Writing Feedback / Decisions makers should not based their choice on emotions [3]

I would appreciate some feedback and, if possible, give me a grade out of the 1-6 scale.This draft is written under a time-constraint without spellcheck. Previously, people said that my writings is not coherent enough. They suggested me to work on connecting my supporting paragraphs to my thesis. I tried, but it is still difficult to do so under time constraint.

Once again, thank you so much!

---prompt--
People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

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I agree that decisions makers should not based their decision on emotions first then justify it with reasoning afterward. Making decisions based on emotions first would often result in negative consequences. Because, they fail to evaluate the situation enough and their logic to support it may be flawed

When people make decisions based on emotions first, they tend to evaluate the situation enough, resulting in failures. To illustrate, Napolean believed that his army was indefeatable. Having this conviction, he decided to invade Russia despite the harsh cold winter. As a result of his haughty emotion, he failed to evaluate how detrimental the low temperature would cost his troop. Eventually, he lost tens of thousands of men and the battle. Should he have evaluated the circumstance and justify it with logic first, he may have won the battle and prevented his soilders from freezing to death. However, his emotional impulse prompted him to make a costly decision.

Even if emotion-based decisions are justified with reasoning later, the reasoning tend to be flawed. The United States invasion of Afghanistan served as an example how President Bush and the public was kidnapped by sentiment to avenge the Taliban of blowing up the world trade center. Indeed, the 911 incident is an tragedy that cannot be tolerated. However, it remains debatable whether the US should have launch a war against the Taliban to avenge themselves and to capture Bin Laden. At the beginning, the public sentiments was fervent in giving the Taliban and Bin Laden a lesson. The government then sent troops there based on this emotion and justified that this is to liberate the Afghani from the Taliban's oppression and to avenge the crime of 911. However, they failed to evaluate thoroughly the cost of the war and the instability of the state after the Taliban was overthrown. Now, even though the Taliban is overthrown and Bin Laden was executed, the Afghanistan is in a turmoil with warlords everywhere. Meanwhile, the US has sacrificed hundreds of soldiers while spending billions of dollar on this war based first on emotions. Should the leadership then have evaluated other diplomatic strategy or smaller scale of occupation, the US wouldn't have cost so many lives and budget.

Some may argue that certain decisions are difficult to justify with reasoning in the first place, especially with decisions that are based on morality. Opponents may give the example of Abraham Lincoln who started the civil war based on his emotions and beliefs of equality for all. However, Mr. Lincoln also supported his decision of the civil war that a nation cannot stand when it treats its people unequally based on the color of their skin. He quoted the declerataion of independence and developed a logical argument to substantiate his decision. These were developed while he has these sentiments instead of after the decisions were made.

Overall, decisions should be made based on logical reasoning or else it will risk negative cons

Graduate / The online "blogosphere" and social media has significantly weakened the political discourse in USA [2]

Please give me some feedback and, if possible, give me a grade out of the 1-6 scale. I typed this under a time-constraint without spellcheck.

Claim: the emergence of the online "blogosphere" and social media has significantly weakened the quality of political discourse in the United States
Reason: When anyone can publish political opinions easily, standards for covering news and political topics will inevitably decline
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with and the reason on which that claim is based

Undergraduate / An essay for Harvard Leadership Conference for Taiwanese students [3]

Is the content too general?
Is it clear or powerful enough?
The deadline is within 5 hours

Any comment is appreciated^^
Thanks

Consider an issue that affects your community. How would you approach this problem? What steps would you take to resolve it?

Taiwan is long acclaimed for its rigorous and competitive science education. Besides winning numerous awards in Intel Science Fair, the Taiwanese representative team is usually ranked as one of the top five countries worldwide. However, behind all these impressive achievements, many Taiwanese students in the science track lack humanity compassion and the responsibility toward public issues. Why? Because the society values achievement and test scores more than extracurricular activities that cannot assure students a lucrative career. But why should we enhance students' interest in public issues? Because the future of Taiwan depends on the capability of our generation, especially when China has risen as a world economical power and has increasingly limited Taiwan from voicing in global conference. To raise student's awareness in public issues, I suggest three approaches: 1. stronger corroboration between schools and philanthropic organizations 2. Taiwanese Government and universities should hold more camps and speeches about public issues for students 3. The Taiwanese government should support more students to study abroad.

First and foremost, schools, especially high schools, should bond stronger cooperation with philanthropic organizations such as the Red Cross, World Vision, or Tzu Chi. Schools ought to connect students to intern or volunteer in these organization or other volunteer opportunities. When students volunteer, they will gain personal interactions with patients in the hospice or with homeless people. The sympathy and experience they had will motivate them to contribute to public welfare. Moreover, for passive students, schools can require students to complete certain hours of volunteering to graduate. In short, school administration plays an important role for encouraging students' interest in public issues.

Next, the government and universities can expose students to more public hearing, thereby inciting students to face the urgency of public issues. Take myself for instance. Last summer, because I participated the Sociology Camp held by National Taiwan University, I had the chance to visit Losheng Sanitarium. As I heard the lepers vividly shared their tragic stories with tears, a burden was placed in my heart to study public policy and help them in the future. Similarly, I believe that when my peers are exposed to these issues personally, they ought to be realize that these social injustice are not just news broadcast on televisions, but reality that some fights every day. And universities and the government hold the access to these issues.

Last but not the least, government should subsidized more study abroad opportunities which require students to serve in the government upon graduation. Studying abroad expands students' horizon because teenagers are exposed to different perspectives and mindsets. And as they perceive Taiwan from an "outsiders'" perspective, they will gradually compare the pros and cons of different countries and reflect how to improve Taiwan's politics and economy. For instance, though this is my first year in the USA, I realized that not many foreigners know about Taiwan, and some even confuse Taiwan with Thailand. I also felt the urgency of helping my homeland because I was deeply shocked when I wrote my Common Application, I had no option but to fill in "Taiwan, Province of China" in my nationality. This incident triggers me to reflect my days in National Taichung First Senior High, what we cared the most was how to get into medical school; while students from China aspire themselves to contribute to their country. In other words, if we lack these exposures to the real world, we would become ignorant frogs dwelling in our own little well.

All in all, the importance of raising students' interest in public issues can never be overemphasized. Ironically, though we have been taught to admire and follow the patriotism of Xin Qiji and Wen Tianxiang, few teens really determined to dedicate themselves to the country. However much official concerns are willing to support, if we students are still near-sighted and reluctant to put aside some of our personal benefits for our homeland, we will soon face imminent oppression and threats.

Undergraduate / Why are you applying to Occidental (to challenge social structure) [4]

I think I need to trim some fat
Any response is appreciated

Thanks

There are thousands of colleges and universities. Why are you applying to Occidental? What distinguishes it from your other choices?(2000 character)

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Why Oxy? Because Oxy's globally aware atmosphere, civic engage program, and close-knit relationships will support me to realize my dreams.

In terms of academic, I am first drawn to Oxy's global awareness. I have always wanted to help my country Taiwan to be accepted as equals in global conferences; and Oxy's Core program will expose me to multicultural studies so I can redefine my complicated Taiwanese identity and reexamine issues across the Taiwan Strait in a global-scale. I also want to participate in the Oxy at UN to experience how global politics works, and seek effective diplomacy to help Taiwan when China has risen to the new world power and blockade Taiwan's economy.(Should I leave this out?) Moreover, at other schools I can only focus on one subject, but the Independent Pattern of Study allows me to blend and delve into my multiple interests in Biology, Sociology, and International relations.

Furthermore, Oxy's emphasis on social justice and civic engagement directly speaks to my desire to challenge social structure. Brought up in an underprivileged background with an absent father, I have to work harder than my peers for my educational goals. My experience has given me the burden to participate in the Upward Bound Program to help hardworking underprivileged children to realize their dreams.

Lastly, I am attracted to Oxy's intimate and cooperative Living and Learning Community. I want to make close bonds with passionate professors who invite students to lunch and active peers who are ready to change the world. At my dorm, I look forward to exchanging ideas about global issues from the US military deployment in Afghanistan to the disappointing Copenhagen Accord. In addition, the cooperative atmosphere appeals to a perfectionist like me. For instance, the individual grading system allows me to challenge my own limit instead of always competing with others. What amazed me the most is that Oxy's students even cooperate to apply for the same scholarship.

Scrutinizing Oxy's vibrant website and brochure, I believe that after four years of unparallel education at Occidental, I will be ready to contribute to my country and address social injustice with many active, intelligent intimates.

Undergraduate / Why Rice by a Taiwanese [3]

Help!
Submitting it now!

Need some edit
Feel free to critize^^

And

Happy New Year
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Topic

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.
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I am attracted by Rice's diverse opportunities, close-knit relationships of the Residential Colleges, and its vibrant location in Houston.

In terms of academic, Rice focuses on its undergraduate education while other big schools regard more of its graduate program. Rice's extremely small class size provides me an interactive atmosphere with my professors. I can not only utilize the abundant biological resources in Houston, like the Texas Medical Center, but also expand my sociology interest in the Rice's interdisciplinary program. After conducting a Physics project, I want to participate in more research through Rice's Undergraduate Research Program with top researchers. Moreover, Rice's Center for Civic Engagement and the Beyond Traditional Border program allow me to help others with my Faith, science background, and burden to fight for social justice.

The Residential College creates a friendly support system for me who is still adapting to a new culture. I want to make lifetime friendships in my "new home" and enjoy the collaborative atmosphere with peers from all over the world. As Mr. Boyer, my interviewer confirmed the wonderful experience that he is still in touch with many instructors and peers he met in Rice.

Houston's subtropical climate, large Chinese population, and a friendly Chinese Church I know make me feel like home in Taiwan. Besides thrilling big-city experience, Houston, offers various internship and research opportunities that will expose me to an education experience that I have never imagined.

After four years of education in Rice, I will not only have a solid cross-disciplinary knowledge but I will be ready to address social injustice with many outgoing, intelligence intimates.

Undergraduate / Duke essay and scientific research by a Taiwanese Student [7]

Help!
Need it on 1/1!!

For the first essay, I have some problem fixing the example about the Duke Student

For the scientific research , I wrote too much about the scientific details but I don't know how to shorten it. Not many people know about Chladni patterns so I explained the mechanism first.

Should I write what I learn from the experience? For example, after a year-long endeavor, I realized that every single concept and equation in text books can be the painstaking effort of scientists. Furthermore, scientific project are not neutral as I thought. We may be biased by our assumption and misinterpretate scientific data or phenomena. Most of all, science lays it foundation on countless failures and trials. Again and again, my result deviate from my expectation and I have to adjust the procedure and method.

1.Why engineering and why Duke

(For Engineering Applicants Only) If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

Why biomedical engineering? Being a practical person, I want to directly help out with humanity's problems, and that is why I am attracted to biomedical engineering at Duke. As opposed to the abstract physical sciences or speculative business, biomedical engineering is a practical discipline that will enable me to help others in a hands-on manner. I have always been interested in helping out with global health issues, such as AIDS in Africa, or SARS in Taiwan. With my strong science background, along with my interest in sociology and international relations, I see biomedical engineering as the best pathway for me to bring together my talents and interests, and serve society.

Why Duke? I believe that it is important to consider multiple perspectives when looking at the problems of the 21st century. That is why I believe that knowledge should not be restricted to specific disciplines, and it is this belief that causes me to be so attracted to Duke. Duke emphasizes interdisciplinary education, which would allow me to combine my background in the physical sciences with my interest in the social sciences. Also, Duke is close to North Carolina's famous Research Triangle Park, and I hear that 2/3 of the students are involved in projects. This makes me excited, because as an undergraduate, I would love to participate in cutting-edge research with such a distinguished and approachable faculty. Beyond research, I am also drawn to the attitudes that Duke students bring to the school. For example, I read about Stesha Doku, a biomedical engineering major and Pratt Undergraduate Research fellow. Besides developing a new oral gene therapy for diabetes, she conducted a water supply assessment in Uganda and built a rainwater harvesting system with her classmates for the locals. I am drawn to Duke students' thirst for learning, active approach to studying, their cooperative attitude towards their classmates, and their determination to make a difference in the world.

Lastly, I am a big fan of the Blue Devil. In Taiwan I can only watch ball games through broadcast, but I cannot wait to paint myself in blue and cheer in Coach K's Court.

All in all, at Duke, I hope to pursue my passions with my peers, and lay the foundation for a rewarding career that will enable me to contribute to mankind.

Essay 2

2. Duke Scientific Research essay

If you have participated in any significant research activity outside of school, please provide a brief description and limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

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In my junior year, my classmate and I investigated why Chladni Patterns could form at non-model frequencies in Chung Tsing University. Normally, when a plate is stimulated at its model frequency, a 2-dimentional standing waves forms. As we spread sands on the plates, the sands stayed on the nodes and formed into Chladni patterns. However, we observed a series of continual patterns between 80Hz to 95Hz which were not at any model of frequency. To understand the mechanism behind, we used two softwares named Ansys and Matlab to calculate the model frequencies of our square aluminum plate and combined its two consecutive model frequencies in different ratios. Eventually, the result proved that combinations of two model frequencies can cause Chladni patterns to form at non-model frequencies. This technique can be implemented in Civic Engineering and acoustic research.

After conducting this year-long project, I realized that every single concept and equation in text books can be the lifelong endeavor of scientists. For example, we have spent three months to collect the right data from the software, and another two months to refine our theory, and one month to organize a formal science report. However difficult and time-consuming the project was, I am glad to have such a remarkable experience. In the future, I aspire to participate in interdisciplinary research to address problems that humanity faces.

Undergraduate / SOS!Williams essay by a Taiwanese student [6]

I think I didn't write enough about the scene
How can I fix it?

Williams Essay
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to (300 words.)

A bright light shone through the frost-covered window. Looking through, I saw my home stay's daughter rushing out of a van to her mother. It was Christmas day, a time for families to reunite, yet the sound of my clattering keyboard was my only companion Nostalgia dragged my eyes to a photo where a tiny women smiled radiantly. Time had wrinkled her cheeks, but the resilient joyfulness was readily apparent. This is my mom, a self-sacrificing, persistent woman who raised three children all by herself. She was not one to cry, but that Christmas Eve when I was 12, she did.

It was 10:00PM. I had just finished teaching math to my brother. Walking down the stairs to say goodnight to my mom, I heard the footsteps of my father. He had come back from working in another city. Exhausted from a long day, my dad was not happy. He picked up the bill on the counter and turned to my mom dejectedly. As mom asked him to reduce credit card spending, father blamed that she should instead stop sending us children to expensive cram school for English. Mom firmly insisted she will never sacrifice our education. With this, father stomped down the staircase and left.

Mom knelt down and began crying. I didn't know how to respond, my mind had gone blank. Mom had always been a strong woman, but she was broken now. Before I knew it, I babbled through tears and promised mom to work harder and help out the family.

Her response was unexpected. She responded that I shouldn't worry about this adult's stuff but should just enjoy my time as a kid.

Although I agreed, I felt a need to do something. How can such a small woman bear so many burdens? Considering how much she sacrificed for us, I don't think I'd ever be able to repay her fully.

Watching my host mom embrace her daughter through the window, I revisited the desire to inherit my mother's self-sacrificing, persistent attitude. Whether it was leading class presentations or church fellowships, I was always very attentive and observant of others. If it allowed our group to cooperate better, I was willing to work harder. I have to admit that I did think about giving up my dreams of studying in America, but my mom's persistence has inspired me to never give up in life. From her example, I am confident that I too can stand firm in the pursuit of my dreams.