Research Papers / The use of prison pet programs to aid in rehabilitation - research essay [2]


I have underlined and bolded what seems to be your thesis statement. Reading this, I read your main ideas/themes rather than your main argument. An introductory paragraph answers the following questions:

What an I writing about? (this is your issue) The beginning of your intro is done well, I believe you have a hook and background information on the issue: improving the manner in which the prison system rehabilitates individuals to be re-introduced into society.

What are my main ideas/themes? (these are your main ideas) Your thesis is a list of ideas/themes which need to be integrated alongside the introduction of your issue. For example, after you identify that innovative ways are necessary in order to improve the therapeutic standards of prison then you could identify "Prison Pet Programs" and briefly explain to your reader what this is and the different benefits of using this program in prisons. These benefits should be those listed in your thesis.

In addition, after reading your topic sentences these are your main ideas that should be breifly introduced in intro;

pet programs are not a new concept
diff. forms of pet programs exist
the effectiveness of pet programs
skills inmate learns as a result of these programs
provide community with a public service This seems to be your current these/main argument paragraph

You could switch what pet programs are with that these programs are not new. Just a suggestion.
I didn't do any grammar errors as the main concern here is structure and organization which are these paper's weaknesses. However, your argument is strong, well developed in that category. Yet, working towards structure and organization will really smooth out this diamond in the rough. Hope my suggestions help, and that others will handle the grammar. Good luck :)

What is my thesis? (this is your main argument) Your thesis should focus on the strongest point/idea/evidence used to convince the reader why Prison Pet programs is best way to reforms inmates. For example, your thesis could focus on how these pet programs are ultimately the best, if not one of the best, because of their low costs.

Strong conclusion. My suggestion is to further expand the "so, what?" That is how these programs greatly benefit communities by actually rehabilitating inmates in contrast to the current prison system in which many released inmates are not likely to be ready to integrate into society.

Writing Feedback / 'good writer loves his/her characters' - AP English Essay [3]

Hello :)

Persumably, your AP English teacher has given you hand-outs which are supposed to aid you on getting started/organzing an essay. Use them!

Choose your favorite character and assign one paragraph (other than your intro and conclusion) for each of the main characteristics. Save the best charateristic for your thesis paragraph, by best I mean the characteristic that you feel the most confident providing evidence for and one which will help you demonstrate a strong argument.

I haven't read "Before I Go to Sleep" but if you need help on a thesis then attempt to write one that concerns how the most appealing, noteworthy, or over-comed hardships proves that the author loves that character you choose to write your paper on.

Does this help?

Undergraduate / 'this job was going to be harder than I thought' - significant experience [2]

508 is fine, no need to trim it down. This is well written with few grammatical errors that I'm able to spot.

Book Reports / One character from The Crucible - Character Comparison (John Proctor/Rev. Hooper) [2]

Not a bad first draft. Your conclusion brings up completely new points that should have been in the body paragraphs. For example, you say that Proctor and Giles Corey attempts to bring the court to justice yet, you do not explain why.

You cannot assume your reader knows the plots and characters of these two plays/stories. You need to give a bit more information, which will also help you develop your ideas.

In addition, your introduction should be used as a way to map out a general outline of your essay. For example, you need to identify your issue (what you'll be writing about), your main ideas/themes, and what you'll be ultimately be attempting to prove (thesis/main argument). Furthermore, you need to include topic sentences at the beginning of every paragraph in order to give a heads up to your reader which main point/theme will be discussed.

Essays / 'An entrepreneur, organization, government' - Help with questions [2]

You are mistaken if you think someone will honestly answer these questions. Unless someone submits a similar essay responding to all these same type of questions by accident.

A great place to begin research would be an academic search engine, most likely found at your college/university. The librarians that work there will also most likely be happy in helping you research for these questions.

All the subject terms presented in the prompts would also be excellenet search words. ;)

Book Reports / Help developing a meaningful introduction, and conclusion for "Poem" Frank O'harra [2]

For a conclusion, one strategy to use is to show the reader how the points you have made and evidence presented fit together. That is to say, show the reader how your argument connects to a larger idea.

Then, take this larger idea and either propose a course of action, a possible solution (or possible problem), or end with a question. In this way, the reader will apply your argument and ideas in order to apply them to a larger meaning.

Another helpful question to consider is; So, what? Why is this important?

For an introduction, answering these 3 question could be helpful as well;

1. What am I writing about? (This is your issue)
2. What are my main ideas/arguments (These are your themes/concepts)
3. Thesis (What you'll ultimately be proving)

A hook is always nice to include as the first sentence of your essay too. Hope this helps!

Research Papers / Paper on Global Warming Hysteria-Unsure of outline and possible topics [4]

Expanding the power of government. What has the government done in response to global warming? It has placed regulataions and restrictions on the energy market. Thus, the expansion of government oversight on the market has adversely effected the business involving energy and fuel.

You could refrence the hoax surrounding computer models which "predicted" catastrophe.

Writing Feedback / St. Edwards Essay, Sibling and birth order influence [5]

Seems like it. You could reference the quote in your writing, Do you agree or disagree with what Sandmaier said?

Writing Feedback / IELTS; average weight of people; 'changing lifestyle' [5]

Writing Feedback / St. Edwards Essay, Sibling and birth order influence [5]

Research Papers / The story "Godfather Death" - A question of origins [6]

Well, although you may not be at the correct place to find your sources;however, you did get on the internet where you can do research on virtually anything.

Try googling "Godfather Death" or find out if your school as a scholastic search engine.

Writing Feedback / A lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more vacation time [4]

Book Reports / A Comparison of Nietszche's Birth of Tragedy with Herman Hesse's Steppenwolf. [4]

In order to extrapolate these ideas further in greater detail, I will use Nietzsche's work The Birth of Tragedy and Herman Hesse's Steppenwolf to dive deeper into the crevasses of existentialism. In The Birth of Tragedy, Nietzsche uses Greek culture, art, and philosophy as the catalyst for analyzing man and his relationship towith the universe. The entire work is based on the dichotomy of the Greek gods Dionysius and Apollo. Apollo is the symbol of dreams, god of illusion and form, and keeper of the principium individuationis, which protects man from chaos, preserving his identity. Dionysius is in opposition, known as the god of drunkenness and destroyer of the self. When under the influence of Dionysius man breaks the barrier between himself and nature, distorting the idea of society and individuality, and brings about a communal primordial consciousness. Throughout most of the work, Nietzsche struggles to synthesize the art of Apollo and Dionysius, putting high emphasis on music, art, and theater, specifically tragedy and comedy.N either Dionysius nor Apollo are dubbed as absolute or superior because no one thing is perfect or imperfect. All things are interdependent. This is the eternal paradox of human thought that Nietzsche suffered and struggled with each day of his life.

I like the topic, very interesting. Not too many grammatical errors but you're a bit verbose.

Writing Feedback / The main causes of divorce [2]


Usually, you want to end your paper with a question but I don't think there's anything wrong with opening with one. I like it! But, you continue asking even after you wrote the " ? ".


You use the word "they" but do not tell your reader who "they" is. It's just a word too specific to start a sentence with. Usually you do not want to use "I", "me" or "you" statements, also known as opinion statements, unless the assignment says it's okay. Instead, expand on the idea that most don't realize marriage takes a lot of commitment and effort. As a result many marriages end in divorce.


There isn't a clear transition from these ideas to the topic of divorce in Erithea.



Explain why married couples in Eritrea argue about money.


This is an incomplete sentence.

Writing Feedback / Write a paragraph about the differences between the city in the past and now. [3]



Although this sentence is related to your topic it is an incomplete sentence


Here you point out an issue/argument but you don't really address it. Give an example about why it was important for cities in the past to have parks and playgrounds. Then, explain why it may not be a good thing that there are fewer parks in the city now.

You need a little work organizing your ideas because you jump back and forth between them.

Essays / Introduction for a 6000-word essay. How many words? [10]

Nope, as long as those questions are answered, you're good

Essays / Tricky structure: comparing 40 articles from 3 Newspapers over 3 days. [3]

The assignment is asking you to compare and contrast the bias of the 3 newspapers.

How do they differ in opinion over the rebuilding? Are they in favor or opposed to how the situation is being dealt with? Do they seem bias or are they just reporting? What are they're different points of views?

These are just examples of what you could compare and contrast.

Start by organizing main ideas that deal with comparing and contrasting the different newspapers

It was hinted a chronological order wasn't a good idea because it is irrelevant to what is most important, how do these newspapers differ and how are they similar?

p.s not a teacher

Undergraduate / Passion for Economics in Agriculture [3]

I'm not a teacher.

Your second paragraph is strong.

However, your first has a lack of organization.

I think you should re-write it. Instead of being too specific and listing what you have learned. Talk about the opportunity you had as a result of being brought up in the family business. How being around business since your childhood has strengthened your understanding of key concepts in economics. And, how this opportunity has developed your passion for economics.

hope this helps

Graduate / "a contribution to society" - Physician Assistant Application - Personal Statement [4]

I'm not a teacher.

Very good! And, I just wanted to say I admire not just your but the medical field as a whole for their contributions to human-kind.

Back on topic.


You should re-write what is in red because it does not follow the tone set for the rest of your essay.


Just a suggestion, short and sweet.


In the bolded you leave an answered, or open, question about who the "close friend" is. You do not address who the friend belongs to. If, it is your friend then say, "...to find out that my close friend.." or, "..to find out that her close friend.."


Hope this helped, good luck.

Essays / Introduction for a 6000-word essay. How many words? [10]

I'm not a teacher.

Do you have a copy of the prompt or question you're answering?

On average a 5 page essay is about 1500 words. 8-9 paragraphs give or take.

1000 word long intro would mean you are writing one paragraph that is almost 5 pages long.

Intro paragraphs answer three questions:

1) Issue: What am I writing about?

2) Main ideas: What are the main ideas/concepts?

3) Thesis: What am I proving?

hope this helps, good luck

Writing Feedback / Both movies and television has great influence on people. [3]

I'm not a teacher.

There are some grammatical errors but your essay still has a flow. A more organized way of answering the question, How does television influence people's behavior, is connecting your main ideas.

For example, you write, "In my opinion, we may learn morals form TV, may imitate actors' or actresses' wearing style, and also use the same scripts we heard from soap operas."

These may be different ways television inlfuences people but you could connect them by talking about their impact on viewers, or society. When you talk about people learning morals from watching television you could talk about why this may or may not be a good thing. Should people learn morals from television, is it a healthy resource for morals or just education?

This is just an example, it would add some depth.

Writing Feedback / Morality of Vegetarianism Persuasive Essay [4]

I'm not a teacher.

I wanted to know if there was a specific question or prompt you were answering. Or, if it was just an opinion paper?

Scholarship / Difference between "Personal Statement" and "Research Objective" [4]

I'm not a teacher.

The first question is asking you to write about goals, and objectives you wish to accomplish in school. How you will prepare yourself in order to succeed and why you will succeed.

The second question is asking you to talk about your past achievements and accomplishments, that led up to this. Talk about how you've worked and prepared to get to where you are now. Preperations or opportunities you took

Good luck