Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. [4]

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often believed that increasing fast food prices is the best solution when obesity is getting more and more serious. I strongly think that only this method cannot make a big difference, and there are other more effective measures that the government can take to tackle this issue.

Having to pay more expensive prices for junk food might not strong enough to stop people from consuming it. Consumers might complain or even temporarily give up on burgers and french fries, however, this may not last for long since people often cannot resist their carving. My sister, for example, often complains how overpriced bubble tea is. That said, she is willing to pay 100,000 VND just to satisfy her thirst for this beverage. Therefore, this policy alone might not be as effective as expected in the long run.

There are several potential solutions that the country authorities can take into consideration. Firstly, raising public's awareness of processed food's detrimental impacts on the body. Knowing that they have a high chance of getting serious health problems such as heart diseases, and diabetes, people might be discouraged to over-eat these kinds of food. Additionally, reducing the standards of working and studying hours might also be helpful. If students and working adults had to commit less time at workplaces or schools, they would have more time to prepare homecooked meals. As a result, the consumption of junk food might eventually drop and residents would become healthier over time.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that exorbitant prices cannot stop consumers from eating fast food, however, proper education and new working hour policies can have an impact on people's lifestyles and diets. (277)

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Today more people are overweight than ever before... [2]

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

It is true that more and more people are facing obesity. In my opinion, the fundamental reasons are changing in diet and lifestyle, and this issue can negatively affect the country's healthcare system and economy.

One of the primary causes is changing in the way people consume food. In order to allocate more time to fulfill work and study related responsibilities, youngsters often opt for processed food such as burgers, and french fries. As a result, they intake more calories, yet less nutritious sources of energy. Technology is another contributing factor to this. Many individuals choose to spend their leisure time on computer games, or social media instead of engaging in physical activities. My niece, for instance, prefers watching cartoons to playing sports. Consequently, her body gets heavier and inflexible over time. Therefore, imbalanced diet and sedentary lifestyle are the main culprits of this tendency.

Increasing numbers of overweight population can have detrimental impacts on the country as a whole. Firstly, it puts a strain on the national healthcare system. Obese people are generally more susceptible to various health issues like cardiovascular diseases, diabetes. Thus, giving treatments and services for these huge numbers of patients might even lead to the collapse of the system, and ill residents might not get adequate access to proper hospitals and medical practitioners. Furthermore, companies might suffer from the shortage of staff if employees take sick leaves too often. It can affect badly not only the organisation's productivity, but also the country's economic well-being.

In conclusion, alterations in people's ways of living and eating are to be blamed for this negative development, and its consequences are devastating. Therefore, the authorities should implement a range of initiatives to encourage healthier lifestyles and mitigate the bad impacts of this trend. (293)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. [2]

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development?

It is true that writing by hand is not as common as it used to be. There are several reasons contributing to this fact, however, I do not believe that this is a negative development.

The decline in writing by hand can be attributed to various reasons. One of the most fundamental ones is due to the advancement in technology. With cutting-edge devices such as laptops, mobile phones, people can easily type words whenever needed with much faster speed. Therefore, it is not necessary for people to use their handwriting often. Furthermore, the fast-paced and multitasking working style encourages individuals to do many tasks at the same time, thus, using hand to write like in the past might not help them in boosting the productivity and efficiency. Comparing writing emails and letters, for example, emails can reach recipients faster than letters. Meaning that information can be exchanged shortly result in a higher level of productivity.

It seems to me that this is not a negative tendency. Without using pen to write, people still can convey their messages clearly and successfully by utilising smart devices. They might become slow writers when it comes to handwriting, however, their literacy levels will not deteriorated as technology users still need to communicate with others on a regular basis. In addition, changing to a more convenient method of writing helps people work and study more effectively. As the time allocated to handwriting can be reduced by faster typing, workers or students have more time to focus on more important tasks such as planning, and thinking.

In conclusion, technology and changes in lifestyle are main reasons contributing to a reduction in writing by hand. That said, it is generally a positive development as modern people can fasten their work and enhance the productivity. (297)

Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2: Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. [3]

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?. Please assist me in correcting this IELTS essay, thanks a bunch.

It is sometimes argued that every subject at universities should reach an equal number of students from two different genders. I totally disagree with this view for a number of reasons.

Firstly, it would be unrealistic to apply this scheme. Each major has its own characteristics and attributes that might be more suitable for a particular gender than the other, and help them get a thorough preparation for future careers. Occupations such as country soldiers or firefighters are usually preferred to males as their physical capacity is superior to females. It can therefore be argued that it would be illogical to fix the number of boys and girls in every university subject.

Moreover, This new policy might also hinder problems for students and the universities themselves. Learners may struggle to register for their desirable classes because of their sexes. When a subject is fully-enrolled by a fixed number of men, which means other males cannot apply anymore even if this subject might lack its female students to process. Apart from controlling class availability, this scheme might also result in financial challenges for school management. Having to open more classes to accommodate students' needs, schools might need to pay for a larger amount of money for lecturers as well as teaching equipment. It can thereby negatively affect the process of learning and teaching in universities.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that having to balance the number of men and women in every subject is unreasonable and it can create numerous problems for both educational institutions and learners. (256)