Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ershad193
Joined: May 25, 2010		 Last Post: Nov 12, 2014
Threads: 14
Posts: 333  
Likes: 5
From: India

Displayed posts: 347 / page 6 of 9
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
ershad193   
Aug 19, 2010
Grammar, Usage / "I did it myself" - A question on compound personal pronouns [7]

Cool! Thanks Maria!

So if we change the sentence to "I did it to myself" will that become a reflexive pronoun?

"I, myself, did it."

I'm not writing anything. It's just an argument I had with a friend of mine. Seems like I won :D
ershad193   
Aug 19, 2010
Undergraduate / intellectual challenges - Stanford-intelellectually engaging activity [17]

Pure maths is that branch of mathematics which is not at all concerned with the applications in the real world. When you say, "math is necessary for studying electricity," you are referring to applied maths whether you mean it or not. What I mean is, you cannot talk about pure maths and electricity in the same context.

Mathematics used in electricity is applied mathematics. Mathematics used to derive the applied forms of mathematics is pure mathematics.
Some mathematicians even compare pure maths to some form of art.

Anyway, I guess I might be boring you. I just get excited when something related to maths or chemistry comes up. :)
ershad193   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Biomechanical engineering, Uni of Texas Austin transfer/Statement of Purpose [4]

so my mother moved my siblings and I -- Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the word should be "me". I think, in this type of sentence, where there is a conjunction, the personal pronoun takes the accusative form.

I hadn't made a connection and settled for the fact -- A comma seems necessary, just before the conjunction.

I had no vehicle, but managed to get around the city.

This sentence is not necessary. This is better explained in the second paragraph.

they warned me that it would be challenging and expressed that they were confident I would change my major. My confidence was lowered further

Here the two ideas seem to be in contrast. Did they encourage you? If they did, then why would your confidence fall?
I see that the placement exam lowered your confidence, but why was it low in the first place when your parents had encouraged you?

Thus far, my calculus and physics courses have been the highlight of my college experience. I am anxious to continue my studies and take classes covering subjects such as thermodynamics, mechatronics, and materials engineering. I recall one of my professors explaining that given the right tools, one can solve any problem. I am excited to acquire all the techniques and knowledge necessary to apply to real-world issues.

I thought this paragraph was totally irrelevant to this essay.

As an altruist, I can't help but pursue a career in which I will apply my knowledge to improve the quality of life of others.

This is a weak sentence. You shouldn't say you're an altruist. Make the readers conclude themselves. The rest of the sentence is stuff that anyone else can say.

I have to say you write well. However, this essay doesn't address the prompt completely. You didn't say a lot about biomechanical engineering. You should also be specific about your career goals. Biomechanical engineering is a large field; can you say something specific you want to do in this field? If you have done the research, you'll know what to write.

Good luck!! We have the same field of interest :)
ershad193   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Significant expereince-- 6th grade math class [18]

due to the end, I am very grateful for means

Shouldn't there be "the" before "means"?

Okay, I don't know what to criticize; I guess I'll just talk about what your essay made me think.

First of all, I found it quite hard to hold on to a single thought which described the essay. I mean, in the first paragraph, I felt you were going to talk about something related to maths, or the class in general. However, you ended it up with the boy.

In the second paragraph you make an intriguing point, and while it looks good, I felt like you were telling me why an unpleasant experience is sometimes important for learning. I know that, and have known it for quite sometime, and I'm sure the AOs know that too.

The third sentence of the third paragraph seemed similar to what I've pointed out. Again, I felt as if you were teaching me something, and I'm not sure if that's a good idea for an admissions essay.

for the mental illnesses that require the aid of medication.

You're stating the obvious. The word "psychiatry" means the same thing.
In any case, I think the concluding sentence is weak.

These are just my observations. You're free to disagree.
ershad193   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Significant expereince-- 6th grade math class [18]

how severe is the abruptness problem?

It's not a problem, and I didn't think it was all that abrupt. I don't know how to put it...it was like a digression...a mild digression. I know I'm sounding confused, but I don't know a better way to explain this.

Don't make changes for the time being.

What if I rewrite the para so that it is about my learning this, not telling you or the AOs something we all already know?

That's the idea.

I am also indebted to my peers, my surroundings, and even myself for what I have learned from them

I didn't understand this. How can you be indebted to yourself?

This one looks better. It looks "personal" as you say.

you are always pointing out that I underestimate the reader

Hehe...I never realized that. :)

how is this for a concluding paragraph?

It's good, but I've got no issues with the last one, except the last sentence.
ershad193   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Significant expereince-- 6th grade math class [18]

I realize I was being a bit fanciful--should I just take out the "yourself" part?

Haha...how do I know? I'm confused like anything. When you say "reflex" it makes me think of the autonomous nervous system and all the anatomical terms associated with it. It also makes me think of the number of vertebrae we have in our backbone. Whatever you're saying is ... whoooosh... and there she goes...over my head...:D

On a serious note, I think you should take a few more opinions. Others may easily understand that part.
ershad193   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Significant expereince-- 6th grade math class [18]

I think you are developing my habit of narrating stories associated with words ;)

:P
It's good though -- nice way to remember words. I'll never forget that antidis...thingy. Whenever that word comes up, instead of saying the actual meaning, I'll end up talking about that discussion. :)
ershad193   
Aug 22, 2010
Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate Essay: My family's unique influence on me [11]

When there is a word limit, it's better to directly address all the points you want to mention. Consider your first two sentences: you could have said all that in one sentence.

but always coming back to her corner to discuss the next round's strategy with us.

This doesn't fit with the first part of the sentence. When you say "a fighter" you should first explain why you said that. After that only, you can introduce a different characteristic/argument/idea.

Sandra has taught me never to be complacent; often, you can do better. Her high expectation of me has translated to my striving to achieve excellence in all facets of my life.

Instead of writing the first sentence like this, can you write it like the first sentence of the corresponding paragraph? What I mean is, can you write it with the help of an example, and not plainly state it?

The highlighted sentence seems unnecessary.

I like this essay. Your approach was different. Instead of writing like "I am very blah blah blah" and supporting with some examples, you approached it in the opposite way. Cool thinking!
ershad193   
Aug 22, 2010
Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate Essay: My family's unique influence on me [11]

I thought it was a clever metaphor

There's no doubt that that was a good metaphor. I completely understood what you were trying to say. What I meant was -- you should explain a bit about "knocking down challenges left, right and centre" before you introduce the next part. Do you understand what I mean? However, this is just a personal opinion. You don't have to agree with everything I say :)

Oh...by the way, I think it would be a good idea if you use only the American spellings. (I'm referring to "centre" = "center")
ershad193   
Aug 22, 2010
Undergraduate / Engineers can turn ideas into reality. [19]

Miniature drivers do not operate remote-controlled toy cars, I was sad to discover.

Cool opening!!

an interior that was not at all accommodative for Mr. Mini-driver

haha... :D

Um... did you do some research on what chemical engineering actually means? You seem to know only the obvious aspects of chemical engineering. It's too easy to elaborate on things related to chemistry and link them to chemical engineering. However, chemical engineering has much more to it.

Do you know that you can be a good chemical engineer even if you are not better than the average high school kid in chemistry? Chemical engineering is more about physics and mathematics than chemistry. Chemistry only sets the boundaries within which a chemical engineer works.

Let me give you an example: consider a reaction which is endothermic in nature, that is, you need to supply additional heat to carry out a particular reaction. In a chemistry lab you can put the reactants in a test tube and heat it over a burner to get your products. But what is the amount of material you will get? 5 grams, 10 grams...not much is it? Now consider that you need to produce at least 10 tons of that particular product everyday. Do you think heating over a burner will work now?

That's where chemical engineering comes in.

Whatever you are saying in that paragraph are not the real concerns of a chemical engineer. Moreover, everyday practical use of a specific compound is also a chemist's concern.

So do your research properly!

Conclusion needs some work. What do you want to do when you become an "reputable chemical engineer"?
ershad193   
Aug 22, 2010
Scholarship / Centers, infinity, absurdity--they're exciting [12]

it can, indeed, be asserted that the center of infinity is absurdity

Sometimes I really don't understand your thought process.
If I make an absurdly creative statement, it would be -- the centre of infinity is infinity.

Do you know there's a scientific term for absurdity?
It's called "singularity"

Thus, "centers" are not the treasures to be swapped with sacks of *dirt; rather, the value lies in exploring why this particular center is a center, how the existence of this center is maintained, what works against its existence, what might happen upon the loss of the center, and so forth.

I didn't understand what these sentences are doing in this essay. They introduce something different -- an idea on which another essay can be written.

Okay, the fourth paragraph -- it's a bit convoluted, but I got your meaning. (actually I had to read it twice :)
But what is point of the argument? Why have you written it? Is there something you are unsure of, that you want to find out in the future? Which part of the prompt does it address?

That's not clear right now.

Cool essay. I like the ending. This looks like something you think of on a regular basis.
ershad193   
Aug 22, 2010
Undergraduate / Engineers can turn ideas into reality. [19]

One professor from the elite Indian Institutes of Technology said to me, "A chemical engineer can work in any field." Hence, whatever you're saying is absolutely correct.

However, I think you misunderstood me. I wasn't alluding to the fact that chemical engineers only work in process plants. What I meant was, your ideas should seem like engineering ideas and not a chemist's ones. Consider the following:

To transform the chlorine into a solution of sodium hypochlorite that the mother can use as a common household bleach; to polymerize the methacrylate into a bright transparent product that can be used in the father's vehicle-light cluster.

When I read this, I thought -- "Why do you want to study engg.? You could have gone for applied chemistry with specific interest in inorganics or polymers."

Thus the engineering idea is absent. You should be able to make that distinction, so that you don't come out sounding like someone who is only interested in chemistry.

An engineering idea is something like this -- "Why does one vehicle-light cluster cost higher than another? Can I find some way to produce methacrylate so that even the average father can afford the cars fitted with those which presently only celebrities can afford?"

^This is just a crude example, but do you get the general idea?

An engineer doesn't innovate for the sake of innovation. There has to be an economic angle attached to it. Unless whatever you're producing is not affordable, there's no value for all the creativity behind the process of production.

my true interest in the discipline is in developing new processes and products and determining the respective usefulness and applicability.

That's fine, but now consider another possibility: you have a product which has large practical use in the market, and after considerable research you have found at least three different ways/processes of producing that product. For the sake of simplicity, let's consider that product to be sulphuric acid. Now chemistry dictates that all the three processes should give equal amounts of sulphuric acid as determined by the stoichiometric reactions. So which process do you choose? Again, this where a chemical engineer comes in. Chemical engineers only can make the distinction between the processes, and that distinction will not be governed by chemistry. Chemists cannot do that.

This is why it's so important to distance yourself from a chemist.

I intend to exploit

Cool. No problem!
ershad193   
Aug 23, 2010
Undergraduate / Engineers can turn ideas into reality. [19]

we don't want to project the image of a vain teenage girl now do we

Haha...yes, you're right. I'm not very good with words. You've written it nicely.

How could I optimize the production of wine in such a way as to reduce the amount of waste while not diminishing but instead enhancing the quality of the product?

That's what I'm talking about! Cool stuff!
I can put another engineering argument over the usage of the word "optimize," but let's not be nitpicky here. It's fine the way you've written it.

This is good. Now let's move on to the para on Cornell.

In particular, the chemical engineering course offered at Cornell has been my ambition ever since my epiphany

I don't think this sentence adds anything. They already know you're interested in Cornell.
The rest looks fine except the one I've pointed out earlier.

Good luck!!! Hope you get admitted :)
ershad193   
Aug 23, 2010
Graduate / "to become a health care professional" - Personal Statement- PA application [3]

aunt Denise

Capitalize "aunt"

From spending time as a student athletic trainer taping ankles, to learning the proper protocol for an total hip replacement, or simply listening to a patient as they explain why they came into the doctor's office.

This looks like a sentence fragment.

During these experiences, my passion was more than clear as I continued to develop the motivation necessary for a career in medicine.

I thought this was a weird sentence. Why would you need motivation if you're passionate about something?

Along with these experiences my mentors have taught me great intellect, which has enhanced my maturity as I continue my journey through the education of health care.

Don't use vague phrases like "great intellect." Specifically say what you learned.

I have learned that medicine is more than just the science or art of healing, but it is merely about compassion and the sharing of knowledge calmly with patients.

There's something wrong with this sentence. How is this for a revision :-
"I have learned that medicine is more than just the science or art of healing. It is also about compassion and the sharing of knowledge calmly with patients."

After much health care exposure, I believe my personality lies along with the duties of a physician assistant.

How? Substantiate this claim with an example.

As a physician assistant you

It's better to avoid the second person in this type of essay.
ershad193   
Aug 25, 2010
Scholarship / "bringing my friends together" - Scholarship Essay for Washington University [5]

Like John B. Ervin, I believe in the importance of gaining a good education, and I also share his passion in engaging my community and helping to bring diverse people together.

This sentence doesn't add anything, as it just repeats the prompt in a different way. So, get rid of it.

My parents are from two different cultures and ethnic backgrounds .

My real-life experience, coupled with my family background can contribute to bringing diverse groups of people together. This experience can bring tremendous diversity to Washington University and can contribute to the mix of perspectives at this institution.

You are repeating stuff again.

I'm not sure about the example of your friends. If I were you, I'd elaborate on the debating group or soccer team, and select one example from there.

However, this is just a personal opinion.

The conclusion looks ordinary. Think of something different.
ershad193   
Aug 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "...If we were to admit one more student, why you?" - ISB admission essay [3]

Essay 1

I influence my environment with ...

It is not clear how you influenced your team member. Hence, the preceding words "ingenuity" and "inquisitiveness" are sounding like baseless assertions.

Professionally, I rate myself quite high ...

Don't make claims you cannot substantiate in the essay.

my leadership attributes, inter-personal skills and 'go-getter' attitude.

Although, you make an effort to back up these, you don't do it properly. That's because you go on listing 2-3 achievements, and thus you are left with no room to elaborate on them.

My suggestion would be to select one achievement and talk extensively on that one. Moreover, instead of making assertions, you just explain how you carried out that particular project; how you met the deadlines...you know stuff like that.

Let the AOs decide themselves what qualities set you apart.

Essay 2

I love your first paragraph. It is so specific. Good job!

ISB's focus on emerging economies and its strong ...

This is a long sentence. If possible, break it up into two.
[quote=caprigaurav]Hands-on experience in consulting-projects and various Leadership .../quote]
This is another one. An AO reading scores of essays in one sitting won't appreciate such convoluted sentences.

Overall this is a good essay :)
ershad193   
Aug 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "My mathematical expertise" - part of my nature I am most proud of [6]

I like your starting sentence. However, you make a poor job of linking it with the rest of the essay. Right now it's hanging there alone. You should incorporate that with teaching -- how the best teachers are the ones who remain lifelong obstinate learners.

You make a similar observation here: "I learned that the great teacher learns with his students"
This is good, but there should be more. Cut some, add some.

No other venture offers the gifts and gratification of experience

This is a useless sentence.

Teaching is the noblest deed a person can partake of in his lifetime.

This one too. We all know how noble teaching is.
ershad193   
Aug 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "My mathematical expertise" - part of my nature I am most proud of [6]

I think you are misunderstanding my main idea.

I think that is one of the problems. When I read the essay, I felt that it is on your love for teaching. However, when you brought up that point about learning with students, I became unsure. So right now your essay has two distinct themes which are not properly interlinked.

Anyway, I think it would be great if you can incorporate the obstinate learning thing with the main theme.
^^It's a personal opinion though.

Is "a love for teaching" considered a personality?

Personality is a broad term. According to the prompt, you're supposed to talk about an attribute of your personality, and "love for teaching" should qualify as an attribute.

I've read the other essay. I think it suffers from the same problem. However, since that one is a bit wordier, you can get away with it. The anecdote you are referring to is on a completely different topic -- at least it seems to me that way. You can write an entire essay on "obstinate learning."
ershad193   
Aug 28, 2010
Undergraduate / distinguished academics coupled with exuberant traditional school spirit, Ohio [4]

As a triple threat excelling in both academics, athletics, and diversity, I believe that I could continue to blossom as an intellectual at OSU because its configuration parallels to that of my persona.

This is a convoluted sentence. I didn't understand it completely. Anyway, I think it would be good idea if you keep your sentences short. You don't want to leave the AOs guessing. (However, I must add, the AOs will be much better readers than I am ;))

My admiration of the versatility of OSU has brought me to genuinely believe that it is my dream school

This stuff is not specific. Make every sentence count.

impressed by its ranking among the top twenty public school's in the entire nation

Don't talk about obvious things. Let the AOs know that you have done some proper research on the school.

administering a thorough education

A vague phrase.

The conclusion is full of generic material.

Miranda, you must have done some research on the school -- use that research. For example, instead of saying "versatility," you should illustrate it with some example which shows the versatility of the school.

Also, talk more about your chosen discipline. So instead of talking about rankings and stuff, say why you think the architecture course at OSU is unique. How is it different from other universities?

Finally, using specific examples, demonstrate how you think OSU will provide you with the full college experience..
ershad193   
Aug 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "My mathematical expertise" - part of my nature I am most proud of [6]

I had scorned the profession; ironically, I later found to my surprise

I forgot to point out this in the first draft. The transition here is too abrupt for my liking. I think it would be great if your essay had the following organisation:

You hated teachers.
You had one (or two) experience which resulted in a paradigm shift. (Right here you can put the "ironically" part)
Now you like teaching. (You can explain why)

I think in this way it would be easier for the reader to follow your train of thought.

You can disagree, of course.
ershad193   
Aug 28, 2010
Poetry / critique for my "5 senses of your favorite color" poem [10]

I don't get poems.
I wouldn't be able to digest one even if it is forced through my wrong end. Hence, to make such an imbecile appreciate this, you must have done something right.

Could you tell what color I'm writing about without looking at the title?

Yes, I think that was pretty clear to me. You don't need to worry about that.

Can you tell which stanza represents which sense?

Let's see...the first one is on "feels like," second on smell, third on taste, fourth sound, and fifth on "looks like"... am I right?

If I'm right, then I think in the first stanza the word "goodness" doesn't fit.

This is a typo I believe --> Straigh t into my ears

I love the fourth stanza.

There you go, my first poem critique. You can of course dismiss it as a load of tosh.
ershad193   
Aug 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Literature is the best way to overcome death"- Amherst Supplement- Reply to quote [6]

The transition from the first to the second paragraph is a bit abrupt.

You present valid arguments, but is that the main point of this essay? I thought every admissions essay has to be somehow personal in nature. Right now, your essay lacks that personal edge, albeit slightly.

For example, in the third paragraph, phrases like "profound impact" only leave vague impressions on the reader's mind. How did it specifically affect you?

The last sentence of that para also falls in that category.

Other than that, your essay is great. I found it a very interesting read.
ershad193   
Aug 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Business letter to an associate from abroad, philosophy of Negotiation [in Business] [5]

Here at Cedars Hospital we know that conflict is inevitable and unavoidable.

there is an assortment of different methods of

Your first paragraph has too many ideas for my liking. One paragraph should generally express one idea and then elaborate on that.

Your writing is excellent. I don't have anything else to criticize.

^^This was for the first draft.

I don't think there's any problem with the second one.
ershad193   
Aug 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / New idea always faces contradiction desipte its reasonalbilty [4]

I think your thesis misses the point being asked in the prompt. You probably made a mistake distinguishing between an "important truth" and an "important idea."

For example, do we call a religious idea a truth? The example of the heliocentric model is a "truth." It is accepted universally. However, religion cannot be considered a truth because everyone can have different interpretations of a particular religion, whether they take into account the faith, preachings, or even the existence of God. I, as a Muslim, don't believe in the teachings of other religions. So will those teachings qualify as truths? For me, they are not. The same can be said for Christians who may think Islam is blasphemous.

Do you understand what I am saying?

"Rehabilitation" and "caretaker" are single words.

Again, the example of Elizabeth Blackwell doesn't qualify as a truth. It was something that brought a paradigm shift.

In the fifth and sixth paragraphs you explicitly talk about new ideas and not truths.

You write very well. If the prompt was on "important ideas," I think this essay would have been a very astute response. You defended your thesis with good examples and gave some significant observations.
ershad193   
Aug 30, 2010
Poetry / critique for my "5 senses of your favorite color" poem [10]

I have never heard the word tosh used in a sentence...

The Brits use it mostly. If you spend half of your weekends watching soccer, then you're bound to remember some of the commentary.

I think the mention of Cheetos takes care of that. :-)

Yeah that's a clear indication. Moreover, the word "purring" reminds me of Garfield, and he is orange...wait, is he orange?
ershad193   
Aug 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Does the end justify the means? - GRE issue essay. [6]

I had a really hard time composing this within the stupid 45 min time limit. I hate time limits. Anyway, I'd appreciate some feedback.

"If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."

Whether the end justifies the means, is a debate we all have taken part in some point of our lives. In my opinion, we can only justify the means when they are morally, ethically, and socially upright.

People who go in pursuit of their dreams, more often than not, have to take the path which has more obstacles than others. When someone drops out of college to start a small business, we generally consider it as an act of lunacy. However, when that someone becomes a Bill Gates, we laud the decision. It just proves that it is not necessary to take the usual paths towards success. When success comes knocking, even the awkward decisions look coherent. But in this case, the goals are achieved through hard work or innovation, so the means can be easily defended.

For many people, the goal in life is to earn money at any cost. The match fixing scandals in cricket and football that have surfaced recently point out this phenomenon. Here we see sportsmen losing on purpose to earn some extra money. Thus, the goal is to earn money, but the method is illegal. Moreover, it brings disrepute to the sport, and the fans and spectators find it hard to trust the players in any future games.

Likewise, if a student cheats in the entrance examination to get a seat in a medical college, we cannot condone it. In this case, that particular student will attain her goal, but she may not become a competent doctor. She may put the lives of her future patients at risk. The greater good is more important than the goals of a particular person.

The most blatant example of such indiscretion is the attitude of the terrorists. Their goal of waging jihad does not justify their acts of killing innocent people or violating human rights. Similarly, we cannot rationalize the declaration of war on a country to rid it of an oppressive regime without any regard to the collateral damage it can cause.

In conclusion, the methods which violate our sense of righteousness and morals, cannot validate the goal, however worthy it may be. After all, our values are what make us humans.
ershad193   
Aug 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Does the end justify the means? - GRE issue essay. [6]

Thanks Eugene!

I don't know if losing on purpose is illegal, but it is definitely immoral.

Err...right. Note taken :)

I think you should add a smoother transition between the second and third paragraph.

I knew that would come up. The third paragraph comes with jolt, doesn't it? I knew that from the start. I didn't get the time to write a proper transition.

Anyway, did I defend my stand properly?

but you're pretty good at it. (I was never good at the SAT essays ><)

Haha...thanks. By the way, this is a GRE essay.
ershad193   
Aug 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Reed? Rhythm and High Hands [3]

When I enjoy a person, place, or experience I...
^^Here the word "like" looks better.

At other colleges I have visited the students seem more intent on getting drunk than engaging in the subject matter.

I don't know if this is a good reason. It would be better if you make comparisons based only on the positive aspects of various colleges, like, the course structure, faculty, etc.

For this, I was named names.

I'd use "called" in place of the highlighted word.

Brownose, knowitall, etc. I'm sure you have heard many of these as well.

This is redundant. The preceding sentence makes that point clear.

I like your first four sentences. They reminded me of the movie "August Rush."
However, I'm not sure if the reasons you have given for attending Reed are compelling enough. For instance, if you replace Reed with the name of any other college, the essay will still sound coherent -- and that is a problem.

Which discipline are you going to take up at Reed? Talk about that; explain how it is different that other colleges.
What profession would you like to join after you graduate? Will studying at Reed give you a better platform to pursue your goals?
ershad193   
Aug 31, 2010
Scholarship / Microsoft & Apple: Differences, Similarities & Best Interest of Users in Mind [3]

Back in the 1940's and '50s, after one buys a car, fridge, house, and microwave, what more did one need?

I couldn't find a way of linking this sentence with the rest of the paragraph. Honestly, to me, the paragraph looks better without it.

One may argue that Microsoft also uses the planned obsolescence tactic, pushing out operating systems only to be replaced by better ones.

This sentence is redundant. The first two sentences of the para make the same point.

can't

I'd advise against using contractions.

The "performance" of the software depends on the hardware inside the computer such as the processor speed and the random-access memory (RAM) -- the "processor" is a hardware, not "processor speed."

Otherwise, you can remove the word "hardware," and write the sentence like -- "The "performance" of the software depends on the processor speed and the random-access memory (RAM)"

A really fast processor will allow you to load Windows pretty fast and the user will be happy, however with a slow processor Windows will take ages to load and the user will complain.

Why did you suddenly use the second person?

manufacturers'

Misplaced apostrophe -- "manufacturer's"

Microsoft has been so successful because mainly because they haveit has licensed out the Windows OS, allowing multiple manufacturers such as Dell, Sony, and HP to use Windows and build their own computers.

Apple, being one of the largest technology companies, also exercises more control over what its consumer can and can't do than does Microsoft.

You need a semi-colon in this sentence: "Software developers will keep developing for the most popular operating systems; thus many programs will not work on Linux"

Hello, Parth!
You write well. I hope I was of some help. Since your essay is due, so I restrained from criticizing the content. I just wish I had seen this essay a few days earlier.
ershad193   
Aug 31, 2010
Scholarship / Centers, infinity, absurdity--they're exciting [12]

Of course this is comparing two unlike things, but that is the beauty of creativity. Why have I seemingly arbitrarily decided that absurdity is the center of infinity?

The question comes abruptly.

This is definitely better.

However, the value lies not in your ability to spontaneously make a point, but in the thought that investigates it =DI'm not sure if I am clear yet XD

You're perfectly clear.
I made that statement thinking about theoretical physics. Anyway, I've understood what you meant.
ershad193   
Aug 31, 2010
Poetry / critique for my "5 senses of your favorite color" poem [10]

Hey, that connection between purring and orange is kind of flimsy!!

I know, but that's what it reminded me. Actually, I love cats (even in cartoons), so I notice anything remotely related to them.

By the way, the Garfield strip on my newspaper is in black-and-white...thus the confusion.
ershad193   
Sep 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Monitoring clinical research trials is'nt what I want for rest of my life; PA - PS [4]

Monitoring clinical research trials is not what I want to do for the rest of my life,

I've

Always use complete words in formal writing -- I have

3rd world

Third world -- technically this term has becoming obsolete.

Being a PA, is being the patient advocate, that bedside friend who has a firm understanding

I'm not sure, but I think there should be a colon after the word "advocate" instead of the comma.

in multiple courses in my young career as a Biomedical Engineering

Biomedical Engineer

The last sentence looks a bit awkward. What is the point of including the part -- "Problems based...ailments?"
ershad193   
Sep 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Subsonic Delight, something that you find fun or humorous (Caltech) [8]

I agree with Kevin, although not completely.

I think you can write about anything, even if it involves your family. It should be recent though. I'm sure there are many such incidents. If you were so evil in your childhood, I seriously doubt that you have mended your ways :P

Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
✖
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳