Undergraduate / How a bike's nature is similar to contemporary society and I [NEW]

A New Bike

It should be 1000-1500 words long

My current essay: As the sun appears on the horizon, it shines light on a man's new, fiber-glass bike that sits on his front porch. The man approaches the bike and decides to bike along the picturesque mountain trails near his home. As he's biking, the bike provides him with balance and allows him to move swiftly through the rough terrain with ease because of its light, ergonomic structure. Since the bike is new, it also gives the biker a peaceful state of mind knowing that the bike will not break. He then comes across a steep incline, and although he knows it will be arduous to go up the incline, he attempts it because the bike has the capability to do so. As he's going up, his heart races and his legs become achingly sore. Although hope seems to be in abyss, he finds the willpower to push forward; he knows that life can break him down into despair, but not giving up gives him the opportunity to achieve his highest potential. Both society and I share the physical characteristics that this bike has, which are: balance, the ability to quickly react to any given situation, and reliability. Just as the bike goes forward without stopping, when both society and I set forth to accomplish something, we too go forward and never quit in the process.

The way in which I relate to the balanced nature of this bike is that I have a balanced social and academic life. Having a balanced life is an integral moral that I follow. I believe that it's inappropriate to devote all of my time to social interaction, because this can jeopardize my success as a student, but I also believe that only focusing on studying will not make me a well-rounded individual in life. Also, just like a new bike has the ability to smoothly go around rocks and sharp turns on the road because of its light, efficient structure, I too, when presented with obstacles in life, am able to quickly react and resolve these obstacles. A recent example of this is when I almost got into a car crash a week ago. I was driving and came up to a four-way intersection. Right when I was about to cross the street, a car was suddenly heading towards me from the opposite direction. Without panicking, I immediately stopped, making sure that there were no pedestrians in sight, and avoided a near collision. Furthermore, just like a new bike is reliable and gives its rider confidence that it will not break, I too am reliable because people can always count on me to help them with a difficult dilemma they are facing. A recent example of this was when my friend was having difficulty coping with the loss of his grandfather. He called me saying that he could not focus on his schoolwork and asked for guidance on what to do. I came over to his dorm and spent the whole night with him, explaining that everything would be alright with time and a sense of hope. Because I was there for him, he had an easier time recovering from his tragic loss.

Our contemporary society is also similar to a bike's physical nature, as it is balances the power of government over the economy and the relationship between work and life. The balance between governmental powers over the economy is achieved through the mixed economic system. In this system, both market forces and government decisions determine which goods and services are produced and how they're distributed. Although the market has a strong influence, the government provides integral services with the money it creates, such as: national defense, assistance programs for low-income families, and interstate highways. In our contemporary society, because people are now more aware of the detrimental effects of a compulsive work ethic, they have made sure to create equilibrium between the quality of their life vs. time devoted to work. Reasons such as: not having time to spend with family and having relationships with loved ones deteriorate made people realize that this balance is essential.

After talking about how society is similar to a bike's physical nature in terms of being balanced, in this paragraph I want to talk about how society is reliable like a new bike in terms of the set of established laws.

Also, just as a bike goes forward with momentum and does not stop, in my life, I too push through difficulties and never give up, even when all hope seems to be lost, because as Thomas Edison stated: " I am not discouraged because every wrong attempt discarded is a step forward." An example of this was when I persevered through the toughest educational period of my life: Junior year. During this time, I found myself immersed in stress due to the pressure of achieving high marks on all assigned work. Every night I would go into my room, lock the door, and would do my work until it had been completed. Often times, I felt like giving up if I didn't understand something, and although I was calm on the outside, I was living in utter hell on the inside. Nonetheless, I never quit because I knew how important this year was in terms of being accepted into college. Another example of my relentless ambition is when my parrot was lost and I searched day and night in order to find him. It happened last year when my sister decided to take him out into the sun because she thought he didn't have enough freedom. However, she forgot that his wings weren't clipped and when a truck zoomed by, he flew off into the neighboring forest. I was astonished to hear this and immediately, without any shoes on, ran into the forest to find him. I endlessly searched for hours, but there was no trace of him. I desperately screamed his name "Numa," but there wasn't a response. It was almost night-time and my father said it was impossible to find him. I disagreed. I then realized that I had to make a very loud noise in order to find, and I did just that. To my surprise, it worked and eventually we retrieved him from a tree. By never giving up, my ambition prevailed.

The nature of our society also portrays the ongoing momentum of a new bike. Our society continually strives to achieve new heights in technological advancements for the purpose of making peoples' lives easier; if society cannot find a solution, they continue researching until a solution is acquired. An example of our society's nature to continually move forward with technology, going passed assumed limits, is the advancement we've made in curing major forms of cancer with revolutionized techniques and innovative technology. Unlike before, we now have less invasive and more accurate surgery with the help of nanotechnology. We have improved ways to deliver radiation therapy without damaging healthy cells. We also have more knowledge about proteins, genes, and cells, which allows us to understand the true basis of cancerous formation-this will guide us in the direction of creating better methods of treatment. Due to the brilliant research scientists, incidence rates have fallen (provide exact number). Yet even with the achievements we've made, society is continually exploring better methods of treatment and hopes to create a permanent solution for this debilitating disease. Another example of technological advancement is the ways we've found to sustain the environment. Examples such methods are (). Society is still committing to find better sustainable energy sources with current research.

My concerns for what I have written so far: I feel that my introductory paragraph, where I'm describing a biking experience, doesn't smoothly connect with my thesis. The thesis is: Both society and I share the physical characteristics that this bike has, which are: balance, the ability to quickly react to any given situation, and reliability. Just as the bike goes forward without stopping, when both society and I set forth to accomplish something, we too go forward and never quit in the process.

It's wrong that I say a bike goes forward without stopping, correct? Technically, the biker is the one that propels the bike forward, but the point at which I'm trying to get is that because it is a new, generation bike, it travels faster and smoother. How do I make the point of how both I and society go forward without stopping like a new bike?

Also, are my transitions from one paragraph to the other smooth?

Please critique my essay and provide helpful insight, thank you.

Book Reports / Was Hamlet truly insane--A look into the mind of Hamlet that proves otherwise [NEW]

Hello. This essay's main point is that Hamlet was indeed sane, but feigned his madness as part of his lucrative plan to attain vengeance for his father's murder. I know it's long, but please read through it to see if everything is logically placed, and help me to make it flow better. I also think that I don't go against the opposite point of view as much as I should have. Thank you very much :)

Hamlet's Sanity

In William Shakespeare's Hamlet, many are forced to assume that the protagonist has indeed gone insane due to his incredibly convincing portrayal of a mad man at various points during the play. However, the manner in which Hamlet deals with one tragedy after another, the way he shows rationality and level headiness even in the face of immense ordeal and the fashion in which he legitimately feigns madness in order to attain vengeance for his father's murder over Claudius suggest otherwise.

It is important to point out that the reason why Hamlet acted this way is because of the tragic occurrence of his father's death. Anyone who has ever lost a loved one may be able to relate with the difficulty of dealing with all the circumstances that accompany such a tragic event. This becomes evident right away when Hamlet reflects upon the prospect of suicide in the first soliloquy of the play.

- Gertrude married Claudius
-death of Ophelia
Should I include these two topics that prove my point that after such tragic ocurrances where his mother marries his uncle and when Ophelia dies that anyone would be upset, and not be mad ? Does it connect with my main point well?

Hamlet gets the idea of feigning insanity from Horatio's warning when he meets his father's spirit. "What if it tempts you toward the flood, my lord, Or to the dreadful summit of the cliff That beetles o'er his base into the sea, And there assume some other horrible form Which might deprive your sovereignty of reason, And draw you into madness?" (I.4.69-74) When he speaks to Horatio, he states: ""How strange or odd soe'er I bear myself, As I perchance hereafter shall think meet To put an antic disposition on..." (II.1.170-179) Even though the effectiveness of this strategy could be debated, one thing is for certain. The reason why he decided to put on this "antic disposition" had nothing to do with his mental state but everything to do with his rational personality. Only a sane man could devise such a thought-out, rational plan.

Hamlet plan of claiming madness allows him to express his feelings, formulate new plans, and to gain information, while keeping people from taking his actions seriously, in order to eventually kill Claudius. Hamlet's act of feigning madness allows him to speak his mind behind the guise of insanity, so that no one would be suspicious of him. During the play, hamlet does just this when he blatantly states sexual remarks towards Ophelia: "That's a fair thought toile between maids' legs (3.2.125)." By expressing his feelings, he can get reactions from Gertrude and Claudius, and this is just what he wants. In the case with Polonius in the fishmongeror scene he states: "You cannot, take from me anything that I will more willingly part withal (2.2.233)." This allows Hamlet to vent some of his true feelings in relative safety without fear of suspicion or reprisal. Furthermore, Hamlet uses his madness as an excuse, a part of his apology, towards Laertes for murdering Polonius. An insane man would not be able to contrive such thoughts. In all of the above instances, Hamlet's pretended madness is to not only throw them off of his "scent" in the "hunt" between Claudius and Hamlet, but it also allows Hamlet to insult them all, making it seem like he has a "fevered brain."

On the other hand, Hamlet acts perfectly sane when acting insane is unnecessary. When he talks to Horatio about watching Claudius for signs of guilt during the play, he says "Give him heedful note, for I mine eyes will rivet his face, and, after, we will both our judgments join in censure of his seeming (3.2.87)." A madman would not have had the foresight, reason, or possibly even care, to think in this very organized fashion. Hamlet simply did not have reason to act insane with Horatio, since it was his close friend, who in fact was intelligent enough to distinguish between false/true madness. Also, when he is explaining to the players how to act, he is organized and natural sounding. For example, he asks "You could, for a need, study a speech of some dozen or sixteen lines, which I would set down and insert in 't, could you not (2.2.565)?" His question is direct and simple as all his instructions are, and it seems that the player not only understands completely, but also is comfortable with Hamlet and what he asks. It is much more plausible that a sane man could play an insane one, than an insane man could play a sane one, and so reason would deem Hamlet sensible.

Most importantly, not only does Hamlet display his intellectuality and quick wits in discussions, he also shows his ability to use his intelligence in practical terms. When his madness blurs reality and shrouds truth, Claudius decides to send Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to find out what "unknown afflicts [Hamlet] thus (II.ii.17)." When he speaks to them, not only is Hamlet clever enough to realize their true purpose for visiting, he tells them he is not really mad - in a manner that would be considered insane! "I am but mad north-north-west. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw. (2.2.401)." The expression regarding how he "know a hawk from a handsaw"(II, ii, 378) could be a reference to the saying "to know a hawk from a hernshaw"; to be able to make fine distinctions, or it could represent the difference between his friends, the hawks, which are valuable companions, and handsaws, which are merely tools. This is supported in that Hamlet acted quite normally when Rosencrantz and Guildenstern first showed up, only beginning to act mad when he became suspicious that his former friends were present only to spy on him. Hamlet is able to toy with his two friends through his illusory madness and, thus, free from their questioning, able to maintain the secrecy of his thoughts and goals. Later, he is even able to have them killed in his place using his father's seal, through method cunning for even a sane man, let alone an insane one.

Throughout the play, many characters hint at Hamlet's sanity or at least doubt it to some extent, but for their own reasons, they play along with his insanity. When Ophelia quickly rushes to tell Polonius that Hamlet has intruded her private quarters, Polonius assumes that the root of Hamlet's madness is love: "This is the very ecstasy of love, whose violent property fordoes itself..." He then proclaims it the king: "Your noble son is mad. Mad call I it; for, to define true madness, What is't but to be nothing else but mad?" Yet in the fishmongeror scene, Polonius proclaims to himself: "Though this be madness, yet there is method in't (II. ii.203-4.)." This shows that Hamlet was indeed not mad, but that Polonius simply wanted to be in the royal family's inner-circle, as a ticket to remain close to Claudius. The king also portrays Hamlet sane when he states: "Love? His affections do not that way tend/Nor what he spake, though it lacked form a little, /Was not like madness. There's something in his soul/O'er which his melancholy sits on brood/And I do doubt the hatch and the disclose (III,i,176-180)." Yet for his own wicked purpose, he declares him a madman, as an excuse to send him to England since he knows that the people of Denmark love hamlet and that if he kills hamlet in a brief period of madness, he will be up for questioning and his country will turn on him.

After the "mouse trap" play mentioned above, Hamlet is summoned by Gertrude. Realizing fully well how strongly he feels about her getting involved with Claudius, he urges himself to remain as non-physical as possible and not let his emotions take over. "I will speak daggers to her, but use none; my tongue and soul will in this be hypocrites" (Act III, Scene II, 387-388). In the next scene, after killing Polonius who was hiding behind the curtains and encountering the ghost of his father, he does not see the need to act insane anymore and tells his mother everything. In order to prove his sanity, he tells his mother everything about Claudius's guilt in a manner truer to his own self ("...it is not madness that I have utter'd; bring me to the test, and I the matter will re-word, which madness would gambol from" Act III, Scene IV, 143-146) and also asks his mother for forgiveness if he had hurt her in any way ("Forgive me this my virtue, for in the fatness of these pursy times virtue itself of vice must pardon beg..." Act III, Scene IV, 154-156). This is a testament to his sanity since its shows that he is able to act like himself even in the heat of the moment. Although he tells her all of this, she does not profess his sanity, but I believe she sees what is really ailing her son: a broken heart, not a broken mind. This all points to the fact that Hamlet was indeed sane based on the observations of others, but they choose to hide the truth for their own personal reasons, or to simply get rid of him and send him off to England.

Furthermore, unlike an insane individual, Hamlet shows his ability to think rationally. When he is being eavesdropped upon by Claudius, he shows his ability to contemplate in more depth than most people can: ""To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether "tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles...With this regard, their currents turn awry, and lose the name of action (Act III, Scene I, 58-89)." The complexity and the amount of issues addressed within this now famous soliloquy gives one as good a glimpse within his psyche as any speech or dialogue in the play. Furthermore, when he realizes his father's ghost may have been a devil in disguise, he plans to watch the "conscious of the king" during the play to see if his madness was genuine. "I'll have these players play something like the murder of my father before mine uncle. I'll observe his looks; I'll tent him to the quick...The spirit that I have seen may be a devil... (2.2.623)." Hamlet is sane in his thinking. He measures the "pros and cons" of his situation, and although at this point he appears mad to most everyone, he is most definitely sane in thought.

Many scholars point to scenes which they think truly show signs of Hamlet's madness, but when looking at the textual evidence closely, it is unlikely so. For example, when Ophelia states: "Ungart'red, and down-gyved to his ankle; Pale as his shirt, his knees knocking each other, And with a look so piteous in purport As if he had been loosed out of hell To speak of horrors- he comes before me (2:1:87)," this most likely happened because he was sad and began to think Ophelia was not trustworthy, and not pure madness. When Hamlet was with Horatio, the gatekeeper, or the actors, he never showed any of these "odd dress, unordinary facial expressions" as Ophelia mentioned before, proving that he was sane. Another example that many see Hamlet as being insane is when Hamlet speaks of his father's ghost in front of Gertrude while she can't see it: "No, nothing but ourselves...this the very coinage of your brain./ This bodiless creation ecstasy/Is very cunning in..." (3.4, 134-139). Yet in the beginning of the play, Horatio, Marcellus, and Bernado give credibility to the Ghost's existence. When Horatio states: "Before my god, I might not believe this without the sensible and true avouch of mine own eyes," (I.1.56-58) this is evident. Also, the ghost makes a statement to see only Hamlet, and this is also why Gertrude may have not seen it. If the spirit were simply a fabrication of his imagination, than there would be no explanation for Hamlet's knowledge of his father's murder.

Finally, further evidence of Hamlet's insanity is shown when one compares him with someone who is truly deranged, such as Ophelia became after Hamlet spoke angrily to her and her father died. She began to sing and speak nonsensically, with only "half sense: her speech is nothing"(IV, v, 7), without any of the hidden meaning that characterized Hamlet's seeming-nonsensicality. Whereas Ophelia has become deranged, Hamlet carries on a rational progression throughout all of his actions and words.

Undergraduate / "Create a sin for Dante's Inferno"--Conformity. [2]

The approximate length for this essay is 3 pages, but mine is 4. Please help with making it more succinct, and if there are any grammar errors, please tell me. Thank you.

Along a flight, down towards hell by the Great Cliff of Zion, Shakespeare and his poet friend see a serene waterfall amidst the dark terrain. As they descend toward the barren ground of the forest, they see towering mirror gates across an antiquated wooden bridge. In the midst of air, arises a dimensional entity that both the poets are fond of: Socrates. Transfixed in his wooden seat, he decides if one shall pass and see the sinners that sojourn. The poets notice that the mirrors show everyone as the same dull reflection and then a peculiar thing occurs: the poets must answer a clever riddle in order to pass the towering gates. With faith and fortune, they properly answer the riddle and pass.

As the foreboding forest looms past them, they see the CONFORMISTS, and just how in life they denied God's gift of individuality having changed who they were in mind & soul, so they are removed from his warmth and are faceless. As they blindly followed leaders in life, so they are forced to comply with the demon's wishes; if one does not, then all must suffer harrowing pain in the thorny vineyard which is symbolic of their sin. The poet is then tempted to sin (symbolic of his guilt), but Shakespeare urges him to put faith in the Holy Spirit, for she will purify him of his wicked thoughts. She does when she descends from Heaven's lights.

The poets pass on to another fosse, as they see a vineyard with the agonizing screams of the Nazi's: those who blindly followed Adolf Hitler, for they believed he was their faithful savior who would shine light upon their life, giving them prosperity. Having done so, they committed mass genocide, leaving the souls of innocent Women and children to perish in cruel ways. Here, they must be faceless and endure agonizing pain in the vineyard of which they are incased. Having gotten consent from Shakespeare, Dante speaks with these sinners and portrays his thoughts on them in a poetic way.

The Nazis writher in pain, having heard the poet's sharp words, but wishes for the poet to portray their fame on earth. The poet's pride, however, relinquishes them of their pleas. As he leaves the unforgiving forest with Shakespeare to whence they came, the poet no longer sees a dull reflection in the mirrors, but sees himself, since he overcame his sin. In the end, the poets come upon a philosophical thought: will time tell if society can heed their advice, or will they be cast away into the dark abyss here, where god's light does not shine?

As I and Shakespeare wistfully traversed down the flight towards Hell by the Great Cliff of Zion, a tranquil and serene water fall slowly trickled down, sparkling brilliantly amidst the dark terrain. It would bring euphoria to anyone seeing its sight, but as time would only tell, a glimpse of the forest to come would turn this into a grotesque scene.

As we trotted along the cold forest ground, we had noticed towering mirror gates across a long wooden bridge. Then what we saw was not of truth, for in the midst of air, formed a dimensional entity of oddly form. I turned to my guide and asked, "Is that a philosopher of which I know?" "He is Socrates; he resides here for in life he was against conformity, so here he judges the conformists, and deems worthy of people who wish to pass the gates and see the sinners that reside," said Shakespeare.

As Socrates came into view, I was met with a question: "What fortune brings this rosy-skinned earthly being here? Has the times of sands turn a sill for him, who is sentenced to eternal punishment?" Shakespeare answered: "he wishes to obtain wisdom from these sinners, to pass onto earth."

"If the poet wishes to pass," said Socrates with a cat's clever grin, "he must answer an age-old riddle. The riddle is: if you bringeth a leader to a group, will it be just for the group to act like blinded sheep, or shall they go the cricket's way and use cleverness to outsmart the leader?"

Both Shakespeare and the poet answered with the cricket's way, and Socrates let them pass. As the poet came up to the mirror gates, he saw a gray, lifeless reflection of himself-- Chills went down his spine. As they walked along the barren forest ground, they were met with a terrifying sight: faceless men and women tangled together in a green vineyard, feeling the excruciating pain of their conscious mind. If one sinner did not comply with the wishes of the demon guarding them, then all would moan in unison agony.

Seeing discontent in the poet's eyes, Shakespeare said in a soothing voice: "I know you worry of being cast here, for you have conformed in life, but rest assure, these sinners reside here for they changed who they were in mind and soul, forsaking God's gift of individuality, believing they needed guidance in life. You have the chance to repent, and by having faith in Christ, you will not see the dark light of this abyss.

"My guide, I will heed your advice, as I believe it will bring great fortune and bliss into my life, having witnessed the agony that the conformists have to endure for eternity," said the poet. As they walked over the dead leaves strewn on the ground, with the howling wind blowing past them, something peculiar happened. "My guide, my mind has fallen down a dark path, for I cannot see God's light, what is happening to me?" asked the poet. "The blasphemy of this sanctuary has affected you deeply, for you have tempted to conform and must endure a punishment," said Shakespeare.

"You must call upon the Holy Spirit, for it will obscure you of your senseless thoughts and make your heart as pure as that of an innocent child in the midst of a beautiful autumn day, if you want to end your pain. As a man of morale, you should stay strong, for it is a virtue."

A beautiful sound arose in the gray forest that we were in: the arrival of the Holy Spirit who heard my prayers. As she descended down the Great Cliff and past the tranquil fall, all Hell's sinners were awe struck and speechless in fear. As she came near me, she said, "Let my energy of love flow through you, as it will cleanse you of wickedness and you will be anew." She then departed to the Heavens, and I felt sane once more. "My guide, I put my life in your hands now for our bond of trust is strong," said the poet.

The moaning sounds of the forest taunted us, as we walked along the path with dead leaves crackling beneath our feet with withering light. Then, all things were silent for we only heard our own steady breaths as we came upon a terrifying view that still haunts me today: a vineyard extracted from beauty with faceless sinners tangled upon one another, screaming with excruciating pain as their conscious minds dissipated into nothiness.

"My guide," I cried, "Who are these faceless souls?" Shakespeare said, "These are the Nazis, who were led by a disturbed individual named Adolf Hitler, who blind to reality, denounced the Israelites of being the root cause of Germany's Economic turmoil.

Without a slightest protest, the Nazis truly believed Hitler would shine light upon their path and give them prosperity as a branch, to grow. His image resonated with them as that of a faithful savior. These blinded followers committed mass genocide, leaving the souls of women and children to perish in uncivilized, cruel ways."

"My guide, do not deny me to speak with these sinners, for I wish to portray my philosophy to them." "Since what you ask is worthy of cause, I permit you to do as you please," said Shakespeare. Letting go my fear, I entered the vineyard, and summoned a sinner to speak with me.

"You shall wither in this sanctuary for what you did in life
Something inescapable is lost
Lost like a pale vapor curling up into shafts of moonlight,
Vanishing in a gust of wind, immeasurable and void.
I speak of the souls that are devoid of tears
I speak of the souls whose cries cannot be heard amidst the silent fall
I speak of the souls whose dreams you relinquished at the tip of your hand
There are little left of them, but their agonizing screams will resonate with me forever.
A beautiful field of roses is lost and only angels can calm them, thanks to your doing. Can you justify your cause?"

The sinner said, "I cut their wings, and did not let them have the freedom of flying, for my fuheres words ringed a chime within me. Ashes to ashes dust to dust I say, for your words do not spark a change within me. Make amends with the world to know my name and my brethren as well. Leave now, you pitiful fool, and may you get lost in the dark forest, and feel the strife I feel."

As both Shakespeare and I stepped back, the conformist was stretched from limb to limb by the thorny vines, and convulsed in indignation and agony as his face vanished within.

And so Shakespeare and I walked out of the vineyards which caused us internal grief, and as we hesitantly walked towards the towering mirrors, I noticed a peculiar thing: I saw a vivid reflection of my true self, and an overwhelming sense of joy rushed through me. We then went back from whence we came, past the dark terrain, past the tranquil and serene waterfall and its beauty, and up the Great Cliff of Zion, forever leaving this dark abyss which has no truth in faith, but only that of certain misery.

Yet, a peculiar thought came to bear on our hearts: "O Time! Thou who puts its hand on sorrow's wound, will thou show hope at last for my bitter tears that today's children will peacefully smile today and not conform to society's will, or will thou shower upon unforgiving rain, showing that the rosebuds of hope will die today, portraying that our society is doomed to reside here, among the dark vineyards?"

Lest we put faith in Christ, our Lord, that the children of society will see the brighter side and not give in, to the soulless dark.

Undergraduate / "An interest in History always grows."--Undergrad essay [5]

Hello, to whom may be reading this. Please change any words, sentences, and grammar/punctuation that you feel is in need for change for a better essay, thank you.

My passion for History came from my A.P. U.S. History teacher, Mr. Frantonius. His unique and innovative approach toward history made his lessons come alive. During a discussion on the political rifts John Adams went through in Congress, instead of reading direct sayings by John Adams, he would put his own spin on what they would say today. For John Adams it would be: "remove yourself sir!" directed toward a congressman he was displeased with. Soon we too would mend historical events in our own unique perspective to better comprehend them. During a discussion of V-E Day, my teacher expressed another philosophy: "History has been the blood rushing within our veins that gives life support and reason for people to continue embarking a better chapter of their lives. It is revisiting our glorious past that we can better understand ourselves, developing a culture of patriotism to one's country and origin." My family's past came into mind as I realized the blood, sweat, and tears my own great grandmother had to go through to survive in the war. If she did not take the courageous acts she took, I might not even exist now. History correlates with the present. If it were not for our forefathers and the sacrifices they made, we would not exist. If I attend the University of Iowa, I will be one step closer to teaching this philosophy in the classroom to other students in the hope of them revisiting their own roots.

During a discussion on present-day Israel, Mr. Frantonius mentioned the reasons why Israel is going through its religious war and the factors behind it. Around the same time, my family and I were planning to travel to the heart of Israel: Jerusalem. Before our departure, I researched the history behind Israel within many of its historical sites in order to learn how my roots are connected to the past. When we arrived, the first site we visited was the Western Wall, one we mentioned in class. Yet, in real life it came more alive. Our relatives greeted us there. They discussed how every day can appear as a 911 scene, a living nightmare. This made me realize how the present directly coincides with the past in terms of political and religious toil from King David and biblical times I brushed up on at home.

I came across the University of Iowa for its unique history department. I was drawn by its own philosophy of the breadth history can offer, such as asking questions like: "Why are communities and societies constructed in the ways they are?" and "What legacies have those developments left us to contend with?" These purposeful questions correlated with my own, and I know that by attending the University of Iowa I will be able to uncover these questions with the help of professors like Pat Goodwin, Sheri Jojka, and Barb Robb, those that will help me understand what forces shaped the 21st century and history's past. I can see myself uncovering interesting relics of history in the museum of Natural History, located in Iowa City, for countless hours on end as well. I will make it imperative to share my own experiences of history from Israel with students as well, to hopefully spark an interest in their eyes to uncover their own roots. One saying that sums up the passion I have for history is: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall," stated by Confucius.

This is a edited version of the previous essay with some minor adjustments I made to the beginning and the middle as well. Please help with anything else that is needed in your honest opinion, thank you.

Graduate / Ohio State University-"Chemistry can be a solution to many global problems" [6]

Prompt: Why are you interested in Ohio State University? Limit:300. Right now I have well over that.

A man named Kenichi Fukui once said, "Chemistry itself knows altogether too well that - given the real fear that the scarcity of global resources and energy might threaten the unity of mankind - chemistry is in a position to make a contribution towards securing a true peace on earth." This is completely true and blends in with my philosophy as well. If we do not understand the importance of the fundamental building blocks of life-Chemistry-then our growth of knowledge on how to make the world a cleaner and efficient place through green technologies, biofuels, and innovative medicine will end. Yet if we have radical thinkers then our growth is infinite. I want to be one of those radical thinkers.

My passion for Chemistry originally came from the aspirations my mother once had, but never accomplished. Twenty years ago, my mother was studying molecular science in Odessa, Ukraine. My mother's research project and institution was no longer being funded because during that same year, the Perestroika was happening that was quickly changing the market. The older I became, the more exciting information my mother told me about the goals she once had; her passion ultimately infused into me. I became more aware of what a degree in Chemistry can do for our community, especially in these troubling times of Economics when conserving energy is a crucial task to endeavor & implore.

During my junior year, being a part of the local Science Olympiad and applying many key concepts, along with a Chemistry teacher that brought "bland" points to life through demonstration, my interest in studying Chemistry was reaffirmed. And I knew it would be a viable profession for my future. Around this time, my search for a balanced approach of science education simmered to a standstill when I came across UIUC's chemistry department which focused on tuning analytical skills in areas such as molecular sciences, while also giving opportunities for students to go to a materials research laboratory and experience problem-solving firsthand. With the knowledge I acquire at the University of Illinois and being a part of the club to share my unwavering interests with individuals such as I, I hope to become a Chemical analyst at companies like Nalco or Abbot and apply what I learn from college to hopefully change unsettling rudimentary aspects in our community to make life just a bit easier and efficient.

How can I make my essay stand out more? What am I missing? Grammar/punctuation & shortening would be much appreciated as well! Thank you.

Undergraduate / University of Iowa app-" A stroke has many morals on life" [2]

Prompt: Your personal statement should speak to your academic goals and why you think you will be successful at The University of Iowa. Include any additional information that you feel is important to tell the admissions committee. Examples might be related to academic commitment, extracurricular activities, creative talents, aspirations, family circumstances, opportunities/experiences, factors affecting your academic record, or why you are applying to Iowa.

How can I make my story become more alive and compelling for the reader? Is there anything I should change? Grammar/punctuation tips are also needed, thanks!!

At the University of Wisconsin Madison I hope to immerse myself in the field of medicine and how future technologies and medicines can improve unfortunate lives who have been scarred both mentally and psychically from health problems. This interest came from a devastating stroke my grandfather, Alfred, received during my freshman year that would in turn hinder my GPA.

It was on a Sunday afternoon when I received the call from my grandmother, Galina. "Hello, how are..." she interrupted me. "Eddie, there's something wrong with your grandfather, come quickly." I was speechless and afraid of what I was going to see. I rushed to their apartment as fast as I could. When I arrived, I was in shock to see my usually vibrant grandfather in the state of health he was in. we tried to talk to him, he could not even understand us. His eyes also showed a sense of abnormality. My grandmother and I rushed him to the nearby emergency clinic immediately. When we got there, the nurse took him away. We anxiously waited in the waiting room for the doctor.

A few hours later, the doctor came in the waiting room to discuss exactly what happened to Alfred. He explained to us that Alfred suffered from a cerebellar stroke which would cause abnormal reflex of the head and torso, and other effects as well. I went home speechless that day knowing the fact that my grandmother always insisted that I should visit Alfred more often. She told me that Alfred always seemed to mention me as his only friend that he has here. Most of his friends are in Odessa, Ukraine-his home city. When school started, the only thing I thought about was whether or not my grandfather would be the same man as I knew him; would he remember me? Freshman year should have been a jump-start to my future professional career; it was a time to show my potential of what I was capable of. Unfortunately, due to my depression and loss of appetite, I was unable to perform at my top best due to my worries of my grandfather.

As freshman year came to an end, Alfred got noticeably better. One day, I decided to visit him-to see how he was doing. . When I arrived, he said nothing, and only looked at me with tears in his eyes and patted me on the back. "Thank you he said." I nodded. He asked me how school was going. I couldn't seem to let out a murmur. "Well?" he asked. "I was so worried about you, that I just could not concentrate on my studies as I would have liked to." His smile faded, and he pulled me in closer. "Eddie, I never had the same chance in education as you have now. I know you have the potential, do it for me."

When sophomore year came around the bend, my grandfather's state of health actually motivated me to give it my all in my studies. Throughout the school year, I surprisingly found joy in education and the insights into life it could offer. My grades improved as well. As Aldous Huxley once said, ""There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." This is precisely what I felt at that moment. My junior year was filled with rigorous courses, but I wanted to prove to myself that I have the potential to succeed, and so I did. I had the world on my shoulders thanks to my grandfather helping me realize how important education is. I soon found myself searching for what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I came across the field of medicine in light of my grandfather's incident. I was studying what a stroke was, and if there were any current studies going on to help prevent it. I was thrilled at the research I was finding!

Uni
I am now completely transformed. I have brighter perspectives on life. Yet I know I cannot stop know in learning about the different puzzles out there; I must endeavor greater challenges. If I get a chance to study at the University of Wisconsin, I will make it imperative to continue the success in academia I have started. I know that the University of Madison has an excellent program in medicine and it will help me achieve my goal of eventually becoming a doctor, and find new and innovative ways of improving precautionary steps to hurdles like strokes, heart disease, obesity, and many more. As my grandfather sparked an inspiration in me, I hope I can contribute the same to the u0fm diverse community.

Undergraduate / "My trip to Israel-new perspectives" - Michigan State University app essay [2]

Prompt: discuss an activity or organization that you have participated in or are currently participating in outside of your own cultural group.

The limit is up to 400 words. My essay, however, is 574! I was not able to shorten it, because I felt every sentence had deep meaning. Please help with this, thank you!!!

As we were walking through Tel Aviv, Israel, the aromas of semolina cakes and Burekas overwhelmed us with a yearning to try some. In the market, there were also many brightly-colored orange trees. Kids were having fun, it was a welcoming feeling. This image turned into a dramatic one when my father suspected a man stealing something from my mother's purse. The hair on my hands was standing up, and I felt light-headed. Both my father and the man were screaming at each other in their own languages; a language barrier was set. I was screaming to my dad that the man was merely trying to put back my mother's cell phone that dropped out.

I came about this opportunity to travel to Israel from my own genuine interest to learn about Israel's dynamic culture my relatives talked about when I was younger, and to also learn about Israel's political and economic state as well. While we were driving back to our relative's apartment, I realized that our culture and Israel's are vastly different in terms of traditions and customs. It is crucial to understand these differences before traveling to any country. The assimilation will be easier. While I was in the car, I noticed something peculiar: a beautiful scene of purple orchids. This soothed my mind after the market experience.

The next day, our plans were to go to Jerusalem. Before we left, our relatives warned us of the chaotic scenes; this did not sway us. When we arrived, there was a sign that said "No Crossing!" People were crying in the streets. A bomb had exploded. Our hearts pounded and we were speechless. We also observed a glimpse of poverty, and religious tension as well. I realized that even though two Jews could live thousands of miles apart, they still feel the same patriotic feelings for their country, a closely knit brotherhood. Later on, we observed a festive group of kids dancing to folk music in the middle of the street. This made me realize that these people can find a positive side of life, even though a 911-like scene can happen daily. In Jerusalem, there was also this sense that people valued their religion, unlike any place I've seen on earth.

If I am given the chance to attend Michigan State University, one of my main priorities will be to share my experiences of the Israeli culture, from the violence to the tranquil meadows. In effect, this will allow the students to have a greater awareness of the cultures that make up our world, and how some are less fortunate than others. I would also discuss the ambitions and passions these cultures have in life. In Michigan State University, I would join the xxxx club to contribute both my knowledge and passion. This will allow me to continue my goal of exploring more cultures, and finding unique stories, people, and traditions in each one. I would also become volunteer and leader in the community.

Graduate / U of WM "Enrich our community" admission essay "Cultures teach morals" [4]

As I entered my temporary off-campus home in St. Petersburg Russia, I heeded something peculiar. There was this festival going on near my home. The sounds and smells enchanted me into the festival. As I entered, I noticed many stands selling pancakes, and playing distinctive games. Then it clicked; it was Maslenitsa week! I was thrilled to see what my grandparents had talked about back home. My host explained to me that this was an opportunity for different Slavic people to get together from diverse locations to celebrate a mutual and ancient Russian tradition. Being an active participant in my Russian community and other cultural-bonding events at home is what naturally drew me to this short-term exchange program. I and other short term exchange students from around the globe would have an opportunity to learn more about the heritage of Russia, and also create a stronger network of understanding between our current locations and its cultures as well.

While most of our time in St. Petersburg was spent developing our understanding of Russia's rich culture, it turned out that we were given the opportunity to work for an organization called Habitat for Humanity in the local city of Novgorod. In this service we would renovate apartments in the area that were practically crumbling to the ground, with resourceful materials. When we arrived, it seemed as though a hurricane had hit. The emotions I felt left me speechless. During this service I met a boy named Nattapong from Thailand. We discussed the hardships people faced living in the apartments that we were helping to rebuild, which sparked a conversation on our current cultures as well. He told me exciting traditions of his culture such as: going to the Chiang Mai Flower Festival, participating in visual arts and crafts, and many others. I talked about my location, Chicago Illinois, and its many pastimes, such as: eating hot dogs, going out to baseball games, and xxxx. Even though we lived thousands of miles apart, we had this invisible connection that made us similar in terms of a longing to of understand the people around us. When he heard xxxx, he had no clue about it, since he did not have such an opportunity in his home. From this experience I realized that I wanted to learn more about cultures around the world, and participate in services as I was doing now to make lives easier.

If I am given a chance to join the community at the University of Wisconsin-madison, I would be able to tell students about my experiences in community services I participated in, and also about the rich cultures of Russia and the many others that can in turn help us understand why people have the mentalities they do. I would make it an effort to form a club of my own to influence people who live where they have not inter-mingled with other countries traditions, in the purpose of them feeling the passion, the sadness, the ambitions, the spices that evolve their lives that other countries feel. The exemplary international study abroad program at Madison is one I could contribute both my compassion and knowledge to. At the University of Madison I would not only be a culture major, but a volunteer and leader as well. One quotes, that is said by Andre Malraux, that expresses my desire to understand peoples culture is: "Culture is the sum of all the forms of art, of love, and of thought, which, in the course or centuries, have enabled man to be less enslaved."

Thank you very much for helping me with the grammar/punctuation mistakes. Does my essay effectively answer the prompt in a unique way though? How should I make it more powerful?

Undergraduate / personal/professional goals--"Chemical Engineering"-PURDUE ESSAY [2]

Describe how your Purdue education would support the attainment of your personal and/or professional goals

As I look back into the past through my kaleidoscope, I see someone who was different than most people in terms of interest and worldly understanding. This "kid" is me. I now see something changing in my field of vision, the chemistry is changing, and I see the event that led to my deep interest of the chemical compositions that surround us. In this event, what had happened was that while all of my friends were playing baseball outside, I was carefully examining a live chemical reaction on the kitchen floor: hydrogen peroxide and Iodine. From this moment on, I knew that I wanted to learn more about the chemical world. Now, as I am older, I realize that a University such as Purdue can harbor my interests because of its top of the line education in chemical engineering and its philosophy of excellence as well. I know that Purdue's education is difficult and demanding, but in my life I have solved many problems, both educational and life problems as well, and I feel that Purdue will only help me obtain my goal of becoming a chemical engineer.

When I look back through my kaleidoscope, I realize that I have had many academic challenged that have shaped me to who I am now. One particular challenge was obtaining the scholar's award for excellence in chemistry. Unlike many students in my class, I not only learned what was required of me, but I went far and beyond and bought books on chemistry and how vital it is to understand what our world's composition is. If I will be admitted to Purdue University, I will plan to also truly learn what I am being taught, and I know Purdue will have educators that will make sure I understand the concepts and that I will be able to apply it in real life. If there's anything I like more than understanding concepts of chemistry, it is the actual hands on experience. When I had my campus tour, I had the luxury to go into the biomedical building and see what the labs consisted of and what opportunities many of the students had. With the equipment that was available. The reason why this is crucial for me is because many jobs in the chemical engineering world require an understanding of how to apply the knowledge of what is taught in the classroom to the lab as well.

As I look into my nostalgic past through my kaleidoscope, I see all of the social problems I faced as a child. One particular event was in the summer of 2001. I was walking in the scorching sun to the swing set in the school park, when two indulgent boys came up to me and threw me into a cold unforgiving pole. I screamed for a teacher to help me, but no luck. I did not feel safe in school. As I grew up, I persevered through such instances, and I learned to control the situation. I know that if I attend Purdue, there will be no such problems because it offers a sense of community-individuals that will help you in any situation you are in. this will only help me obtain my personal goal of getting to know people better as well.

Purdue will also allow me to obtain my goal of becoming a Chemical Engineer with the modern programs they have as well. In the past decade, there has been a tremendous growth of green technology, and chemistry is a big part of that, and I want to be part of that green revolution, and I know only Purdue will help me achieve that. With a degree of Chemical engineering from Purdue, I plan to research methods of having more green renewable resources that will ultimately make the lives of people easier and simpler. As I begin to realize what the future can hold for me Purdue University, slowly, but surly, do I lose hold of my childhood kaleidoscope and the memories along with it. Yet, those memories will always stay with me in my life, both how I understood how important education is, and how my personal life can change as well. I am sure that with those memories, the education and social life of Purdue University will only help me obtain my goals for the future-one being to show to people that chemistry is not just some high school course that you take for granted, but it can only transform the lives of people through green energies and other methods as well. I know that Purdue will make me more of a responsible adult, and I will only continue to excel in education on to my path towards a fulfilling college career. I look forward to joining Purdue University and contributing my personality on campus and my diligent work effort in the classroom. Purdue is a wonderful school and I would be very grateful to be a part of the 2012 freshman class. I hope to achieve my top goals in life through Purdue University and their well respected degree in chemical engineering.

1. Is the essay good?(will it stand out from all of the others).
2. Is it organized properly?(does it flow smoothly as you read).
3. What else is needed in the essay or is not needed?
Please help with these points, thank you.