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Posts by Chelo [Suspended]
Joined: Jan 12, 2011
Last Post: Jan 1, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 13  

From: Georgia

Displayed posts: 18
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Chelo   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I want to be myself' - Common app essay - Topic of my choice [3]

Be MYSELF

please be critical I really need to clear things up here. grammar check is also needed. any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

I want to be myself

During my childhood I had always thought that craving to emulate someone famous was normal; all my friends wanted to be movie stars or almighty soldiers, whom they saw on TV; little did I know how difficult it was to find out what I really wanted. I tried to dig into to my mind to perceive the real nature of myself. The result was quite surprising, I answered the question - I want to be myself. I want to do what I love, I don't want to be like others. When looking back to past I don't want to have a feeling that I have lived someones life, but mine. I am an individual having my opinions about diverse things, thus I perceive the world in my way.

I hate hatred. Though I still hate things. I hate flattery - people trying to please each-other just because they are expecting to get a profit out of it; when you live this life and then doubt yourself, you lose everything. I often argue; not because I want to, but because I always defend my position; I hate when one agrees with every single opinion. I hate plagiarism and imitating.

No man exists without negative traits. I am one of them; We aren't perfect, but negative characteristics shouldn't overcome positive ones, this will let us to form as a kind-hearted persons.

I am curious, I regard this characteristic to serve a good purpose: "Curiosity is free-wheeling intelligence." (Alistair Cooke).

I have friends whom I trust blindly, however I know that individuals are alone against their lives, no one can live instead of me. One Georgian writer said "you are alive when you feel otherwise you are dead." When we feel the world, we are with everyone and in everything, that's how we deal with life.

I don't want to follow the dogmatic ideas and clueless directions which sometimes exhausts me with its ineptitude. I will follow my innermost and always do what I think is right.

I'll never grow old. I'll never stop loving what I do . I'll never stop being curious. I'll never stop being me.
Chelo   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / "I am HIV positive" - Common App short [3]

Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Please help deadline is today, any feedback from your side will be greatly appreciated, be critical.

"I am HIV positive" - one of the clergyman dared to confess his HIV status on one of the seminars for HIV positive people, facilitated by me, as a trainer of the NGO. (It is a very brave deed to talk about HIV status in Georgia). It appeared to be a motivation for others to also confess their status. What impressed me the most was the sudden trust and a sense of union, which arose in them; they saw people around, who really cared for them. No word can express my impression and feeling of gladness at that moment, I was astonished by the sudden change of situation. I can remember the only thought I had in mind - I did it! I helped. It was one of the greatest and priceless experiences I have had in my life.

Working with those people helped me to realize the fact that it is important to support their integration into the community.
I have realized the clue - helping community or individuals in need make you a better person: "You will rise by lifting others" (Susan Patton Thoele)
Chelo   
Feb 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "Quality education in rich communities" - Why The College of Wooster? [5]

Why are you interested in The College of Wooster?
(Characters Max 500)

Please help, any comment is welcome and will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

The common inspiration which lead me to apply to Wooster was that it offers high quality education in a rich locals and international communities. I felt that it was what I needed - students doing much greater work than simply learning there. I have always had a strong desire to study abroad, to get international education and experience, meet different people and share ideas with them. Therefore studying at Wooster will help me have global access to both cultures and academics.
Chelo   
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "hope is itself our life" - Cristo has had a significant influence on me [5]

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Hello guys, this is my essay for common app. any feedback from your side will be greatly appreciated, be as critical as you want.
Deadline is today so please write what you think. Thanks in advance

Everywhere its darkness and silence, no light not even any shiny sparkle to be seen; there are only vague shapes of walls, every object seems to be both moving and still, it's perfectly controlled by a mysterious power, something is approaching and it is very difficult to identify the whisper "life is pain" - really? I guess this is life in perception of the person who has lost any hope and has no motivation to continue living. Everything for him lacks essence; nothing is as valuable for him as himself. Such condition makes a human lost in his private universe of seemingly ill scene.

Once I have asked myself: "what is the life?" - Unfortunately I didn't get the answer I expected, since I heard about a person who has knocked down all the obstacles and said: "I have a hope, and I always used to be". Hope - I associated this word with life, and I got "hope is itself our life". This man had changed my perceptions about many things, concerned to life and not only. I am talking about a person who is infected with AIDS, has wife and three children who are more than enough motivation for him to live for. I was impressed with his contributions in combating the stigma. The fact that he overcame the disease psychologically, surprised me (as it's undeniable that, majority of the infected people, as I have mentioned above, lose their desire to live). This person is Cristo Ingles, the man who became the symbol of life for me. This man helped me to realize that one should always continue fighting for his life, no matter how dramatic the situation is.
Chelo   
Jan 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "seminar about HIV/AIDS prevention" - extracurricular activities or work experiences [7]

Common App short essay - Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities

Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Please write what you think, it would be great if I can get any suggestions or help from you. All comments are welcome.
Thanks in advance

In 2009 NGO New Vision coordinating with the World Vision International held trainings about the healthy lifestyle including HIV/AIDS prevention in Georgian regions. Since that time I'm an active member and one of the trainers in NGO. During that time I came across with the diverse group of people I have never met; it helped me to develop my communication skill and ability to work in cooperation and accomplish the tasks with maximum efficiency.

I worked with the people who were infected with AIDS; I was able to see the world through their eyes, and as a result, it helped me to truly appreciate the fact that they aren't a threat to those they are in contact with. I have realized the fact that, helping the community or individuals in need, especially when they have no hope and expectation from this life, makes you better person.
Chelo   
Jan 13, 2011
Undergraduate / "my mom and I had to move to Virginia" Evaluate a significant experience [5]

Why would anyone call me in the middle of the night during a school day?

Really awkward sentence, what do yo mean?

I like the point of the essay, beginning is really great. I think you have to work on its developing(I don't say that it is bad, not at all, its really good)it need to be better organized.
Chelo   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / A person of impact - My conductor [8]

however, the true reason he is an inspiration to me is that he had taught me to not not to conform to mediocrity.

Great essay, really. I think the structure is fine, but as you mentioned, conclusion should be somehow changed, it feels awkward. I think the reader will understand what you are trying to say, but it'll be better is you change it.

Sorry I'm running out of time so I couldn't really help, I need to finish my essay, because university admission deadlines are approaching, however I'll think about essay.

Good luck.
Chelo   
Jan 12, 2011
Undergraduate / "seminar about HIV/AIDS prevention" - extracurricular activities or work experiences [7]

Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Hello guys, I have written this small essay, but I think it is too simple and needs to be changed; it would be great if I can get any suggestions or help from you

thanks in advance.

Attitude towards AIDS in Georgian regions is negative. The clear example of this problem is one fact that happened when there was arranged the seminar about HIV/AIDS prevention in Kvemo-Qartli regional school. The upcoming event was aggressively adopted by the student's parents, they felt that the information which we were to give to their children was inappropriate for adolescents, the reason for such perception of the parents was that they were uninformed about the problem; in fact they even hadn't had any information about AIDS. After the seminar parents themselves expressed their desire to, introduce this information to their children, they also enthusiastically attended the seminar which was held for the high graders. Furthermore many of them become involved in peer educators network and actively coordinated with us. I'm glad that I could help these people realize how dangerous AIDS is and gave them the detailed information about this terrible disease.