Undergraduate /
Mechanical engineer: CMU application essay [5]
Here are some minor gammar
...in order to analyze, design and create machines and tools=>...in order to analyze, design, and create machines and tools (I put comma after design)
...since I did biomedical research at University of Wyoming=> since I had a biomedical research at University of Wyoming
During my two month internship=> During my two months internship
I would use machines and tools in order to conduct experiments to gather data=> I used machines and tools in order to conduct experiments to gather data
I did not truly understand what the machines did expect that if I put thing 'A' in it, I would get result 'B' (I'm not sure what you mean in this sentence)
=>... But because I was forever curious and always tried to learn and understand (change I am to I was & try to tried)
=>...these machines on the websites (change web to websites)
=>...One of the main reasons for why I want to be a student of CIT is of the undergraduate
(delete because)
=>... By doing research as an undergraduate and pursuing a minor (change and to a)
=>...me this once, in a life time opportunity (add comma)
=>...Besides at CMU
Just as this man says, you must passionate attitude towards your work...(I wouldn't change from I to you, I don't know why you did that)
To this, the question come back to, why Carnegie Mellon University? Well not only because it is ranked...I would change to this =>Furthermore, I choose Carnegie Mellon University not only...
=> I have never been able to create or design anything because my family moves almost annually and I will not be given the opportunity to apply my knowledge of mathematics and science to create something of my own (you change from present perfect tense, present tense, then past tense..., so maybe I change I was to I will not be give sound better)