Undergraduate / "Like a magnet" Editing & Directing [4]

Thank you. :)
Are there any other errors ?

Writing Feedback / 'My friend, Park - someone' has taught me more about the importance of life than else [2]

this is what i got from your essay.

Park, a unique friend of mine who doesn't give up and a different person who always searches for happiness and keeps fighting for it, has always made me see happiness.

Park is a passionate person; he wishes to enter Chung ang University, which is famous for its department of theatre. I always see faith and strength in his eyes; in spite of failing twice in his entrance test, he never stopped and kept working hard; He never says never. Park has proven that happiness is not only a feeling of comfort but also a motive power that moves our lives.

i think you should bring more details to your essay. try to divide your essay and write introduction, body and conclusion.

GOOD LUCK! ;^D

Undergraduate / "A family that refuses to be ordinary" - the world you come from [4]

I come from a family where everyone refuses to be ordinary.
Initially, my father inherited a photography studio from my grandfather. The life had no stress or suffering, but ordinary. (or)life was very ordinary, no stress or suffering. However, my father gave up the photo studio, a place could obtain much income, and decided to go to Beijing looking for a better future,and fulfilling his dream. Life was extremely tough and lots of problems needed to be overcome that time. After a few years hard working, he finally became a signed photographer of a gallery and held some exhibitions in many different places. He successfully achieved his dream, becoming a well-known artist. During tho se years, I learned the toughness for the pursuit of the dream, but more importantly his path have shaped me to keep looking for my own ideal. I knew that the more obstructs one overcame, the better his or hers ability and the stronger his or hers personality, and then the closest to the dream.

My mother is also unique, too. Rather than other middle-aged women who commonly just watching television for relaxation, my mother likes trying new stuff and always keeping pace with the times.

Affected (or)influenced by them, I always do things insistently;andhadi have passions to find alternative ways, which may be uncommon. During the mathematics studying, I sometimes like discovering or using alternative methods to solve problems. When I studied the area of a circle in primary school, rather than using the common formula pi times r square, i solved it by using cutting the circle into many pieces of small squares and counting the number, I found that the area of a circle is about the Four fifths of the smallest square, which can cover the circle. Although this method is not as accurate as the traditional method, but I think it is a very quickerand helpful way to doforestimating and very helpful for checking answers in the exam.

After graduating from middle school, I abandoned the opportunity to attend a university in China, since it would not help me much toin achieving my goal, which is to becoming an individual whichthat does well in economics and contributes to the development of China. I decided to go to America to broaden my viewvision and explore more, and most importantly to receive the best college education after high school . Although I already know that many obstacles arewould be waiting for me during the life there, but I believe thesethose problems would shapehelp me to become a more independent person with better qualities. Life is tough, but only the people who can challenge the life would find the way of success and finally become extraordinary.

I am sure, I will,like my father, overcome all of the problems when I go outside and finallyto find my way,and achieve my dream, and not to be ordinary.

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i feel like it needs something, that gives it energy. and i think that you should work on combining the first paragraph about you father and the second one about your mother, because i feel like there is a gap between them; you talked about your mother without any introduction.

i think that (Initially, my father inherited a photo studio from my grandfather.) needs more details.

this is my opinion. GOOD LUCK ;^D

Undergraduate / My goal, my Journey, my life? -- PSU personal statement [2]

I see life as a journey that counts on the paths you take and the strugglesyou face,when trying to achieveto your goals , rather than the goal itself.

or maybe From my point of view, life is like a battle that counts on the choices you make, the plans that you set, and the challenges that you combat, trying to win and achieve a certain goal.

Goals should only be the destination, not what counts the most. The journey is important because it is how to discover what's important to you, what you love to do, and what you enjoy in life. In life, there will be many choices, each of which are different and are chosen by different people. These choices in life are what defines the person, what makes him a unique individual because these choices are all different paths.

or maybe fighting for a goal is very important because it opens your eyes to what is important to you and to the things that you love and enjoy to do in life. i believe that there would be many choices chosen by different people, which would define the person and make him a unique individual choosing different choices and paths.

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When I was younger I was constantly bullied for being shy and quiet. And When I entered high school, the bullying had affected me so much that I was out of my comfort zone when people talked to me. As the first few months of high school went by, I found friends that were always there for me. Although I have met so many amazing people, there was someone in particular that made me strive for something more. This person was the one that pushed me to talk and be more opened about myself. The oneonly person who was always there to encouraging me. The reason why I ended up trusting people is because he was always there for me to depend on. This person was the reason why I discovered a part of myself orwho i am . He pushed me to try new things and to never let my fears take control.

Through this summer I have found a small interest in photography. Photography isbecameespeciallyso important to me because part of my journey iswas to discover parts of myself. Even though I kne w relatively little about photography, there was just something about it that taketookorstole my breath away and makemade me feel at ease. holding the camera takes me to a new world, my own worldwhere i can be just myselfWhen I pick up a camera it takes me into my own world where I cannot be disturbed.CameraThese pictures reflectshowthe way I see the world and my own thoughts and feelingswhat I feel . I knowbelievethat every person sees the world in a different way, but I want to make it so that there is a way for every person to see the world in a positive light. I want to show people that I can be a person they can depend on. I especially want to show my friends this because I owe so much to them for making me see the world in a more positive way.

I am still in the process of discovering myself because this journey is not over until I have achieved my goal. I do not know specifically what I want as a career, but i do I know that it would be in the science field because it is what appeals to me. For years, I have been asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I've realized the answers I gave always remained in the science field.

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hello, i like your eager of wanting to achieve your goal and showing people who you are. But, i think that you should really work on organizing your thoughts in the paragraphs.

what i see is that you jump from idea to idea without connections. you firstly talked about goals and choices, then about being bullied, then about your friends and photography and jumped to science field. it was confusing for me.

here is my advice:
in the first paragraph, maybe you should start by talking about the story of your childhood and the bullying that you faced.
in the second paragraph, maybe you can talk about how you met your friends and how they helped you in discovering yourself and discovering your hobby in photography.

in the another paragraph, you can talk about the goal achievements (that you talked about in the first paragraph) and your view of the world, what you want to do to achieve your goals and the choices that you would take.

then you can talk about your vision of your future, what you intend to do and to be. and say why you chose the science field.

This is my opinion.

GOOD LUCK ;^D
HOPE I HELPED

Undergraduate / Art and me -an experience that helped me know what's important to me-corrections pls [3]

Thank you Kevin .. really appreciate it :^)

Research Papers / In need for help on strong argumentative facts on the reality of global warming. [3]

Web sites about Global Warming.

environment.nationalgeographic.com/environment/global-warming/
ncdc.noaa.gov/oa/climate/globalwarming.html
ucar.edu/climate/faq
chemistry.beloit.edu/Warming/index.html
aip.org/history/climate/index.htm
koshland-science-museum.org/exhibitgcc/
pewclimate.org/
ourworld.unu.edu/en/series/climate/
demonstrations.wolfram.com/BestEffortGlobalWarmingTrajectories/
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_warming
library.thinkquest.org/CR0215471/global_warming.htm
news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/find_out/guides/world/global_warming/newsid_1575000/1575441.stm
tropical-rainforest-animals.com/What-Is-Global-Warming.html
google.com/search?q=%22global+warming+arguments%22

Writing Feedback / Topic: In your opinion what factors contribute a good employee. [2]

first of all, i don't like the introduction "nowadays, most of people are working for a company" i think it's weak.

i think maybe you should start like this : Having a good employee is a very important factor for the development process of a company. however, There are many characteristics that an employee should have. First of all, ( i don't know i cant understand 'A man of work' ) maybe you should say for example, A good employee should be dependable (A great employee can be counted to always have their work done right, when it is supposed to be done) or a good employee should be a hard worker.

secondly, ( i think you shouldn't use communication), you can say, a good employee should has good working skills in constantly seeking ways to improve work. or good communication skills that helps in attracting costumers.

thirdly, a great employee has a great attitude that makes work great for everyone else by having a good spirit about their job. or a good employee is who has a good attitude in solving problems

i think you should bring more important factors that an employee should have like he could be trusted or he should has good english so that he can communicate with foreign people.

you can google " characteristics of a good employee" it might help you.

hope i helped :^)

Undergraduate / "my singing career with my father" - Reflect on a challenge you overcame [5]

thank u Kevin :)

Undergraduate / "my singing career with my father" - Reflect on a challenge you overcame [5]

Hello,
Thank you for your advice :)

I want to apply for USC and i should choose one of these three topics.

(1) USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

(2) Visions and Voices is a university-wide arts and humanities initiative that seeks to transform students' perspectives through presentations and performances by top artists, writers and scholars. Tell us about a creative project, performance or other work of yours and how it reflects your vision or voice.

(3) Thomas Edison failed many times before successfully inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence.

I can do many things. i have many hobbies. But i don't remember that i faced real challenges in my life.
i don't know, i'm a little bit confused. i don't know which topic is better to write about.
i need some opinions and ideas.

Thank you.

Undergraduate / Difficulty in writing details of each extracurricular activity [100 characters only?] [7]

you can divide the activity . .
it's written that you can add activity button to list up to 12 activities
so,
you can write in the first activity : Amnesty International, human rights -- and the position held: N.Korea

And in the second activity: Amnesty International, Violation of human rights -- and the position: China

And i think you should use "Additional Information area" so that you can provide more details about your activities.

hope i helped :)

Undergraduate / "No idea what I'm writing about" - Florida Admissions Essay 2010 [3]

Is this your essay?!? . . it's under the limit (500 words).

you shouldn't ever say in your essay that you don't understand the prompt, because if i were in the admission office, i would throw your essay away.

So, my advice . .

First of all, i think you should read the prompt several times before you start writing.

Secondly, you should know the meaning of the three latin words which are vires, artes and mores.

i've searched and found that . .
Vires means strength ----- you can talk about an experience in your life that gave you strength, not only the physical strength but also the mental.

Artes means skill --- you can talk about the skills that you got, like art skills, music . . etc.

Mores means customs, traditions and manners ---- you can talk about your environment and how did it affect you. is it a religious environment, or has especial traditions that have affected you.

Thirdly, try to ask your parents or friends for some ideas. ask them to remind you of your experiences . . . and ask them about you . . who you are.

Lastly, calm down, concentrate, believe in your self and stick to the deadline which is October,15 for Fall 2011.

yah . . try to write down everything in your mind and every especial moment in you life. try to write down all of your experiences of course on your scratch paper. i always do that . . that would help you in choosing your topic.

if you did and wrote the essay which i know that you will, post your essay here in the essayforum.com and i'm sure that many excellent people would help you.

Undergraduate / USMA app essay, why do you want to attend USMA and become an active duty officer [3]

i like your essay. it includes all the necessary info.. you talked about the academy, then about your self and what you want to be. i think it's complete :)

Undergraduate / Challenge or experience that helped you learn what is important to you [12]

i don't know . . i play piano and i like to make movies. . they're the ways i express my feelings through . .

Thank u all so much . . I'm starting to get inspired :D