Posts by Rajman333

Rajman333

Dec 24, 2011

Undergraduate / What I did for just plain fun - Pomona Supplement [5]

Your idea of plain fun is a near-death experience? Wow, pretty unique. In contrast to the other comment, i think you answered the prompt, because they want you to talk about things other than school and ECs. You can definetly take out sentences that don't say much, and you have quite a few lurking in your body paragraphs. By removing extraneous details, you can get close to the word limit.

Rajman333

Dec 24, 2011

Undergraduate / 'I am a Romantic' - Stanford Letter to Future Roommate [13]

Awesome response, especially because it seems to circle around your romanticism. I agree with Mike about the introductory sentence, but i thought it was witty. I think it all depends on who reads it, and how. Other than that, well written, and good luck!

Rajman333

Dec 24, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Drawing is my guilty pleasure' - Johns Hopkins [11]

From what I've read, i see that your quality that is not addressed by your application is your love for drawing. The intro, which is what i'm assuming this is, is pretty solid. I don't understand the sentences that talk about attempting to preserve time, or the past. The concludin sentence follows the remainder of the paragraph though, so besides those two sentences, which at the moment seem out of place, it seems like a good start. If i were you, i'd move those two sentences, but use them to build some extraordinary concept.

Rajman333

Dec 24, 2011

Undergraduate / "Attack Life"-Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay [4]

The prompt is:
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development Characters available 2000

I decided to start off with a quote, and build on that. This is what i came up with. I'm not sure that i answer the prompt, or if i'm saying anything at all and merely beating around the bush. What do you guys think? ANY Feedback is welcome.

Someone once said, "Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway". Life is thrown at you when you're brought into the world, and it's an uphill battle from there on. The days when you feel "This is the greatest day in my life!" are just the times when your brain has taken pity on itself and all the stress that it goes through, and is just giving itself some relaxation time. When you sleep, your brain is at the gym, training and preparing for the next day, making sure you don't draw a blank at the shootout. Don't get me wrong, the experiences life brings us are amazing, and irreplaceable, but this doesn't erase the fact that most of life is spent working hard (whether it be school, office, college, etc.) so you're happy later on in life. When are we happy? We spend our time in elementary school to do well in high school, high school to do well in college, college to get a good job, a good job to support ourselves and our family, and the list goes on and on. When do we get to look back at our lives and recollect the good memories, and relax because there's no more strife ahead? Life seems to be a burden at all times, always giving us things to worry about. For example, once I finish this essay, I have another project to worry about, and then another test, and then some homework to do. For this reason, we must "attack" life, and not give thought or dissent to the obstacles in our path. We must charge right through the barriers, and take on challenges as they come, because it will never be easy. When life is contested, the pleasure and enjoyment of triumph becomes much sweeter, only pushing us to do even better. Now we come to the second part of the quote. After retiring, I suppose I will look back at my life, and because I've realized the pain, I will have taken the right decisions. I won't have any regrets, and I'll be happy to have done what I could accomplish, and let life complete its cycle, because as Robert Frost would say, "Nothing gold can stay".

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Grandpa matters' - Stanford What matters to you and why? [3]

Reread it for minute grammatical mistakes. Overall, a very strong essay. It shows what matters, and develops well on why it matters and how it affects you. Makes me want to rethink my essay on the same topic.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / "What the....?" - Stanford roomate essay [5]

I LOVE cuddly and sweet little things, and I'd like to permanently open an exhibition on my bed

Still, don't get me wrong! I'm not a five year old girl who lives in a dream

Overall, a very cute essay, which is what i'm sure you wanted to come across as. I like it, because it definetly shows who you are. It definetly needs a couple grammatical tweaks, however. I like the humor, which is what i tried to incorporate in my essay as well.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / What matters to you? Fuzzy Socks. (+ stanford letter to roommate) [12]

-intro paragraph seems fine to me, and leaves me wanting to learn more

-second paragraph, i wouldnt want to write "come off well", because although you are addressing the AO, you dont want to sound like you're writing to please. Also, i'm not sure i understand what you mean by "leaving something behind" on vacations.

-third paragraph, i like the volleyball part a lot, but the beginning half, not as much. I think in this paragraph especially, your fear comes true, and you come off as wanting to stop working hard and do a little "slacking".

-fourth/conclusion, are you trying to defend yourself in the first sentence? Otherwise, the relaxing factor is good here.

Overall, i think your essay has three faces. After reading it, i see you as overworked and looking for relaxation, a great team player in volleyball, and someone who wants to take a breatk, and just lay down for a while. What were you trying to say? Also, only place i felt relaxing was justified was in your volleyball team's records.

Sorry for the criticism.

EDIT
After reading the other comments, i see what you were trying to get at. Maybe introduce this a little bit better? otherwise, in this aspect, once i reread it, it was better.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'my future as a Cardinal scholar' - Letter to Roomate - Stanford [8]

I think it's a great idea, and like DesiGirl said, it does need an intro. I'm stumped about the rest though, because I look at other responses to the question, and they show multifaceted/multi-interested students, but the question only .asks the writer to "reveal something" which is what you did. If you feel like this clearly represents you, I'd go ahead with it, because it does anser the question in a unique way.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / What matters to you? Fuzzy Socks. (+ stanford letter to roommate) [12]

I just saw your comment on my essay, and i think I'd have to agree on that. We seem to have the same style of multiple interests, except i like to put it together, and you chose to spread it out. My only concern for you is that the AO might side with the smushed essay rather than this style. I don't think it's random, becase they all have the same purpose, but i do think there are leaps involved for the reader to get from idea to idea. Like i said before though, I like it either way.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'my family and I were living in India' - Stanford Intellectual Development [5]

Hello Ashwin,
The prompt asks for you to address an idea or experience that has led to intellectual development. I'm sure that you are very honest today, but how has that led to your intellectual development. In other words, how has that event led to the way you think today, or the way you approach a situation, or how that event has affected a ceratin aspect of your lifestyle. If you are honest, that's great, and i'm sure every Stanford applicant would like to call himself that. How does you honesty show in your intellectual life?

Sorry for the criticism.

Rajesh

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / What matters to you? Fuzzy Socks. (+ stanford letter to roommate) [12]

your letter to roommate has some awesome ideas. Still, is it an essay? The thoughts seems to be broken up, like individual notes, rather than a fluid essay. I might be wrong, and this might just be how you wanted the piece to be. Nevertheless, i feel that if you put these great insights together, and added some transitions and connecting sentences, there wouldn't be anyone who wouldn't want to be your roommate.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Bhajagovindam'- Stanford Supplement- Randomness essay [11]

I read your comment with both your essays, and found something intriguing. i'm not sure if i'm right about this, so take it with a grain of salt. Your first essay seems to answer Stanford's third question, "What matters to you and why". In your second essay, you delve into more unique ideologies and philiosophies, addresing the ideas that have led to you intellectual development asked about in Stanford's first question. Overall, both essay are very powerful, and either one could be sent immediately, because they are written extremely well.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / (mess on my desk) roommate essay + (my apologies) five words that describe you [6]

Nimitha, I loved both your essays, and although it was extremely hard to choose, I think i like the first essay better. I agree with the previous comments, and you essay(s) portray you as a dream roommate.

I'm also applying to Stanford, but I didn't know that we we could have five phrases instead of words. Regardless, i thought the first and second ones were great, because I like to tell myself those things as well.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / "You're Lucky"-Stanford Roommate Letter-Is it too vague? [16]

@DesiGirl- Thanks Very Much!

@ctchrssmnky-I'd like to split it up as well, but when i submit the essay it's going to be smushed together in the space provided. To be honest, this is exactly how i am in real life. As to your dilemma, I could not agree/sympathize with you more. I first went around EF, reading other essays on this topic, and i felt like mine was extremely subpar and too casual. I'm sure if you work at it, you'll find a great essay waiting to be written.

@Adithya93-The sentence is meant to say that because i'm rarely in the room, the only time one can see me is if they stay awake, and watch me while i'm sleeping. i should fix that i guess. and for the conclusion, i'm working on spicing it with my own flavor at the moment.

@Mikemikemike- Thanks, got it.

I cannot thank all of you enough.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / "You're Lucky"-Stanford Roommate Letter-Is it too vague? [16]

Thanks a lot Menuka, and I'm looking into the essays of others as well. The only problem is, there is a 2000 character limit, so i end up having only 56 characters left to add. Do you think I should add/remove pieces? Or does the essay generally leave the reader with an empty feeling?

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp. [10]

I feel like the beginning of the essay is in the present tense, and it slowly switches to the past. You might want to fix that, but it's only a suggestion. :) Otherwise, i agree with jujugo, and the "why" aspect of your essay is clearly addressed, specifically in the last sentence. As to the "what", some clarifying seems to be needed. Overally, however, a great job, and very inspiring.

Rajman333

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / "You're Lucky"-Stanford Roommate Letter-Is it too vague? [16]

Hey everyone, this is my first post on EF, and I was hoping if I could get some feedback on my "letter to a roommate" for Stanford. Any comments, positive or negative, are appreciated. If you would like me to read your essay, feel free to let me know. Thanks.

Dear Future Roommate,
Congratulations on your acceptance to Stanford, and perhaps of equal importance, your assignment as my roommate. Don't worry, I'm only kidding, but as you will come to learn during our time together, this is one my greatest abilities. No matter what the situation, whether you're feeling down, or in an uncontrollable rage, I will always be able to make you smile. My name is Rajesh, and I'm from New York. I moved from India to the United States when I was a baby, and I've lived in three different states. I love listening to music, playing sports, and spending time with friends. I can speak Telugu, an Indian dialect, and I'd say I'm at adequate at speaking Spanish. I like to work very hard to achieve my goals, and on occasions there will be nothing that can come in my way. This involves studying for exams, and staying up until the target has been met. On a typical day of classes, you may see me for a maximum of 6-7 hours, and that's only if you're watching me sleep. I like to keep myself involved in numerous activities, and although each one may be different from the other, I'm equally passionate about them all. I have no valuable culinary abilities, unless you're up to the challenge of eating a peanut butter sandwich for three meals a day, but I'm ready eat almost anything. Unfortunately, cooking is not a passion of mine, but I'm sure we can find a way to grab a bite. In my spare time, I like to sit back, relax, and read a book. Akin to my taste in music, I have no particular preference for genre of books, and I'll read anything that's lying around. Sadly, I have a tendency to not put a book down, so if it catches my attention, I won't let it go till I'm done reading. I'm always willing to help, and I'll do whatever is in my power to help a friend in need. I'm sure we'll experience the greatest moments of our lives as roommates in Stanford, and I look eagerly to meeting you in person.