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Posts by SkittleRose
Joined: Nov 22, 2009
Last Post: Dec 27, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 15  

From: USA

Displayed posts: 19
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SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Aviary Pagoda, Yuen Long Park, Hong Kong. Common App revisions - "Broadening Horizons" [13]

Wow, quite the improvement on your essay!

- I would say "less fortunate" instead of "not-so-fortunate" though
- I really love the image of "climbing" and stepping up in higher institutions, and I think at the end you sort of lose the climbing metaphor. I think it will work really, really well at the end if you could somehow incorporate it... Maybe instead of land you could say something about climbing a mountain, etc. Just an idea.

Otherwise, great work!
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / elaborate an activity - Red Cross First Aid Course - [6]

It sounds a lot better now, except I'm still a little unclear by what you mean by "makeup". Maybe... conclusion? Resolution? Solution? Haha. Something like that. Good job :]
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / the most significant challenge the world faces today, Stanford short answers [6]

1)
The widening of the gap between the social classes makes people less understandableunderstanding of each other and makes people more ignorant (of what?) . Therefore, it would be harder to understand the hardships people face and thwart the efforts to solve these problems. The polarization of the classes will also lead to the polarization of resources. How so?

2)
I wish I could have witnessed the Battle of Iwo Jima. I want to witness the Battle of Iwo Jima because it was one of the most crucial and bloody battles in WWII. WWII changed the lives of numerous countries, including my home country, Taiwan, whowhich was under Japanese rule.

I think you can elaborate more on how Iwo Jima specifically touched your home country... you stray a little, so pick either Iwo Jima or the entire

WWII.


Good luck!

Please help me out as well:
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / elaborate an activity - Red Cross First Aid Course - [6]

RCNUWC First Aid is a professional course in which thirty students learn and practice their first aiding skills. Almost all sessions include a number of realistic scenarios in which students act as casualties and first aiders.which there will be casualties and first aiders, played and directed by the students,and then our coaches finish the session with a debriefing. The Serbian National first aid team has been visiting us for training weeks for the past years, which has resulted in their championship in Europe. (This sentence seems random... why is the Serbian Nationa First Aid Team relevant to you?) I really enjoy this activity; I am responsible as a first aider on campus and have had many experiences helping people on campus, and even back home, from simple cuts to panic attacks. I have been able to strengthen my leadership and collaboration skills, as well as my agility and creativity in first aidas well as my responsiveness and responsibility in emergencies (or something to that ffect... saying creativity in first aid sounds like you try to do things in a new way that you weren't taught) . I know that I will feel even more proud when I receive my Red Cross Certificate.

- I feel like you should spell out the acronym for the first time.

Good luck!
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / mica - artwork changing perception [2]

We don't all see the same way, I'm sure of that, but I want to know to what extent our visions differ.

I wish I could, but I can't and neither can anyone else, so we'll all just keep wondering forever .

It's my way of helping, my attempt to explain how I perceive the world .

My still-lifes depict how I see the relationships that objects have with each other.

You see one thing, she sees another thing and I see something that neither you nor she will ever see. Except in my art and when you and she see it in my art, I hope you see a slightly altered world.

You and I may see different things that neither of us can convey to each other, but I hope that you see at least a slightly altered world in my art.

- Just personal preference, but I wouldn't use contractions at all in a college essay

Good luck!
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Conncoll supplement - tell us something about you [2]

I consider exploring mysteries as my intellectual hobby.

When I face a mystery, I treat it as a challenge, which I must conquer by understanding it.

I feel very uncomfortable (consider a synonym for this? Maybe unsatisfied?) when my questions are left unanswered.

The process in which I seek information and make assumptions also gives my mind more flexibility and creativity in thinking.

Yet mysteries are still mysterious. I feel happy (I think you should use a stronger word than "happy") because I will never run out of mysteries to immerse my mind.

I think you can add a little more about how you feel knowing that there are soooo many mysteries in the world. Does it overwhelm you? Invigorate you? Inspire you to keep exploring?

Good luck!!!
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Barnard: Journaling, War, The Little Prince, and Why Barnard? [5]

If you had a full hour to meet with a government representative or community leader, what one issue or concern would you raise and why?

If given an hour to speak to a government representative, I would raise the issue of sex trafficking and how it needs to be stopped. I would encourage the government representative to support groups such as the Polaris Project in their efforts to abolish modern-day slavery, especially when it involves young children. Children are defenseless against prostituting themselves because they are too young to realize it is wrong. People who are forced into sexual slavery have developed an idea that no one will help them because efforts to stop sex trafficking have been not been aggressive enough, due to lack of funding and lack of awareness. Because sex trafficking is such a taboo topic, many government officials are hesitant to mention it as an issue against which they will fight. I would urge this government representative to fight sex trafficking and defend Innocence, which sexual trafficking destroys in those affected.

Please describe a daily routine or tradition of yours that may seem ordinary to others but holds special meaning for you. Why is this practice significant to you?

I have always valued the power of words. I have seen how words have the power of mending hearts and easing pain. They also have the power to destroy and corrupt. Words are fragile-so fragile that I take care in choosing the words I write as I fill page after page of my Moleskine notebook with those that express my innermost passions and my most genuine hopes and fears.

Not a day goes by when I do not journal. Writing is something very special to me, something essential to my life. When I write, I feel as if I enter a sort of breathing room: an open space in which anything is permissible and where all things are possible. Journaling is important to me because it helps me to be honest with myself. I am no longer self-conscious in my breathing room. As I look back on the journals I accumulated over the years, I see how my hopes and fears have evolved. Journaling allows me to see how I have evolved as a person, gradually, page by page.

How were you made aware of Barnard College? How do you feel Barnard College can help you achieve your personal and educational goals?
I first discovered Barnard College through my older sister. Often when she stayed late at school, I would go into her room and sift through her piles of college viewbooks. Barnard captured my attention after a brochure mentioned the "Nine Ways of Knowing," which appealed to me because I wanted to be flexible in my course selections, exploring a wide array of fields without being confined to a rigid "core" curriculum.

I have always been a free, unconventional thinker. I like to surround myself with people who are intellectually engaging, people who can simultaneously challenge and respect my opinions. I have been raised to be a strong, independent woman, one who always defends herself and her beliefs. While I like being independent, I also like the encouragement Barnard offers as a community. College will be a crucial time in my development, and I want to be influenced, supported, and surrounded by strong Barnard women who share my quest for intellectual understanding.
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Short Answers - O. Henry, Comparative Lit, The Writes of a Poet, and Poem [3]

Thank you! I will comment back if you leave me a link :]

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

If given the opportunity to spend a day in New York City with O. Henry, I would spend the day conversing with him in Central Park about his inspiration for his ironic short stories, specifically The Gift of the Magi, because of its theme of unconditional love. I would show him a portfolio of my writing and ask him for advice on how to make my writing poignant but thoughtful, and ask him about his early days as a writer. I would ask about what specifically inspires him to keep writing.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Ever since I could read, I have been intrigued by how language helps people to communicate with each other. As a young girl, I taught myself Braille and Sign Language, wanting to explore language beyond a verbal level. During high school, I began reading in Latin. I plan to major in Comparative Literature because I enjoy seeing how one language influences another, reminding me that all feelings and issues are universal.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

In the year 2050, my autobiographical movie would be entitled The Writes of a Poet. The story line would trace my progression as a writer-from the day I wrote my first haiku in first grade to the day my seventh novel is published at age 50. It will document all feelings I have towards writing including the joy of inspiration and the frustration of writer's block. The ending will emphasize that despite the difficulties, I have truly found a home in my words.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

She is like a lion, fierce in every way.
She is the hunter of all things beautiful.
She seizes them and molds them into
Her own creations.
Her lion-rage is born of passion.
She is persistent in her movement-
Her imagination is unconfined.
SkittleRose   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU all four supplements:Yoko Ono, storylines, poem, diversity [2]

1) I think you should mention something specific about Yoko... what draws you to her specifically? But other than that, it's good.

2) "Passion" is my movie. People and cars are passing by fast. It is similar to my life that passes by fastquicklyand I left something behind . Juna, who is a busy business lawyer, thought her life was fulfilling until she found her old camera. She sees a flashing light through the finder (I'm not sure what you mean by this) , and then was swallowed up (consider another word for "swallowed up") in what she saw through the finder. She went back and meets herself 40 (if you have characters left, try to spell it out) years ago. She found out that she couldn't (could not) go back to the present time, unless she finds what she left behind (finds what she lacks?) . As the time goes by spending time with herself, Juna startedJuna begins to realize whatto get what she left behind her--"passion".

I like the idea of your movie, but since this is autobiographical... I don't know how well saying that you left passion behind will go with admissions. But it's a very interesting concept.

3) Neon lights in different colors that surround me shine,
Tall buildings that surround me in powerful stance hurl (consider word choice) ,
Diverse people that surround me make time seems go awayseem to make time go away ,
I strive for my dream in a busy and ultra-modern world,
I laugh, cry and irate (use another verb to be parallel with "laugh, cry" like everyone does everyday,
The story of my life is looking in a haphazardly way(another synonym for haphazard) ,
But I am the heroine of my life.
I am going to make everything shine in my life.

4) It is because of the community of International School taught me how diversity makes this world so interesting.

- Don't use contractions.
- Stay parallel within sentences.

Good job! Good luck :]
SkittleRose   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Georgetown essay - Perfectionist [2]

Clearly, my desire to make sure that my job was done correctly proved that I likened to perfectionist policies.

I use that as my motivation to achieve excellence. To me, excellence is true perfection.

The real world has become a feeding frenzy when it comes to bequeathing positions of power and responsibility to newer and younger adults.

Throughout my years in school,I have principally adhered to refining the little details of my personality and how I maintain and actively use what I learn and know.

The constant self-scrutinizing, although harsh at times, has made me strive to perfect the little things in life and refine my lifestyle. ---> Either end after life, or explain further how your lifestyle is refined.

I think you wrote a solid essay, except I don't know if I would blantantly admit to procrastination. I like your honesty and I like what procrastination is to you personally though, but I'm not sure how great of a reflection that would be of you in admissions. Taking risks can be good sometimes though.

Good luck!!! Please help me out as well:
SkittleRose   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell - The environment blurs into a sight of indistinguishable colors and shapes [10]

Good job. I especially love your last paragraph comparing the laboratory to an oasis. Good luck!

I will be able to satiate my curiosity for the natural world by discovering all the possibilities that it contains, whether it be by developing artificial organs, finding a cure for the hiccups, or making great advancements in immune system therapy.

As an intellectual, the laboratory will be my playground-a glorious oasis where I can explore, hypothesize and experiment not to satiate the curiosity in the bed-ridden, sick seven year-old little girl , but to keep that little girl's inquisitiveness alive.
SkittleRose   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Aviary Pagoda, Yuen Long Park, Hong Kong. Common App revisions - "Broadening Horizons" [13]

I really loved the beginning of your essay, and I agree with all the corrections above... I'm not sure how you could intertwine the Key Club part more fluidly. I would delete the last sentence of your 4th paragraph (From attending the AIDS Walk on a rainy day, and sharing umbrellas but getting soaked nonetheless, to wrapping holiday presents of books and toys in December for the not-so-fortunate children, I gained a sense of responsibility through helping others.) and end it with:

This was the beginning of my ascension in Key Club, a student-led international organization dedicated to developing leadership through community service, which taught me the responsibilities of community service and of helping others. Or something to that effect.

Good luck! And thank you for commenting on mine :]
SkittleRose   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Home - there is always my heart - and it is everywhere. Common App Essay [7]

I think it would go under this one:
Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

(Or should it be significant experience, or the topic of your choice one? Help!)

"Home"

Home is where my heart is.

It was a hot July afternoon. My sister and I were walking through the busy streets of New York City, making our way to the Museum of Modern Art. Though my sister had been to every museum in New York City at least twice, I had never been inside the MoMA. "You'll love it!" she told me as we turned onto Museum Mile. "There's an entire Salvador Dali exhibit up. Do you know him? I think you'd like him," she said as we entered the lobby of the MoMA. The museum was already crowded, though it was ten minutes before opening. After paying for my ticket, I made my way to the gallery of American painters, turned each corner, glanced at each painting, and read each blurb.

My sister and I separated and, after a series of rights and lefts, I found her, staring at a single painting pushed up against a corner. It was entitled Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth. At first I was puzzled as to why my sister was so entranced by this simplistic painting. There was nothing alluring in the orange-gray field; not even the sky had the ability to sustain life, but then I noticed a girl in a pink dress-a single girl sitting in the field with her back to us. In the not-so-far distance a house stood, and the girl appeared to be crawling towards the house, a single arm outstretched, struggling. "Look at how she struggles for home. Look at how she's longing to reach it, and how close she is, yet how far away it still is," my sister said. "It's like every person's perpetual longing to reach home."

I had not given much thought to the concept of home until later that summer. I was on the computer researching the background of American painters, and I stumbled upon Christina's World on an art history website. "What is home?" I had asked myself while watching the girl's struggle once again. "Where is Christina's home? Why is she struggling for it?" I continued to wonder. I thought about how I could have asked everyone in the world to define "home" but few people would be able to give me a concrete answer. I thought about how I would define home if asked, but my thoughts would not coalesce. Home was an abstraction to me, born of the many books and movies of my childhood. I could only imagine a two-story house with an acre-wide backyard, breakfast made by my mother every morning, and nights spent watching movies with my father-things which were not of my own home, but were illusions of a home I wish I had.

I grew up listening to the adage, "Home is where the heart is." Only now, as a seventeen-year-old, do I understand what it means. In everything I do, whether it is writing a poem, choreographing a dance, or giving a friend advice, I try to put all of my heart into it. I try to give no less than my best effort. Investing a piece of my heart into every person I talk to and into every piece of art I create helps me feel at home. I feel as if my home is everywhere because I leave a part of myself with every person I talk to, every place I go, and everything I do. I never feel homeless because every day gives me an opportunity to create, and every day offers me a chance to communicate. Home is no longer an illusion of stereotypical family scenes but a more genuine reality to me, one built on the foundation of creation and bolstered by passion.

Some days I feel as vulnerable and reluctant as Christina must have felt as she crawled to her house, fighting the wind that bludgeoned her hair into her face. Sometimes I feel lost without a single, stable home that I can always go to for protection. I counter this vulnerable feeling by just remembering what my home is, the culmination of relationships and efforts that each hold a part of my heart. Like Christina, I have the wonderful ability to see home from a unique angle-from the foundation to its rooftop-its conception to its creation. Because I have struggled to understand the true meaning of "home" for so long, I appreciate what it is for me now and how limitless its possibilities are.

I can never be homeless-everywhere is home.

Link to the picture: arthistoryarchive.com/arthistory/americanscene/images/Andre wWyeth-Christinas-World-1948.jpg
SkittleRose   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / The importance of diversity as a prospective Rutgers student. [11]

Hmmmmm this sounds familiar ;]

Rutgers isn't possessive so no apostrophes are necessary.
You wrote this really, really well btw. I especially like the "photograph" motif.
Some parts get kind of wordy though, like when you started to talk about law camp. I would cut down a little on that and maybe add another diverse experience you had. Good luck!

Help a sista out?
SkittleRose   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / For as long as I can remember, I have been a writer; Pratt Institute [6]

(2) Describe when and how you became interested in art, design, writing, architecture, or the particular major to which you are applying. Describe how this interested has manifested itself in your daily life.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a writer. Growing up, I watched my sister furiously write her thoughts and feelings into her journals for hours. As soon as I learned how to form sentences, I began to experiment with different types of poetry, starting with the simple haiku. As a first grader, I was fascinated by how versatile a single form of poetry could be. During elementary school, I expanded my poetry to include limericks, diamantes, and cinquains, and began to write short stories. At first my stories were simple: short, one page stories with a single character in search of something lost. However, the more I wrote stories, the more imaginative I became, and the more I wanted to keep writing. Writing opened the door to a different reality, a type of breathing room where I found that all things were possible and infinite. There were no boundaries; there was nothing limiting me besides myself.

Throughout middle school and high school, I kept journals. Each page I wrote helped me mature in some way. I was writing down my dreams, my aspirations, and my perceptions of life. Writing became a part of my daily routineïif I did not write for one day, I felt incomplete. During my freshman year of high school, I took a creative writing class in which I wrote some of my first sonnets and dialogue stories. My teacher encouraged us to be expressive and to allow ourselves to completely feel what we were writing. I poured my feelings out onto paper when given the chance and I furiously typed my stories on the computer when brainstorming. I had an endless amount of plot lines and character ideas, all waiting to manifest themselves into a story.

In December of my junior year, I auditioned for a program called Arts High, with a concentration in poetry. My instructor was Charles H. Johnson, a Geraldine R. Dodge poet from Hillsborough, New Jersey. He began our audition saying that all people have their own respective poetry, and that it did not necessarily have to include words. Whatever people invest themselves intoïthat is their poetry. He spoke about how poetry transcends any words sought to define it, and how it keeps everyone in the world alive. It is their muse, their passion, their reason for living. As Charles spoke, I thought of how universal poetry was, and how alive I feel when I write. I realized how beautiful poetry is because of its abstractness and ubiquity among people. Poetry is hard to explain and harder to identify, but it rests within every single person in the world in some form. Charles's words intermingled with the thoughts in my head, and it was as if I was baptized at that very moment by inspiration forever. After I realized how abundant poetry was, I knew from that day onward that I would never give up on writing, and never stop drawing inspiration from the beauty in the world.

Charles finished his introduction by saying that we all signed up for this audition because we choose to live our lives through poetry. He said he could feel the passion driving our words, though our voices were too shaky to convey it themselves. He told us that regardless of the audition results, we were never to give up on poetry because it never stops giving, and never stops using us to manifest itself. That December morning, I realized how truly blessed I was to be given the gift of poetry.

Writing has helped me mature, and there is not a day I do not write, whether it be in my journal or on my word processor. I find myself in a constant state of inspiration every dayïthere simply is not enough time to write down all that I would like to, but I see and feel poetry all around meïin the way a runner sprints down my street, in how my sister plays the piano downstairs, in the way the rain hits my rooftop at night. Knowing that the world has an infinite amount of beauty helps me find inspiration for my writing, and when I write, I know that I am truly living.
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