Writing Feedback / Gay, lesbian, bisexual teens in America [2]

Can someone please correct my significant problems with verb forms as well as comma splices, sentence structure, and so on.
I really need grammar check >.<

Gay, lesbian, bisexual people are treated like different mankind in different families. The way they are treated by their parents and taught by their parents can affect their future personalities and social intercourse. Although homosexuals try to strive for equality in America, they are still far from success in most of the states. Thesis: Before the gay teens are instilling properly into society, nothing is more significant than providing the best growing environment to make them feel comfortable in a society which defines homosexuality as a taboo. However, there are lots of people forbidden them to admit their sexual orientation, whereby causing a negative psyche which affects them to have numerous problems in different ways, such problems have caused gay teens of treating differently in society and family. In family, pregnancy is an extraordinarily important step to structure a household; however, can you imagine that gay youth have higher pregnancy rates than straight youth? "In 1992, 1998 and 2003, researchers found that 10.6 percent of bisexual girls and 7.3 percent of lesbians became pregnant. That compares to just 1.8 percent of heterosexual girls." (Study: Virginity pledges don't work) This result surprises me. Why do homosexuals have sex with the opposite gender if they like same-sex people? Elizabeth from article - "Study: Virginity pledges don't work" says that these results are linked to higher rates of discrimination and harassment among LGB teens at school. I think it is also because homosexuality is forbidden in society, and they are afraid of being despised by other straight peers, that is why "lesbian and gay people see themselves as vulnerable." (Harries, Cole)

Who are the protagonists of injuring the gay teens' fragile hearts? The answer is their parents. "Gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers with unaccepting parents are more likely to have negative mental health outcomes. That's the conclusion of a survey of 224 white and Latino men and women, ages 21 to 25." (Study: Virginity pledges don't work) Nowadays, parents are often in the form of one man and one woman, and most people's beliefs in America are Christianity and Catholicism, so homosexual youth are rejected by their families as they are "8.4 times more likely to report having attempted suicide, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression, 3.4 times more likely to use illegal drugs and 3.4 times more likely to report having engaged in unprotected sexual intercourse compared to those who had 'no or low levels of family rejection.'" (Study: Virginity pledges don't work)

I am thinking that they or their families might try to change their gender identity in different ways because they want to melt into the "normal" society. According to a research I have read before, "hereditary weakness or taintedness in the family pedigree, degeneracy was called upon as a causal explanation for perversions of the sexual instinct. Karl Ulrichs' proposal that homosexuality could be innate and probably located in the brain," (Money) so sexual orientation is mostly instinctive and rarely an acquired character. Withal the interview I have done earlier with my friend, Sharron, she discovers that she is more interested in girls than boys when she was in third grade. In my opinion, no ways that any children's sexual orientation can be changed in such age except it is instinctive. She claims that her family tries to change her sexual orientation, but it does not work and she says "I cannot help. I have born this way from my mother." "We saw that in so many cases, families and caregiver thought what they were doing would help their children have a better life, fit in, belong and be accepted by others. They'd try to change their gender identity, forbid them from spending time with a gay friend, not let them have access to information about what it's like to be a gay, lesbian or bisexual person." (Harries, Cole) What they are doing is bad for their health because they always have a mind of forbidding themselves to do what they naturally want to do, and they are bearing the pressure from their families, too. Therefore, families should emphasize how much they care about their sons and daughters" (Study: Virginity pledges don't work) instead of trying to change their innate sexual preference.

Can same-sex parents adopt kids? Not in most of the states. For example, "Attorneys representing Florida had argued that gay men and lesbian women suffered from higher rates of substance abuse, were in less stable relationships and that their children were stigmatized." (The aftermath of California's Prop 8) I think this is so unfair because people cannot justify the others' sexual orientation as a predictor of a person's ability to become a parent because "Gill sued and a trial court judge agreed, ruling there was no evidence that gays and lesbians were less fit to parent than heir straight peers," and Sharron also says that straight parents do not only raise straight children. Moreover, "There is no dispute that children raised by gay parents fare just as well or better than children raised by straight parents." (The aftermath of California's Prop 8) Then why do not they pass through the Proposition 8 if they say gay parents and straight parents both can raise the same children?

In the case of Proposition 8, "The primary argument advanced by Prop 8 supporters was that providing access to marriage for gay couples would reduce the rights available to others." (Feldblum) Unfairness does not exist neither on gay couple nor straight couple because Proposition 8 will not take away any rights for gay and lesbian domestic partners. Whereas "under California law, 'domestic partners shall have the same rights, protections, and benefits' as married spouses,'" they do not have extra or less rights than straight couples. (Feldblum) Nevertheless, supporters claim that "parents, particularly religious parents, would be harmed when schools started to teach their young children that homosexuality was morally fine." (Feldblum) Religious parents often teach their children at home that same-sex marriages are immoral, they have twisted the fact and forced people to abide by their restrictions.

On the other hand, "Two sets of parents brought the case, David and Tonia Parker and Rob and Robin Wirthlin. The Parker's son Jacob had brought home from his public school kindergarten a Diversity Book Bag that included the book Who's in a Family? The book had pictures of different families, including interracial families, a family without children, a family with two moms, and another with two dads. In its final page, the book answered the question, "who's in a family?" with "the people who love you the most!" The Wirthlin's son, Joey had came home from his public school second grade, talking about a picture book his teacher had read out loud that day, King and King. It's about a prince who is ordered by his mother to get married but who keeps rejecting the princess he meets. Finally, he finds his true love - another prince!" (Feldblum) As a result, "The parents sued, claiming their federal constitutional rights to raise their children as they wished and to practice their religion were being violated. The parents lost. The court found it difficult to perceive a real burden on the parents in light of the fact that the parents could continue to teach their children at home that same-sex marriages were immoral." (Feldblum) Rob and robin Wirthlin become saying "Yes on 8" on the California TV scene and they explain how "after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage, their son heard from the school how boys can marry other boys. 'He's only in second grade!'" (Feldblum)

Thereafter, "What does the right of gay couples in California to access civil marriage have to do with Robin's ability to teach her son Joey that gay marriage is wrong? Nothing. What does a change in society's views generally say about how gay people should be treated in society, including with regard to marriage, have to do with Joey learning something about gay people in public school that his mother might not agree with? Everything." (Feldblum) In my opinion, Robin is a very selfish parent. She is only teaching her own attitude to Joey but not the attitude from society. Her teaching might also cause an aberrant idea about homosexuality. While Robin is trying to sue the school, I am glad that she loses because "public schools are an important vehicle for transmitting societal values to our children, including values of non-discrimination." (Feldblum) Again, discrimination causes the gay youth have higher rate of pregnancy. But sometimes, "once society determines that discrimination on the basis of some category (race, religion, sexual orientation) is wrong, we expect our society to convey that norm in various ways." (Harries, Cole) Public school, a societal epitome, has to decide the correct way to provide the best education.

Evolving Thesis: The views of our society about gay people and gay couples are changing these days; therefore, new norms will arise and will appropriately be reflected in our schools. "Diversity programs in public and private schools across the country, including programs that teach respect for gat people. Rather, they have been the natural outcome of a new long overdue norm of nondiscrimination on the basis of sexual orientation that is beginning to take hold in our society." (Feldblum) Schools and parents can always encourage their students and children to admit and accept their innate sexual orientation. In short, "it is a good thing that the social mores of our country are changing in ways that support the ability of gay people, gay couples, and families headed by gay couples to live openly and honestly in society." (Harries, Cole)

Poetry / The order from "Highest" to "Lowest" [6]

Can someone order it for me?
The order from "Highest" to "Lowest"

Iambic dimeter
Iambic pentameter
Prose
Blank verse
Iambic tetrameter
Iambic trimester

Essays / Close Reading of Othello [4]

Does anyone good at proof reading because I need some grammatical correction please
I'll be appricated with your help:)
Thanks!

After reading "Othello," I choose a passage from Act V, scene II to do my Close Reading. According to "The Oxford Shakespeare," my passage is started from "Oth. O fool! fool! fool!..." (379) to "Cas. This did I fear, but thought he had no weapon; For he was great of heart." (418) This passage is reaching the dead of Othello. Although Cassio and Lodovico are trying to bring him away to the Venetian government, Othello has given his last grand speech to state his accomplishments before his suicide.

From reading this passage, I have found two significances, which are the plot and character development, refer to the whole play. Othello's last speech has revealed the last hope of Othello, and he has stressed his outsider status in a way that he does not do earlier in the play. Moreover, Iago possesses a profound hateful heart to overthrow Othello, as well as Cassio and Lodovico in this passage. They are trying to elect Cassio to be the new governor because Othello has killed his wife, Desdemona. Moreover, the style and the themes have made this passage to be the conclusion of the play. This passage does not include any styles such as iambic dimeter, blank verse, high-flown rhetoric or slangy insult because of the styles of this passage is prose. Conversation is repeating in the passage. The characters are talking like everyday speech. Also, each character has adopted for the discussion of facts and topical news, for example, Cassio is narrated the truth, which is a final fact of the entire play, and Othello's speech is articulated in free form writing style.

In addition, the words "forsake," "taken off," "prisoner," and "away" in Lodovico's speech (V.ii.386-393) are related to the first theme, the Venetians want a new leader instead of Othello's because he is not qualified to be their leader anymore. Othello, the governor possesses a higher position in the Great Chain than the Lodovico and his subordinates, the soldiers; therefore, Othello says "Soft you;" (395) to command them to release him. Lodovico uses "forsake" and "taken off" to persuade Othello to go with them, and uses "prisoner" and "away" to describe Othello and to make decision respectively. Both associations are belittling Othello and trying to make him abandon his status. In the meanwhile, Othello is resolved to dead, which is an opposite of his faith in the other acts. He uses "Arabian trees," "Aleppo," and "malignant and a turban'd Turk" to remind us of his martial prowess in the play, and of the tales of adventure and war with which he wooed Desdemona. In addition, these words have "echo" themselves in Act 1 and Act 3 when Shakespeare repeatedly casts Othello as Christ, and now this seems strongly clear because Othello has done the right things to cast himself as both enemy of the state and defender of the state. Also, "Of one that lov'd not wisely but too well; Of one not easily jealous," (V.ii.400-401) he is expressing his injustice cause the others do not agree with his attitudes. Othello reaffirms his position as a figure who is simultaneously a part of and excluded from Venetian society. These are related to the second theme, his own willingness to torment himself that makes him a tragic figure. The last theme is Othello's emotion has changed through the whole play after his misunderstanding. "O fool! fool! fool!" (V.ii.379) Othello seems to have calmed himself and regained his dignity to recite his speech. Compare to "O! blood, blood, blood!" (III.iii.507) and "Damn her, lewd minx! O, damn her!" (III.iii.534) His emotion has obviously changed from anguished to dispassionate when he finds out his fault, he has wronged Desdemona. He is staying calm to finish his speech and to stab himself until the end because Desdemona's corpse is on the bed and he is slowly falling upon her.

On the other hand, metaphors and symbol have indicated the strong implications in the second theme and the whole book. Firstly, referring to the second theme, Othello uses his speech as a metaphor as he is the greatest leader in Venice. He reminds us once again of his martial prowess that make him as the conqueror in Venice. However, he is threatening Venice by killing himself is to acknowledge that he is no longer to live with victories and to beg the Venetians to write down all his accomplishments. Secondly, Gratiano says "All that's spoke is marr'd," (V.ii.414) a metaphor as a tragedy and he thinks Othello's speech is bad as everything he has heard, such as Brabanzio, Desdemona, and Emilia have died previously. This sentence of revealing that "Othello" is a tragedy because of the play has showed the change in the protagonist's fortunes from good to bad. Also, they are died with fear and pity. Lastly, Othello's suicide symbolizes martyrdom, a last act of service to the state, as he kills the only foe he has left to conquer, himself.

"I kiss'd thee ere I kill'd thee; no way but this, Killing myself to die upon a kiss." (V.ii.415-416) An anomaly of the whole passage. Othello does not mention about Desdemona in this passage, even the last speech, but he is lying beside her after he kills himself. Is this nonsense? No, is it not! We can totally understand his concern about Desdemona from his emotional change, even though Desdemona is not mentioned from his speech. Victories and honors are manifest from his speech. Therefore, when he stabs himself, he has sensed to share his glory with the woman who truly loves him and lie beside her and look for her forgiveness.

Writing Feedback / "The New Lone Rangers" and "Foot-binding" are representing the same sort of character [2]

I need grammatical correction!!!
Please help!!!

While I am reading "The New Lone Rangers" and "Foot-binding", they are representing the same sort of character: a character that people would have to follow the trend to satisfy the society. People influenced by the society because advanced people have set a stereotype on an object. The heroines of the songs described in "The New Lone Rangers" handle a wide-open social frontier just as confidently and cynically as Bogart handled the urban frontier. On the other hand, foot size would determine how marriageable a girl was in "Foot-binding". Heroines signify cynicism and foot-binding signifies a good marriage. These symbolisms have led me to think about the symbolisms of English and Caucasians in Hong Kong, also the attitude of how teenagers dwell on an ex-relationship.

"My feet would be something that would hold my husband's fascination during the most private and intimate moments between a man and a woman" (Lisa). This is a sentence implying how important feet are symbolizing a woman in her society. Apart from temptation, it is a significance to hold a relationship between her and her husband. English is an important language in Hong Kong, because everyone believes that people will not able to find a job with good salary in the future if they do not speak English well; therefore, my parent has forced me to study English really hard to get a good result. My assumptions of people who did not speak English well were useless when I was a child. Also, white, black and red people cause me to think that they can speak English better than yellow people. However, knowledge changes me during my adolescent years. I can see that people who cannot speak English well, like my father and teachers who do not teach English, they can find a good job with well wage. Moreover, people who do not speak English well can be any color types of people, because English is not the only first language of every country. On the other hand, I think white people are always rich and intelligent when I was a child. You can see white people rarely studying in a public school in Hong Kong, because they are usually studying in an international school, which is really expensive for normal citizens. Also, you can only see yellow, red, or black people live in slum area, and you can never see white people living there. Moreover, white people who work in a company have high position generally. Nevertheless, time changes my attitude during my youth hood, especially my exchange year in the U.S... I can see lots of poor people living in different areas and vagrants begging for money when I walk through. Also, I could do better than most of my classmates during every class when I was in high school. What I think is white people do not have better intelligence than the others. We all are the same if we have strived enough to reach our goals.

David Brooks has used three megahit pop songs to describe the misunderstood circumstance of adolescent. Teenagers nowadays, especially girls, are thinking "the heroines of these songs handle this wide-open social frontier just as confidently and cynically as Bogart handled the urban frontier" (Brooks). My friend named Cindy, who had a boyfriend a month ago, the reason why they break up is because the autarchy of her boyfriend. He has a special interest in Japanese girls, especially girls with blonde hair; therefore, he is asking Cindy to change her appearance to fulfill his aspiration, but she is not doing it, and they have some arguments and fights. Although he is persuading Cindy not to leave him alone, she is still insisting the consequence and break up with him. I am talking with Cindy after her separating, and she has told me a perspective that make me will never forget it, which is "I dump him cause I want to seek a completely obedient man", she said joyously. I cannot ever imagine that a girl presently will not be harmful by breaking up with her boyfriend. Is that meant she is strong, invulnerable, or cynical? Maybe she knows exactly what she wants, "But the rules of courtship have dissolved. They've been replaced by ambiguity and uncertainty" (Brooks).

Symbolism has been existed since ninety century. The meaning of symbolism cannot be changed since people have been involved in because of the traditional and conservative thought. I can see lots of people get injured of this, for instance, foot-binding and marriage. Sometimes they have no options to choose because of the symbolism. In addition, adolescent have been over independent and confident nowadays. Radiance has been replaced by twilight and arrogance, and I am totally agreed in "young people still need intimacy and belonging more than anything else" (Brooks).

Undergraduate / UC #2 - Optimism and cheerful personality [2]

I have reached the limit of both promts so this is a kinda short essay.
Please feel free to comment and to criticize. Gracious!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?"

Optimism is one of the most radiating qualities I have. Being raised in a family that is always overwhelmed with energy and liveliness, I have developed a cheerful personality which allows me to see difficulties and emotional swings through a positive angle. Such readiness to accept failures has injected me with determination to persist when I was learning how to play the piano, for I have learned to defeat frustration by getting four piano certificates in six years. Also, such quality has made me a helpful person, for I always have the intention to help people out through influencing them with my positive attitude. For example, I acted as a voluntary tutorial teacher in a remedial course for English as a second language students when I was in my secondary school in Hong Kong.

Currently, I am also the President of De Anza International Student Association, and the reason for starting this club is simply because I hope to provide chances for international students, who might be undergoing insecurities towards a new environment, to meet friends they can relate themselves to. Furthermore, my positive character has succeeded my foreign exchange year in Alabama during 2006-2007. I was able to learn the American Culture with an opened mind, and get myself involved through interacting closely with my host family and friends.

Looking back all the accomplishments I have made throughout these years, I have realized that "optimism" does play a significant role. It allows me to adapt myself to different environments with the willingness to face challenges, and inspires me to be more helpful through affecting people with my positive insight towards life.

Undergraduate / "dreamed of becoming a singer" - UC personal statement - prompt #1 [2]

English and Singing Success

Like millions of people during childhood, I dreamed of becoming a singer when I was in middle school. My dreams, however, swiftly crashed into reality the day I had gotten a sore throat and my voice was certainly changed to the voice of a different person. I was shocked and devastated about where my life would go from there. At a time when I felt the world had ended, little did I realize that another one was just beginning. Being changed from the voice never altered my aspirations in singing, but it forced me to find and pursue an alternative outside of vocalist.

I was struggling with my English examinations, but I had found out that I was exceedingly interested in English instead of singing. This is because of my endeavored to get my grade passed. My teacher named Mr. Li had been really diligent in educating my English. Initially, I felt displeased about expending time in some tedious extra lessons, but during these, my passion for English had been enhanced after each single make up extra lesson that he added for me. Also, these are some valuable instructions because Mr. Li had sacrificed his personal time after school for me, and his kindness and enthusiasm about improving my bad grade. Although the difficult homework and feature-length fiction gave me a headache, I eventually sought a profession about which I could be as passionate as I was about singing. Driven by my heart, being a teacher possessed a high respectability in Hong Kong, where I was born and grew up; therefore, I was fascinated and firmed by this occupation.

Since English is my second language, I had undergone disappointment and failure in English before experiencing success. As a sophomore at my high school and my English had become better, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to help my teacher and to assist in her undergraduate students' English homework. This was liked a remedial courses for them and for myself. Interacting with those students has ignited my enthusiasm about becoming an English teacher, especially with helping students who were not speaking English as their first language. This was because I known the difficulties and perplexities in learning English, also the disadvantages of English as a second language students. Therefore, I knew the manners of assisting them in comprehending English. Furthermore, I was a volunteer in Chase Lake Community School last April to June. In my first experience with children between age six to eight, teachers taught and allowed me to work with them, hence I had developed my teaching skills and learned how to get along well with children and teenagers. In fact, working with them provided an educational atmosphere that again took me beyond the typical world of textbooks.

Presently, I am a president of De Anza International Student Association Club. My work focuses on connecting students from different countries; however, English might be a problem among some of my club members. As my other experiences, I am willing to assist them in various problems, especially solving questions in English. For instance, I assist them with learning new vocabularies, improving essay structure and editing grammar. These circumstances have provided me actual applications of classroom knowledge. Instead of just learning, I am doing.

I have set English as my mother tongue after suffering and helping people around an English environment, my desire goes far beyond that of an average person; and I have no doubt about changing my goal perpetually. Also, as a result of my involvement with practicing in English, I have learned to manage and balance a busy schedule, while maintaining success in the classroom.

What all students and teachers gave to me prior was a gift beyond measure. As I have set my heart on pursuing a career as an English teacher, I hope to be able to contribute the same gift to my future students, to teach them all knowledge I have about English. I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices in order to achieve my goals. My dream to become a singer still lurks deep inside and would be a tremendous opportunity if offered, but currently a different aspiration takes precedence over that childhood fantasy. The prospect of becoming an English teacher has opened my eyes and heart to a new goal.