Undergraduate / 'true lover of nature' - Pomona: Something You've done for fun and why [3]

Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

I'm not sure if I took the right approach on this one; I kind of recycled a different essay and added a few things. Tell me what you think.

I have lived in San Luis Obispo, California since I was five years old. I was lucky to grow up in a safe community where I could spend entire afternoons wreaking havoc on rollerblades or cruising around on bikes with the other neighborhood kids. I learned to be independent and to take advantage of the environment that I lived in. Every part of living on the Central Coast was an opportunity and an adventure for me and as I grew up, more and more opened up for me. I spent my weekends embarking on outdoor excursions with friends-camping, hiking, exploring the area-and I became a true lover of nature.

Throughout high school I tried to take advantage of everything that my hometown offered me. I ran cross-country and track, I played soccer, I played tennis, and I swam. I snowboarded in the winter and surfed with friends during the rest of the year, and I had a summer job working at a local beach for a Junior Lifeguards program. I love being outdoors, so that's what I dedicated a lot of my time to. This year I spent almost three weeks of my summer sleeping in a sleeping bag. For a week it was in a tent with my best friend in Big Sur, California. We spent our days hiking, biking, and floating down the river and our evenings eating canned beans and hot dogs cooked over the fire. Another week was on an air mattress under the stars when I went with my family and two other families that I've grown up with on our traditional yearly camping trip. For a few days it was on the patio of my aunt's beach house, where every once in a while a big wave would crash up against the deck and wake me up with a spray of sea water to the face. She wanted me to teach my cousins how to surf and I was more than happy to sacrifice a little sleep to teach them something that I wish I could have learned at such a young age.

If growing up in San Luis Obispo has taught me anything, it's that the little things in life are the ones that really count. I spent my time outdoors because it was something I enjoyed doing; it provided me with fun things to do year-round, but these fun activities also taught me a lot about myself. Being exposed to so much natural beauty and living this so called "SLO life" has given me different priorities than many. I know that the things I enjoy most-going to the beach, standing on the top of a mountain, going on a run through the vineyards, and spending time with the people who are important to me-come for free. Knowing this gives me the confidence to take a chance and pursue a career in something I am passionate about. I've always been really interested in English, I love music, and I'd do anything to have a job that would allow me to work outdoors, but I've heard time and time again that it's difficult to maintain or even find a stable career in those fields. But I've grown up following my heart, and doing the things I love, and I don't plan on stopping now. Even if things start out slow, I will be doing something that makes me happy. I will always be able to give back to the community that has played such a big part in shaping me into the person I am today, and I've realized that in the end my community is what's really important to me.

Undergraduate / Letter to the Minister of Education, Italy--CMC supplement essay [3]

Prompt:Choose someone whom you consider to be a leader. Suppose you are this person's primary advisor. How would you advise this person and why?

I'm considering cutting the bolded paragraph. Any input on that or other advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

In 2010, the Corruption Perception Index ranked Italy the fourth most corrupt country in the European Union. Hopefully Berlusconi's recent step down from office will help turn around this country's increasingly corrupt government and unstable economy, but I think that Italy's educational system will need more reform than almost anything. In November 2011 the Italian government selected a new Minister of Education, Francesco Profumo, and if he is serious about improving the current system he has a lot of work ahead of him.

Dear Francesco Profumo:
Last year I studied abroad in southern Italy and I had the opportunity to experience an Italian education firsthand. When my host mom drove me to school on my first day, she pointed out a run-down structure next to the school with two walls and no roof. She told me that it was supposed to be a new gym for the school, but they ran out of funding half way through building it and never finished. She said government officials pocketed a lot of the money that was supposed to go to schools because they knew nobody could do anything about it. This perception needs to be changed. Italian citizens need to realize that they have to stand up to these government discrepancies if they ever want anything to change. You are the new leader and the new voice that Italy needs to stand up against this injustice and put the educational system back on its feet.

The educational system is outdated. We are in an era where religion shouldn't be required as a mandatory school subject. You can't expect all of your students to share the same, Roman Catholic beliefs anymore. Requiring that religion is taught but banning the mere mention of politics just isn't realistic anymore. The youth needs to be educated in current events. They need to know what is going on in their own country so that they can grow up and make a real difference. If you continue teaching only from the textbooks, Italy will never get out of this rut of corruption and instability. You teach your students to be proud of their roots and of the great Roman Empire that once ruled the world, yet you continue to let them fall behind due to the lack of funding and an outdated educational system. If you want to get through to the students, you need to inspire the teachers. They feel so restricted by the curriculum and the extremely difficult end-of-fifth-year-exams that they have resorted to teaching in a way that makes it almost impossible to get good grades. Teachers lecture for their entire class period, and then they expect the students to go home and memorize, almost word for word, everything that they have learned from the textbook, and then spout it off in front of the entire class. This isn't an effective way of teaching, and the students absolutely hate it. Students should be inspired by the things they learn at school, but instead they feel discouraged.

The educational system needs you to step up and be a leader right now. Go on school visits so you can see for yourself what is going on. Talk to the teachers and find out what they think needs to be changed, and then take action from there. In my opinion, the fifth-year-exams need to be changed, and then the curriculum should be changed respectively. Perhaps give student the opportunity to choose some of their classes rather than requiring that every student takes every subject and passes it. You have to adjust things so that the students don't feel so discouraged by school. Not everyone learns in the same way, and not everyone can excel in every subject, so giving students some choice in their classes or maybe even offering advanced courses as well as more basic courses will allow students to have their own personal needs catered to, and in turn they will have a better experience at school.

In 2008, Berlusconi tried to deal with the global recession by making heavy cuts in funding to public schools and universities. You need to fight to get that funding back. Public schools, in the south particularly, are run down and lacking overall in resources and staff. I attended a Liceo Scientifico, which is supposedly one of the best types of secondary schools and focuses on math and sciences, yet my school was lacking the resources to teach both of those subjects. We had no lab equipment, so rather than doing experiments in chemistry we looked at pictures of experiments or were told to look up lab videos at home. The blackboard in my classroom was broken in half, so our math teacher usually printed off copies of the notes because she didn't have enough room to write them on the board. It's wrong that the best students choose to attend these scientific schools that are supposed to prepare them for their exams and for University, yet many of them don't pass their final exams because they weren't prepared well enough-either because they didn't have the resources or their teachers didn't cover all of the necessary information.

Mariastella Gelmini was the Minister of Education for the last three years, and things only went downhill in the education department. It's time for a change. Italy's future depends on its youth, and without a good education they won't be able to accomplish much of anything. The schools need funding, and they need reform and in order to accomplish anything, someone needs to step up and lead the people to fight for what they deserve.

Undergraduate / 'doing something that makes me happy' - Yale: tell us more about yourself [4]

the prompt is basically tell us something about yourself that we won't get out of your app. Let me know what you think.

I have lived in San Luis Obispo, California since I was five years old. I was lucky to grow up in a safe community where I could spend entire afternoons wreaking havoc on rollerblades or cruising around on bikes with the other neighborhood kids. I learned to be independent and to take advantage of the environment that I lived in. As I grew up, more and more opportunity opened up for me. I spent my weekends embarking on outdoor excursions with friends-camping, hiking, exploring the area-and I became a true lover of nature. This year I spent almost three weeks of my summer sleeping in a sleeping bag. For a week it was in a tent with my best friend in Big Sur, California. We spent our days hiking, biking, and floating down the barely rushing excuse for a river and our evenings eating canned beans and hot dogs cooked over the fire. Another week was on an air mattress under the stars when I went with my family and two other families that I've grown up with on our traditional yearly camping trip. For a few days it was on the patio of my aunt's beach house, where every once in a while a big wave would crash up against the deck and wake me up with a spray of sea water to the face. She wanted me to teach my cousins how to surf and I was more than happy to sacrifice a little sleep to teach them something that I wish I could have learned at such a young age.

If growing up in San Luis Obispo has taught me anything, it's that the little things in life are the ones that really count. Being exposed to so much natural beauty and living this so called "SLO life" has given me different priorities than many. I know that the things I enjoy most-going to the beach, standing on the top of a mountain, going on a run through the vineyards, and spending time with the people who are important to me-come for free. Knowing this gives me the confidence to take a chance and pursue a career in something I am passionate about. I've always been really interested in English, I love music, and I'd do anything to have a job that would allow me to work outdoors, but I've heard time and time again that it's difficult to maintain or even find a stable career in those fields. But I've grown up following my heart, and doing the things I love, and I don't plan on stopping now. Even if things start out slow, I will be doing something that makes me happy. I will always be able to give back to the community that has played such a big part in shaping me into the person I am today, and in the end that's what is really important to me.

Undergraduate / 'the Courrpution Perception Index' - Claremont Mckenna Supplement essay [5]

This is my first shot at the CMC essay. I'm not sure how I should end it or if writing it as a letter is a good idea so let me know what you think.

Prompt: Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. In fact, one of the ways we describe CMC students is "Leaders in the Making." Choose someone, fictional or nonfictional, historical or contemporary, whom you consider to be a leader. Suppose you are this person's primary advisor. How would you advise this person and why?

In 2010, the Courrpution Perception Index ranked Italy the fourth most corrupt country in the European Union. Hopefully Berlusconi's recent step down from office will help turn around this country's increasingly corrupt government and unstable economy, but I think that Italy's educational system will need more reform than almost any other part of the government. In November 2011 the Italian government selected a new Minister of Education, Francesco Profumo, and I have more than a few suggestions as to how he can make the Italian school experience less miserable.

Dear Francesco Profumo:
Last year I studied abroad in southern Italy and I had the opportunity to experience an Italian education firsthand. When my host mom drove me to school on my first day, she pointed out a run-down structure next to the school with two walls and no roof. She told me that it was supposed to be a new gym for the school, but they ran out of funding half way through building it and never finished. She said government officials pocketed a lot the money that was supposed to go to schools because they knew nobody could do anything about it. This perception needs to be changed. Italian citizens need to realize that they have to stand up to these government discrepencies if they ever want anything to change. You are the new leader and the new voice that Italy needs to stand up against this injustice and put the educational system back on its feet.

The educational system is outdated. We are in an era where religion shouldn't be required as a mandatory school subject. These aren't the days of Musselini anymore, and you can't expect all of your students to share the same, Roman Catholic beliefs. What kind of education are you giving by requiring that religion is taught but banning the mere mention of politics? The youth needs to be educated in current events and know what is going on in their own country so that they can grow up and make a real difference. If you continue teaching only from the textbooks, Italy will never get out of this rut of corruption and instability. You teach your students to be proud of their roots and of the great Roman Empire that once ruled the world, yet you continue to let them fall behind due to the lack of funding and the outdatedness of the educational system.

In 2008, Berlusconi tried to deal with the global recession by making heavy cuts in funding to public schools and universities. You need to fight to get that funding back. Public schools, in the south particularly, are run down and lacking overall in resources and staff. I attended a Liceo Scientifico, which is supposedely one of the best types of secondary schools and focuses on math and sciences, yet my school was lacking the resources to teach both of those subjects. We had no lab equiptment, so rather than doing experiments in chemistry we looked at pictures of experiments or were told to look up lab videos at home. The blackboard in my classroom was broken in half, so our math teacher usually printed off copies of the notes because she didn't have enough room to write them on the board. It's wrong that the best students choose to attend these scientific schools that are supposed to prepare them for their exams and for University, yet many of them don't pass their final exams because they weren't prepared well enough and their teachers didn't go over all of the necessary information.

Mariastella Gelmini was the Minister of Education for the last three years, and things only went downhill in the education department. It's time for a change. Italy's future depends on its youth, and without a good education they won't be able to accomplish much of anything. The schools need funding, and in order to get funding someone needs to step up and lead the people to fight for what they deserve.

Undergraduate / 'a bus in southern Italy' - Common app, playing on a boys soccer team [2]

I'm using this as my essay for the UC application prompt 2 and I think I want to use it as my common app essay too. It's a bit long (741) but any input would be appreciated. Let me know if you think the length will be an issue or if it's interesting enough to leave as is.

Last September, I stepped off a bus in southern Italy and greeted the family I was to live with for the following ten months. They spoke very little English and I spoke no Italian, but that was just one of the many cultural differences that I encountered during my time there. Martina Franca, the small town I lived in, was known for being full of closed-minded people who dressed the same, thought the same, and followed the same traditions that have been passed down for generations. Most of the people who live there have never left, and probably never will, so it's hard to break through the opinions that have formed over time. I went with an exchange program called AFS, whose motto is "connecting lives, sharing cultures," and I feel like that's exactly what I accomplished on my exchange year.

A lot of people there seemed surprised by my ambitious spirit, which the Italians didn't consider as normal for a teenage girl. On my first day of school, I told my class that I was a soccer player, and they didn't believe me. "Girls don't play sports. Soccer is a sport for men," was their response. I explained that I had played since I was young, and that it wasn't so unusual in America. They still seemed skeptical, and they just laughed when I asked if I could play with their team in the school tournament; but when one team member got sick on game day, they got desperate and asked me to play.

The other team was high-fiving each other when I stepped onto the field, laughing about what an easy win it would be, and it was obvious that my teammates were regretting their decision to let me play. But when the game started I held my own, and the shocked looks that I got every time I did something right were so satisfying; I felt like I was actually changing something. We won the game, and I earned some new respect from my classmates. After just a couple weeks, I was invited to play in almost all of the games in the tournament. Players came up to me after games and complimented me on my skills, or told me I was brave to be the first girl to ever play in their tournaments. When I met new people around town, many of them already knew me as that American girl who played soccer with the guys; I was proud to know that I had challenged their stereotype and made a commotion.

My P.E. teacher at school somehow heard that I had been playing with my class's team, so one day she decided that we would all play soccer, even the girls. My classmates actually enjoyed it, and a few even discovered that they had some natural talent. We asked our P.E. teacher to help us start a girls' tournament like the one that the guys had, so she started playing soccer with all of her classes and encouraged girls to sign up. I recruited some of my friends as well, and although we only had a few teams and we weren't very good, we all had fun and I helped quite a few girls realize that they were capable of more than they thought. I took a chance, stepped out of my comfort zone, and challenged a stereotype that no one had ever thought to challenge.

For much of the time I spent in Italy, I was a follower. I wasn't used to stepping out of the leadership position, but sometimes I had to resist the temptation to jump in and tell my peers how I would do things. I found a balance: I set aside some of my own tendencies in order to better understand the Italian culture, but at the same time I helped my peers understand my culture and how it differs from theirs. I hope to continue learning about others in a university where I will be challenged--by my peers, my professors, and my field of study--to step out of my comfort zone and explore, perhaps even change, other people's ideas. I've realized that one person can make a real difference, and now I have greater expectations for myself. I know that a good higher education will be important if I want to fulfill those expectations, and I'm eager to learn as much as I can about the world around me.

Undergraduate / 'The windows of my Hyundai Elantra' - looking through a window. [2]

Prompt: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

The windows of my Hyundai Elantra are rolled down, and the soft rush of the waves crashing on the beach ahead of me adds to the steady rhythm of the mixed CD bumping through my stereo. I'm curled up in the front seat, a notebook in my lap, attempting to write this essay. I find that I focus best here, in the parking lot of Morro Bay Beach, fifteen minutes north of my home in San Luis Obispo, California. In the summer I spend a great amount of my time on this beach-surfing, boogie boarding, lying in the sand with my friends-but the arrival of autumn has brought with it the responsibilities of school, sports, and college applications. I'm finding less and less time for those summery activities these days, so I come here to work.

My friends wonder how it is that I don't get distracted working at the beach, and how I don't end up throwing down my work and heading out into the water, but on most occasions I'm not even tempted. Something about sitting in such a perfect environment as this just makes everything easy. The scent of the ocean, the sound of the waves, and the picturesque view framed in my windshield remind me of how lucky I am to live in such a wonderful place. It inspires me to work and push myself to fulfill my goals and aspirations, because so much has been given to me. Sitting here in this car, in a beach parking lot in sunny California, reminds me of all that I have to be thankful for.