Undergraduate / "Hours of arduous practice" - Common app - orchestra/violin [6]

I had written a short answer for this, but decided I hated it and wrote a new one.
Please tell me what you think, no matter how brutal. Thanks!!

PROMPT: "Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet (150 words or fewer)."

Hours of arduous practice has led to this moment-the concert. As we move onstage, we make the proper adjustments and warm up to quell our nerves. Soon our beloved conductor strolls on stage and takes his place at the podium. He lifts his baton, and we lift our instruments simultaneously. Then we breathe and the music begins.

For seven years, I have been playing the violin. I love making music with my fingers. My favorite part has been playing in an orchestra; I love being a team member and listening to the way different instruments collaborate to create harmonious music. My journey with the violin has also taught me one lesson about myself: never let discouragement prevent you from doing what you love. At one point, I almost quit playing because I wasn't superb at it, but glad I realized passion, not skill, is what matters.

It's 150 words exactly, unless "onstage" is two words...

Undergraduate / "Tragedy stuck my family" - Significant Challenge - short answer [4]

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(200-250 words)

Tragedy stuck my family in my freshman year: my father was hit by an eighteen-wheeler truck on a business trip. Let's just say that even the doctors were baffled at the miracle of my dad's survival. Of course, he didn't come out unscathed. Physically, my father has permanently broken neck, restricting him from extreme physical activity. Mentally, he suffers from depression and irascibility. My world changed that year; I had to learn to grow up and cope with the circumstances.

can still remember the phone call from his coworker and noticing my father's voice in the background, but thinking nothing of it. That was the beginning of my guilt. I was in emotional whirlwind that year. I just couldn't believe that this could happen to me and that I almost lost my dad. And having to see him in his decrepit state overwhelmed me. I had two nightmares about him dying. My father's accident added more stress in addition to worrying about my mother's arthritis and my arguments with my friends. I was miserable all the time that I couldn't focus on school anymore. I lost motivation to study or work hard and it was hurting my biology grade.

But one day, I realized I needed to change. Sulking at my unfortunate situation didn't get me what I wanted. I couldn't change what happened, but I needed to stay strong and keep going. I worked to stop my gloomy thoughts and turned my attention towards raising my grade in biology and helping my mother and father. While I didn't get the fifteen points I needed to get an A in biology, I did learn to not let my emotions affect the rest of my life.

Critique please. Brutal critiques are welcomed too! I'm about 40 words over the limit but it should be okay.
Thanks in advance!

Undergraduate / Math Circle Program - common app essay [9]

This is the first half of my essay. It is the significant experience topic. Please critique! Any suggestions welcomed. Thank you!

NOTE: LSU is short for Louisiana State University and the name has been changed to protect the innocent.

"What are you doing for the summer? You can't just sit at home." These words flowed endlessly from my mom's mouth as sophomore year was winding down. I couldn't deny the truth behind them. For the first time, I had trouble finding a way to spend my summer. Any other break, I would have been visiting relatives in China or sitting in a summer course class at LSU. However, I wasn't doing either. I could count the number of weeks till summer on one hand, but I still had no clue what I would do. Time was running out.

After all my research, I came up with volunteering at the local hospital. However, wanting to help me find more options, my mom did some of her own research. What she dug up was Math Circle, a math-enrichment program, as its name suggests. Not to say math was utterly boring, but the idea of learning and doing math for another summer did not appeal to me. Even if it was just for three weeks, what would I do at Math Circle? Spend hours using the quadratic formula to find the zeros? Or maybe use the shell method repeatedly to find how much water that darn imaginary cup could hold? I was obviously reluctant. I was looking forward to volunteering at Our Lady of the Lake Hospital. Ultimately, I conformed to my mother's wishes since I'd still have the chance volunteer afterwards. I participated in Math Circle, never expecting is how much this would influence me.

Finals came and went and June 8th arrived. That day would mark the beginning of either an extremely dull summer or a completely riveting summer. As the first week dragged, my fears felt confirmed. Except for a few activities, Math Circle was boring. I felt as if I was in school again, except the lectures elaborated concepts too complicated for my brain to comprehend. "The conjugate of z-x= y is x = -x-iy. The modulus of z is ..." What does that mean? There were handfuls of new symbols and jargon thrown at me like a barrage of snowballs, melting as they hit my head. I could not catch any and they made no sense. On top of being confused, I couldn't pay attention to these lectures. To keep myself from falling asleep, I copied pages of what seemed like hieroglyphics. How was I going to survive the next two weeks?

Soon I noticed the enthusiasm my friend Luke possessed. He devoured everything in the lectures with eagerness. I couldn't understand how anyone could find these dull lectures fascinating. Somehow he did. He took up new problems with glee and never gave up easily. His face was an emotion projector; anyone could see how much he enjoyed anything we did. I was in awe of how deep his interest expanded. I wanted to experience that same feeling. I decided that I needed to change my attitude: I would be more open-minded. I would follow the cliché "Don't knock it till you try it." Thus I began to pay more attention to lectures and to actually try every problem we receive. I even went back to notes from the first week and tried to understand what I had ignored. No more melting snowballs. I was beginning to catch them. With a new attitude, I realized how that these math concepts were different than the regular school topic, and they were interesting. Once, we had been given a lecture on knots and I loved. I even conquered a problem on my own. I began to want to know more. The feeling was enthralling, even addicting.

My thirst for knowledge did not apply to just math, but all subjects. Math Circle was simply the spark in my love for learning. With this change in attitude, my interests and views transformed. This was evident in my junior year. Before, science did not hold much meaning to me, but I suddenly it all seemed captivating. Especially in chemistry, with every word I read, I was in love.

While Math Circle fulfilled its purpose as a math-enrichment program, it achieved much more for me. It made me grow and mature. It changed the maneuverings of my brains and helped me be more open-minded and eager to take on new ideas. Now I am ready for the next snowball fight. I might even have a few of my own to throw this time.