It is well known that the Mason's added symbols to the current design of the dollar bill. My question is WHY did they do that? Why did they add this symbolism? This is what I would like to focus on and with all my research I can't really seem to find anything on why... Just that they did add symbols. Could anyone help me with this topic in anyway?

Sincerely
allathlete5   
May 22, 2010
Grammar, Usage / Basics of research paper writing [8]

I think that whoever is having you write this research paper should tell you if there are restricted topics... If they did not then there shouldn't be.

For the page limit.. there really is none.. ive had teachers/professors have me write 4 pages minimum and some 10 pages exactly. It all depends.

I think the first thing you need to do is pre-research and define what topic you would like to write about specifically.
allathlete5   
May 22, 2010
Poetry / Glass: My first Free Verse Poetry....your thoughts [10]

I like this alot! I'm not a poet and i'm not too into poetry, but i like this!

as for the title, i believe it must come from you! I think after taking Jd87rh's advice the title should come much easier to you. You are the author i think it would come best from you!

Just my 2 cents though =)
allathlete5   
Dec 14, 2009
Undergraduate / 'tremendous opportunities' - Brown: Interest and Appeal to Brown [3]

Prompt: Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

1000 Characters

I used the diverse programs and classes offered at my high school to narrow my academic interests to a single, apparent category. I came to find that I love computers. The incorporation of my two favorite subjects, math and science, fascinates me, and it creates challenges that I love. There is a certain type of excitement that comes with computers that creates in infatuation.

The prestigious and world renowned programs and professors that Brown University is known for will help craft those infatuations into something more. To craft these infatuations I will need more then an average education, and Brown University will craft my interests into lifelong passions.

I have been influenced by the tremendous opportunities Brown has to offer. The distinguished professors and eminent programs present me an immeasurable amount of opportunities. I look forward to to using Brown's distinguished programs and eminent professors to change my infatuations into something more, into a love and a career that I will be paid for what I love doing.

Okay so basically this is a short answer supplemental for Brown. I have put a few sentences of my other essays together. Do you think it hits the prompt? Are there any mistakes? Do you have any suggestions for grammar, structure, or anything else?? All help would greatly be appreciated! =)

Also, I added that last long sentence in just because I was at about 820 characters, but I'm not sure if it adds to the essay.. If it makes sense.. or if i should keep it.. Let me know what you think!!!
allathlete5   
Dec 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Essay: I'm from an Island! [7]

I have always been feared change. Change is essential, and is part of human nature. It is the reason humanity exists. Our ability to adapt to a different environment, is a right we should hold dear to our hearts. Change is hard. From life to death. From a small community to a big one. It is these challenges where we learn the most. We encounter ourselves, by being both vulnerable and resourceful. The star had no chance. The star's change was abrupt and inevitable. It couldn't shape it's change. We in some aspects of our life will always have the opportunity to act upon change. Our change can lead us to our greatest ambitions.

Sounds awkward.. maybe you mean feared by change or that you have always had a fear of change. I have learned change is essential

Maybe put but i have learned change is essential.. I dont know.. just sounds better

Also spelled opportunity wrong =)
allathlete5   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell University (College of Arts and Sciences Supplement) [3]

Living in the immeasurable world , the world seemed so beautiful and adventurous, until I realized the reality of the world

I seem to get the impression of redundancy with the world... maybe you could try to change that up? or add some sort of sentence in between?

Just a thought..

Unlike most middle school kids, I liked watching the news but constantly watching the news showed me that there are many problems in my community and the world just waiting to be solved.

I'm not sure what it is.. but it sounds a little weird.. I think there should maybe be a comma after world.. but im not too sure..

This is a WONDERFUL essay!!! you hit the prompt well in my opinion! just a few things you can fix but nothing crucial!
allathlete5   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Brown Supplement: First Part of Engineering Supplemental [7]

Okay so here is my new edit thanks to longyue!! thanks alot for the help! =)

What's the word limit here? This will give us a better sense of what can be done to expand upon what you've written.

For this part of the supplement I have to write three seperate short answer essays.. here is the prompt..
To be completed by applicants whose primary interest is Engineering; please check the box and address each question separately. We also suggest limiting your total response to 500 words.

1. Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to an interest in the field of Engineering?

2. What experiences beyond school work have broadened your interest in Engineering?

3. Brown offers programs in Biomedical, Chemical, Civil, Computer, Electrical, Materials, and Mechanical Engineering. Because there is a common core curriculum within Engineering, students need not select a specific area until their junior year. We are curious to know, however, if any particular program within Engineering presently appeals to you. If so, please discuss that choice.


IF anyone else has any kind of advise I would greatly appreciate it! from grammar to structure and any IDEAS =))
allathlete5   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / Brown University Supplemental: Influence or Inspiration [2]

Prompt: Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that ha sinfluenced or inspired you.
(500 Word)

I came into high school thinking I would use the diverse programs and classes offered to narrow down my academic interests into a single apparent category. I came to find that the narrowing down was not occurring, but more the opposite. I found that a computer careers class added fuel to my computer and electrical interests. The class that intrigued me the most, though, was Advanced Placement Physics. Not only did I learn how interesting it was combing the intriguing approaches of math with the compelling concepts of sciences, but the class introduced me to a classroom full of students who shared a passion for learning and success similar to mine. AP Physics, I found, narrowed this undecidedness to a more discernible, distinct category.

Beginning with the first day of class, AP Physics surrounded me with students that set the highest standards for themselves much like I do. The class forced me to be the best I can be not only because of the rigorous academic challenges, but because of the group of students around me, and the family like atmosphere that our teacher created for us. The comradery that was created between the like-minded young adult students was encouraging and uplifting in tough times. Walking through the door, sixth period every other day, I instantly became inspired to learn and understand. The inspiration in this class quickly escaped the doors of room 811 and entered every class I was in, from AP English Language and Composition to Economy. The inspiration even found its way to my house, when it came to computers. Because of this beneficial science class, with its benevolent teacher and invigorating students, I have become inspired and influenced to be the best I can do, set the highest standards for myself, and put myself in the best situations to succeed.

I am only at 310 words. I think I need to add more, but i'm not too sure what to add. Any suggestions? How is the grammar? Does the essay actually make sense? Any advice would be GREAT
allathlete5   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / UPENN essay- Benjamin Franklin. [4]

This is a great essay! I really like it. I didn't seem to find any grammatical errors, but one thing i think that ending the essay with the outdoor activities doesn't really wrap it up like it should. I was thinking maybe switching the last two paragraphs, but im not really sure..

Maybe what you need to do is just add a stronger sentence to end the essay. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but do you know what I mean?
allathlete5   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / Experience with underpriveliged children - opened my mind - Common App [4]

What a great opportunity and experience!

I would say one of the only mistakes I see is to spell out numbers less then 100. So like

spend 2two hours

into groups of 4four and assigned one

d of grade 11eleven and now

etc. etc.

I hope that helps! =)
allathlete5   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / Brown Supplement: First Part of Engineering Supplemental [7]

Prompt: Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to an interest in the field of Engineering?

My Grandpa was a computer engineer. He worked for Northrop Aircraft developing the B-2 Bomber. Studying computer science and programming, he taught himself the technology used in both hardware and software.

In seventh grade I was intrigued by computers for the first time. My grandfather decided to help me assemble a computer for that Christmas. He had me do all the research on components, only giving me necessary advice from time-to-time. Having finished the first step, I began to assemble the components together. Instead of telling me specifically what to do, he only walked me through each step. He gave me the advice I needed, and counseled me. Because of his encouragement, I was able to install the CPU, even being nervous. However, a few months after our completion of the project, he passed away. Even though this devastated me for weeks, I clearly understood that my grandpa wanted me to be strong and achieve more in this field. This is exactly what I have done now. He tried his best to inspire me to understand computers. Now, this inspiration has turned into a love for computers.

It just does not seem very well written to me! does anyone have some advice on putting what I mean into more of an understandable essay? or any grammar issues or anything!

Any advice would be helpful =)
allathlete5   
Dec 12, 2009
Undergraduate / "an extremely complex ecosystem" - UPENN admission essay [2]

We all live in an extremely complex ecosystem comprising of humans as well as other living objects such as animals,trees,forests etc.__ Even though we all want to be fully independent but I don't think that it is possible as I believe that we all are intricately stringed together in this vast ecosystem,_ more popularly known as a "community."__ Henrick Isben once said "A community is like a ship, everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.".

I think that before you send it you need to put spaces after all of your periods.. and commas... like in this first paragraph. Two spaces after ends of sentences and one after comma. Also, periods go in the quotes, and you do not need one before and after the quote. As far as i know.

But this is a well written essay other then the few little errors. Very well thought out!

I hope this helps! =)
allathlete5   
Dec 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

haha yeah i've heard that alot! but i think thats why im looking at the ivy leagues more then anything.. thats where i fit best! because im a nerd at heart! haha

You like computer science also? awesome!!!

Are you really? well good luck! hopefully my crappy essay will give you some ideas! =)
allathlete5   
Dec 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

Pick an interest. Answer the topic. Or else why would you want to apply to this specific college?

That is what I've been suggested to do... the computer engineering school is one of the best in the nation, so im going to try to transfer in... Most recruits go in undecided.. and i will study computer science... most likely!

Whaddo you mean by recruited?

I mean for football!!!
allathlete5   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

Around the holidays I can remember carrying around a money box to organize all of my money, and in my eyes keep it safe.

This sentence feels a bit clumsy. Maybe it's because of the "can" out there. Give it a thought!

alright i will take that out =)

it sounds much better thank you!

The word Undecided best fits me. I am not undecided on what I would like to do and achieve, but I am undecided on how I will go about achieving these things.

Which things?? It is a bit confusing.

hmmm i will rewrite that also...

Overall, i really liked what you've got out here.

thank you!!!

BTW, what other colleges are you applying to?

well, i am being recruited by all of the ivy leagues except for Columbia. Cornell is the furthest i have gotten in the recruiting process. But I am not to sure exactly which of the other schools i will be applying to! It all depends on the recruiting basically! I'd love to apply to them all though!
allathlete5   
Nov 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

That is some good introspection!! Usually I advise people to act decided even if they are not quite decided... because it is important to act resolute, passionate, and methodical, but... I think you achieve something very good with this approach.

thank you very very much! that means a lot hearing that! =)

I think you should mention some of the profs for which the school is known instead of just referring to them generally -- naturally, you should mention articles, etc. by profs whose specializations are aligned with your interests.

Alright I will do some research on profs and maybe classes or something... I'll see what I can get out of it!

Seriously, this is looking pretty impressive now! I don't even mind the word copious as you use it in that first sentence... Looking good! Maybe you write well because you are related to Anne Sexton?

Thank You =)
I'll be honest, I've never heard of Anne Sexton until I had to look her up just now! haha... I do not believe I am, but i am actually going to look into that! haha I'm sort of interested!
allathlete5   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

sorry that i have been gone! but give me that intervention!!! haha i need it because i'm using wayyyy to much right now!! and here is an update... its so hard taking things out! let me know what you think =)
allathlete5   
Nov 11, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

Prompt: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the programs at Cornell to further explore your interests.

SEE ABOVE

This is my most recent version!!! let me know what you think please
allathlete5   
Nov 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

Nope! You are the Jedi master! This part of the essay has to come from the heart. Don't wory, because even if the "you" of this moment does not know how, the person you will be a few moments from now might have the perfect idea! :-)

hahahaha alright got it! im working hard on it.. i shall update it soon!!!

Nice job!

thank you!
allathlete5   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

I came into high school thinking I would use the copious diverse programs and classes offered to narrow my academic interests to a single, well-defined category.

alright awesome, thank you!!

After those sentences about AP English, Physics, and Computers, you need one more sentence for the first paragraph. Give it closure with a good thesis sentence that captures the meaning of the essay. that is an important sentence. Do you know what I mean? It is always good to put a thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph.

yes i know what you mean, but i'm just not too sure how i would go about doing it.. or actually.. doing it well. any ideas on how i could rap it all up for a good thesis? i'll put some of my ideas up there soon also.

Lin spotted a lot of good changes to make, too!

yes defidently! =)

Thank you for your help also =)
allathlete5   
Nov 7, 2009
Undergraduate / Need Critiquing on my Cornell Interest Essay (CAS) [21]

I am writing my interest essay for the college of arts and sciences. I would love for any kind of feed back on this.. It is my first draft. PLEASE let me know what you think!!!

Prompt: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the programs at Cornell to further explore your interests.

_________

I came into high school thinking I would use the copious programs and classes offered to narrow my academic interests to a single, apparent category. I came to find that the narrowing down was not occurring, but more of the opposite. I found that a Computer Careers class added fuel to my computer and electrical interests. Advanced placement physics showed me how interesting it was combining the intriguing approaches of math with the compelling concepts of sciences. Advanced placement English introduced me to a classroom full of students who shared a passion for learning and success similar to mine. I find myself intrigued and undecided.

One of my first memories in school is telling my first grade teacher, Mrs. Duffy, that I would one day invent the money-tree. This led to a strong interest in math. I have always loved money and numbers. Around the holidays I can remember carrying around a money box to organize all of my money, and in my eyes keep it safe. This love for math transferred towards science in my sophomore year with chemistry. I enjoyed the integration of math with science, especially when I studied stoichiometry. This enjoyment sparked a new found passion into this unknown world of science. Due to these interests, I began learning more and more about computers, and became hooked. They incorporated a lot of what I have a passion for, and it creates challenges that I love. The challenges in computers, and in all of my academic interests are what make me strive to succeed and be my best. There is a certain excitement that comes with computers that creates an infatuation. The prestigious and world renowned programs and professors that Cornell University is known for will help craft those infatuations into something more. A class like "Computing in the Arts" may change my infatuation in computers to a profession in computing, while other classes like "Macroeconomics" may shift my infatuations into a profession involving income and/or the economy of the nation. These programs will give me an immeasurable amount of opportunities.

The word Undecided best fits me. I am not undecided on what I would like to do and achieve, but I am undecided on how I will go about achieving these things. For this I will need more than an average education. Prestigious programs like Cornell's can, I believe, open these realms of possibilities and craft my interests into lifelong passions. I look forward to using Cornell's distinguished programs and eminent professors to change me, from undecided to something more captivating. The programs in Cornell University's College of Arts and Sciences will certainly guide me towards a decided passion.
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