Undergraduate /
"a typical Hispanic family from Mexican descent" -UC Prompt #1 were I came from? [11]
Ok I like where your going but a few changes
For every where you put "intellectuality" put intelligence because I don't think that's a word.
Also the second half of the first sentence I don't understand what you're saying. "and the capability to seek advantages to gain a sort of sole benefit from." <--
Revise.
The catch, as my father says, is finding that motivation that can
aspireinspire dreams, and turn them into reality. I originate from a typical Hispanic family
fromof Mexican descent.
I wouldn't suggest you portray your race negatively because it seems like you're doing so by saying "typical hispanic family of Mexican Descent" what's so typical?! You want your life and experiences to stand out so don't say that.
"One that learns that the sweat of every day allows the guarantee of survival, and the food on our plate only originates from the labor we have to offer."
I LOVE this line :)"I come from a family that believes that anything no matter how impossible it is can be achieved if hope is grasped within one." You've weighed down this sentence, try this:
"I come from a family that believes nothing is impossible as long as you hold onto hope" or something to that effect....
"
ThisThese are the lessons my parent's have taught me, and the force that has driven me to continue
REVISE this part -->to apply despite the odds." Their lessons inspired you to apply to this college? Make it more dramatic and say how their lessons of hard work and hope inspired you to work towards your dreams. Mention your aspirations as well.
I can see there is major potential with this essay, I like the topic because it's one that can be expanded upon easily. Good luck!
By the way, if you don't mind which UC are you applying to?