Undergraduate / 'did not wish to live what was not life' - Personal Narrative [NEW]

Assignment: "I'd like yu to begin your paper by taking one of Thoreau's aphorisms and apply it to your life. Spend the next five to six pages riffing on this phrase as the mandate for your life. As you describe the way you live now, and/or have lived, your values and pleasure, punishments and defeats, take into account the literary acts of self-creation we've read."

My paper: (I will absolutely return the favor of any feedback!)

"I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." -Thoreau

I had spent the better half of my life worshipping a debauch god. He proposed a way of living, like a set of Ten Commandments that if followed would bring happiness and fulfillment. I was so desperate for salvation from the cell of self-hatred that had jailed me in, that I worshipped him whole-heartedly. I thought his rules would free me. 1. Lose weight (although you are not overweight to begin with). 2. Exercise incessantly (exhaustion is not an excuse). 3. Count calories (keep the consumed count close to zero). 4. Burn calories (all). 5. Weigh yourself (that number defines your worth). 6. Do not eat with anyone (you look like a pig). 7. Skip breakfast (you are not hungry). 8. Skip lunch (you do not need that food). 9. Eat an apple (call it dinner). 10. Lie (no one will understand). I cherished these rules like they were sacred and my every thought was consumed by trying to perfect their execution.

Time meshed us into one person. I could not decipher which thoughts were mine and which thoughts were his. If the forbidden act of eating anything of substantiality was committed he gave me a way to correct myself - a place of refuge where I could find renewal. I visited this place weekly, like a catholic goes into a confessional to purge themselves of sins. I knelt down at its base in the hopes of gaining peace of mind. The embrace of its white porcelain curvature filled my need for acceptance. I tried to keep from visiting too often, but that toilet constantly beckoned me back and I could not resist the opportunity for the fresh start of an empty stomach.

I had become so immersed in this lifestyle that before I knew it, I knew nothing else. I could not remember a time when my fear of food and fat did not control every waking and sleeping moment of my mind. As uncomfortable as it was, it was familiar, and sickeningly comfortable. Like Mary Rowlandson's relationship with her master, despite his cruel mistreatment, he took care of her at times. In times of his absence, her "spirit was quite ready to sink". Her master had become familiar, and because of that, he was trustworthy. The thought of trying to rebel against the destructive rules and voices of the anorexia that had captured me seemed an impossible feat. I felt trapped and like any attempts to break out of the entrapment of self-starvation I had become enslaved to would result in failure. I had been swept away by an undercurrent of hopelessness, self-destructive behaviors, corrupt negative thoughts regarding myself, and I was drowning in all of it.

Life within the wilderness of anorexia caused me to stare death head on. I knew if I didn't change my lifestyle then I would die. The physical ramifications had caught up with me and I could feel it too-my body was eating itself and I hurt all of the time. I was a walking corpse, a skeleton of a person who had shut down emotionally, and was shutting down physically as well. I was told by a professional that "once you have this disease, you will have to fight it for the rest of your life." This comment ignited a rebellious spark within me and I refused to accept that comment as truth. I wanted to live a life worth living.

My desire to live became heavier than my willingness to surrender to the death that anorexia presented, and I made the decision to seek treatment for a disease which holds the highest death rate of all mental disorders. I discovered a treatment facility which was abnormal in their philosophy in that unlike most eating disorder treatment professionals, they believed in the possibility of full recovery. I believed that if recovery meant managing symptoms and settling for mere survival then I would rather die. I wanted to be free from the destructive disease, so I embarked on the journey of recovering my life. I travelled halfway across the country for an inpatient treatment facility ready to persevere through to nothing less than full recovery.

My decision to fully recover proved to be the greatest decision I had ever made, and the most difficult challenge I had ever faced. My entire world was rocked from the moment I stepped into treatment. My entire belief system about myself was being challenged by new conflicting ideas. I was fighting against my every thought. My internal dialogue was screaming violently at me; this was all wrong! I was forced to confront myself, to speak, to partake in the forbidden act of eating, and to allow myself to be embraced by a human being for love and acceptance rather than a toilet!

I wish I could say that completely transforming your life was as simple as a single decision. It took over a decade to degenerate to my ultimate low. However, it was a single decision that propelled me to persist along the path of gaining freedom and life. I have been told by people who see pictures from my time in treatment that it "looks like I had so much fun there." The pictures depicted the strong and confident person I was becoming, rather than the anemic and insecure person I had been and I have to remind them that the camera was not present the first weeks, was not there in the therapy sessions, or at the table when mealtime was made possible only by the encouragement of someone holding my left hand while I fought against myself and ate with my right. I continuously replaced my tainted thoughts with truth over and over and over again. I feel as though Thoreau most eloquently sums up the process of reprogramming oneself by stating that "As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."

I find it ironic that succeeding the women's movement, a time when women gained freedom and a voice for themselves, the prevalence of eating disorders and related negative thought patterns regarding femininity have increased exponentially. Blame it on fashion, media, a bad parental relationship, genetics, society, none or all of the above. The truth is, is that today, people are suffering and starving in a wilderness that defines beauty as thinness, control as self-starvation, and freedom as restricting oneself.

During a recent conversation, I was told "I'm sorry" in reference to the struggles I have faced. I quickly responded "I'm not." My experiences have enabled me to understand the indescribable value of life - to redefine beauty as diversity, control as the power to let go, and freedom as everyday life. I have been obtained a new life and I now value myself and others. I worry about sounding "cliché" when I attempt to share this feeling with people, but the truth is, I consider it a true gift when every morning I wake up to a new day not having feared the night before whether or not I would die in my sleep. This might not have been possible for me had I not walked through hard times. I deeply appreciate learning, applying myself, interaction with people, and the diversity that comes along with all of it. If spending a decade within the wilderness of anorexia gave me the genuine gratefulness I get to experience now, then I will always disagree with anyone who tells me "I'm sorry" and promptly respond "I'

Undergraduate / "You're withdrawing from four classes?" - Hardships - UT optional [3]

Can I get some feedback about my essay? This is an optional essay.

Prompt:There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

Essay:

November 2nd of 2008 was the day I would receive the call that would prove to change every aspect of my life. "We want you here next week" the intake counselor said. After half of a lifetime's worth of suffering from anorexia and bulimia, I would be travelling halfway across the country to seek inpatient treatment. The week following the phone call, but preceding my departure involved a myriad of doctor appointments in between flight scheduling, a meeting to inform my boss of my temporary absence, and a trip to the community college I had been attending.

"You're withdrawing from four classes?" the admissions counselor asked with an emphatic tone on the word 'four'. Embarrassed, ashamed, and feeling like a complete failure I mumbled "yes" as I stood at the counter with my eyes depressed toward the ground. I handed him the four individual withdrawal slips and walked away with a dichotomy of emotions. Despite the shame and failure I felt, I also felt hope and expectancy. I chose to obtain four consecutive W's on my collegiate transcript in order to leave my home and seek treatment. I made the decision to walk away from the addictive and painful eating disorder I had known so well. I fought the debilitating disease that had caused me to stare death head-on, and won.

While my transcript is not ideal, it is a picture of redemption and my ability to overcome personal struggles. After I returned home from my treatment experience, I felt like I finally knew myself: I knew where I had been, and where I was going. I am going to influence the world for the better. I returned to Austin Community College with excitement and dedication. My recent community college experience has taught me that I am intelligent, creative, and capable. My recent community college transcript also shows a positive academic trend that stems from hard work and my ability to achieve exactly what I set my mind to.

During a conversation, I was told "I'm sorry" in reference to the struggles I have faced. I quickly responded "I'm not." My hardships and near death experience have given me an indescribable value for life and all that is has to offer. I worry about sounding "cliché" when I attempt to share this feeling with people, but the truth is, every morning I get to wake up to a new day I consider a true gift. This might not have been possible for me had I not walked through the hard times. I deeply appreciate learning, applying myself, interaction with people, and the diversity that comes along with all of it. The quality of learning and the unique diversity I hear exists at the University of Texas thrills me. I hope to be among this community of people. I will contribute what I have learned and anticipate the opportunity to learn from the excellence that is the University of Texas.

Undergraduate / "Family Meal Time" -UTexas 'Issue of Importance' [4]

This is my first draft. Feedback is appreciated, and I will absolutely return the favors. :)

Prompt:Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation

Essay:

Family Meal Time

While basking in the benefits of a morning off from both work and school, I was taking time the time to brew a fresh pot of coffee, and create a protein packed and balanced breakfast of eggs, turkey bacon and fresh fruit for my family. I had virtually eliminated the existence of television in my life, however, this morning was different because I was ahead in my studies, off of work, and the first in my household to rise from the bed. I decided to see what morning television had to offer these days and I had the Early Show playing in the background. With my turkey bacon sizzling, and the aroma of coffee quickly filling the house, I was astonished at the headline I overheard from my kitchen. "For the first time in history, today's children may be the first generation to live shorter lives than their parents".

Speaking to the childhood obesity epidemic, this devastating fact is due to the lifestyle habits of many American families; in particular, the absence of a traditional family meal time.

As an employee at a Starbucks that offers a drive-thru option, I have come to know many of our companies 'regulars', the people who come through as often as every morning to quickly buy them and their family breakfast on the go as they rush off to work and school. After a long day of work, school, picking the children up from school, after-school activities, homework, and household chores, it is no wonder why the hustle and bustle of typical American life has essentially eliminated the existence of a traditional, at-home, family meal time. The importance of a family meal time at home, even if just one meal per day (dinner for example), is overwhelming when looking at the immense impact it can have on a child.

Studies show that children and teenagers who do not have frequent and/or pleasant family meals at home are one-third to one-half more likely to experiment with smoking and drugs, exhibit poor grades in school and potentially suffer from depression, diabetes, and obesity. While this may seem discouraging, the solution is simple. The ramifications that come from incorporating one positive family meal, for a minimal thirty minutes per day, four to five times per week while sitting together without the presence of electronics are inspiring. The emotional well-being of all involved becomes enhanced because of the face-to-face interaction promoted while eating together, which consequentially builds communication, relational, and social skills. Ultimately, with children at risk of living shorter lives than their parents for the first time in history, the physical well-being that stems from a simple family meal time is refreshing. When consuming dinner at home, people typically consume more vegetables, use lower fat techniques, and drink less soda, all of which promote overall health. Also, when eating at home you are likely to use a tremendously less amount of salt than you would have if a drive-thru lane had been the dinner locale.

As an aspiring dietician, and someone who has partaken in both the negative and positive meal-time experiences, the vitality of this issue is un-ignorable. The issue goes beyond a personal level, to a nation-wide call for change and the reincorporation of family meal times. It is time to halt the exponentially increasing rates of childhood obesity, and take the time (as little as thirty minutes) to invest in a healthful future.

Undergraduate / "becoming licensed as a Registered Dietician" - Texas-Statment of Purpose [6]

the life-changing choice

"Darkness filled my surroundings and all I could see was the nose of the gun, and the hand that held it steadily before me. Aimed directly at me, I knew that one of two outcomes was about occur as I was paralyzed by the view of the barrel. Life or death were the only two possible results of the situation I was in and death seemed to be my fate because I was unaware of any action I could take that would lead to my successful escape. Though outwardly frozen, on the inside I was burning with desire to get away from the death that stared me in the face. I desperately struggled to will my immobilized body into action and break away. I could not run, but managed to expel a loud and wordless cry for life. As the gun was slowly lowered, my head jolted up from my pillow as I sat up in sheets soaked with sweat and a racing heartbeat. It was just a dream but I knew I had a real, life-changing choice to make.

"You're withdrawing from four classes?" the admissions counselor asked with an emphatic tone on the word 'four'. Embarrassed, ashamed, and feeling like a complete failure I mumbled "yes" as I stood at the counter with my eyes depressed toward the ground. I handed him the four individual withdrawal slips and walked away with dichotomized emotions of shame and failure, yet also, hope and expectancy. I was choosing to obtain four consecutive W's on my collegiate transcript in exchange for the opportunity to seek treatment for the debilitating disease that had caused me to stare death head-on. I made the decision to walk away from the turmoil of the eating disorder I had known so well. Through treatment, I came into contact with people, for the first time in my life, who first-handedly knew the pain, torment, and struggle that accompanies the disease. These people provided me with validation, hope, and the strength necessary to fully recover from an addictive and powerful disease.

Fast forward two years to my present day reality and I am sitting at a coffee shop studying for a cellular biology class I'm taking at Austin Community College and steadily increasing my GPA. I receive a unique phone call that would provide me the opportunity to meet a young person who is currently struggling with an eating disorder. I am told she wants to meet someone who "has been there", and I humbly accept the invitation to meet with her. After an hour of real and raw conversation, she looks at me from the opposite side of the sofa we are sitting on sideways as to face one another. With tear-filled eyes, she said "thank you for giving me hope". I assured her that she had the strength to change her life, and that she did not have to do it alone.

The opportunity to converse with this young lady solidified my dreams and desires to use my life experiences in order to bring hope to others. I will do this through a degree in Nutritional Sciences and becoming licensed as a Registered Dietician before going on to a master's degree in Psychology. The human body's resilience astounds me, and I believe healing and wholeness begin with meeting the body's physical needs, which then paves the path for the mind and soul to follow. My life experiences have created an indescribable value for life and learning. I value my mind, body and soul, as well as, possess an electric desire and drive to succeed. These qualities in me are hungry for more opportunity than I currently have, thus, I am requesting transfer admission to the University of Texas. My purpose in life is to provide the opportunity for others to experience the hope and wholeness that I know to be so real. I will work to eradicate the existence of eating disorders in our world. To do this I need the most prestigious knowledge, tools, and instruction available, which is why I believe the University of Texas is the ideal education."