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Posts by ItsokaytoGaga
Joined: Jan 3, 2011
Last Post: Jan 18, 2012
Threads: 15
Posts: 96  

From: India

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ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / So much more than deep dish pizzas.... U of C supplement. Why U of C? [3]

I'm an international student. So guys tell me whatever you feel about the essay. :) Thank you for reading and spending time on it.
Its around 590 words. Do I need to shorten it? It says one or two paragraphs..
So here goes...

Prompt:
Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

Essay:
It's red! It's fierce! It's awesomely eccentric! No, I am not talking about Lady Gaga or her meat dress at the MVA.

I have questions. I've always had the questions. But not many answers. The moment I find the answers I have a new question. So much to the effect that it gets a little frustrating when I'm ravaging my brain fluids over something for hours and not get an answer. Sometimes I feel that people perceive me as a little abnormal. That doesn't stop me though.

Don't we all want answers? There is so much I don't know and a lot I want to know. Perhaps that is why I consider the University of Chicago as the best to find answers (And I think I have exhausted myself of finding X too!).

What appeals to me about UChicago is its charged academic atmosphere. The Goth architecture and the lush green campus enunciate the intellectual fervor. What is interesting is that UChicago students are so quirky and informed. They have so much going on about them. It's amazing to read their posts on the Uncommon Blog. I wish that someday I can be among such people who share such passionate interests and with whom I can share my thoughts and ideas in classroom and beyond.

However, the strongest feature of UChicago, I feel, is its Core Curriculum. Many colleges offer a core curriculum, but are a little lackluster in comparison to the one offered by U of C. Such a diverse selection of courses; I never thought that it could be possible to study the works of Homer and Aristotle, with the Chinese civilization, and learn French while completing a physical education course! The Core is simple ingenious. My desire to improve on my Critical thinking abilities is well served by the U of C's Core. I really look forward to having such an enriching experience.

Having fostered a deep love for Biology I feel the Biological Sciences Collegiate division will permit me to evolve and cultivate my passion towards achieving a future in Biology. I wish to take advantage of the research facilities offer there by the Beckman Scholars Program. The Phoenix Biology Club is something that I look forward to join.

Beside academics, it is imperative as student to enjoy and have fun. UChicago, with its roots anchored in Hyde Park and branches extending and reaching over the Chicago community, is the perfect destination to strike a balance between a rigorous undergraduate experience and a fun college life. Chicago itself is a portal for so many opportunities. With a diverse student body which is hard working and fun loving, I feel that I will definitely find a place at this institution. Perhaps I could start my own student group, or maybe join a few. The U of C community has so much to offer. Otherwise, I shall be happy serving my gluttonous stomach with the multitude of pizzeria's offering the deep dish in vicinity.

So from what I see, U of C represents a nutshell within a nutshell. The U of C campus nested in the Hyde Park nutshell is part of the bigger community of Chicago. UChicago is a place where I wish to grow as a person as well as an intellectual; make new friends, from around the around the world; establish deep bonds with the people I meet and have fun.

I wishfully hope that maybe someday I will be wearing that awesome red colored sweatshirt to a Phoenix game.

Thanks again guys! :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "pirates find x" -- UChicago prompt [2]

Hey!

I really like how you presented a narrative and went on to your theme.
And I liked how the map came on their cellphones and not on a parchment blown by a gust. :P :D

I would like to see if you could work about a bit on your title. Its good. But after reading your essay I thought the title could be a little more intriguing itself.

Sorry I can't give you grammar help. I suck at grammar. :/
But I personally enjoyed your essay. So there! Good luck! :)

Please HELP me with mine! :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Sisterhood of Literary genesis..." - my Amherst supplement essay response [7]

Hey guys this was my essay response for Amherst. I've already submitted it. Its 309 words. (limit 300 words) Let me know what you think of it.

PS - I know poems are risky and dangerous. However, I have a close connection with theater, and I know I wouldn't have been able to expressed myself any better than this.

Prompt:
"Literature is the best way to overcome death. My father, as I said, is an actor. He's the happiest man on earth when he's performing, but when the show is over, he's sad and troubled. I wish he could live in the eternal present, because in the theater everything remains in memories and photographs. Literature, on the other hand, allows you to live in the present and to remain in the pantheon of the future.

Literature is a way to say, I was here, this is what I thought, this is what I perceived. This is my signature, this is my name."

Ilan Stavans, Professor of Spanish, Amherst College
From "The Writer in Exile: an interview with Ilan Stavans" by Saideh Pakravan for the fall 1993 issue of The Literary Review

Response:

Standing there alone in the darkness,
The whispers backstage grew in hushed wildness,
Trembling and shaking each second,
I anticipated the forthcoming, knees weakened.

Through the slit I saw the dazzling light,
Flooding the stage and me like the sun rise.
It was my first act; the curtains were apart evidently,
As the thousand pairs of eyes looked intently!

Tick tock, tick tock, the clock walked;
Out of the apparent freeze, my body thawed.
Just like practice, I knew what to do,
Though after a thousandth time, it still seemed new.

The thrill and the rush were so exciting,
That slowly passed away all the anxiety.
Taking my cue I played the part,
Who knew my first monologue could touch so many hearts.
.
At end when off stage my feet led me
-Without letting the performance being stymied.
I moved into the wings without pause,
For my act from beyond the stage, I heard a round of applause.

The feeling was invigorating,
I felt a new me liberating.
Perhaps I finally found my place -
In this mean world which is compelled to race.

What's the difference between an actor and a writer?
-Just the same difference as between a lion and a tiger.
Who is then the more powerful an artist?
-Oh no, it is almost as difficult a battle as between the sexes!

Writing and theatre are more like sisters of the same brood,
One is elder and other is the younger bloom;
Together in harmony they express themselves on the canvases
Of this amazing world filled with sadness, rapture and promises.

Theatre and Literature both communicate
-One through pictures and actions, the other through language.
You're right Mr. Stavans; it is true that pen is mightier than the sword,
But you should also know that a picture speaks a thousand words.

Thanks for your time! I anticipate your critiques. :)
Do look through my other essays!
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "Finding Nemo among the stars" - Cornell supplement. Why College of arts and sciences [3]

Here's my Cornell supplement response. Let me know what you guys have to say about it. :)
Its about 510 words. (max. limit of 500)

Prompt:
College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

Response:

Could I find a fish among the stars? If I ask my teachers this question they would probably wish I return to kindergarten.
My mother bought me my first encyclopedia when I was 9 called "The Deep Blue World". I loved it. It taught me so much about fishes; what they ate, where they lived and how they looked.

Growing up, my interest for the marine world started becoming more profound. Watching Animal Planet and Discovery taught me a lot. However, my fascination was not just limited to the marine world anymore. I moved outside the water; started to find a liking towards the land, the mountains and the plains. My mind probed deeper still. Literally. From the synchronized movements of schools of fish in the Pacific and the study of the life cycle of cicadas to the newfound knowledge about the cell structure and cellular biology, I have observed my interest in biology evolve; both in terms of length and breadth. Before I knew, I was head over heels with Biology.

However, this wasn't the only realm that thrilled me. I had also found a place to thrive among the stars. Watching the night sky from the rustic backdrop of my father's village, I was spellbound to see the twinkling and ethereal girdle of pearl-like dots in the deep blue sky. Yes, it was the Milky Way galaxy. The Andromeda Galaxy, the Orion and the Pegasus constellations; the stories of the Big Bang confirmation and the Panspermia hypothesis and the Drake Equation; all drive my intellectual curiosity as much as the little molecules of ATP, which power the cellular mechanism, do.

Eventually, the sky met the ocean and my interests merged; which I probably owe credit to the innumerable sci-fi movies I watched during summers.
Could there be life on other planets? If yes, can creatures of other planets have a completely non-carbon based chemistry? Learning about scientists finding sulfur based bacteria thriving near underwater thermal vents skyrocket my mind to a new plane. These are a few questions that pose as challenges to my mind albeit; they cannot be solved due to my own insufficient knowledge.

Probably, this is why I wish Cornell would be the perfect platform for me to realize my passions and cultivate them while answering the questions of my unlearned mind. Cornell's departments of Molecular Biology and Genetics, and Astronomy are two portals through which I can satiate my desire to know more. At Cornell, I wish to combine the two fields in the best way possible.

There is nothing better than earning an education that teaches you to think on your feet, inspire creativity and implore deeper understanding. With Liberal Arts essence to my learning, I am sure that I shall be ready for any future endeavor after the College of Arts and Sciences.

At Cornell I will get closer to finding Nemo among the stars; or an insect or a bacterium whatever it may be, and continue to dream of meeting an E.T.

Thanks for reading! :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell Enginerring Essay- Enviromental Love [5]

Since I discovered the Environmental Engineering major, I had a feeling that it was the career I must pursue. I thought that my love toward math and biology subjects and my kind of weird interest toward civil engineering were responsible for this decision. However, a few weeks ago I realized my true interest in this field.

During the last weeks of November my country, Venezuela, was affected by constant precipitation, resulting in a few deaths, but leaving many homeless. So you may think, in what way is this related to environmental engineering?

November happens to be the beginning of the drought season, so it is very unusual to see rains during this time of the year, especially in thatsuch magnitude. Additionally, in the last ten years, almost during the same months, my country has been affected by 2 similar tragedies that Venezuelans have before faced before. This makes me think that the destruction of our environment may have some influence on it. (I see your concern, but perhaps you could explore a bit on the damage caused? What is the damage? May be a line or two about it. It would be interesting to know about the problems of another country and how they relate to your vision. Don't get me in the wrong sense here! :) )

This may not be the best example of the consequences of environmental changes in the past years, but for me it represents an important factor: it made me realize of the true reason why I want to become an environmental engineer.

I want to avoid more tragedies like this. I know I cannot prevent all of them , because many are, were, and will always be caused by the natural forces of our universebecause many will continue to be catastrophic/unfortunate results of the natural forces of our universe , but at least avoid those that are consequence of the damage caused by humans. (The paragraph has a good intention, but was somewhat disjoint. Hope it helps you flow your essay more! :) )

I would like to be part of those engineers who will seek for solutions to make our environment better;those who will save thousands of people dying of lung cancer because of the air pollution, or prevent that acres of land are destroyed by non-ending fires that destroy not only humans but also many animal homeshabitats .

In a few words , I want to help find the solutions to make of this world a better place. A place where my children and grandchildren will not be in so much danger, a healthy world.

Therefore, I believe there is no place better than Cornell College of Engineering to help me reach these goals. Not only because of its challenging programsthey know you're applying because its top ranked right? :)it is one of the top ranked programsin the United States or because of its excellent research opportunities that will help me think of processes to preserve our natural environment and human health, but also because of its awe-inspiring campus.

A campus that when I visited it made me feel like in homeA campus that gave me the comfort of being at home ; A campus full of students willing to help you at any time, to give you the directions of the Information and Referral Center or even the coffee shop. A campus with an Residential Program named Ecology House. A campusplace(campus was used too much) where I can breathe fresh air, just like the one the rest of the world should breathe. What could be a better platform a than your the College of Engineering to teach me the ways of making the rest of the world such an amazing and ecofriendly place as Cornell.

A few error, but I think we're fine now. :)
Phew! :) Hope this helps!! And thanks for reading my essay. I submitted it with some changes.
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 4, 2011
Essays / Argumentative essay on Is technology making us less humans do you agree? [8]

Hey LexenZ,

I agree that technology does make us less human.
You could talk of Human obsession with perfection, and how we reach unimaginable extents to augment out looks in accordance to the what the world sees as beautiful or appealing. Probably you could find a few examples to make your argument convincing. Google! :)

Yes, you could relate human greed for a better standard of living. In this pursuit, people tend to overlook the at the negative aspects. They do not mind using ways that could harm the environment. Not everyone believes in being environmentally sound. You could probably infer and expand more on this.

Talk of the use of emails and sms' used as means of communition, instead of personal messages through cards or letters. Little too cliché but it makes a good argument.

Hope this gives you some points to put forth a solid essay. :)
Good Luck!
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 4, 2011
Undergraduate / "Love for history and law" - Why University of chicago? [2]

Hey!

I like that you have some defined goals. :) But you could have made this more personal. Why UChicago appeals to you? What aspect makes you think you are perfect for UChicago? What desire for a particular kind of learning does UChicago satisfy? I wish you had explored a bit on these points.

Anyway, I you must have already submitted it.
Hope it works. :) Good Luck.
Read my UChicago supplement essays too if you have some time. :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 4, 2011
Undergraduate / "A Game of Hide and Seek - X Vs. Me" U of C supplement. [16]

U of Chicago Supplement.
Its very long. I know. But I did not want to cut it any short. I've already submitted it. let me know how it is.

Prompt:
Find X.

Response:
After a tedious quest to find the oh-so-great X, from my room to my kitchen, to the community temple, in my cousin's closet, and by the cemetery; here's a list of things I believe could be X:

1) The things we cannot classify: This one's a little obvious. Let me present to you a situation: I was in my room. My mom has a weird tendency to clean everything compulsively, and as usual my room looked like it was struck by a tornado (or whatever you may want to call it; the result was the same). My mom wishes orders me to clean my room. I begin by stacking everything in their correct order. Each thing could be placed in some category. My socks would obviously go in the socks pile. My shoes would go in the shoe closet; shirts in one pile and trousers and jeans in another. Books became another stack. What if I had something that did not fall into any humanly category; not even a higher category of anything? How would it be to not be able to identify the 'it'? Would I go near it or dare touch it? The small what's-it is enough to generate huge amounts of fears. So the question is what would one do? Here we have two types of people: those who wish to categorize X and those who chose to be different and think that X is cryptic. I believe I belong to the latter. Most people perceive things according to classifications. It makes life simpler. Try it; the day you cannot classify, your mind will be at unrest.

I choose to see a world beyond classifications.

2) The 'ingredient' factor: My mother is an expert at the chemistry of food. She knows all about ingredients that go into food making, the quantities and the spices used. But so does my friend's mother. Does that mean both can cook the same dish having indistinguishable taste with the same ingredients? To find the answer, I slyly arranged for my mother and my friend's mother to have a cook-a-thon (saying its part of my science project). Both of them had to make them same dish with same ingredients in a time limit. Seems, a little Masterchef isn't it? Anyway, the results were two identical dishes. However, each had a different taste and flavor to it. Could it be possible that using the same ingredients and technique we could achieve different goal? Perhaps my little experiment proved it.

One may perceive of it this way too. In dance class, when my friend and I dance to the same tune using the same technique and the routine taught, we do it differently in spite of the perfect timing. People call it the X-factor; I would call it the 'ingredient' factor.

3) The 'someone' on the other side on the phone call: Now I was at the temple, praying to God. But has anyone seen him? I wouldn't deny his existence (and be ostracized by my relatives). Has religion in any way then helped us to see God? Of course it makes us aware of the omnipresent divine being; but does it rationally prove his existence? Religion is like making a phone call to the divine being. We can dial the number, hear the ring; we know someone's there on the other line, but there's no answer. Mankind has attempted a thousand ways to make this phone call to God. Yet, we do not precisely know who's on the other line.

Isn't the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva all about making another call

4) Temptation: It would be blasphemous of me to say this immediately after my speculations about the Divine. I happened to be probing my cousin's closet. During my hunt for a pair of socks, I incidentally found volumes of explicit content books. It is interesting to note that the humans are narcissists after all. The attempt to idolize the human body, especially the feminine half is intriguing. From the time of Adam and Eve, the human temptation has been highlighted. What makes us such enticed fools and perverts? Was it the apple as The Book of Genesis states? Or is 'apple' another alias to classify X? We know we get tempted; but can we express by a physical or rational method? Why we get tempted, we do not know; all we can speculate is that it's our nature and biology.

Thus, temptation is human nature. The moment we do rid ourselves of it, I think any of us would want to find X.

5) Life after the Cemetery: None of us know what happens after Death. Do we just dissolve into the nature like our earthly body? It is fact that energy dissipates the environment after we die. So where does our conscience go? Does it dissolve too? Or is it elevated to another plane or dimension of higher existence as claimed? These are few questions that vex me like anybody else.

So why do we fear death so much? Why all the attempts to halt and reverse aging? Why the Botox? We all have to die someday. Again, it probably is the fear of not knowing what lies after death. X always manages to stay a step ahead of us.

After the whole journey, I believe that Finding X has been nothing but futile. X shall always remain as long as we do. It is like an entity which can be felt; its presence sensed, but not expressed. It is an abstract concept that takes form of many different things. X could be anything from a person's passion, to the unconditional essence of love in mother's food, to the 'X' factor. X shall always take form of what we do not know, even if there's a lot we know.

I accept defeat, X, for now. I cannot find you. You are a master of disguises. The moment I feel I have found you, you seem to have taken another meaning, and another form. However, I am not going to stop trying. Let's hope I find you after another Four years.

You managed to reach the end! :D Bravo! :P ;) Thank you so much for your time.
Please leave a comment.
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 5, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Sisterhood of Literary genesis..." - my Amherst supplement essay response [7]

Hi Wynne,

Thanks for your helpful critique. I really appreciate it. :)
I do realize that I haven't address what I have stated in the last line. It's not really easy to work with a 300 word limit. :( But I agree with what you have said. I wish I could have expanded a bit more on "a picture speaks a thousand words"...

Hey, btw if you get time please read my UChicago essay on Find X. Please! :) I'm waiting for a constructive response. :)

Thanks a lot. =)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 7, 2011
Undergraduate / Ignorance and xenophobia, U of C Supplement, Dissolved and Solvent [13]

Hey ecordo5!

I was aware of the discrimination that Latino people faced in America but I never knew the issue was that strong until I read your piece. It's marvelous how you explored why many Americans hold such an attitude. I really enjoyed your writing in the middle section of your essay.

However, I felt reading your essay required careful attention. The moment I got distracted, I lost track.
It's a strong subject and you've done well expressing your views as an immigrant who has to deal with such things. You've managed to show that the topic is personal to you.

Good Job. :)
Don't worry about the length. U of C has no word limits for their essay. I read it on their site.
I think mine was about the same length, probably a little longer. :P :)

Read my essays please! :)
Thanks.
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 10, 2011
Undergraduate / Ignorance and xenophobia, U of C Supplement, Dissolved and Solvent [13]

Hey there,

I did not mean it that way. Your essay has a serious tone. Probably that's why the reader needs to pay attention. Any distraction and one loses track. Do you get what I mean? :)

You can't obviously do much there. But it's good the way it is.

Haven't you submitted the supplement already? :o
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 10, 2011
Essays / Argumentative essay on Is technology making us less humans do you agree? [8]

Hey there,

I guess this essay is for school, correct?

Okay, I like the essay. :) It brings out most of the points that make your argument valid.
However, I have a few suggestions, if I may.

Instead of just starting your essay by saying "Technology has made us less human, I agree" sort of a statement, rephrase it in a way that would make it more interesting. :)

You could probably say something like.... I was watching Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator and my mind drifted into a world of its own. Will we become the same in the next 100 years? ...

You know such statement make the reader connect more with your essay. It's better than only blabbering information that everyone would probably not like to read. :) And it adds a personal touch too..

The second and third paragraph are perfect. :)
You could also add to the second para that technology has snatched away the innocence from children in many troubled Third World nations of Africa.. They are trained to handle guns and machines at a tender age. Is that how human rearing should be like?

*Just a suggestion... :)

The para where you talk of pollution, use more specific examples. Maybe the Chernobyl nuclear Disaster, or Coal production in China, where air pollution control equipment is neglected. :/

In your conclusion, I don't really like the opening statement. If you see, the benefits of technology are far more desirable and numerous compared to the many disadvantages. Rephrase it. :-)

Your conclusion is a bit weak. This where you should restate your stance. And what social disproportions? It's a bit vague.
Make your conclusion strong and interesting and I think your essay will be great!! :)

Other than that it's good. Just a little more work...
All the best!
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / If Cranes can Dance, I can fly.... University of Richmond essay [5]

Guys the deadline is today! So I would appreciate any sort of help or comment. :)

Prompt: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?
After a blistering hot and relaxing summer break, I resumed my last year of high school. I comfortably ingrained myself in my daily routine;, happy to have attained a near perfect equilibrium in balancing my school work and classes. Then, until a friend approached me for help, she was the Cultural Head of her school and her job was to organize the herschools Speech Day. Her task was to choreograph a routine for the school production of 'Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes,' so she needed a choreographer. I was happy to help her, so I took the job.

However, to my surprise, the job was not just about teaching a set sequence you might want to use something else instead of sequenceto a bunch of younger high school kids; instead I was supposed to choreograph a solemn routine depicting hope. I was asked to limit and visualize the movements with respect to a crane. The kids had almost negligible sense of rhythm in them and those who did, were made fun of being too 'girly'. Furthermore, making the kids dance like 'cranes', was more difficult than I had fathomed.

Working part-time at my Dance School gave me enough qualification to teach others. Even so, teaching a bunch of kids three years younger than me was daunting and it made me self-conscious and uneasy. I had a rough time trying to handle and discipline them. They made sure on their part to drive me to the limit of patience. I was thrust completely out of my little comfort zone. Pondering over a theme, and choreographing a routine based on it, managing costumes, sets and props, independently, made me feel a little lost. I felt helpless to a point where everything seemed to be going out of control. I was left with two options - either give up and quit, or keep at it and be resilient. As much as I was inclined to choose the former, I decided to stick to my commitment.

Though it seemed like an insurmountable task, I eventually learned to deal with the kids better. I tried my best to make them more comfortable with the routine and the concept and to work like a team. eventually, The kidssaw me as a friend and our friendship allowed me to gage the students' personalities and better choreograph the routine. We worked persistently for two months, practicing and rehearsing with full efforts. It was challenging to make the kids emote and connect to a solemn routine, but it worked perfectly in the end.

There was nervousness and excitement in the air as the final day approached to stage the play. All the effort and thought put into this routine paid off well when I received a standing ovation from the audience. It was thrilling to hear from all my little cranes their feelings while performing on stage. I believe I succeeded in bringing out the elegant cranes in the ruffians by making them dance and emote, and in doing so I found my own weaknesses and strengths.

The whole experience helped me evolve on so many different levels. I grew as a thinker, I learnedto think more creatively and independently. I got gaineda new insight into the minds of the kids and that helped me become a better teacher. I learned to be more patient, which allowed me to become a better choreographer and dancer. The Thisexperience taught me to work under pressure and deadlines, without losing my thought processes. But more importantly, I learned to stick to my commitment, no matter how out of my comfort level the atask might seem. All of us have some weaknesses but it is only through experiences such as this these thatwe realize them. Only by realizing our weakness can we strive to grow and succeed.

So in making cranes dance, I realized that I have wings, which I can flap to soar higher and push myself beyond my limits.

This is way better, but wasn't this due on the 15 of January? It is now the 16th, unless you live somewhere in the world where it is not midnight yet if you do then keep working and good luck.

Thanks for reading! :-) What do you think about the essay? Does it answer the prompt adequately?
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / If Cranes can Dance, I can fly.... University of Richmond essay [5]

Thank you Promise! :)
The essay can be up to two pages. (Double-spaced) So I think I will be fine. But any part that felt redundant or unnecessary? Sure we can be friends. :)

GUYS please more help needed! :)
I will help you in turn too!
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Sisterhood - WHY Wellesley [10]

From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, I knew I wanted to attend Wellesley College.

The sentence is a bit strange. You could perhaps rephrase it to say - From the Horwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, Wellesley College has appealed/attracted me in so many ways that I knew, I always wanted to a part of it. Or perhaps something along the same lines. :-)

Part from that I think you are fine.
Good essay. It does its job well. :)
All the best!!

PLEASE guys help me with my Richmond essay!! It's due today! I will help you too! :)
Thanks.
ItsokaytoGaga   
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / My mom, Gwendolyn Taylor - The person who influences me the most. [2]

Since then it has been hard for her to work herself out of the deep hole she has sank into.

I aspire to be the person my mom was-not necessarily how she is know .... do you mean "now" ?

The essay does demonstrate how much you love your Mother, and why she is your role model.
However, I think you could be more specific and go deeper. It is very concise. Elaborate a little more. Explore your emotions and put them in words. how exactly did your mother make you a stronger person.

Since you are writing about your Mother, you should be able to make it a very personal and touching essay.

Good Luck. Work on it. :-)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 6, 2011
Undergraduate / "A Game of Hide and Seek - X Vs. Me" U of C supplement. [16]

Thank you EF Susan. That was helpful. :)
And thank you sofia10. :)

I intended to capitalize the 'four' because it would be next most important phase of my life. Maybe it just makes it look strange perhaps.

I wanted to write about what X could mean to me, but it fits so many different concepts and ideas that it became almost impossible for me to write about one thing. X led me to one thing to another and to another as you said... :-)

I'm glad you all liked this.
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 7, 2011
Undergraduate / "A Game of Hide and Seek - X Vs. Me" U of C supplement. [16]

Hehe. Yeah. :) Thank You EF Susan. Please read my Amherst response and tell me how it is.... I worked very hard on that too...

Hi MarinaXD, thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 8, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Sisterhood of Literary genesis..." - my Amherst supplement essay response [7]

Woah EF Susan! You caught me on the "evidently" part! I did kind of just contrive it to make it fit. :|
Oh really? Thank You. :)

I had a 300 word limit to write this in. Therefore, I could not clearly express or elaborate on every idea I presented in this poem.

The analogy was to tell that writers and actors are equally potent and skilled artists who can demonstrate a wide array of emotions through their work. They can be compared to a lion and a tiger because these two creatures are the fiercest beast of the wild, both can be said to be almost equally powerful. Even though it is said that tiger might win, the lion still holds the position of "The King".

Do you think the poem stands out? Or seems different to most essay responses? Do you think it fits the prompt well?

Thank you so much for reading it. :-)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 10, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell - "Finding Nemo among the Stars" (Molecular Biology and Genetics, Astronomy) [9]

Here's my Cornell supplement response. Let me know what you guys have to say about it. :)
(max. limit of 500)

Prompt:
College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.


Could I find a fish among the stars? My teachers would think I'm delirious if I ask them this question.
My mother bought me my first encyclopedia when I was nine, called The Deep Blue World. It was enchanting. From what they ate to where they lived to how they looked; the encyclopedia taught me so much about fishes and ignited my passion for biology.

As I was growing up, my interest for the marine world started becoming more profound. Watching Animal Planet and Discovery taught me a lot. However, my fascination was not just limited to the marine world anymore. I moved beyond the water; started to find become interested in the land, the mountains and the plains. My mind probed father still. From the synchronized movements of schools of fish in the Pacific and the study of the life cycle of cicadas to the newfound knowledge about the cell structure and cellular biology, my interest in biology evolved. Before I knew it, no other subject filled me with as much ardor as Biology did.

However, this wasn't the only realm that thrilled me. I had also found a place to thrive among the stars. Watching the night sky from the rustic backdrop of my father's village, I was spellbound to see the twinkling and ethereal cluster of pearl-like dots in the deep blue sky. In the stars were the stories of the Milky Way galaxy. The Andromeda Galaxy, the Orion and the Pegasus constellations; of the Big Bang, the Panspermia hypothesis and the Drake Equation; each drove my intellectual curiosity as much as the little molecules of ATP, which power the cellular mechanism.

Eventually, the sky met the ocean and my interests merged; which I probably owe credit to the innumerable sci-fi movies I watched during summers.
Could there be life on other planets? If the answer is yes then, could creatures of other planets have a completely non-carbon based chemistry? Learning about sulfur based bacteria thriving near underwater thermal vents discovered recently by scientists, skyrocketed my mind to a new plane. These are a few questions that pose challenges to my mind but they cannot be solved due to my incomplete education.

Cornell would be the perfect platform to realize my passions and cultivate them while answering the questions of my mind. Cornell's departments of Molecular Biology and Genetics, and Astronomy are two portals through which I can satiate my desire to know more. At Cornell, I wish to combine the two fields to the furthest extent of my capabilities.

There is nothing better than an education that teaches you to think on your feet, inspire creativity and demand deeper understanding. With a Liberal Arts essence to my learning, I am sure that I will be ready for any future endeavor after the College of Arts and Sciences.

At Cornell I will get closer to finding Nemo among the stars; or an insect or a bacterium, whatever it may be, and continue to dream of meeting an E.T.

Thanks! Please do leave a comment. :)

Does it answer the prompt well? Is it interesting?
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 14, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell - "Finding Nemo among the Stars" (Molecular Biology and Genetics, Astronomy) [9]

Hi EF Kevin! Thank You so much!

Have you read my other essays as well ? :-)

I know I should have described my interest for Cornell a little more by going into the specifics.... maybe I just kinda concentrated on the "evolution of my interests" part... :/

Do you think there are other areas I should have improved on?
Otherwise was it interesting to read as a whole?

Thanks again! :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 17, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Sisterhood of Literary genesis..." - my Amherst supplement essay response [7]

Thanks Again EF Susan! :) PLEASE do read my Cornell essay if possible. :)

I totally understand your concern here. I know an admissions officer reading my essay prompt might not want to give me much of "extra" credit for attempting something different or for being perhaps a little... adventurous.

I know an essay would have probably helped me to express myself with greater depth... But I was dead sure I wanted to write a poem, even if it meant I had to take a risk, because I knew what I had to say may not have come out the same way as it does in the poem.

I am so grateful that you brought this point up. Really helped me to at it from another perspective. Thank you so much for all the help! =)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 19, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell - "Finding Nemo among the Stars" (Molecular Biology and Genetics, Astronomy) [9]

Thank you EF Kevin. I will definitely remember this when writing essays in future.

Oh you have read my other essays? That's nice. Could you read and tell me what you think about my Amherst College essay response if possible? :-)

I tried to make the first line arrest the reader's attention.
Haha.... my username. Lady Gaga fan... :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Feb 26, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell - "Finding Nemo among the Stars" (Molecular Biology and Genetics, Astronomy) [9]

Yes I meant the poem... Thank you for reading it. :)
I totally understand EF Susan's concern with my approach. But it doesn't harm to be creative or unconventional does it? I do not know if the AO reader would appreciate my approach, but I know for sure that there is no other way I would want to write it. :)

Thank you, I will keep writing with the same spirit. You're words mean a lot to me. A lot. =)

Have you read my UChicago essay? What do you think of that? :) Please let me know if anything... I would be glad to analyze it from another angle and perspective.
ItsokaytoGaga   
Mar 2, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell - "Finding Nemo among the Stars" (Molecular Biology and Genetics, Astronomy) [9]

You are totally right here EF_Kevin. I completely relied on my intuition and my creativity. I tried approaching the essay(s) in different ways, but it was way harder when I strayed away from the source of my inspiration.

Thank you I will keep this in my mind always whenever I write. :-)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Mar 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "Yes, I am an idiot.." - My Common App Essay ( Fictional Character) [6]

Hey guys, I am really unsure about this essay. PLEASE help me by telling me what you feel about it. Leave a comment... :)

Being part of the Indian Society can be a little difficult for students and more difficult if one belongs to an average middle class family. When stakes are high and competition is stiff, most parents expect nothing but good grades and top performance from their children. Unfortunately, the Indian education system is designed in a way that it leaves little scope for a student to have ample leisure time or an opportunity to explore their options and provides maximum stress.

While growing up in this same society I was asked a countless number of times, "What do you want to become?" and "Where do you want to work when you grow up?" I never seemed to come up with a satisfying answer. I always stumbled to find words; not because I did have any convictions or goals but I was bemused over the fact that people who were not certain of what would happen in the coming few days would stressed so much about knowing what I wanted to become twenty years later. This peculiar adult idiosyncrasy was beyond my understanding. This was precisely where I was at a great loss.

By the end of tenth grade, almost everyone around me had some idea of what they were heading towards. The same friends I spent so much of my time, had decided what they wanted to do and study. The doors were closing in on me and time was running out. I had to choose. After weeks of thinking and discussion with my parents, I let my parents choose for me. Yes, a seemingly simple but grave mistake.

My parents enrolled me in a pre-college engineering prep class. I did fine for a few months. But eventually, it became toxic for me. I did not enjoy studying what my parents chose. Hence, I spent the next couple of my crucial high school months wallowing with the guilt of having chosen something I did not like and letting my parents down. I was trapped. Then through the dark clouds of despair came my savior - maybe not as dramatically but yes almost close.

It was the cold and drab winter of my junior year, which to my surprise was complementing the nature of my rather bleak mood patterns at that time. My cousins wanted to watch a movie. So we decided on watching '3 Idiots'. It was then I met Rancho, the film's protagonist. Rancho is definitely a great sobriquet to the ridiculously long name - 'Ranchoddas Shyamaldas Chanchad'. But like the simplified version of his name, Rancho's outlook towards life was just as forthright and uncomplicated. His genuine and free-spirited nature appealed to me greatly. Yes, Rancho inspired me.

According to Rancho, if you love something, chances are that you will do the best in it without doubt. Life on screen is definitely all sugar-coated and candy floss especially if it's a corny Bollywood movie. But it was the message that Rancho passed on made it absolutely beautiful. I had wasted months trying to talk myself into doing something I never enjoyed. The guilt of letting my parents down was enormous. The fact that it was my fault for not taking a stance made it worse. Rancho helped me overcome all. A free spirited individual, Rancho was driven by the passion to learn. He loved innovation and invention. His simplistic and novel approach seemed deviant from all conventional norms. Hence, many skeptic people around him called him an 'Idiot'. But the sly comments did not mar him down. He was proud to be an 'Idiot'.

So I realized that all this while I had made my own life so difficult. It was because I was afraid to choose. Doing something I did not enjoy, I came to my senses and moved a step closer to finding something that I had always loved - Biology. Why was it difficult for me to make a simple decision earlier? Well, should I blame the Indian society for this? Or should I put the blame on my parents? Or just the frizzled mixture of hormones that impaired me reasoning? I cannot put the blame on either. Through Rancho's vision I learnt that it is best to choose something in which you can best invest your time and energy, no matter how great or small the returns. I would like to quote him here - "Pursue excellence and success will fall at your feet".

It requires great amount of courage to stand up to your own decisions and convictions. Everything seems easy when you're the part of the crowd as a follower. Because things have already been explored and paths have already been discovered. One does not require extra effort to venture out and find new routes. These are the perks of being a follower. But on the other hand, competition is greater and resources are limited in such areas. It was Rancho who made me aware that it is not stupid to stray away from the herd if that's where my happiness lay. Rancho made me bolder to stand up to my convictions. He helped gain courage to face my parents and tell them that I wished to do something different. He helped me to think freely. He made me realize that I can choose to view my world in two ways - one, as the rest of the world sees it and the other, as I see it.

In retrospect I would add that all of us have a bit of Rancho in us. All of us want to be free and uninhibited. All of us desire to do something we love. Why do we forget that as children we wished to astronomers, paleontologists, painters or writers? As we grew up society made us weigh the pros and cons of every single action we took. We became more rational and tended to choose things that gave us the best returns. Rancho helped me get rid of these stereotyped beliefs.

So all we need is a little push, to bring out the little Rancho in us. I have grown into a more sensible, motivated and confident person since the previous winter. I have realized my mistakes and have tried my best to learn from them. And all credit goes to Rancho for opening my eyes. I wish I could say someone as great as Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi or Mother Teresa influenced me. But I can't. It was Rancho who pulled me out from the bleak void. I now approach life and other things with greater zest and courage. And if this makes me an 'Idiot', I don't mind being called one.

THANKS FOR READING!! =)
Was it anywhere near interesting to read?
ItsokaytoGaga   
Mar 12, 2011
Undergraduate / "Yes, I am an idiot.." - My Common App Essay ( Fictional Character) [6]

Hi EF_Kevin! Thank You for your help again. :)

I agree with what you have said. I was certain about what I liked. But I never saw myself pursuing it ... maybe to study or perhaps make a career out of it. It's like one of those things that you always have but it's kind of taken for granted. Perhaps it was something like that for me. That's why in spite of reading or counselling, I never saw myself fitting anywhere because I was looking in the wrong direction.

That is why the reason I mentioned some of the things about the Indian society in the initial paragraphs. My main problem was that my family and relatives have or rather have had a major role deciding their children's career path. Almost to the extent that some children do not have, or rather, have had any autonomy over what they wanted to pursue. This sort of held me back. I never got the courage to stand up to my convictions.... Fortunately, I was lucky enough to have parents who are very understanding and open in their approach.... Perhaps I should have elaborated a little on these points.

My main focus on the essay was to show that how my lack of faith in myself and an indecision led me to the realization of what I really wished to do and of course how this "fictional character" helped me in the course. :-)

I am really glad you brought noteworthy points to my attention. Thank you so much again.

Do you think it fits the "Fictional Character" essay well enough?

Does it work well as my "main common app essay" ?? :-|
ItsokaytoGaga   
Mar 12, 2011
Undergraduate / What you would name a story of your life until now - Emerson Supplemental Essay [4]

Hey Alexandria!

Your introduction is good. But then you talk about what books your writing, which is fine. However, after that you start the next sentence talking about your personality. I felt that there was a break of flow over there. I think it would be helpful if you revise your first para. Maybe talk about yourself and then say what you are doing currently. Just to improve on the flow of sentences and ideas :)

That being said, I love your second half. Things take a turn there. You have some real nice flow of thoughts in this para.

I like your essay. Just a little revision and I think it will be fine.

Good Luck!!! :)
ItsokaytoGaga   
Mar 14, 2011
Undergraduate / What you would name a story of your life until now - Emerson Supplemental Essay [4]

Hey there! :)

Okay there is much better flow to your essay than your previous draft. The transition of ideas looks good.

Growing up I was a very shy individual, often keeping my thoughts to myself. Despite the fact that I was a quiet child, I had a very creative mind. I found it much easier expressing myself in words, through writing.

I like this part very much. I can relate to it in many ways. :) It gives the reader an insight into your personality..
Though I want to tell you that if you could rephrase the last sentence of the above quote and twist it to something a little more interesting, it would make a much better impact. Since the last line is the most important. :-) Just a suggestion..

Although I am not currently writing a non-fiction novel based on my life....

Umm, I think I don't understand this part. Are you supposed to write a non-fiction novel on your life? What was your intention to put it this way? I don't think I got it... :/

That being said, I find this writing prompt very interesting and enjoyable.

I don't think this line is necessary. You've already mentioned that this quote intrigued and inspired you.

I put a lot of thought into this writing prompt due to the fact that it is so open ended and being the creative person that I am, I could have gone many ways with this.

I somehow feel that you are saying that your creative, but not showing it. You've mentioned your creativity in the first paragraph already. No need to say that you've put a lot of thought into writing this piece. Just show it, don't tell. Infuse it in your essay. I think it will catch the reader's attention immediately. :-)

That's what I feel... ultimately it's your call on how you want your essay to be...

All that being said, your essay shines in the last part. It's well written towards the end.

Anyway, hope I could help you well enough! :)
All the Best for this! Good Luck!
ItsokaytoGaga   
Mar 14, 2011
Undergraduate / Using Lady Gaga as a topic for my college admissions essay -- too risky? [7]

Hey Emily!

First of all, good job on the essay! It's well written! :-)

I don't think I can point out any errors here.

Lady Gaga has incomparable valor and prowess. She teaches the individual to cultivate his or her inner bravery, and stand up against the rest of the world. If one doesn't take a stand, someone else will.

I think this probably highlights the essay's main point right? ---- The Advice.
I just feel that the way you've put it Lady Gaga sounds more of a role model, than a person who advised you... Maybe a little towards the end you should you could change it a bit to answer the question maybe a little more directly. (That's just my opinion, maybe I am over-analyzing it a bit! )

And I don't think using Lady gaga is a bad idea. :-)
Just one pointer : Don't rely on Gaga to make your essay stand out, rather use Gaga as an example to enhance your writing. It really doesn't matter who you choose, rather it's about how you use the person in your writing. :) Do you get what I'm trying to say?

Other than that, it's all good!
Hope I could help you...
Good Luck!

PS - I wrote a college essay on Lady Gaga tool! So don't worry. I don't think it's risky if you can manage to use her to answer your prompt well. :)

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