Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Jaineel406
Joined: Dec 6, 2011
Last Post: Dec 30, 2011
Threads: 5
Posts: 13  

From: United States

Displayed posts: 18
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Jaineel406   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'India Day Parade in America' - Brown supplement [5]

This is exactly 300 words but... My teacher informed me she attended Brown and conveyed an image of the immense diversity of the student body and of the vast array of opportunities at Brown. Her description, corresponded with my inclination and love for intellectual width, and about the freedom of class selection, drew me to Brown.

the ending doesn't sound good
Jaineel406   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'India Day Parade in America' - Brown supplement [5]

We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you.

Every person has there own identity, a group they classify with and for me it's being Indian. Born and raised in India I always tried to keep my roots intact when I came to America. My biggest concern was fitting in which I did quite fine but there would always be these racist jokes which was just pure ignorance. One day I decided that I wanted to make a difference because to me enough was enough. As a result I joined Federation of Indian Association and became youth president chair which would spread our culture throughout America. Every year we hold an India Day Parade in NYC that has over 500,000 guests in which we demonstrate the various aspects our culture is structured upon. In addition to center my impact around the community I joined the Indian Cultural Society in which I received an award from the mayor spreading diversity and culture throughout our community. These experiences structured my mindset around the principle that it is possible for one person to make a difference.

Tell us where you have lived-and for how long-since you were born; whether you've always lived in the same place, or perhaps in a variety of places.

Until the age of 4 I was raised by my grandparents in India since my parents couldn't afford to bring me to America. My parents worked hard and were able to get me here only to be switching through apartments every year. Through hard work my parents created residential stability and bought a house.

How did you find out about Brown? For example, from a person, publication, campus visit, etc.?
While taking SAT classes my teacher told me that she went to Brown. Valeria conveyed how alluring the campus was and her description about the variety, that corresponded wonderfully with my natural inclination and love for intellectual width and freedom of class selection, quickly drew me to Brown.
Jaineel406   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "Shadows"- work experience, will review your essays [11]

The beginning is nice but at the end it starts getting choppy and confusing like your syntax is off try and rephrase the sentences because at times they can be awkward and confusing like the part where you talk about the headmaster of the girl's school is just awkward try and reword please take a look at my essay thanks
Jaineel406   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Captain" - Harvard Supplement- The prompt is write about anything [32]

It's very good the story is good and I like how all those events added up to the law. However there are certain points that need to be looked upon again. I don't know if anyone said this but the claim you made about hispanics I felt that will have a very negative impact on your essay because you didn't state any real points describing how you were mistreated and why it they were getting better treatment that just looks like you also have a prejudiced view on them. Also the only real leadership quality you showed is stepping up on the end try and elaborate on certain leadership aspects you had while you were on the team and other incidents that forced you to make the decision of going up to the coach 3 times.

Please try and help with my brown supplements anyone THANKS
Jaineel406   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'No such thing as the Postal Service' - NYU Supplement- What intrigues you? [9]

I liked the intro and everything but since you have a lot of characters left just expand on your idea because it's unclear what you're talking about and the transition into the 1000 dollar scenario isn't as clear as you'd like it to be so work on it lol
Jaineel406   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Celebrate My Nerdy Side! A sneaky prompt from Tufts. [8]

I liked it but yeah I think at times you were a little too self praising and colleges will be like... and there are random sentences that don't tie into to previous ones so if you're sure of doing this I guess just work on your transitions
Jaineel406   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Contributing more to the society' - common app essay on an extracurricular [3]

Nights without sleep, days filled with stress, and anxiety while picking up a scalpel knowing that a life rests in your hands. That was an average day for my Grandpa while working in the hospital. Even though it caused an unstable relationship within my family since he was always preoccupied we knew that he was sacrificing part of his sanity in order to keep other people's lives normal. Being raised by this mindset I knew I didn't want to be an average 9-5 worker and that I wanted to contribute more to society. So I decided that in the summer of junior year I would go shadow my grandpa and uncle at their hospital to further ascertain the true values of being a doctor. Immediately I was sighted with people anxiously waiting and crying over loved ones struggling for their lives. At that point I realized a doctor's responsibility was not only to save a single lives but save families as well. During my experience at the hospital I was able to take on the role of talking to patients and calming them down while taking notes about what they had been experiencing. My experience volunteering helped set the basis on which I will further my career path.
Jaineel406   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / JHU Supplement Essay - MAJORS question [4]

I felt like the first paragraph had some contradicting sentences like how something routine you saw yourself becoming a doctor try to elaborate and make it more concise
Jaineel406   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / Brown: Long Answer [12]

That was really good but I would fix the intro because I had to think about what you were talking about like reword it. The ending wasn't as dramatic as the rest of the essay.
Jaineel406   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'An extension of life' - JHU supplement essay [5]

Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

Every beat is an extension of life, every pump circulates the body with blood, and every life is sustained with its functions. Its intricate structure and vast network allows it to connect to almost every part of the body. Even though it's only the size of your fist and weighs 300 grams its weight is magnified when held in your hand. The heart ceases to interest and captivate others because its functions outreach belief.

My first recognition towards my passion for the heart was 9th great biology. The dissection of a sheep's heart and the study of the heart showed me the various intricacies to its structure. As I held the knife in my hand and exposed the different parts of the heart I saw that each part had its own purpose and was encompassed of millions of cells that each had its own purpose. As the year progressed I visited the dead bodies' museum in NYC. During this visit I was able to explore the different organs of the human body and see them on a real human being. I had the pleasure of holding a human heart in my hand and I can assure you that the feeling was not the same of a sheep's heart. There were parts of the human body sculpted to show the importance of the heart and the circulatory system and how it travels throughout the body. It's amazing how far the reaches of just one organ can stretch. The heart is magnificent.
Jaineel406   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / My Cornell Application Essay-College of Arts and Sciences :-) [6]

You definitely need to elaborate on certain points make a stronger opening and the ending seemed rushed try and talk about how autism affected you on a specific occurrence or something just got deeper into it
Jaineel406   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'get calls from the hospital in the morning' - John's Hopkins Supplement essay [4]

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in ? I'm at 262 words so where should I cut down and I didn't really end properly so any advice would be greatly appreciated

As a child every morning was routine, my uncle and my grandpa would both get calls from the hospital in the morning to rush into work at the strangest hours. After their immediate arrival at work they were filled with stress and anxiety as patients expressed their pains and concerns for life. They'd come home late at night with an emotionless look on their face and my grandma and aunt would tower on more burdens upon their shoulders. As a child I always wondered how or why they handled all this stress. But as I grew up I realized they had a purpose much greater than that of an average citizen, for they gave up a normal life to save the lives of others. Now it is my passion to pursue sciences, particularly biology and become a cardiovascular surgeon.

Growing up I surrounded myself with activities that reflected my desire in biology and saving ailing lives. Not only was it curiosity of the field but also the instinct to try and follow the same path as my family roots. As the years progress I started to develop an interest in science and took active participation in it. Throughout high school I did research through Rutgers and looked at the genetic composure of certain organisms which furthered my interest in sciences as I got a broader look at the field. During junior year I got the opportunity to shadow my uncle and grandpa in a hospital in which I was able to see what I wanted to do in the future first hand.
Jaineel406   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Lost World' - Johns Hopkins Supplemental Essay [5]

I dont think you should give the exact number of the courses and change the word choice of tickle. Now thats the kind of work I want to do make the wording better too simple
Jaineel406   
Dec 6, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my forte in sciences' - Diversity common app [4]

I mean I thought I did mention it when I was talking about the families and how they didn't really care for those that died. And how do you think a good way to transition would be and yeah i thought so too how i just switched from talking about volunteering and then my research
Jaineel406   
Dec 6, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my forte in sciences' - Diversity common app [4]

A person's background, experiences and activities show diversity. To elaborate, my forte in sciences is reflected through my academic career, meticulous work at a hospital and the research I've done for the past 3 years. Along with my interest in the sciences, my ethnic and cultural background cultivates my distinguished personality. Although I have been raised in the suburbs, traveling abroad has allowed me to experience various unique aspects of the world. It is important to have a community of diverse people in order to collectively alleviate bias we have in society. Therefore, my ethnic and cultural background, as well as my hours of volunteer work, contributes to my distinction in society.

Over the years I volunteered in different locations which have helped me see the world in its brightest and darkest moments. From communities gathering together to help people in need to others suffering without the attention of anyone, everywhere we go a difference can be made. This summer I volunteered in a neonatal hospital in India where I noticed a lack of the same commodities we take for granted in the US. Inside the hospital there needed to be special filters throughout the water system since it's hard to get clean water in India. Many of the patients would be children who were malnourished because of their poverty stricken families. It was the hospital's responsibility to try and save every life and help the families. In some cases, families became indifferent towards the death of their children since in most cases it would actually be seen as a positive occurrence; it would be seen as another burden they didn't have to worry about. Not only does this portray the ailing position of other countries outside of America, but it also shows how we are normally inclined to take things for granted. Society should take on the responsibility to help others that are in need. There are many luxuries and common necessities that we don't appreciate which others pray to have. It takes many years for a person to progress from being ignorant or innocent to become mature and realize their bigger role in society. By grasping this at an early age, I would be able to have a bigger impact on a community and serve a bigger purpose. In essence, my experience in the hospital gave me a more humble view of the world and a greater appreciation towards "trivial" things in society.

Research allows an individual to venture their minds into unknown aspects of the world giving a unique perspective towards society. In turn, a person can not only be intrigued by this data but also help the world uncover facts that were previously unidentified. In my school, a program called Waksman allows the students to conduct research and provides an opportunity to utilize unique tools to study certain organisms. The information students find from these organisms will be submitted into the international sequence database for other scientists to use, since the sequences of these genes have never been determined before. This program enables students, teachers, and scientists to work together and utilize concepts of molecular biology and genetic engineering to gain an understanding of "the bigger picture". My presence in this program allowed me to acquire a scientific work standard and further foster my interest in science. After volunteering at a hospital in India and performing my own independent research at Waksman, I was able to ascertain a magnanimous outlook on society while developing a sincere work habit.
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