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Posts by renga78
Joined: May 29, 2010
Last Post: Jan 27, 2011
Threads: 6
Posts: 18  

From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 24
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renga78   
Jan 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS-is change required or not? [6]

A common belief is that, ' a rolling stone gathers no moss'. This is true for people who don't want to work and look for easier alternatives.Frequent changes don't help in the long run. A change is necessary, but only at it's optimum time.

This paragraph could be avoided. When the whole essay talks about the change, this paragraph at the very end suddenly taking a diversion from the main point. Otherwise, yet another good essay.
renga78   
Jan 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Students have to study a wide range of subjects, even the ones they don't like. [3]

Teenagers in school nowadays have to study a wide range of subjects. Some people think it is a waste of time if pupils study subjects they don't like. What is your opinion?

Children are studying a wide range of subjects at schools. They are exposed to relatively new subjects like computers in addition to the traditional subjects like Mathematics, science etc. While some people feel that it is a waste of time to teach many subjects to students when they are comfortable with only a few subjects, I welcome the approach of introducing many subjects to students.

Students are going to schools to gain knowledge. The more the number of subjects that students are exposed to, the greater the knowledge gain would be. Expects say that adults usually under estimate the capabilities of bairns. Pupils can learn many new things when they are young. Likeliness of the subject purely depends on the methodologies which are used in teaching children. Pupil show more interest in learning, if the subject is amicable to their nature.

It is the responsibility of people who design the curriculum to students. Schools should find more innovative ways to teach pupils. Traditional methodologies like, class room teaching should be replaced with active-reactive style of teaching. Teachers should design models in which all the students will be actively involved. The complete participation from students while learning would enhance their learning spirits and interests in the subject.

Students are in a period of competing each other on everything. Learning many subjects at schools would create an edge to them when they come to compete in the real world. Many international forums are witnessing a wide array of white papers published by teenagers. This all count on students who are having a vast knowledge on subjects. Schools should go extra mile and show to the students about many avenues that are available to get more knowledge on varied subjects. By forming special interests groups, schools can guide students to network with many other students across the world through online networking. This will help students to share and gain knowledge on many subjects that they are exposed to.

In conclusion, children are playful in nature. Instead of teaching students in a traditional way, if schools find some innovative ways to teach students, many teenagers would express their interests in studying many subjects. Instead, if the schools let the students to learn only the subjects that they are interested to learn, many students will fall short to the expectation of this modern world. The expectancy of the modern world is ever increasing. If the students can not compete well with fellow students, they would definitely suffer in future. I assume schools very well know and thus they are teaching many subjects to their students. It should be welcomed. At the same time, schools should change from their monotonous teaching methodologies to innovative teaching methodologies.

I am preparing for IELTS. I would like to achieve at least band 7 in writing. please help me to achieve this.

Regards,
Raj
renga78   
Jan 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS-visitor/host? who should adapt for cultural differences [10]

Hi,

The essay looks good.

My humble suggestion is, instead of repeatedly starting a sentence like "when visitors go in", "when a a visitor is visiting" etc you can say like "Foreigners while visting foreign countries" / "Visitors while visiting"... It is polite way of conveying what would you like to say.

I hope my suggestion would be useful.

Regards,
Raj
renga78   
Jan 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / Adults always say that life was better in their childhood and school days than it is [3]

Adults always say that life was better in their childhood and school days than it is now. Why do adults say so? Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people would have heard when somebody says that life was better when I was young. It is a common saying from adults. I believe adults say this while they recollect their happy moments from their childhood. While many adults say their childhood and school days were happier than the present, somehow, I could not agree with them. I certainly believe that happiness comes from the heart and life is more about present than the past.

People, who find happiness in the past, fail to look for happiness, the life brings everyday. Those people could not cherish others who are interacting with them daily. As many researches show that mind loves to be happy. When people could not find happiness in the present they look back in their past. Everybody remembers their childhood and school days very well. Many people can remember many things which had happened in their childhood and school days as if they happened recently. People who remember every moments of their childhood failed to recognize that they remember those things because they lived and enjoyed every moments of their life when they were young. If they do not live and cherish the present, what would they remember when they become old.

Many great gurus and scholars advise humans to live up to the moment and experience the life. When people start to recognize that life is blissful, they immediately change their perspective also. As happiness and sorrow lives in oneself, it is meaningless to look in the past for the happy moments. As apposed to adults, I never heard, while any children say that we would be happy when we grow up. Pupils live their life; they enjoy every walk of life. Everybody showed the same attitude when they were kids. Some could have stayed in their childhood itself and restrained to move. That is why those people say that life was better when they were a child.

In conclusion, life is so beautiful. Young people know that by nature while adults tend to forget that while growing. Everybody could get a new perspective when they look through the perspective of young people.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------

I am preparing for IELTS. Please correct the essay at your will and give your honest feedback.

Thanks,
Raj
renga78   
Jan 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / Some people think robots can improve humans' life in the future [3]

In future, when robots can be used both in homes and in other areas, it could improve the standard of living of people. House hold chores took significant cut in humans' life. Many people burn their energy on their day to day tasks like cooking, cleaning etc after coming from work. When robots can complete such jobs, people can spend more time with their family and friends. Experts say that many major problems in the modern world are caused due to miscommunication. When people get more time, they can talk freely and resolve such issues and eventually create happy society.

Robots can be used on certain jobs to curb accidents due to negligent behaviour of some people. When robots are used on such work, it does not cause any human life due to accidents at the work places. Human resource can be efficiently used by involving humans to perform those tasks which demand human skills like critical thinking, problem solving etc while robots can be used on low end jobs like moving cargos, heavy weights lifting etc.

While some people talk about how robots can be useful to human, others voice their concerns like demotion in human values and creation of lazy society due to heavy dependency on robots. When robots become cheaper to produce, employers may prefer to use more robots than humans. As the technology constantly improves the capabilities of robots, it could undermine the values of humans.

Many people may rely on robots heavily. Some may even develop a habit of using robots on tasks that they can easily do. This could create lazy society. Humans could start to cherish robots at the expense of human lives.

In conclusion, robots can be used on anything which can eventually improve humans' standard of living but definitely not at the expense of human lives. Robots can be used to help humans to live in harmony and to form happy societies. This fundamental setup should not be allowed to deteriorate by robots.
renga78   
Jun 22, 2010
Writing Feedback / It is a paragraph, Are Zoos morally wrong? [10]

We can learn about community from the bees and about affection from watching the way the mothers of baboons act towards their babies. -- I am refering to EF_Kevin's post.
renga78   
Jun 21, 2010
Scholarship / medical technology: essay question for internship application [4]

The human element in such relationships - what relationships
is irreplaceable - why are they irreplaceable.
Technology will shape the future of mankind and humanity can touch individual lives.
in the advancesadvancement of medical knowledge
In becomingIf I become a medical technologist
renga78   
Jun 20, 2010
Graduate / Personal Statement : MSc in Strategic Marketing [3]

and sell them towithin my family - to is not wrong but within is more appropriate.
I always think of creative ways in which a product can be marketed.
I was sure that marketing was ideal for my aspirations, goals and both personal and professional development. -- sentence restructuring may be needed.
renga78   
Jun 15, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL- Violent Media [6]

Hi Nesreen,

Sorry for upseting you. I just thought to correct your essay first. As you have written well, I thought to show different perspective to your essay thus I have written my text in red color. As I hadn't known better way to show the difference, I striked your text and written my text next to it so as to make it easy to identify the changes. I thought to mention this at the end of the message but noticed that I did't. Keep writting and good luck for your exam.

Regards,
Renga
renga78   
Jun 14, 2010
Writing Feedback / "There are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossibe" - the english comp [3]

Please write what you disagree clearly. You came up with good examples, if you present it in a nice way with a flow, it would become a great essay. Do give some importance to punctuation and spelling.

Good luck.

I disagree with this statement . I feel that people do not set high goals for themselves or challenge themselves with difficult tasks. This may be due to lazyneslaziness or low self confidence in what they can achieve. When others set goals for you or when put into a situation, those are goals that may be difficult and cause you to work harder then ever and achieve more then you would have ever expected of yourself.

A homemaker is an example of where a women is put into a situation and expected to fulfill the needs of the household even if she may not think that she can accomplish all the tasks . The lady of the household is expected to have dinner served every evening. Therefore she must learn to shop for all the necessary ingrdientsingredients come up with a recieperecipe and then cook the dish for dinner. A mother must take care of dressing, feeding and educating the children the children . The women must also take care of cleaning the house and paying the bills. When a girl gets married she never dreamt of all the tasks she must accomplish and she never thought that she would ever be able to overcome these challenges but when put into the situation she can accomplish more then she would have ever expected of herself.

Another example is a student in high school. Teachers have expectations of what students can achieve at each grade level. Exams and school projects are all based on the grade level . In order for a student to go on to the next grade he must study and take these tests even when he or she think that they can not accomplish these tasks. Punctuality plays a major role in school a student by nature may always be a late person and think he can never change but when given no choice he must overcome this negative trait.

When a person is hired to work for an executive firm he or she is required to dress and conduct themselves according to office guidelines this may be a challenge if one is not used to ever dressing or conducting themselves this way. As well knowledge of current ideas is expected of you, therefore you must always be researching and keeping up with the latest and the greatest in your field of work. A high level of education is necessary so one may findd him or herself back in college to earn additional degrees

All in all if a person was not put into a situation he or she may never know what they can accomplish . An individual may never set high goals for themselves but when others expect it of them they can overcome difficult challenges.
renga78   
Jun 13, 2010
Writing Feedback / Classmates vs parents; 'Teaching is the exalted duty than anyone could take' [2]

Hi,

The topic is about child's success in school. When you focus on children and school, you can come up with many strong points. As people would be grown up and fully aware that how to choose friends by the time they go to university, it would be better to avoid discussing about it.

Regards,
Renga
renga78   
Jun 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / SAT essay: Is censorship sometimes justifiable? [10]

Hi Jesslyn,

I became a fan of your writing. I read your other posts. It was very interesting to read them. I wonder where do you collect all the information you need with respect to your topic.

I request you to continue to write even after you clear SAT.

Thanks,
Renga
renga78   
Jun 3, 2010
Writing Feedback / SAT essay: Is censorship sometimes justifiable? [10]

You can take up the internet censorship that china practices for a very long time. It would bring you a lot of point if you do a little research.
renga78   
Jun 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / 'Imperfection is beauty' - If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road [4]

Life isn't perfect, andbut life is beautiful.

This is what separates me from others

While When some may sit here and let shed tears fall from their eyes, upset overby thinking obstacles or bumps they have faced

I know that I faced more pain in one year than most would have faced in their entire lifetime.
renga78   
Jun 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / In some countries at the age of 18 young people are allowed to drive, vote and mar [5]

In some countries at the age of 18 young people are allowed to drive, vote and marry. What in your opinion is the right legal age for an individual to be considered a responsible adult?

In some nations it is common that young people at around 18 years are allowed to vote, drive and even marry. While some people think that 18 years of age is sufficient for youngsters to be involved in such activities, others refute the idea for the following reasons.

Firstly, youngsters like to drive a vehicle very fast, and they do not bother about the speed limit normally. As chance for accidents are more, vehicle insurance companies quote premium amounts when teens apply for vehicle insurance.

Some maturity and clarity of thought are necessary. Lads and lasses should know what can they give and what they expect from the marriage. For a successful ...
renga78   
Jun 1, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: NEWS ABOUT CELEBRITIES [7]

there is no problem for medias

magazine as all what they can see in it now

On the contrary, celebrities do want their name to be seeninonas many newspapers' and magazines' title as possible. Thisas it helps them to bring their name to the publicmasses of people , and thus making them more and more popular and famous

Last but not least, personally, reading news about famous is a very easy way to reduce stressrelax

That everyday, I spend at least fifteen minutes a day to read these news and wonderfully ,
renga78   
May 31, 2010
Writing Feedback / Nowadays young children are using mobile phones [4]

Hi kenziii,

Thank you very much for your effort. It is wonderful to have my essay get corrected by you. I will incorporate your suggestion in my future essays.

Regards,
Renga
renga78   
May 31, 2010
Writing Feedback / Nowadays young children are using mobile phones [4]

Nowadays young children are using mobile phones. Some people think it is a positive development, while others think it's a negative one. Discuss. What is your opinion?

Like video game consoles, cell phones are increasingly used by children nowadays. It had become a custom that every children need to have a mobile phone as soon as they know how to operate it. When some people see this as a positive development, others say it is not bringing any good to the children for several reasons. It will be discussed in the same order.

As parents worry a lot, after hearing many horrible stories with regard to the safety of a child at schools, they consider mobile phones as a safety agent. At the time of insecurity a child would be able to contact his/her parents at the push of a button. Parents need not worry about their children's whereabouts anymore.

Having said all these positive things, it is not that cell phones are not having any negative aspects. Teachers are complaining that a child who has a cell phone is not concentrating well on their studies. They check their mobile phones every now and then for new messages and further more they do not hesitate to pick up a call in their classrooms and thus distract the whole class.

The traffic accidents has increased considerably when students start using mobile phones as they had been typing or talking on the cell phone while they were driving. Certain incidents like children using mobile phones to bully other children have also become a great problem to the society. As many young people started using mobile phone, it has become a status symbol, hence they demand specific models which are mostly higher in price in order to maintain their image among their friends.

In conclusion, except a few advantages of a mobile phone, there are several drawbacks associated with it; hence it is not advisable for children unless they are ready to take the complete responsibility of it. Parents should also emphasis the importance of a cell phone and not to treat them as a status symbol. Schools should educate their pupils on cell phone usage inside class rooms.
renga78   
May 31, 2010
Writing Feedback / Leisure time: spend it outdoors or indoors? [8]

I think the following would be useful for you.

Also, I have gotten my recently recent job from peoplethe one that I've met at that clubthere .
renga78   
May 30, 2010
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and playing [3]

Your comments were absolutely fantastic. Along with your correction you mentioned the reason to emphasis why schools are important and how children can not learn those skills outside that of a school.

Thank you very much. I will reflect what I have learnt from your comments in my future essays.

Regards,
Renga
renga78   
May 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and playing [3]

Many people think that it would be best for the children to go to school at the young age while some people say it is ridiculous to send them to school until 7. Even though there is a point in their claim, there are several advantages for children when they start attending school as early as possible.

Science says that the critical portion of brain development of a child happens between 5 and 7. During this period, they...
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