Writing Feedback / Rihanna stands as the envy of nearly every single person in entertainment industry [2]

Crystal C. Amaechi
Dr. Alice Sandosharaj
English 003-65
16 March 2013
Rihanna: Music Career
Rihanna stands as the envy of nearly every single person in the entertainment industry. She has made great leaps and has taken many risks in order to keep up with the fast pace life of being a pop star. (Thesis statement) I need a better one. With this in mind, I concede that Rihanna and her music have skyrocketed ever since her 2009 domestic violence incident between pop singer Chris Brown. The scandal was publicized throughout most of the media. (this paragraph is too shallow.. add some other useful info please if you can!)

(Can you give this paragraph relevance) After speaking out about her assault in her interviews she began to receive a lot of feedback and support. She made herself publicized even more when she decided to help charities that were against domestic violence. Rihanna herself, stood as a witness to her father abusing her mother when she was a child. With this, she instantly gained sympathy from the public.

In the New Yorker article "In the Rough," renowned journalist Sasha Frere- Jones argues just the opposite. In fact, Jones seriously contends that "It's very hard to find a consistent Rihanna in any of her music" (Jones, 143). I disagree with Jones' logic. I believe Rihanna has been pretty consistent in releasing consecutive studio-albums and the reinventing of music and style. She continues to invite her own flavor in her songs by giving her audience a taste of her Barbadian roots. For example she references her heritage in her songs "Pon de Replay" and "Rude Boy", In turn; this gives her hits an immense amount of uniqueness. If that does not scream consistency then what does? Then again, I can see how Jones would find it hard for Rihanna to be consistent because her style has in fact changed over the years, from good girl to bad girl. I believe the only way she has remained consistent is by reproducing the same sound over and over again. Oftentimes her songs can get pretty predictable because her audience has been so accustom to hearing just one sound. Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying that Rihanna is not consistent. I am actually saying that she has been consistent but mainly because she produces the same sound.

Now let us consider Rihanna's singing style. We all know Rihanna to be from Barbados, so we can assume that we may hear a West Indian twang in most of her songs. Of course, many will probably disagree with Jones' assertion that "Rihanna's voice isn't big or particularly compelling, and it works mostly by sounding relaxed and drooping, with a hint of a West Indian accent, a descending twang that sounds a bit like moaning. Her voice has a distancing effect, and it conveys not emotion but, rather, a position of powerful detachment" (Jones, 143). On the one hand I can agree with Jones' assertion because her voice can be quite annoying at times. But on the other hand, I still insist that most people are not able to closely relate to her West Indian accent or even recognize her emotional connections towards her songs for that matter. It is not reasonable to judge her by this because her accent does not mean she is incapable of clearly expressing herself vocally. Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying her voice has a distancing effect. I am actually saying that her accent is not vocally in tune with the mainstream music we are so accustomed to.

Moreover, in the article Jones frequently stresses that Rihanna stands disengaged and detached from her audience. Jones also corroborates that Rihanna "has an exceptional physical beauty married to an unexceptional, almost disengaged sense of performance--she may be the most successful amateur ever" (Jones, 143). Jones also argues that appreciating Rihanna's work may demand that we accept the idea that her disregard of herself is a source of freedom, or of power. (Only she knows.)" (Jones,143).

I agree with Jones when he says that Rihanna disregards herself because after her domestic incident with Brown Rihanna left a negative influence on her impressionable audience. Conversely, I disagree with Jones when he asserts that Rihanna's disregard for herself is a source of freedom and power. Countless members of her lady-audience can certainly identify with abusive relationships. Seeing that young girls follow in her footsteps she has not made any attempt to guide them, rather she misleads young girls by her willingness to fall back into a tumultuous relationship with Chris Brown. What message is she trying to send to her impressionable audience? Because of this, I believe Rihanna no longer stands as a positive role model in the entertainment industry. Nevertheless, this relationship between her and Brown is what keeps her in the public limelight.

Although Rihanna may not stand as a positive role model or may not be the best singer her career has still skyrocketed. The domestic violence incident seems to always come up in most of her interviews and that is what mainly keeps her albums selling. However, I am not saying that her music does not do the same; rather her ongoing relationship with Brown is what aids her music career.

Book Reports / Being Told you were Switched at Birth is Not Easy; ENGLISH THEME ESSAY [3]

Crystal C. Amaechi
Dr. Alice Sandosharaj
English 003-65
1 February 2013
Being Told you are Switched at Birth is Not Easy

"Two teen-age girls discover that, as babies, they were switched in a Kansas City hospital, probably by a nurse"(Nussbaum par 3). The author argues that "Switched at Birth" contains a cheesy storyline that is similar to every other teenage drama that has been aired. I could understand the logic of the author, but I still disagree with Nussbaum's logic when she argues that the show's plots are cornier than others by comparing "Switched at Birth" with other television show dramas. I believe "Switched at Birth" is a thought-provoking drama that deals with heavy, deep rooted issues. It stands true as one of the few television show dramas that can identify with and explore family relationships, teen issues and the obstacles of connecting with people who are extremely different from you. It is illogical to compare "Switched at Birth" to other television show dramas that are aimed at teenagers as these are issues that all teenagers deal with or can even identify with for in most shows.

Very few television show dramas focus on exploring family relationships. "Switched at Birth" promotes a family-friendly theme that examines the importance of dependability, responsibility, communication, perseverance and being able to cope with hardship. In "Switched at Birth," both leading ladies Bay Kennish and Daphne Vasquez, deal with the overwhelming circumstances that come along with being switched at birth. In turn, both of their families are forced to set aside their differences in order to attain a mutual understanding.

Although, it is a very thought-provoking drama, I can see how some viewers would think the show lacks sophistication. Nussbaum critiques, "Switched at Birth" might benefit from a more sophisticated style, I guess. The soundtrack can be syrupy" (Nussbaum par 11). Although "Switched at Birth" may aim at a more family-friendly audience than most drama, it still lacks a few of the qualities that characterize it as being sophisticated. The show does gloss over some issues without examining them in depth. While knowing this, I still believe "Switched at Birth" examines areas that have always been hidden in the dark. It opens a broader understanding for viewers, enabling them to recognize a specific disability. In turn, "Switched at Birth" raises awareness to the issue deafness and presents deaf culture in a positive light.

That being said; the show can be similar to other dramas in some ways. For example, it tackles controversial issues that many families in the society deal with daily. It may contain a glamorized viewpoint of the outcome of being switched at birth like living in a guest house of an entitled family and buying a car after things got off to a shaky start. However, "Switched at Birth" is an innovative, groundbreaking show that critiques and explores topics that other shows have not been able to explore. Although "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" focuses on controversial issues, the reoccurring theme of teen pregnancy is quite annoying. This is because "Secret Life" often glosses over family-friendly themes and morale. Instead it strongly emphasizes the glamorization of teenage pregnancy, abandoning some of these themes in order to live for one's self, in turn lacking authenticity.

Furthermore, Nussbaum states that ABC Family had always struck her as a conventional teenage girl, all white teeth and scrunchies. Paradoxically, most of the television shows that air on ABC Family do not exhibit the idealistic family. Instead, shows like The "Secret Life of the American Teenager" and "Switched at Birth" focus on how modern day teenagers struggle with coping with adversity and the stereotypes that come along with being different. The fact that Nussbaum characterizes ABC family as a "teenage girl, all white teeth and scrunchies" (Nussbaum par 2) contradicts her later critique of the show's need to be "more sophisticated" (Nussbaum par 11). The fact that "Switched at Birth" is so raw and underdeveloped makes it what it is.

In retrospect, comparing "Switched at Birth" to other television show dramas is still illogical because that other TV show dramas are aimed at regular teenagers. The circumstances in "Switched at Birth" greatly differ because deafness is not something that all teenagers deal with. Oftentimes we hear stories of teenage pregnancies and teenage drug abuse. However, we seldom hear stories of a deaf kid being switched at birth. It is just not common. This show is extremely groundbreaking because it explores topics that people usually shy away from. Although shows like "Switched at Birth" examine very touchy subjects like deafness, if you truly understand the premise on which it was based you will learn to appreciate the uniqueness about it.

Research Papers / Article Analysis using Ethos, Pathos and Logos [2]

Article Analysis using Ethos, Pathos and Logos
On September 8, 2012, President Barack Obama marked the eleventh anniversary of the September 11th attacks by delivering a speech that commemorated the innocent lives lost and honoring the troops who laid their lives on the line in order to serve and protect our country.

Within the address pathos was used quite often to convey the emotional outcry of the American citizens on that day. The speaker in this article is in fact President Barack Obama; he is addressing the citizens of America. However, he was also addressing other groups in particular, such as the U.S. troops (Armed Forces), and the families of the victims who lost their lives during the sudden trauma.

President Barack Obama also utilized both ethos and pathos by demonstrating respect of multiple viewpoints: he references the events that took place on September 11th. For example, President Obama stated: "On that clear September morning, as America watched the towers fall and the Pentagon burn and the wreckage smoldering in a Pennsylvania field, we were filled with questions." This is just one of the many plausible sources President Obama utilizes in order to strengthen the credibility of the address. It is also one of the many vivid examples that use imagery in order to engage the reader's emotions and imagination. In terms of diction President Obama uses words like "goodwill", "leadership" and "stronger", all of which have something in common, to show the audience that no matter what happens, America will never back down but will only continue to become stronger as a people.

In terms of logos, President Obama's address was clear and coherent. The purpose of the address was to inform the audience that the U.S. as a nation does remember and that a traumatic incident such as 9/11 should not weaken our nation but strengthen it. Remembering what Obama stated: "Eleven years later, that's the legacy of 9/11 - the ability to say with confidence that no adversary and no act of terrorism can change who we are. We are Americans, and we will protect and preserve this country we love. On this solemn anniversary, let's remember those we lost, let us reaffirm the values they stood for, and let us keep moving forward as one nation and one people."

Please can you look over this and give me real constructive critiscm, if something does not sound correct can you put in a suggestions and help me out a bit...thank you lots of love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Undergraduate / "Music was my refuge." - georgetown [2]

Q: Other than fashion what medium(s) do you choose for self-expression and why?

Music: (Living on the Gospel)
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness", Maya Angelou. Like many people, music has always been one of my passions; a substance of power determined by how well I communicate it to other people. I can honestly attest to the vast greatness of music's impact on my life. With music came song, and with a song I would sing.

Branching from past experiences I always enjoyed singing and entertaining others. It was the only time other than in school where I stood out as a true genius; knowing my vision, having a desire, and demonstrating commitment and persistence. Knowing that everybody listened to music I was able to engage myself in my High School's Gospel Choir. Nonetheless I often felt limited and left-out because I disengaged my self from other types of music, music specifically geared towards materialistic ideals. In essence a lot of people have talent but instead of using it to honor God they use it for their own pleasure, pleasing worldly values.

Music is a universal language implemented to convey emotion that ministers to your needs in a therapeutic fashion. Every touch of a verse or hit of a note, every strum of a string or tap of a beat, every tat of a drum or strike of a symbol essentially represents who you are. In my opinion the world involuntary revolves around music; we hear it 'everyday', wherever we go, in which many permit the art into their lives.

Suggestions change if you want to edit alot plz, punctuation!

Undergraduate / 'GOD always comes first in my life' - What Is Faith Exactly Essay [2]

What is faith exactly?

The light bulb went out as I sat there in complete awe of the words that fell from my father's mouth. Temporarily deaf and forced to read the lips of my father, I knew what he had said. I gathered my thoughts in attempt to make my next move, but it collapsed in the palm of my hands. Both body and hands were quickly filled with anxiety and sweat. "It not fair Daddy, I've been at Benjamin Banneker Academic High School for two years. I thought that I would graduate from that school; think about all the opportunities that I am going to miss! That's the best public school in DC; it gets all the credit and it's awarded for all it outstanding achievements." Moving to Maryland was such as big move! At that moment, I lost faith.

What is faith exactly? I believe that the only way to achieve is through God who installs wisdom and knowledge within us. The Bible states that faith is: "Being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see" Hebrews 11:1 New international Version - NIV), or it can be trusting in others and yourself despite any circumstance. I have to say that GOD always comes first in my life. However, to what extent do we permit faith to become a reality in our everyday lives? The Bible also states, "Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ" (Romans 10: 17 NIV).

Another school was mentioned, the complete opposite of where I came from; how ironic it was. "Make the school your own", my mother said. "Don't forget to have faith", she said, but what is faith exactly? What had seemed like such an elementary concept became a complex physics problem that required professionals to figure out. I went through most of the year thinking of what I would be missing, how 'I' would be missing. I didn't believe that I would excel in a school like the one I was in. I wanted to involve my self in other activities that would help benefit me in the future. I used to volunteer at the HU hospital but that wasn't here anymore. Although it wasn't here, I still remained interested in the field of medicine. For the first time I had something else to focus on. I wanted to help, support people in need and the entire time 'I' was in need. I was in dire need of help. I had to help my self before I thought of others. Instead of wasting my time dwelling in the past I was spending my time in the future.

As soon as I took faith, I took the opportunity. I was persistent and did not stop until I new exactly what faith was. My strong conviction of returning back to the hospital is inevitable. I'm now emotionally and mentally prepared to face the challenges that come my way. I believe that with my determination and faith I will have the great opportunity to attend your university.

critique it with all your heart pllllllzz honest opinion, thorough suggestion. Things I can add. add stuff be my guest if you want!!!!

Undergraduate / 'goal scored by Kaka!' - Discuss the significance Georgetown [2]

Q: Discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved.

This what I have so far. HELP ME AND ILL HELP YOU. edit please give me some suggestions!

"What a world class goal scored by Kaka!" Soccer or Football as known by in many countries around the world has a common theme... Bringing people of all backgrounds together to either rejoice or mourn at the result of a game. Soccer fans become livid, depressed, or exultant at the blow of the whistle in the penalty box.

The moment which marked my passion for soccer was when I was on an empty field with my cousins. One of my cousins had the soccer ball between his legs and did not notice the fact that I was coming behind him to take the ball. As I ran towards him I quickly stole the ball from between his legs and ran from him. The exhilarating rush of adrenaline took over my body and ...(?)

Soccer has always been a part of my life, from the time I was a youth to now. As I played with my uncles and cousins as a child, and later on a high school soccer team, I have always strived to not only help my team win games, but to also improve my skills no matter what it took. Although I did not play soccer my senior year in high school, I was still on the sidelines managing the team and watching them advance in their every move.

This game has enabled me to connect with people in my community. When I talk to someone new

This what I have so far. HELP ME AND I'LL HELP YOU. edit please give me some suggestions!

Undergraduate / 'my strong conviction of helping people' - George Washington Univ. [NEW]

I remembered that day well. I was sent to deliver a letter while volunteering at the Howard University Hospital. It was the last floor, Radiology, nothing specific and nothing I thought I had not seen before. Before, I could confirm my judgment, I was strapped with a mask cautioned to keep it on and not take it off until I left. While still in shock I witnessed first-hand of patients in their sick beds, patients who had their blood drawn, and patients who were on life support; there were oxygen masks everywhere and prescriptions of all sorts. How intricate, I thought of the procedures applied as I rapidly scanned the room of all its new found horror. Anything and everything caught my eye. And these were HealthCare workers. So abruptly, the daze was over as I handed the tolerant yet puzzled doctor the letter. Seeing that I left the site the pungent smell lingered through the hall; the phenomenal feeling of what I saw still remains.

I really enjoyed reading the introduction. It is a very good hook!
Speculating on this subject, I always look towards the bigger picture; to where I am headed. Before, I was unsure of what I wanted to study in college, but my strong conviction towards helping people, especially in the hospital, changed my perception of what I used to think a healthcare worker's job truly was? I never really looked at the essence of the matter. Healthcare workers were just there to do their job; giving medication and treatment to those who were sick or filing and delivering letters and prescriptions when patients requested it. Did they even enjoy their job? In essence, I realized that merely working in the hospital was not a job. It was a passion, a career, set by people who had the same dream I enjoyed. I know that to achieve I need a proper education full of intellectual changes and personal developments. I believe that George Washington University will help mold me into a well-rounded, scholarly, and most importantly an attentive healthcare worker.

College is about trying new things and seeing what works for you and what does not work for you and seeing what you are good at and what you are not good at. In high school, I was still trying to figure out who I was. I wanted to meet new people and interact with different races. I have always been around people of the same race. I "need" diversity. I strongly believe with an exposure to a more diverse setting I would be able obtain a healthier understanding of what I want to become. I believe George Washington University, with its vast spectrum of diversity and medical influences would be instrumental in helping me institute a more effective role in the HealthCare community. With its extensive Accelerated Medical Program, I plan to develop a powerful medical sense in hopes of undergoing first-hand medical procedures within my future uprisings. I strongly believe that a thorough awareness of policies and procedures within the medical arena would be essential for effectively studying Medicine.

I want to go to college so that I can pursue my dream of helping children who suffer from cancer, Aids, or any other terminal illnesses. With the enriched curriculum that George Washington provides, my enrollment in this university will give me a definite opportunity for future advancement in my academic and career goals. The first sentence of this paragraph sounds weird, because to me, it sounds like you want to go to ANY college.

OR
I was strapped with a mask cautioned to keep it on and not take it off until I left. While still in shock I witnessed patients in their sick beds, their blood drawn, and on life support. At every angle, I saw people wearing oxygen masks and prescriptions of all sorts. How intricate, I thought of the medical procedures as I rapidly scanned the room of all its new found horror. Anything and everything caught my eye. So abruptly, the daze was over as I handed the tolerant yet puzzled doctor the letter. As I left the site, a pungent smell lingered through the hall; the phenomenal feeling of what I experienced and saw still remains. I had been watching HealthCare workers.

Before, I was unsure of what I wanted to study in college, but my strong conviction of helping people, especially in the hospital, has changed my perception of a healthcare worker's job. I never really looked at the essence of the matter; I thought healthcare workers were just there to do their jobs; giving medication and treatment to those who were sick, or filing and delivering letters and prescriptions when patients requested it. Did they even enjoy their job? In essence, I realized that merely working in the hospital does not qualify one to be a healthcare worker, but I have learned from real healthcare workers that pursing and obtaining a career in the field of health and medicine require motivation. However, I do not merely have a motivation to work in the field of health, but a potent passion to improve the lives of others. I know that to achieve I need a proper education where I can develop intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. I believe that George Washington University will help mold me into a well-rounded scholar, and a future healthcare worker.

College is about trying new things and seeing what works for you and what does not work for you. It is also about discovering your strengths and weaknesses. Moreover, I strongly believe with an exposure to a more diverse setting I would be able obtain a better understanding of what I want to become. I believe George Washington University, with its vast spectrum of diversity and medical influences would be instrumental in helping me institute a more effective role in the HealthCare community. With its extensive Accelerated Medical Program, I plan to develop a powerful medical basis in hopes of undergoing first-hand medical procedures in the future. I strongly believe that a thorough awareness of the health disparities in the medical arena would be essential for effectively studying Medicine. With the enriched curriculum that George Washington University provides, my enrollment in this university will give me a definite opportunity for future advancement in my academic and career goals.

I really like the last two paragraphs. Also, I like how you talked about why you choose George Washington University. It shows your great interest in that school. I would say, like

jadore_lamode68, that your 2nd essay is better, but the introduction from the 1st essay is good.

Book Reports / 'Star-crossed Destinies' - Oedipus vs. Okonkwo Essay [4]

A Pair of Star-crossed Destinies

Is it truly ironic for Oedipus to escape fate any other way if not informed about his foreshadowed destiny? Is it truly ironic that Okonkwo's fate is his actual destiny? Nevertheless, while branching from the influence of fate and the supernatural, both Sophocles and Achebe emphasize the idea of fate vs. the weakness of man. With this Achebe derives Things Fall Apart by utilizing the classic model of Oedipus Rex. Nonetheless, Teiresias knows regardless of Oedipus' actions or feelings towards fate, it will eventually play itself out in the end.

Help me with my grammar and suggestions on my word choice
Honest feedback. This is my intro and I need to come up with a good thesis.