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Posts by Tictac8
Joined: Dec 20, 2009
Last Post: Dec 29, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 18  

Displayed posts: 22
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Tictac8   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplements: short answers plus Why Stanford [3]

For the five words that describe, I strongly recommend not explaining them. Just list it.

For the favorite event, again list them. Talking about newspaper interviews can be a good experience to write about for the common application activity.

For the what did you do during the summer, add when you did them. For example:
2009: I blah blah...
2008: I blah blah...

I guess the thing is to LIST for many of these short takes. There simply isn't enough room to provide a in depth explanation for your answer.
Tictac8   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Northwestern essay: unique qualities of Northwestern.... [3]

This is a bit long. I remember that the NU essay has a 500 word limit.
The essay is great in the sense that it clearly shows your intentions and your writing flows very well. I just really don't like the voice when I'm reading the essay. It seems to be a bit over the top saying words like truly or fully etc. Maybe you can tune the essay down to a voice that is a bit more casual. Hope that helps.
Tictac8   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Engineering and Applied Science, Northwestern supp. Why northwestern/mccormick? [2]

Wow this essay is really focused and that is great! But by the time I get to the third paragraph, it suddenly switches from engineering to a whole different aspect. Try to make the transition a bit smoother. And don't talk about the weather. There's just too many school that has cold weather and diversity too...and social life. In fact I think you can just get rid of the 4th paragraph because there's a lot of schools that have what you stated, not just NU.

Otherwise it's a great essay and good luck!
Tictac8   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / interest for biology - Rice, why this major. [6]

Thank you for the input! I had to cut the 1st paragraph off since I was over the limit. Anyhow here's the new version.

* I didn't capitalize all the biology words because only the ones that are proper nouns needed to be capitalized. Thanks for catching a bunch for me!
Tictac8   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Northwestern Supplement - The 'Why us' question [6]

switched changed my life to in a better direction

taught me the most important lesson of my life.

I would probably not say it was the most important lesson of my life.

During the past months of research

This is vague, was it a scientific research or your research on the school? I know it's your researching of the school, it's pretty clear as I read on but make it clear in the beginning =)

It's a good essay but I think you have room to add a lot more to it. There's a lot of fluff in the first paragraph. Just get to the point that you accepted people for who they are and add more about how NU is special to you.
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Why Northwestern? (exemplary professors and many research investigations) [5]

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Northwestern University has exemplary professors and is at the forefront of many research investigations such as finding a new approach to treat hypertension using the enzyme ACE2. Northwestern is one of the best research universities in our nation and it even publishes its own research magazine, the CenterPiece. For a biology fanatic like me, Northwestern is a haven.

During my internship at Stanford University's Neurology Department, I immersed myself in a fascinating world of molecular biology. I was given the opportunity to participate in many engaging and illuminating experiments such as pre-clinical drug trials on in vivo cells and I participated in a research project regarding Spinal Muscular Atrophy. My interest in the research persuaded me to propose my own research project to the supervising professor on the effect that the increase of SMN proteins might have on the quality of life in normal individuals. The research provided an excitement for discovery.

Northwestern's Undergraduate Research Grant, URG, an undergraduate program that allows students to explore a research topic of their interest, is a superb opportunity for me to continue my scientific endeavors and to learn from outstanding faculty members. It is an opportunity where I can become a part of a scientific community eager for discovery. The chance to work alongside outstanding professors of their respective fields is an exhilarating possibility.

In addition to the research opportunities, Judd A. and Marjorie Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences offer an outstanding curriculum for biology majors. The school not only offers a breadth of biology courses but each course the school offers is geared specifically towards one of the many biology studies such as the course 326-0 on Neurobiology of Learning and Memory.

From experiences provided by programs such as URG and the comprehensive undergraduate curriculum provided by the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences, I feel that I will be prepared, if not over prepared, to enter my graduate studies and join the scientific community as a learned and aspiring scientist.

Besides being a research citadel, Northwestern has a goal that I share: to aid the poor. Clubs like Habitat for Humanity have similar goals to those of my organization, SHINES, and the opportunity for me to combine our efforts in lending a helping hand to the poor is an exciting possibility!

In addition, the school's liberal environment gives me the courage to open new doors, and the competitive student body gives me the motivation to pursue my dreams. At Northwestern, I will not only be learning from the professors but also from the talented peers around me.

Being able to attend Northwestern gives me hope of seeing myself down the road becoming a prominent figure not only in the field of science but also in society. This is why I want to attend Northwestern University.

Please criticize thanks!
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "to light the way for my students" - Take a look at my "Why Northwestern?" [5]

Hmm, I think the anecdote is taking up way too much room. Instead of having more than half of the essay be an anecdote, try to expand on the reasons why Northwestern appeals to you. Besides your academics, what's your take on the community? Answer things like that also.

Hope that helps =)
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Personal Issue - The Language English [5]

The essay really brings out your voice and person. I really like it except for the "my brain cells are struggling to produce their ATP." which makes a biology reference without much reason. At first I thought you were going to talk about bio so maybe you can use a different phrase?
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / interest for biology - Rice, why this major. [6]

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study.

I always thought that there was something magical about animals and life itself. Chameleons changed colors, porcupines changed shapes, and parrots talked. How these animals accomplish such tasks fascinated my childish mind. Unlike many of my friends, I never seemed to have outgrown that childish curiosity I had for animals.

As I grew older and learned more about animals, I found that what I have learned was a gateway to even more mystery. Yes, I understood that chameleons change colors because of the pigments in their skin, but how do pigments function?

When I first took the accelerated biology course, I learned more about the process of life. It seemed as if I just uncovered the inner workings of a watch and discovered the thousands of intricate pieces. I was introduced to a whole new world, the molecular world. It was confusing to learn about a world that I had never seen, but that made biology more novel and attractive to me. Biology and I clicked.

In my Advanced Placement Biology course, I learned more about these intricate pieces and how they worked together to make life. Biology was a vast subject. What could be more fascinating then studying life itself?

My interest for biology turned into a passion, and I began to look for opportunities around me so that I could further immerse myself into this fascinating world. Fortunately, I found an internship at the Stanford Neurology Department where I participated in a research project on the neuromuscular disease Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Currently, I am writing a grant for my own research, which I proposed to the professor I worked for during the internship, on how over-stimulation of SMN proteins on in vivo cells can improve the quality of life.

Biology is so vast and unexplored that there are infinite opportunities to discover something new. Just the thought of making a new discovery excites me. However, in order for me to continue on my journey to future discoveries, I need to be more acquainted with biology and gain a more comprehensive understanding of the subject, and that is why I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences.

The Wiess School of Natural Sciences offers an outstanding curriculum for biology majors. Its department of Biochemistry and Cell Biology offers a breadth of courses. In addition to the breadth of the courses offered, many of the courses are also geared specifically towards one of the many biological studies such as the course BIOS 464 on Extracellular Matrix.

The school's mission to provide the students with the best possible education, and the opportunities conduct research alongside outstanding professors is the perfect combination to aid my intellectual growth and understanding of biology. I believe that the Wiess School of Natural Sciences will prepare me to enter my graduate studies and join the scientific community as a learned and aspiring scientist. This is why I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences.

I know that the last paragraph is really brief about how Weiss can help me. Any suggestions of what I can add?

Anyhow please revise thanks!
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Brain first and Heart second; Common App- topic of choice [6]

Hmm, this is a great topic but I think what you wrote isn't a great essay for college admissions.

The college wants to know you as a person and the essay doesn't tell me much. Your essay is shy of 500 words so you can definitely add more things to it. Make it more personal, give specific events that make you claim that logic is better an emotions. Rather than just stating you couldn't depend on your parents all the time or dealing with bullies, tell the story. Telling a story will make your essay will show the reader why you think logic is best and it will give me more of an insight of who you are because of your voice and thoughts.

I hope this helps.
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice University is ranked for best quality of life and fifteenth for happiest students. I wonder why [10]

Vulpix, you are correct that it's 3000 characters but the instruction also told me to limit the response to 200 words. This is my revised version and thanks for all the responses!

---According to Princeton Review, Rice University is ranked first for best quality of life. I wonder why.
Because of its small size, Rice has an excellent college system. I have often heard that it is easy to meet others and become involved with the school through school events and clubs. In fact, I have already found clubs that interest me, such as the Biological Journal club and the IAESTE Association that coordinates internships for Rice students. I hope to ...

SEE ABOVE

Please criticize!
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice University is ranked for best quality of life and fifteenth for happiest students. I wonder why [10]

What motivates you to apply to Rice?

Rice University possesses many engaging research projects such as the project on creating a cancer killing nanoparticle that can be tracked by a MRI. For a biology fanatic like me, Stanford is a haven.

During my internship at Stanford University's Neurology Department, I was given the opportunity to conduct illuminating experiments, participate in a research on the neuromuscular disease Spinal Muscular Atrophy, and propose my own research investigation to my supervising professor. The grant marked the first time I have been involved in a scientific endeavor of this high a caliber and the excitement for discovery makes research opportunities invaluable to me. Rice's Undergraduate Scholars Program (RUSP), a one year research program, is a superb opportunity for me to continue my scientific endeavors and to learn from the faculties in the respective field.

Rice also has a goal that I share: to aid the those in need. Clubs like Partnership for the Advancement and Immersion of Refugees, PAIR, have similar goals to those of my organization SHINES. The opportunity for me to add value and to combine our efforts in lending a helping hand to those in need is an exciting possibility!

At Rice University, I will not only be learning from the renowned professors but also from talented peers. I would be honored to attend Rice University as a Class of 2014 student as both an intellectual sparkplug and a social community leader.

Please criticize thanks!
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "a homeless woman" - Common App Short Answer :) [9]

I agree with the two people above me. This experience is quite common. Unless you have the ambition to help the poor when you grow up and this experience serves as an initiative then it's better for you to elaborate on one of your more important activities.
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / stanford supplement: what makes stanford a good fit for you? [6]

There is a lot of fluff in this essay. You are limited to 1800 characters and I feel that this essay, that is almost twice the length, only tells me one thing: you like a university that is an explorer like you.

For these short essays there is no need for the anecdotes, save that for the common essay. Cut to the chase and be concise and tell what makes Stanford unique. You say Stanford is an explorer, how so?

You are a really good writer and I think you can really make this a fantastic essay without all the fluff.
Tictac8   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / INSPIRE & SURE - Emory Univeristy Supplemental [7]

Please comment! My essay is mostly based on the research and Emory's undergraduate research program. Should I cut down on it and expand to other areas also? Also, I wasn't really sure if talking about Stanford was a really good idea... Please help!
Tictac8   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / INSPIRE & SURE - Emory Univeristy Supplemental [7]

1. Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

Emory University has exemplary professors and is at the forefront of many research investigations such as finding a cure to the fragile X syndrome. Emory is one of the best research universities in our nation. Being a biology fanatic, Emory is a haven for me.

During my internship at Stanford University's Neurology Department, I immersed myself in a fascinating world of molecular biology and earned the opportunity to propose my own research investigation, to the supervising professor, on the effect that the increase of SMN proteins might have on the quality of life. The research provided an excitement for discovery. Emory's Interdisciplinary Science Program for Integrating Research into Education (INSPIRE), an undergraduate program that allows students to work with Emory faculty and graduate students on cutting edge research projects is a superb opportunity for me to continue my scientific endeavors and to learn from outstanding mentors.

In addition, Emory's community is ideal for me. Its liberal environment gives me the courage to open new doors, and its competitive student body gives me the motivation to pursue my dreams. At Emory, I will not only be learning from the professors but also from the talented peers around me!

I wish to start a fruitful friendship with Emory and become a part of its dynamic community. With Emory's intent to nurture its students with research opportunities and my desire to continue my scientific endeavors, Emory University is the perfect home for me!

Please criticize, thanks!
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